He was looking at it, but he couldn’t believe it. Alien troops fading away and turning into dust, just in front of his eyes. In the middle of it all, he saw Thanos taking his last breath, before he turned into nothing, vanishing from the face of the Earth.
They did it. They won. How did they win?
And then Steve saw how.
Tony. In the midst of a broken world, among dust that was left of the compound, his back leaned against some rubble, supporting him. Right hand covered up to the elbow with gold and infinity stones shining on knuckles, above from that dark and charred, black marks stretching all up to his face, covering half of it. Tony’s gaze was unfocused and his breath was so shallow, it was almost gone.
Tony did it. He did the snap and defeated Thanos and his army. They won.
And yet…
Tony was dying. His Tony was dying.
The whole world around Steve slowed down, draining out of color and sound, eyes focused on his boyfriend’s almost lifeless form.
Tony was dying. His Tony was dying.
He couldn’t move, his body not listening to him. His whole body felt heavy and there was a painful silence ringing in his ears, stretching and consuming everything.
Tony was dying. His Tony was dying.
Rhodey was the first one to get to Tony. He opened his faceplate and leaned over his best friend, reaching to him, eyes wide and terrified.
Tony was going to die.
Steve couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. The weight of grief and pain smothered him, his knees buckled and Steve fell, digging his hands into the dry ground, hot tears blurring his vision and falling down.
Tony was going to die. His Tony was going to die.
It wasn’t supposed to end like this.
It won’t end like this.
A bullet of fire and energy cut the air. Steve raised his head, watching Captain Marvel landing between Tony and Rhodey. Rhodey said something, gesturing to Tony and the glove, and Carol leaned down. Something snapped, just like a piece of wood snaps in two, dry and loud. Then a metal clank when the Iron Glove with infinity stones was thrown away, landing few feet in front of Steve, discarded like something toxic. Steve looked at the stones and gold, eyes wide and not understanding. There was another person flying past him and he recognized the silver and blue armor, belonging to Pepper. Carol and Rhodey moved aside when Pepper stopped, her hand reaching to Tony, a thick, foamy substance Steve had seen before spraying from her fingers and coating Tony’s right side with a shell resembling frost. Tony’s mouth moved, faint and weak, but Steve read the words.
’Hi Pep.’
Tony wasn’t dying.
He was alive. Barely, but alive.
They still had a chance.
Feeling new energy coursing through him, Steve got back on his feet. He pushed his emotions aside and acted on instinct, falling back into the line of command. Time was crucial and they had to act quickly.
“Queens!” Steve called in a strong voice when Spider-man tried to make his way past him. The teenager stopped, hearing the call. “Go and find the wizard! Bring him here!”
“But- but Mr. Stark-” Peter hesitated in a broken voice, face pale and dirty and with droplets of dried blood near his nose and mouth. He kept looking away, torn what to do and just desperately needing to get to Tony.
“Go!” Steve yelled. There was no pleading note in his voice, just a rough, cold command. The kid was smart, he would understand. Peter took a last glance at Tony and turned around, searching and calling for Doctor Strange.
“Sam?” Steve put a hand to his ear, relieved to find that he still had the communication device on himself. “Sam, if you can hear me, find T'Challa or Shuri, we need to get Tony to Wakanda, now,” he gave more orders. He didn’t get an answer and his eyes scanned the battlefield looking for anyone he could turn to when the device crackled.
“Copy that,” Sam said, cutting the connection.
They had a chance. There still was a chance.
Steve rushed forward, giving coordinates where Tony was, trying to organize everything as quickly and smoothly as possible.
Tony was not going to die. His Tony was not going to die.
***
It was taking forever. Why it was taking so long?
Steve couldn’t find his place. He was pacing back and forth along the corridor, his shoulders squared and jaw tight with worry. Pepper and Rhodey were sitting in the corner on the couch, their thighs touching, Rhodey’s arm slung over Pepper’s back. They were silent and exhausted and worried. Steve looked around. Peter curled on the chair, holding knees close to himself, trying not to break. Bruce, Thor, and Clint remained silent, avoiding everyone’s gaze. Even Nebula stayed, leaned against the wall with arms crossed and closed eyes, waiting for news.
The door to the surgery room opened and a female doctor approached them, everyone focusing on her.
“We couldn’t save his arm,” she said in a thick, Wakandan accent, “but he will live.”
Everyone breathed out in relief, but it was Peter who uncurled and yelled out in excitement, getting a scolding look from the doctor and amused ones from the team. Pepper started to smile through her tears and Rhodey hugged her close, not even trying to hold back his own emotions, laughter mixing with sobbing. Steve felt a huge boulder lifting off his arms and the painful grip on his lungs and throat loosening.
Tony would live.
