It’s happened before. She can’t deny that. She has nightmares. She’s woken up panting and gasping and thrown right into a panic attack many times in her life. First because of her homophobic and misogynistic father and then because of Yon-Rogg and the Kree’s twisting of her mind.
Maria has almost always been by her side, ready to calm her down
But it’s never happened on the battlefield before.
One of the aliens they’re fighting manages to do some damage. Not much. But her head smacks against the concrete wall she is thrown back into, and for a moment her mind goes fuzzy and she can’t quite remember where she is or what she’s doing.
For a moment she’s afraid she’s forgotten who she is again.
And that small moment is more than enough to have her heart racing and her chest heaving.
She drops like a sack of potatoes and the slowing battle around her completely slips from her grasp
The battle is tipping substantially in their favour though, and so when Natasha catches the movement of her collapsing to the ground she is by her side in an instant, providing comfort and protection that Carol cannot provide for herself in that moment
The woman quickly registers the glassiness of the blonde’s eyes and the shaking of her hands and the redhead’s own palm gently finds her cheek while her other finds the knee Carol has drawn up to her chest
“Carol? Can you hear me?”
But there’s a splitting pain in her head and she doesn’t know whether it’s because of the impact, or as an effect of the panic attack. And she’s having to focus too hard on remembering what breathing is to even attempt to formulate a response.
Tony is second to reach them and his eyes pinch in understanding and empathy as he glances down at Carol with Nat crouched beside her
He turns back to the battle, arm raised and thrusters ready, providing a second barrier and effortlessly knocking back anyone who attempts to get into their space
There’s a ringing in Carol’s head, accompanying the splitting pain, and her entire body is tense and frozen, apart from her chest which races up and down, trying desperately to keep up with the harsh puffs of breath she tries frantically to suck in
She squeezes her eyes closed but then she’s alone in the dark with thoughts that only make her feel worse.
The image of being forced back in with the supreme intelligence manipulating her mind
The idea of Maria and Monica and her whole life being ripped out of her head again.
The idea of walking around on Hala with no idea who Monica and Maria and all her friends even are.
Her eyes slam open again and it’s just about the only movement of her body she can manage.
She vaguely registers Natasha crouched over her, speaking softly and patiently, and Tony stood over them, energy shooting out of his palms at the remaining enemies that try to get to them.
Her own lips are moving now but she’s sure they can’t make out what she’s saying. She doesn’t even think she knows what she’s saying.
She knows she’s mumbling and stuttering something about Maria. She recognises the weight of the word on her tongue and the way her mouth moves around the sound.
And Natasha must figure it out too
“We’re gonna get you home, Danvers. Don’t worry”
It brings her some relief. Not a lot. But some.
She nods jerkily and Natasha seems satisfied enough that she managed to get some semblance of a response.
Her head still thrums and pounds and she still struggles to breathe when Natasha helps her to her feet and guides her onto the jet with an arm around her waist, and it still thrums and pounds and she still struggles to breathe when the redhead helps her off the jet
Carol, with her slightly blurred and tired vision, just manages to make out Maria and Monica stepping down the porch towards her
She misses the hand Maria places briefly on their child’s shoulder to stop her from running straight into her clearly distressed and hurting mother’s arms. She misses the knowing look that spreads across Monica’s face as she stops bouncing on her feet at the return of her mother and settles slightly
Maria hastily steps closer as Natasha shoulders Carol’s weight further up the grass path.
The blonde’s heavy and aching limbs make her steps sluggish and slow and the pulsing in her head weighs it down to her chest, but Natasha keeps her upright and speaks softly near her ear
“You’re home now, Danvers. Your girl’s there, and so is your kid. You’re okay”
Carol nods shakily, her breath trembling and harsh
The attack has already sapped all of her energy, and the adrenaline wore off on the jet. And so, by the time she’s passed into Maria’s waiting arms she just feels exhausted and numb.
“Hey, Danvers” Carol practically melts as the woman’s soft and familiar voice wraps around her “I got you, girl”
The blonde sighs wobbly as her head almost instinctively finds the crook of Maria’s neck
She feels the hand that comes up to cradle the back of her head, fingers lightly scratching at her scalp to ground her.
She's barely in focus but she hears Maria thanking Natasha for bringing her home and the blonde can only groan her agreement, but even that takes a large effort
Natasha smiles softly and nods her understanding, before placing a gentle hand on her shoulder ”Get some rest, Danvers” she gives the woman's shoulder a light squeeze
The redhead says goodbye to Maria and sends a quick wink to Monica behind them, who would be gazing at the Black Widow in awe if she wasn't so worried about her mother, before she steps back onto the jet and takes off
Maria slips an arm around the blonde’s waist then, guiding Carol’s arm to rest around her neck, before starting to walk back towards the house, slow and steady
”I got you,” Maria tells her ”It’s alright, baby”
Carol’s heavy head droops to the woman’s shoulder ”S-sorry” she mumbles. And it's the first word she's spoken and her voice is hoarse and harsh and it takes near all of her energy, but Maria bears her weight for her and keeps her upright ”’M sorry”
Monica shouldn't have to see her like this
Hell, Maria shouldn't have to see her like this
She's supposed to be better than this. Stronger than this.
”Stop that,” Maria tells her. And Carol knows the woman knows exactly what she's thinking.
Maria’s always been so in tune with her like that
”You have nothing to apologise for.” she tells her ”You hear me?”
Carol nods against her and Maria shifts to press a kiss to her head
They reach Monica then and the girl peers up at Maria, silently asking permission
”Gentle” Maria mouths the reminder
Monica nods and carefully and slowly slides her hand into Carol’s.
