Dancing bears, Painted wings, Things I almost remember…
She remembers it all.
She remembers the fire burning in her parents suite and she remembers her little brother and his tiny dog. The gold that was on display throughout the palace, her home. The only home she'd ever really known. It was beyond beautiful. She was living a literal fairytale. She remembers the soft fingers running through her hair as her older sisters ran brushed through it. She remembers the calls for her family's abdication and wondering why their people hated them. Her father had always told her She needn't worry about that, that she was safe as long as they held any semblance of power. But that safety only lasted so long as soon afterwards any power they had left was ripped from them and they were imprisoned by the Bolsheviks. After that everything melded together. The night it happened her family was getting together for daily bedtime prayer.
However, she remembers going to bed that night and waking up to noise only to be told she needed to be downstairs. She remembers someone grabbed her and she was thrown the other way. A small kitchen boy she saw often had grabbed her. She had screamed for her sister Olga as she saw her being shoved down the stairs. She wasn't out the palace before she was hearing the first shot.
Still to this day, She remembers the cold December night where her life was forever changed. Natasha remembers it all.
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Steve's POV
He watches her as she sings and dances. He realizes she always chooses this song when she dances and he thinks its because she is reminded of her life from before the Red Room.
“They say she is the last of the royal line ya know.” He hadn't heard Tony come up and start watching with him. He knows. She told him all about it. About how she was taken from her family the same night they were murdered. She wasn't sure if it was mercy or just mere luck (though her luck didn't last for long) that she wasn't there when it happened.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You know, same name and there weren't many that weren't related to the family. I've asked her about it but she always shrugs it off.” Of course Tony wouldn't get the hint.
“Maybe you should leave her alone about it? I'm sure she's tired of being asked about it.” He knew she was tired of it. Tired of the questions and insinuations, tired of being reminded of the horror that had befallen her family. She even missed reuniting with the one family member she still had. By the time they found out about the empress, it had been decades since and she was long dead.
“I know but still! Hey Nat! Is it true that you're really the last Romanov?! If so why don't you take your throne?"
"Tony..." Steve grit his teeth trying his hardesr not to smack the hell out of this insane man.
"What? I mean, imagine if she was actually apart of the-” he was cut off by the hissing of a knife that had cut across the room to land in the doora inch from where his hand had just been.
“Stop. Talking. About. It. Stark.” She wasn't in the mood. She couldn't stand to hear anymore about it.
“Okay! Okay! Sorry Nat!” He threw his hands up in surrender or, to protect himself from the onslaught of however he was sure was heading his way. He left the room desperate to escape with his life.
She still hadn't turned around by then and he knew she would lose herself in her memories if he didn't shake her back to the present. “Nat… come back to me ‘kay.” he heard her sobs before she turned and he was by her in a second, scooping her up into his arms and holding her as they slid down to the floor.
“It all just makes me miss them even more. I never even got to say goodbye!” She was wailing loud now and he was sure someone could hear and she wouldn't want that.
She’d been distraught after finding out the news about her grandmother. She had outlived everyone she had ever known and her life before was gone. Nothing remained except the mysteries and lore of the lost Duchess who could still hold a claim to the long forgotten throne of Russia.
He continued go hold her until her sobs grew silent.
Someone holds me safe and warm, Horses prance through a silver storm, Figures dancing gracefully across my memory...
She started talking again. Tell him what she remembered of the galas they held every winter. Of the sleigh rides with the purebred horses her father had bought each of the children years earlier. Of the beautiful snow drifted land with which they would use to create snowmen and the hills they would take advantage of. Even of the visits from her aunts and uncles and cousins who always came bearing brightly colored gifts for them. Then she grew quiet. “They didn't happen that year. Nothing normal happened that year. It was like an omen. I should have known. We all should have known. I'll would forever be grateful for the little boy that grabbed me out the path but at the same time I can't help but forever curse him. I could have been with her family. Dead, but with them. But I know that death would not have been better. I- I just wish that I had gotten to say goodbye. And that it had never even happened.” And he listened as she told him her memories and he held her as she finally went silent and slipped into a deep sleep.
This time she wasn't tortured with the nightmares that plagued her usually.
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Nat's POV
Far away, Long ago, Glowing dim as an ember, Things my heart used to know, Things it yearns to remember...
Over time she's forgotten some things. She tells Steve because he never forgets. They've known each for over 50 years. He has her memories and she has his. Things neither wants to ever forget so They tell each other because they know they won't let them forget.
December was always a time of mourning for her. She mourned for a family lost, a life lost and a childhood stolen. She mourned for the world she used to know. These last 50 years though, she was happier. He made her happy and he never let her be sad even when she pushed him away or at time when she tried to scare him away to get him to leave her alone. He was always there. And he would always be there, long after the rest were gone. They were made to last and they would outlast everyone in their current lives but at least they would have each other.
Every December he takes her out to skate in Central Park and he buys them hot cocoa and pretzels. And he takes her hands and leads her away from the others and they skate and he brings out this song knowing it's her favorite to skate to. They skate until even their hands gets too cold to hold onto each other. December is no longer a time of pain and deep sadness for her, but it now holds a deeper meaning- Love.
December once again means family, a place to be with the people she has come to love and the people who love her.
And a song someone sings Once upon a December...