Therapy Session
How have you been doing, James?
Do you watch the news?
Yes.
Then you know how I'm doing.
I don't know unless you tell me, James. We have to work together to help you get better.
I know. It's just hard.
What is?
Thinking about it. I mean, they're gone. Nat, Tony. Tony couldn't stand me, and I miss him. I've known Nat since she was born, and now it feels like everything is... Empty, I guess.
Hollow?
Yeah, that's it. And, I mean, there's also time travel. How crazy is that? Just push a button, and whoosh! It's five years ago!
James?
Yeah?
You're avoiding the real problem here.
You're a real shrink, huh?
It's what my diploma says.
Heh. Always did like a lady with a sense of humor.
James...
Yeah, I know. Just let me breathe.
I'm ready when you are.
…
I think I'm okay now.
Go ahead.
You know about Steve going back and returning the stones?
Yes. He stayed in the past, didn't he? With Peggy Carter?
Yea... Yeah. He stayed behind.
How do you feel about that?
You want the truth?
Always.
...I hate it. I almost hate him for doing it. But I can't be angry, because he's happy. He got the life he wanted.
But...?
He left me behind. If I could have gone with him, if I could have seen them grow old together... Maybe I wouldn't be so disappointed.
Are you jealous of him?
No! No, of course not. I just. I guess I wish I had gotten a second chance too.
That's not all of it, James. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong.
Jesus Christ, you sound like Steve. 'I worry about you, James!' 'I can't help you if you don't talk to me!' Jeez, when will you ever give it a rest?
Are you talking to me or Steve?
Steve. It's not his job to watch over me.
Okay. So you're angry at Steve for constantly looking out for you?
And for leaving me to get hitched. Not that I'm not happy for him.
Of course.
…
Are you in love with Steve?
Probably. I'm not sure what being in love feels like.
Okay. Do you think he's too good for you?
Mhm.
Interesting.
I've been in 'love' with him for a bazillion years, probably. My memories are still sort of fucked. I actually hated Peggy for a while 'cause I thought she was gonna keep him from seein' him ever again. she's a pretty swell dame, though. I'm glad I got to know her.
You're sad it wasn't you, though?
Kind of. I mean, we would've gotten lynched in the thirties for being queer, and then there was the whole HYDRA mess, then the Accords, and then the bleached raisin.
How are you coping with Steve now?
He knows something's wrong. He's known me since the 20's, how could he not? But he's recruiting Sam and Wanda and all the others to make sure I'm not gonna blow my brains out. It's kind of nice.
And you're not?
What, interested in emptying a cartridge into my face? Nah. I got Sam to help keep me sane.
I don't want to hit a dark topic so soon, but... you know Steve will pass on at some point.
Oh, boy, do I. Yeah, that's mostly what I'm worried about nowadays. But I'm not worried right now, 'cause I still got Sam.