Chapter 1
“Lady, get down! I told you, you can’t stay in bed, I told you back in the kids’ room.” Y/N shakes her head and slips into Steve’s room. She waits for the puppy to jump down from the bed before she changes the bedsheets and tidies up the room. Then she walks into his bathroom and cleans the mirror after she finished the toilet and the sink. Lady watches her every move lazily from her spot beside the door. Y/N looks at her reflection in the mirror and smiles. She feels good. She looks a bit sweaty and her hair is falling out of her ponytail but she feels great. Even after cleaning up half the day and walking Lady for over one hour, she still feels great because today they’re come back. Bucky and Steve are on a mission with the team. No one wanted to talk about it before they left and as she called her boys in the past two weeks, they refused to pick up the topic vehemently. So, she had dropped it altogether but still worried. When they don’t want to talk about it, then it’s usually a bad sign. But today they will come back.
Y/N has already cleaned up the kids’ room, the playroom and her own, as well as the kitchen and a bit of the living room. Lady wasn’t much of a help wanting cuddles and attention until Y/N snapped at her. Since then the pup hid in Steve’s room. Now Steve’s room is finished as well, so she picks up the dirty sheets and throws them onto the floor in the hall to the others. Lady follows her as she walks over to Bucky’s room. She strips the sheets down again and throws them onto a pile on the ground before she pulls new ones on. She tidies up the floor and the cupboards and makes sure everything is neat.
If she’s honest, there isn’t really something to clean up. In neither Bucky’s nor in Steve’s room. Both men are really clean in their living areas. So, she walks into the bathroom, cleans the mirror, sink and the toilet before she leaves it again. The sheets are picked up and join the others before she takes them all and walks over to the laundry machine in the little room outside in the hall of this floor. She pushes everything in and starts the machine. Lady, having her watchful eyes on her, barks once and lets herself get patted as Y/N comes back out of the laundry room. Y/N making her way back to her own room. Somewhere in her cupboards she finds a package of sweet chocolate. She takes it with her and picks up a bag from the kitchen counter. “Come on, girl.” She calls after the pup who happily follows her. Together they step into the elevator in the hall. “FRIDAY, Tony’s penthouse please.” The AI says nothing but the elevator flies upwards nonetheless. Y/N gets out of it and heads straight for Tony’s bedroom, not looking if Lady follows her. She knows the dog does it nonetheless because of the tapping nails on the floor behind her. Y/N walks up to Tony’s bed and places one of the chocolate squares on his pillow and plants a coffee coupon out of her bag next to it. It’s from a place she had discovered with Steve as they walked around Brooklyn to find old buildings, he could tell her stories about and relive some memories. Sometimes Bucky joins them and sees what he can remember. In her opinion they serve the best coffee she has ever tasted. Soon, they slip back into the elevator. Systematically they visit each of the Avengers rooms. Each one gets a chocolate square. Nat gets a new pipe-cleaner for her guns, Clint a new glove for his bow and arrows, Wanda gets a new case full of pastel pencils (because little Steve stole her old ones), Vision gets a new beanie for the times he gets out with Wanda and Bruce gets a new package of his favorite tea. Peter and Sam rarely stay for the night but they each have a room here, right opposite Y/N’s and the boy’s apartment, so she puts new goggles for Sam’s suit on his pillow and a limited-edition box of all the Star Wars movies on Peters.
As she heads back to her own apartment, she feels her mobile vibrate in her pocket. She takes it out and smiles, not even looking who is calling she picks up the call. “Hello, sweetie. You’re calling earlier than I thought.”
“Hello Y/N. This is Nat.” Nat’s voice doesn’t sound very happy or as if she’s smiling at all. Instead she sounds concerned which makes Y/N stop in her tracks, her own smile vanishing. Lady collides with her legs at her sudden stop and looks up confused at her mom. “Hey Nat. I thought you would be one of the boys.”
“Yeah, no. They can’t really talk right now.”