***
“I am sorry about your arm, Tony,” Helen said, busying next to Tony’s bed, examining his damaged right side. His arm had to be amputated at the shoulder and the damage from using the gauntlet spread all over to his face, leaving a network of scars and damaged tissue. Helen gently examined Tony’s face, looking at his jawline and temple area. “After all this radiation exposure, you are still lucky the nerves on your face are intact.”
“Yup. Lucky,” Tony repeated, nodding to the words. It took days before he got well enough to do basic activities and still was on bed rest, confined to a small and bright room in the medical sector in Wakanda. His tone was light and optimistic and he even smiled at Steve, trying to lighten the mood and not deepen the frown on soldier’s face. Steve tried to not look so worried, but it was difficult when he saw the dark network of scars on his boyfriend’s body, not even imagining the pain Tony had to endure when he had slid the gauntlet on his arm. He tried smiling back and to match Tony’s smile, but it came out as strained and forced and not genuine at all.
“Drink this,” Rhodey handed Tony a green smoothie, some special blend of herbs and nutrients to nourish him and help to clear his blood. Tony took it with his left arm and sipped through a straw, not even protesting at the earthy taste. Pepper was also in the room, changing the display of flowers and balloons and ’get well soon’ cards that were flooding to Wakanda from all over the world. Iron Man, Earth’s best defender. Steve liked that title much more from the famous ’genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’ that stuck to Tony for years.
“I think we can fix this,” Helen said, creasing her forehead before smiling and gesturing to the damaged half of Tony’s face and Steve looked hopefully at her. “It will take a long time and a number of sessions in the cradle, but I think we can get a good result with synthetic tissue.”
Tony didn’t say anything and quietly finished the smoothie. When he was done, he pushed the straw out with his tongue and turned to Helen. “Yeah, great. Maybe except that, let’s not do it?” he asked, his voice waving at the last words. The room fell silent and Steve looked in shock at Tony, Pepper, and Rhodey pausing their work.
“Tony, what are you talking about?” Rhodey was the first one to break the silence. Maybe it was the painkillers speaking and Tony was just dazed and not thinking clearly.
“I am thinking that this,” he said, using his left hand to point at the scars on his face, “is not lethal. It is not spreading and is under control. Improving this would be just for cosmetic reasons.”
Steve stared at Tony is silence. The whole room was silent, and Pepper and Rhodey exchanged worried looks.
“Road accidents. Acid. Burning,” Tony listed, not addressing anyone in particular, more of having a conversation with himself. “It all happens all over the world, all the time. And people have to live with it,” he touched the damaged skin on his cheek. “Why I should be the one privileged asshole who can get healed while millions of people can’t?” he asked, not really waiting for anyone to answer and let the question hang in the air. Then, he turned to Helen. “Your cradle is amazing and will revolutionize the medical industry. Please keep working on it and once it will be available to the public, I will sign in line. And until that happens,” he faced Steve on his left, “you will have to get used to me looking like this,” he said, sounding minimally sorry and a whole lot sarcastic.
It was the first time Steve had smiled for real in many, many days.
***
Thanks to T'Challa’s hospitality, Tony and Steve stayed in Wakanda until the clearing after the battle and rebuilding of the new Avengers compound had been finished. Tony kept healing under the watchful eye of Wakanda’s medics and kept working on projects, forming a bond with Shuri and welcomed to used her lab for the time being. Steve trained and sketched and organized a new life for the Avengers and for himself and Tony. The Guardians and Thor left to space, Doctor Strange and Wong retreated to Sanctum Sanctorum and Peter resumed his education, attending school once more like a regular teenager and swinging by the compound whenever he had a chance to visit Tony. Sam went back to VA, and Steve helped him during lectures from time to time, while Bucky enrolled in the group. Soon, Pepper shared the news that she and Happy were expecting and awaiting the birth of their firstborn, Tony calling dibs on being the godfather and Pepper accepted it with a smile, not seeing a different possibility. Slowly, everything went back to normal, the missing pieces falling back in their places.
“You know,” Tony yawned, spread comfortably on the couch in the new compound, his missing arm hidden under a black shirt, “if they would put us together, one healthy dude would come out of it,” he said, gesturing with his left hand between himself, Rhodey and Bucky.
Steve looked at Tony with a confused expression on his face, the same look mirrored on their friends’ faces.
“He would have two pairs of legs, Tony,” Rhodey said calmly, closing the fridge and holding a plate with a sandwich on it.
“Kinda like a human centaur,” Tony mused out, nodding to himself.
“That is not a thing,” Rhodey answered and grinned at Steve, catching his shocked expression. Tony was still on a high dose of painkillers and did tend to say the most random things from time to time.
