life could be a dream

Dicks and Flash apart, Penny's life was alright.

Scratch that, it was better than alright.

It was fantastic.

But of course, of course her Parker luck had to go ahead and throw in a swirling, sudden hurricane that took the form of Harley Keener.

She had hoped that since she had become a Stark, her Parker luck would have left her alone.

Oh boy, was she wrong.

___

It all started on her birthday, when she had finally, finally been able to write back to her soulmate.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. The second Penny opened her chocolate eyes, she almost squealed at the thought of being 17.

She was excited because she could finally tell them to fuck off.

Hey there, soulmate. If you could please stop drawing dicks on your body, that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

That was a pretty civil first message, she thought. Maybe, just maybe, they would back off and stop making her a walking porn site.

so ur finally 17??? my god i thought i was a pedo

Ok, rude.

>:0

'Bravo, Penny. Very mature.' she muttered to herself sarcastically.

did u srsly write an emoticon on your arm???? are u sure ur 17???

She has no right to judge me when she puts u and you're in a sentence together, she thought glumly before putting her genius mind to work on finding the right response.

Could you stop writing like that you're going to give me a seizure.

LiEk wAhT

Penny narrowed her eyes at the disturbing message written across her forearm. Whoever they were, they were going down.

I swear to luigi you write like that one more time and wherever you are, I will find you and crop your kneecaps off.

i came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked rn

Did she just-

blocked

___

''Hey, Bambi. Hope you enjoyed your last moments of being 16 because you're a big girl now, which means that from now on you'll be making breakfast''

Penny Parker-Stark groaned as her dad, Tony Stark, enveloped her in a warm hug and pushed a plate piled with pancakes towards her. Penny never liked making a huge deal out of her birthday, but whenever she said so, her dad would look at her as if she had held up a building (which, she had, once, but that's besides the point).

''I know that you don't like making a big deal out of your birthday, but I arranged for a few people to come over next weekend to celebrate''.

At that, Penny let out a huge beam.

''Oh yeah? Who's coming?''

''Well, Nat, Steve, Rhodey, basically the whole team-''

After each word pronounced, her smile got impossibly bigger.

''-and Harley.''

What?

''Who's Harley, dad?''

Tony's eyes widened almost comically as he whispered to himself something that sounded suspiciously like god, fuck, i knew this was a bad idea.

''It's ok, Mr. Stark,'' she answered with a sweet smile, mischief hiding behind the fake innocence of her eyes. ''I'm sure we'll get along just fine.''

''Stop reminding him, Pen'' called out her mom's voice as she entered the room. '' Poor old man's already cried twice this morning. Something about them growing up so fast''. Pepper Stark drank her coffee calmly as she watched her daughter burst into laughter and her immature husband pout.

''I'm getting a divorce'' he grumbled.

''But then, whoever will manage your company whilst you're away saving the world?'' asked Pepper as she pecked him on the lips and walked out of the room, still holding her steaming hot cup of coffee.

Pepper Stark really was a force to be reckoned with.

___

so what can i get u for ur birthday, stranger

You could stop drawing dicks on yourself

lmao sorry no can do

Followed shortly after by a dick drawing.

Penny huffs in exasperation. It was amusing, maybe the first day or two.

But after the second week, she wanted to find her god-forsaken soulmate and just-

-just web them up and leave them there.

Please? It's my birthday I deserve some kindness.

fine. but only for today because u sound cute

kjasdkjakskasjadksk

did u just write a keyboard smash on your thigh??? my pepper ur so extra

That, she was.

That, I am :).

another emoticon. ill just,,,, leave before i get the sudden urge to play fortnite or rob lox or smn

Excuse me I thought we established that my birthday was a safe day, please don't go around disrespecting me in my good Christian household.

so ur christian

No, I'm jewish.

so r u gonna tell me your name

Nah, I think I'll just tell you random things about myself, but not my identity, you know? I just want to see if you'll be able to find me based on what I tell you

sounds about rite. but if by this time next year i still don't know anything about you you better spill the tea and it better be hot

Bye stranger <3

bye

__

That night, Penny fell asleep with countless messages on her body, and a huge beam.

She likes her soulmate, she decided.