“Why? Are they okay?” More worries blossom in her chest.
“More or less. They aren’t really hurt. A few scratches and bruises, nothing major.”
“Okay…That’s good right?”
“Yeah. Yeah it is. Just…” Y/N hears Nat talk to someone in a hushed voice before she’s back on the phone. “Sorry. The mission didn’t go like we thought it would. It was a bit more difficult and it went downwards really fast. We don’t really know what happened at Steve’s and Bucky’s side of the building. They got separated from Tony and Sam and the coms died halfway in the fight. But Y/N… Whatever it was, it was bad.”
“What- What do you mean?” Y/N can hear her own voice shaking and she wills herself to stay upright, steadying herself with a hand on the wall. Lady noses her and whines but Y/N ignores the dog. “When we finally managed to find them, there was glass and water everywhere. They were surrounded from unconscious and… And dead HYDRA goons. There was so much blood… I think Bucky did it but Steve was covered in blood as well. But what really freaks me out is that they both were…”
“They were?” She asks as Nat stops speaking. “Nat! What was with them?”
“They were already kids.” Y/N takes in a shaky breath and closes her eyes. She feels herself relax a bit. “My god, Nat. I thought you would tell me they were ripping someone apart.”
“Well, its worrisome Y/N. Whatever it was that happened there, it was so bad that they dropped on the battlefield. If just one of these goons would have been still awake, they could be dead now. Or worse they could have been taken and experimented on. They were really lucky. I just called you so that you know that the next few days probably will be worse days. They’re both asleep right now and we’ll be home in approximately six hours. But Y/N. It seems they’re still really stressed. It took us forty minutes to get them to finally stop crying and another thirty to get them on the plane. They cling to Tony right now. Hell knows how he managed to get them calm.”
“Tony is sometimes good for surprises. Thank you, Nat, I really appreciate it. I’ll meet you on at the landing platform. Fly save.” Y/N hangs up and leans against the wall with her back. She lets out a long, deep breath. Her hands clutch her phone a bit tighter as she opens her eyes again. Lady paws her leg and whines at her. Y/N crouches down and kisses the top of the dog’s head and hugs her to her chest. “Come on, girl. Let’s get ready for the boys.” She pulls back and walks slowly back to her apartment, slips in the rooms of her boy and places new fingerless gloves in black for Bucky and in brown for Steve on their pillows and walks then straight into the kids’ room. There she sits down on Bucky’s bed and takes the small teddy in her hands. She stares at it, turns it around a bit and glides her fingers through its fur. She puts it down next to Steve sheep, letting her hand glide through the white fur as well before she lays down a small pair of fingerless, black gloves on Bucky’s pillow. He wanted them for a long time now and this time Y/N finally gave in. She turns back to Steve’s bed. On his pillow she places a pair of new shoes. His old ones are dirty and broken. He doesn’t want to have new ones and Y/N thinks that it has something to do with how expansive it was to get new ones back in the 40s. She still brought him new ones. Lady watches her and noses her leg again to comfort her. Y/N looks up the clock on the wall. Still six hours to go and to worry.
* * *
When the jet lands, Y/N can already hear the crying before the doors even open fully. Lady jumps nervously beside her. Tony is the first to step out with Steve in his arms. The little boy has a red head and grips on Tony’s suit tightly while he cries. Bucky is on Tony’s hand, just a bit sniffling but otherwise he seems fine. The brunette looks up as he rubs his flesh hand on his nose. The moment he sees his mommy, tears gather in his eyes. He chokes back a sob and let’s go of Tony’s hand and runs over. Y/N quickly crouches down and catches him, clutching him to her chest and pressing kisses along his face while he cries. “Hey, big boy. It’s okay. Shh, you’re safe. Everything is okay.” She kisses him again and rubs the back of his head. Lady sniffs at him and licks his cheek before she darts off to jump up and down on Tony to get a look at Steve. Y/N picks Bucky up in her arms and stands back up. “Tony, thank you.” Y/N sighs and lets her hand glide over Steve’s back as Tony steps up to her. Lady, thankfully sits by his side now. Steve looks up and starts crying even more, reaching out and making grabby hands for her to pick him up. She struggles a bit but soon she has both her children on her arms that are crying and clutching to her. “My poor boys.” She kisses each of them on the head and nods to the others. They all look tired and a bit worse for wear but still concerned for the boys. “I’ll get you down.”