“Hey, you, one armed bandit!” Tony called, sitting up on the couch. Bucky turned to him, eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Come here for a sec, I want to look at that arm Shuri made for you,” he said, calling Bucky over.
“It is your arm that is missing, not your legs, come here on your own, Two-Face,” Bucky retorted, and Steve gagged in panic, trying to scold Bucky solely with a look. Bucky only shrugged, not remorseful at all.
Tony seemed more amused than insulted and turned to Rhodey, hungry eyes focusing on the sandwich before flipping up to his friend. “Sandwich me, Rhodes,” Tony said, sounding as flirty and dirty as he just intended to.
Rhodey grimaced, because no, painkillers or not, this just sounded wrong. “Get your own sandwich, Tony,” Rhodey replied before Steve had the chance to jump in and offer to make a sandwich for his boyfriend.
“Un-freaking-believable,” Tony said, raising his one arm up in a dramatic gesture, that admittedly looked a lot less dramatic. “How many times do I have to almost die for this planet to get some respect around here, not mentioning getting a sandwich-”
“Okay, okay!” Rhodey went back to the kitchen isle, opening the fridge and taking out some deli meat, cheese and mayo, putting it all on a slice of rye bread.
“Don’t forget the pickles,” Tony called, smiling sweetly when Rhodey send him a sour look. With two plates with sandwiches on, Rhodey walked to the couch, handing Tony one of them.
“Thanks!” Tony beamed a smile and grabbed the sandwich, standing up from the couch and walking away, Rhodey looking after him with a scoff. Tony made it over to Bucky and set next to him instead, too close and not having any issues with barging into Bucky’s personal space. He put the sandwich in his mouth and used his free hand to urge the former soldier to put his bionic arm closer for inspection.
Steve put the end of the pencil to his lips and chewed it in thoughts, watching everyone in the room. Rhodey took Tony’s place on the couch and bit into the sandwich, while Tony ran his hand delicately over the vibranium lines in Bucky’s bionic arm, asking questions in a sandwich obscured hum, Bucky answering the best he could, trying to decipher the words. Steve kept looking in Tony’s and Bucky’s direction, his heart happy with seeing his boyfriend and best friend being on speaking terms. Still, he would prefer if Bucky was nicer to Tony, who still was in a delicate state and was recovering. Then he realized that Tony would absolutely hate if someone took pity on him and maybe sarcasm responding to sarcasm what was he needed, and not doting over.
***
In front of the team, Tony was coping remarkably well with a missing arm and scarred face. Just sometimes there were situations that gave him more troubles.
Steve heard a thud, when something heavy fell into the sink, a curse following. He waited for another sound and soon heard another thud.
“Babe?” he called in the direction of the adjoined bathroom. “You okay?” he asked, deciding to stay in bed for the time being.
“M'fine…”
Somehow Tony didn’t sound fine. It was hard for Steve to accept, but he had to learn to not barge in whenever he suspected that Tony had troubles with everyday tasks. Tony was still capable of taking care of himself and rarely asked for help, unless it was absolutely necessary. Just something in the tone of his voice told Steve that he could use some help… Throwing the covers away, Steve got out of the bed and peered into the bathroom, leaning over the door frame. Tony was turned away from him and saw Steve in the mirror and smiled weakly. In his left hand, he was holding an electric shaver.
“I have some troubles,” Tony admitted in a defeated sigh.
Steve clicked his tongue sympathetically, entering the bathroom. No matter the circumstances, Tony Stark had to keep his trademark goatee impeccable. In the last days, Tony had become nicely scruffed and rough, but it was time to get back to his usual look. Just it turned out to be more difficult than he expected.
“Can I do it?” Steve asked, holding Tony by the chin and examining his face. He didn’t want it to sound like he was suggesting that Tony couldn’t shave on his own. Steve felt that he needed that moment of closeness too. Just to feel connected to Tony again.
“Yeah,” Tony agreed, handing him the electric shaver. Steve took it and put away on the shelf.
“Let’s do it the traditional way,” he smiled gently at his boyfriend, reaching for a disposable razor and his shaving soap in a ceramic bowl.
“You won’t get a sharp cut using that thing,” Tony grimaced.
“Try me,” Steve kept smiling, almost challenging. How Tony could say no to that?
Tony watched Steve dipping the shaving brush into water and shaking it to get some of the excess water off. Then he rubbed the brush in a circular motion over the soap, creating some paste on the tips.
