Chapter 1
There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
When the dust settles and the path is clear, Bucky can see Steve. His Stevie, pale and bloody, not unlike how he'd look after the back alley brawls he used to get himself into, except this time Bucky can't patch him up or scold him. No, this time all the soldier can do is gather his brother into his arms and carry his body to the waiting team.
It's Tony that breaks first, Pepper's arms catch him before he can hit the ground. His sobs are silent except for the gasps he takes every few seconds to breathe. Bucky knows they patched things up in order to fix Thanos' mess and he can't imagine what Stark must be feeling now, but his eyes drift to Sam to make sure he's okay, because out of the three closest to Steve, only they were left. And somewhere in the back of his mind he's almost grateful that Natasha wasn't there to see him this way, cold and lifeless in the soldier's arms.
Bucky can see the tears well up in Sam's eyes and the way the other man's jaw clenches tight to hold back the breakdown that's sure to happen. He wants to say something, anything, but he can't find the words to make this okay. The soldier can only manage a shake of his head in response when Thor asks if he would rather the god carry the Captain's body; it's only right that he carries him, like he did all those years ago, when he was just a sickly kid from Brooklyn who could never back down from a fight. Bucky carries Steve through the portal that Strange has open for them to his house in Wakanda, the team following after them. They sprawl tiredly on his furniture in the front room while he takes Steve to his room, setting him carefully on the bed as though he was only sleeping. How he wished that was the case.
"It was supposed to be me. The idiot grabbed it before I could...it was supposed to be me.." Tony's voice is weak but it carries through the small house. Pepper's soft murmurs and Peter's sniffling words are lost to Bucky's ears when he feels the hand on his shoulder. He turns to see Sam's face crumple and it all comes crashing down. They collide in a tight embrace, both of them shaking violently from the sobs leaving their bodies. Somehow they end up on the floor, a tangle of limbs. When they finally rearrange themselves it's with Sam's back against the wall and Bucky's back to his chest, an arm slung over the soldier's chest, holding them together without turning away from Steve. They stay like that for a while, holding onto each other until someone knocks on the door.
"Guys? Team's headin' home..we just...we wanna...just a quick team meeting." Clint sounds tired and his voice is hoarse as he talks through the door. He squeezes Bucky's shoulder gently when they come out, pats Sam's back and leads them to the living room. The team is gathered, holding each other up, holding each other together. They decide to let T'challa fund the funeral at his insistence although Tony decides his house on the lake will be where it takes place. Pepper will take care of the press release and planning, with Bucky's input of course. Thor adds that he'd like to send their Captain off with an Asgardian blessing and Valkyrie nods at his side. It's a draining conversation that could have waited but it somehow distracts from the fact that it's Stevethey're planning a funeral for.
The house is empty except for Sam, who insists that Bucky shouldn't be alone, but the soldier suspects it's because he himself doesn't want to be alone and he doesn't blame him. They curl up on the couch as something plays on the tv, eyes glued to the screen but not really seeing. They don't sleep.