“Oh no, Tony. It’s okay. FRIDAY will open me the doors. You probably want to step out of your suit anyway. You must be tired.”
“FRIDAY. Suit.” Y/N doesn’t hear FRIDAY’s answer but quickly the suit vanishes from Tony’s body and flies away to his workshop. “Now?” Y/N sighs and shakes her head but smiles at him nonetheless. “Fine. Lead the way.” Y/N follows Tony, who walks just slightly in front of her but mostly next to her. Lady is at her side the whole way. He opens her the doors but says nothing. They step in and Y/N sits down on the couch, both boys still cling to her despite Bucky having calmed down enough so he’s just sniffling again. Lady jumps up next to her and her head bumps on Bucky’s leg and sluggishly pats her. Steve is still crying loudly. She can hear his voice get hoarse already. “Hey, Stevie, sweetie. I’m here. You’re okay now. Shh, shh.” She looks around and spots Steve’s inhaler on a cupboard next to the TV. She knows that Steve throws himself into an asthma attack sooner rather than later if he keeps that up. Tony sees her gaze and grabs the thing. He sits down next to her and pulls Bucky back into his lap. The boy whines and tries to hold on Y/N but as soon as he sees that he’s just a few inches away and still gets his calming snuggles he lets go of her and lets Tony have his way. “Thank you, Tony.” She takes the device. “How long has he…” She looks down at Steve as his breathing and crying starts to sound strange, so she gives him one puff of that device and waits before she gives him a second one. The blonde whines each time but his breathing sounds a bit better. She hugs him against her chest again and stands up, walking up and down behind the couch so she’s still next to Bucky and rocks Steve up and down. Lady looks up briefly from her spot on the couch but doesn’t move. “How long he’s been crying? The whole time since we found him. He slept for a few hours in the jet but started again after a nightmare. Same with this little guy.” Tony strokes Bucky’s hair as the boy snuggles closer to him. Y/N hums in acknowledgment but continues her pacing. “I’ll pick up some clothes.” Tony tries to get the boy from his lap but Bucky holds on tight and whines which sounds more like a chocked back sob. The man sighs. “Ok, buddy. Let’s get you and Capsicle get dressed, okay? Help me get clothes?” Bucky shakes his head but doesn’t protest further as Tony stands up, still with him in his arms. The man disappears and Y/N is left with Steve. “Hey, my sweet hero. Come on, calm down. I’m here now. Shh.” She kisses his forehead as he turns his head a bit and rubs his back. “Baby. Shh.” Y/N lays her head softly on his and sighs. She starts humming a melody that jumps in her head and soon starts to sing.
“Baby mine, don’t you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine.
Little one when you play
Pay no heed what they say
Let your eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine.”
Tony comes back with Bucky on his arms, already dressed and some of Steve’s clothes in his hands. Bucky holds both plushies in his hands. And she can see that he wears the gloves. Both brunettes stare at her with awe and even Steve forgets to cry for a moment but returns so silent sobbing so he can still hear his mommy sing. Y/N smiles and walks over to Bucky and Tony, kisses the smaller brunette and strokes through his stands as she carries on singing.
“If they knew all about you
They’d end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they’d give just for
The chance to hold you.
