You should be happy for him. And you really, really try to be but it's just so hard. The man you've fallen in love with, who you had once thought shared your feelings, gone. In all technicality he wasn't gone... but he wasn't here. With you.
A tear slid down your cheek as you silently mourned for your love. You reminisced of all the times you'd had together. Everything in one moment becomes overwhelming and causes the room to swirl in your vision like some sick optical illusion playing with your mind. You see the blue of his eyes- God, they were the bluest eyes you've ever seen- and how they sparkled when he spoke of his home. His mother. Bucky. And her. An involuntary sob escaped your lips.
Peggy Carter. He had told you he was over her. That he had healed. While you knew she would always hold a special place in his heart, you'd grown to believe that he loved you just as you did him. All of the knowing glances, hushed whispers, stolen kisses... all were nothing now. You remembered the first time you'd gotten him to dance with you at one of Tony's parties. A few drinks in, you finally had enough liquid courage to ask him if his dance card was full. He'd beamed brightly at that, taking your hand and telling you it was now.
God how you wished you could go back. You missed him so much. Which was silly, you knew, for he sat right next to you.
It wasn't fair, you decided. The two of you were together, happy. But he had stolen your happy ending for himself. What did she have that you didn't? Why weren't you enough? You loved him more than anything in the world, and you had made sure you told him as much. Not a day went by without an honest "I love you" passing through your lips. You wanted to hate her. It was her fault Steve left you, stayed in the past. It was her fault you felt like this. She had gotten to live out your dream with Steve.
But that wasn't fair either. As much as you hated to admit it to yourself, he had chosen to stay at his own accord. He chose to leave you. Alone. Without a goodbye. You wondered, did he feel remorseful? Did he ever stop and think about the life with you he had left behind?
There was once a time where you believed that if he was happy, so were you.
That was no more.
"Doll," he began, lifting a fragile hand to brush a tear from your cheek. You involuntarily flinched at his touch. How dare he? How dare he do this to you- make you feel this way and have the audacity to act to gently- so lovingly to you!
"Don't call me that!" You snapped, turning your head away but not slapping his hand away. Even angry, you didn't have the heart for that.
"[Name]-"
"Leave me alone," you croaked, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to keep your tears at bay.
"I-"
"Please."
You didn't need to open your eyes to see the pain on his face. Without another word he relented, standing and walking out of the room. Once his steps were out of earshot you broke down, sobbing into your hands. God, what had you done to deserve this? Normally you'd turn to Tony or Natasha at times like this but they- they were gone, too. You'd been robbed of your three closest loved ones, you realized. It seemed half the people you loved had died, and the other half got their happily ever after, however bittersweet.
Your heart ached and your chest heaved as you cried. You didn't know how long you stayed there, wallowing in your own self pity, but at some point the couch had shifted and a weight was placed on your shoulder. You looked up, sniffling, and wiping the tears from your face. Bucky. He gave you a look that was a mix of both pity and understanding. He had finally gotten his best friend back, only to loose him just as you had. You don't know who embraced the other first. The two of you sat like that until you stopped shaking, breath returning to normal. If he minded the wet spot you'd made on his shirt, he didn't say anything. And for that, you were thankful.
He gave a sad smile, and you gave a near teary one in return. It was then you realized he was suffering the same as you.
You were alone no more.