The blonde slowly raises her heavy head and smiles weakly down at their joined hands before looking back up to Monica and doing the same
”H-hey, trouble” she does her best to keep the tremor out of her voice and even out her breathing
“Hey, Mama”
Monica says nothing more after that, knowing the effort those two words alone took from her mother, and they walk back to the house with Maria carrying most of Carol’s weight and Monica’s thumb gently stroking the back of her hand, grounding her.
When they enter the house Carol is slowly becoming more aware and responsive, her hand clutching at the fabric over Maria’s shoulder and her other occasionally gently squeezing Monica’s hand, though her feet still drag and her head is weighed down to Maria’s shoulder
“Mon, why don’t you go get ready for bed?” Maria suggests “I’m gonna help your mama get cleaned up”
Monica nods and she offers Carol a small smile as she slips her hand from the woman’s grasp.
The blonde sends her a gentle smile in return and the child turns and races up the stairs
“Let’s get you in a nice bath, hmm? How’s that sound?”
“Sounds good” Carol answers, more subdued and quiet than usual,
They take their time with the stairs, Maria’s arm a constant and strong presence around Carol’s waist as the woman drags her exhausted and aching body up each step
When they reach the bathroom Maria sets Carol down on the closed toilet lid before moving to run her a bath
With the taps running she turns back to the blonde and helps her gently peel her suit and under-layers off
Carol sinks into the tub when it is half full, the taps still running, with a sharp wince as her limbs protest the movement, even as Maria helps lower her in gently
The warm water soothes her quickly though and she sighs in relief before drawing her legs up to her body, lowering herself further and resting her chin atop her knees, the tips of her hair just dipping below the surface of the water
Maria sits on the side of the tub, watching her carefully and with barely hidden worry in her eyes that has been present ever since Natasha had practically carried the blonde off the jet.
The blonde looks so small, curled up in the tub like she is, and her eyes hold exhaustion and fatigue and a certain glaze that scares Maria slightly
“What’s hurting?” Maria asks, as she always does after an attack like this, knowing Carol sometimes suffers physical after effects as well as mental
“Head’s still pounding, kinda. Chest is aching as well. Mostly just exhausted” she admits, knowing there’s no point hiding the truth. Not from Maria. She’d only see right through her
Maria nods, taking note of the damage
“I’ll get you an aspirin”
“I don’t think it’ll have much effect on me”
“It can’t hurt” Maria responds softly. Carol nods
“Thank you”
Maria offers her a gentle smile, leaning forward to press a kiss to the top of her head
When she pulls back, Carol’s head lifts too and she peers up at the woman
“Maria, I’m really sorry. You shouldn’t have seen that. Monica shouldn’t have-“
“Don’t you dare” the woman tells her “What did I tell you when you tried that earlier?”
“I know. I just... I am sorry”
“Well, you shouldn’t be.” She says “It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you any less the amazing woman I know you are. It doesn’t make you any less the amazing woman Monica knows you are”
Carol nods shakily then, her eyes quickly growing wet, and she lowers her chin back to rest on her knees
“You should go check on Mon” she suggests, and Maria can see the guilt shining in her eyes despite the conversation they’ve now had twice
“Monica’s fine. You know she likes to read for a while before bed anyway. I’m more worried about you right now” the woman replies
“I’m fine now, mostly”
“You wanna tell me what happened?” Maria asks, her voice neutral and lacking any pressuring or demanding.
“Hit my head,” Carol speaks bluntly, though her eyes remain fixed on the water, avoiding Maria's concerned and attentive gaze “Everything went fuzzy for a moment. Thought I was going to forget everything again.”
She looks up then and Maria can see the tears brewing in her eyes
“I thought I was going to forget you guys again”
Her head dips back down again quickly after that and the tears are blinked away
“It’s silly. It just set me off before I could stop it”
“It’s not silly” Maria's hand drops down into the tub and she laces her fingers through Carol’s “Stop invalidating your feelings. You are allowed to feel things, Carol Danvers. You are allowed to be afraid. You’ve been through more than enough. You’re allowed to be affected by it. You hear me?”
Carol nods, and the tears are back but she doesn’t try to force them away again
“Do you hear me?” Maria reiterates
“Yes, ma’am” the blonde smiles just slightly
“Good” Maria smiles back ”Now remember that, okay?”
Carol nods again, more convincingly this time
”You want me to wash your hair?” Maria offers
Carol winces slightly at that ”I-uh...Can we do that tomorrow? I just...my head. It still feels weird and I just...”
”Tomorrow it is” Maria interjects, an assuring smile on her face
When they're laying in bed together after putting Monica to bed and changing into their pyjamas Carol’s head rests on Maria’s chest and the woman's fingers run up and down the blonde’s forearm
”Thank you, Maria,” Carol says
”You have nothing to thank me for”
”You look after me.” the blonde counters ”You always look after me”
”And you do the same for me whenever I need it”
”Because I love you”
”Exactly” Maria responds ”You are my heart, Carol Danvers. You always have been and you always will be. You got that?”
”Mhmm” Carol nods ”That was a lot better than my crappy ’I love you’” she grumbles
”Well, you’re exhausted. I won’t judge you” Maria shrugs, a teasing smile playing at her features “Now get some rest, Danvers”
“Yes, ma’am” Carol smiles back before letting her eyes droop closed as her hand fists in the fabric over Maria’s chest.
”I love you too” Maria speaks, more quietly this time
Carol smiles again, eyes still closed as she tangles her legs with Maria’s