From your head to your toes
You’re not much, goodness knows
But you’re so precious to me
Sweet as can be, baby of mine”
She hums the refrain a third time before she stops entirely. Three eye pairs stare at her and she feels herself blush. She forces a smile on her lips and takes the clothes from Tony, nodding in thanks at him and stets Steve down. Before he can properly whine, she hushes him with a kiss and strips him out of the big suit he still wears and into the pj’s Tony had brought. From somewhere Bucky reaches down and gives her the sheep and a pacifier. Smart boy. She gives both things to Steve who immediately sucks on the pacifier and hugs the sheep against his chest. He rubs his puffy, red eyes with his free hand before he reaches for Y/N to pick him up again. She does and turns back to Tony. She just wants to thank him once again as she sees that Bucky sucks on his thumb. “Bucky. Stop that.” She scolds in a friendly tone. The boy flinches a bit and she can see that Tony is about to say something but Y/N walks over to the cupboards next to the kitchen, reaches in one of the drawers and gets a packaged pacifier from it. She plugs it out and walks back to Bucky, gently shoving it into his mouth and kisses his cheek. Bucky closes his eyes and sucks on the pacifier. He leans his head on Tony’s shoulder and sighs. Tony raises an eyebrow but says nothing. They sit down on the couch again. Lady had jumped down somewhere along the line and now lies on her own bed by the window. Y/N turns on the TV and switches to some documentary over animals in Africa and turns the sound low, so that it only plays in the background. She looks down at Steve who has his eyes closed and a slack grip on her shirt, but he still sucks on his pacifier. Tony mirrors her and she looks over to him. Bucky seems mostly asleep. “Tony.” Her voice is gentle and soft but worry flows with it. “What happened there?” She doesn’t ask to get an answer because Nat already told her that no one knows but she asks just to say it out loud. To let her wonder flow and her worry have some room. Tony shakes his head and his face turns into an unhappy mask. “I don’t know. I really wish I could tell you. I was supposed to stay with them the whole time but...”
“Hey.” She places a hand on his knee. “I know you all tried your best. And sometimes it’s just…”
“Not enough? Pointless? A nice try?”
“I was going with difficult to give what is really required. I really know you all do what you can. The fact that no one got hurt today shows me that you watch out for each other.” She looks down at Steve who makes a small sound as his breathing slowly evens out. “Maybe some days are just bad days but you all will make up for it on your next mission. Because you ever do.” She looks back up at Tony and smiles at him while placing her hand from his knee on his hair. She glides her finger through his strands. “It will be better in a few hours.”
* * *
Y/N knocks her had into the pillow. It’s not going to get better. After she got the boys to bad and Tony left, she tried to figure out what to do with her thoughts, so she started reading, baking and even drank some whine. She went to bed at ten after nothing seemed to really help. Now it’s two in the morning and Steve wakes up screaming the fourth time. She sighs and stands up. She doesn’t bother with pulling on sweatpants like the times before. She just walks with only her shirt and panties into the kids’ room and scoops the poor boy into her arms. “Now, now. Bad dream again?” The boy nods and clings to her. Lady comes shuffling in and jumps up on Steve’s bed, watching them curiously. Y/N suddenly feels Steve’s butt getting wet and suppresses a sigh. “I’m proud of you, you know. You’re such a good boy.” She rocks him a bit and plants a kiss above his right ear. “Even with such horrible dreams you’re barely wetting yourself. You’re such a good, big boy now.” She kisses him and reassures him that he’s a good boy, so that he doesn’t get antsy at being bad. And it’s true. Through the first three nightmares he didn’t wet himself. She had expected him to but he didn’t. This time though it seemed he had a really bad nightmare. He’s shaking and sweating and his eyes somehow look a bit hunted. She walks with him to the changing table in the bathroom and sits him down on it. The boy holds on tight to her middle and she stands there for a while, rubbing his back and letting him calm. “These dreams are mean to come to such a good boy, huh, Stevie?” She hears naked feet and tapping nails on the floor and as she looks to the left, she sees Bucky and Lady come in. He’s sleepy and rubs his eyes. He leans against Y/Ns leg, one hand in Lady’s fur and buries his face in her tight. “Hello, Bucky. Did we wake you?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry. Come here.” She picks the brunette up and kisses his forehead before she sets him down beside Steve. “So, now, big boy. Can you hold on Bucky for a moment so I can change your pants, hm?”