“Give me your hand,” Steve asked and Tony reached his hand out, palm upwards. Dropping a few more droplets of water on his skin, Steve pressed the brush in the middle of the palm and swirled it around until the foam became dense and heavy, almost like whipped cream. With long strokes of fingers, Steve applied the foam over brunet’s jaw and neck and anywhere his face became too scruffy. Tony closed his eyes when the razor slid down his skin, getting the hair off and shaping his beard and mustache. Quiet, clinking sound when Steve rinsed the razor in a bowl of clean water from time to time, resuming the process. Steve took his time, trying his best to recall the shape of Tony’s goatee. Tony was leaning into his touch, not wincing even once, putting all his trust in Steve and Steve felt a serene, full of love feeling taking over him. It was so domestic and comforting. When Steve was satisfied with the result, he used a damp towel to wipe his boyfriend’s face clean and patted it dry.
“All done,” Steve said proudly. Tony opened his eyes and looked into the mirror.
“Huh,” he mused out touching his smooth cheek and jawline. Steve even remembered to leave a thin strip of facial hair there, just like he liked it. “Looks good,” he smiled at his reflection, turning around. “Thanks.”
“Welcome, babe,” Steve smiled, leaning down for a kiss. It wasn’t aimed at any spot in particular, but Tony still turned, making sure that it would fall on the left side of his face. When Steve kissed his cheek and straightened up, he looked admittedly a little irritated and a lot heartbroken.
“Sweetheart, you know I don’t mind it,” Steve whispered, meaning Tony’s scarred face and neck. Steve really didn’t care. Tony seemed to not care either, just in their intimate moments he seemed a bit more self-conscious.
“I know, I know,” Tony grimaced, looking back at Steve, a sorry look in his eyes, “I am just not ready yet,” he admitted in a quiet voice.
“Okay,” Steve smiled softly, agreeing. “I will wait for you to be ready.”
After all, there was no rush.
***
“Tony, lunch is ready, we all are waiting for you -” words got stuck in Steve’s throat as soon as he entered Tony’s workshop and saw his boyfriend. It seemed almost wrong, after months of living and getting used to one-armed Tony, here he was, standing in front of Steve, one arm flesh and bones, other shiny metal.
Tony smiled brightly, pleased with the stunned reaction. He moved his right arm and spread fingers and closed his fist a few times, showing that he had full control over it. “It is enhanced with vibranium,” Tony said and Steve remembered the long talks his boyfriend had with the princess back in Wakanda. “Shuri helped. She gave me the blueprints for Bucky’s arm so I went through the design, creating something new. Took a few tries before I was satisfied with the result.”
Steve walked closer. He was still in awe and looked at the artificial limb attached to his boyfriend, completely stunned.
“So, I think this is what I will be doing in the nearest future. Creating prosthetic limbs. Of course, not vibranium for safety reasons and not as flashy as this one, or maybe flashy, all depends on the wearer-”
“It is amazing,” Steve said breathlessly, wanting to touch it, but not daring to. Luckily, Tony understood the need and reached his prosthetic arm in Steve’s direction, making the move slow enough to give him time to move away, if he changed his mind. Steve didn’t budge and Tony rested the mechanical palm against his cheek, fingers touching his ear. It felt hard and smooth, but not unpleasant.
“It is warm,” Steve said, not expecting that.
“It is temperature controlled. It is set to match my body temperature, but I can make it hotter or colder, up to a point where it can change into a weapon,” Tony explained.
Steve put his hand on the artificial wrist and slid his hand down, cupping the elbow. It was smooth and flawless, its dimensions matching Tony’s left arm perfectly.
Just…
“Is this your everyday arm?” Steve asked carefully, unsure if he worded himself correctly. The prosthetic was hot red almost up to the elbow, inner arm was gold and the part near Tony’s tank top was red again. Almost like in Mark 3. Iron Man classic armor.
“Yeah,” Tony laughed, “because I am -”
“Iron Man,” Steve finished, smiling with joy. “You are Iron Man.”
“I am Iron Man,” Tony confirmed a proud note hearable in his voice, before it was gone, replaced by hesitation, “but I was thinking that maybe for a while I could not be Iron Man and you could not be Captain America? That maybe we could settle somewhere calm, maybe in a secluded house near a lake or something-”
And Tony didn’t finish, Steve already pulling him into a kiss. He was carried on the moment and cupped Tony’s face with both hands, lips meeting long and sweet. When he drew away, his gaze was soft and full of love, but the look was quickly gone when he realized where his hands were.
“Shit, sorry-” Steve said quickly, withdrawing from the touch. To his surprise, Tony stopped him and held his hands in place with his own hands, one palm pressed to healthy skin held by a warm hand, the other to his scarred cheek and ear held by the prosthetic arm. It was a new feeling and a bit confusing, but Steve focused on Tony’s brown eyes and soft lips instead. After all, it was still Tony. His Tony.
“So, that’s a yes to my idea, right?” Tony asked after the kiss ended, just to be sure.
Steve only smiled and kissed him once more, whispering ’yes’ over and over again.