“N-no.” Steve sobs and makes grabby hands for her. Y/N takes his hands and places a kiss on each of them before she gives them to Bucky. Surprisingly Bucky takes them, kisses them and then kisses Steve’s cheek before he yawns. The smaller boy doesn’t giggle as he does usually but he doesn’t protest either as Y/N steps back into the bedroom and gets new pants. She makes quick works of pulling off the old, wet pants, throwing them into the hamper in the corner next to the table, getting him dry and changed into the fresh ones. She picks up both boys and carries them into her room, followed by Lady. “Do you have James and Cloudy?” Both boys shake their heads but get comfortable. Quickly she walks back, gets the plushies and steps back in her room. She slips in between the boys, gives them their plushies and waits for them to cuddle close to her. Lady jumps up on the bed as well and normally Y/N would protest but she lets it slip this time as the dog rolls into a ball of fur at her feet. She waits for the boys to get back to sleep before she lets out a deep breath. “FRIDAY, please tell the others I need their help tomorrow.”
“I’ll tell them when they wake up, miss Y/N. Good night.”
“Good night, FRIDAY. Thank you.”
* * *
The morning is not really better than the night but it shows clearly that, whatever it was that happened on the mission, affected Steve more than Bucky. Bucky had slept through the night and is almost his old self by the time everybody gathers in the common room, when a bit needy and cuddly but Lady gets that covered most of the time. It doesn’t matter with who he’s cuddling though. At the moment he’s wrapped tightly in Nat’s arms with Lady right next to her.
Steve on the other hand is as worse as the day before. He barely lets Y/N go away for more than six feet and starts crying as soon as she’s out of his sight. He doesn’t talk and barely eats or drinks and forbid god if someone comes near him. Everybody is a bit lost at his behavior. Wanda and Vision promised her to prepare lunch and Bruce said he would take care of dinner for her so she had this covered and she’s really grateful for that. Nat, Tony and Clint have tried to find out through the data of the coms, what had happened but couldn’t find as much as a clue. Sam tries desperately to get Steve to build something with him with the blocks. It doesn’t really work. At first Steve had only screamed each time Sam came near him but now the boy just stares at the blocks, occasionally places two or three on top of each other before he pushes them down again and stares at them before he starts anew. “May I tell you that lunch is ready?” Vison looks at them before he retreats back to the table. Y/N looks back at Steve as Sam walks past her with an apologetic look. “Hey, Stevie. You’re coming?” But Steve stays on the carpet. He stares at the blocks in his hands again, even ignoring Bucky who comes over now and holds out a hand to help him up. Bucky soon has enough of that, as Steve ignores him completely. He huffs out a breath and stomps over to Clint and lets himself be placed on a chair at the table to eat his lunch. “Stevie. Hey. Come on, you’re lun-” She stops speaking as suddenly a sob comes from the blonde. Each head turns around to him. Steve lays down and rolls together. His eyes are closed tightly and his hands grip hard enough on his arms so that the knuckles turn white. “Steve?” Y/N walks a bit closer but stops after just two steps. “Holy shit! How?” Lady jumps down from the couch, whining at the change in the atmosphere and slowly tiptoes over to Steve to sniff at him.
“Y/N?” She looks briefly at Bruce who comes up to her. As his eyes fall on Steve he looks almost as pale and shocked as Y/N feels “How? I mean… What?” The others come up behind them. “What is it?” Tony’s voice sounds from somewhere behind her. “Oh my… Is that possible? That shouldn’t be possible.” Y/N sees Bucky turn on the chair to try and see something. A sad cry hollers through the room and Y/N snaps her attention back to Steve. Steve has… dropped. He’s no longer the three-year-old and he’s not the six-feet- and- something-tall man either. Steve is now… a baby. A real, crying, chubby and small… baby.