Family ways
It was all Tony Stark fault, anyway.
Fury and Natasha had warned him on how irritating and irresponsible the man was, but Steve had been slightly dubious.
After all, Howard had been such a good friend, helping rescue Bucky and all the important stuff, so Steve had a hard time believing the man's only son could be that much of an irresponsible nitwick.
Of course, there was the footage… All the partying and the alcohol and the drugs and…women (and maybe even men, but THAT, Steve didn't even want to think about). Steve himself despised such tendencies for self indulgence.
After all, if Captain America himself didn't get his dance with Peggy Carter, why should the lazy spoiled brat have all the fun? Bad enough, he had all the money to indulge in his multiple sins.
Natasha had told him all about what happened when SHIELD, and her, tried to guide the so-called genius toward a saner and less selfish way of life.
To be fair (and Steve was always fair: He was Captain America, after all), he had to admit the Iron Man armour looked impressive.
Natasha didn't seem to think so, but then, when all was said and done, Nat was a woman and women didn't understand war, such was the truth. No, the armour, even if Steve didn't know (or care) how it worked, was an impressive creation.
The fact that Stark (and that friend of his, what was his name again?) was the pilot was what was wrong with it.
Yes, yes, the armour was Stark creation, and bravo to him, but the man should have relinquished custody of it to Shield as soon as they asked.
He was no soldier, and Steve was sure someone more suitable could have been found amidst the SHIELD agents. The thing shouldn't be that hard to steer after all, if Stark was able to do it.
It's not as if it required having special abilities or hard work, like being a Super Soldier.
More like being a too rich, lazy brat with a fancy sport car he won't loan to his friends.
Anyway, if Steve had any doubts about what Fury and Nat told him about Stark, they were cleared in about 30 seconds on the Helicarrier when they finally met. The man was everything Steve (rightfully) disliked: Obnoxious, far to sure of himself, and seemingly incapable of showing a modicum of respect to his betters.
Steve was absolutely certain Howard had been very disappointed to have such an individual as a son. Steve certainly was, and made sure to make his displeasure known.
It didn't work.
Not as it usually did. For such a diminutive man, he was not easily cowed.
And then there was that horrible creature. Steve never had been a cat person anyway, but that thing was a monster, and they should get rid of it. And of Loki, too, of course.
Steve had tried to talk to Fury about it, but the man had been distracted and uncooperative.
Nat had explained that Stark, of course, was being difficult and refusing to follow in Howard's footsteps, which was a damm shame... especially since it caused problems to SHIELD.
They'd managed to get rid of Thor once the Thunderer got access to the Tessaract, but Fury had managed to ascertain Loki's sceptre was still on Earth, at least.
Apparently eaten by that damm cat. And Stark didn't want to ask it to give the thing back.
It was all Stark fault.
Steve had decided quite a while ago that the man needed a good talking to, basically. He was pretty certain that once the both of them had a conversation, the genius would soon see the error of his ways.
It wouldn't be an easy task, as Natasha had warned. Contending with the man's ego was likely to take some time.
Case in point: As he'd showed up at that ridiculous tower to see Stark, he was told that he needed to make an appointment beforehand… And that the first available possibility was in three weeks.
Utterly ridiculous, it's not as if the man had a job or anything that required his time. Well, all that partying as bound to take some time, of course, but nothing as important as talking to Captain America for sure.
So Steve followed his principles and planted himself like a tree.
It took hours, but it finally worked and Steve was finally ushered upstairs.
"Rogers, I'm giving you 5 minutes just so you stop pestering the receptionists downstairs, so make it fast."
"I wouldn't have had to if only you'd seen me earlier." Steve pointed out, to which Stark rolled his eyes. How rude.
"I wasn't even here, Capsicle. Contrary to what you and SHIELD seem to think, I am a busy man."
"Those parties..."
"They're short on parties at the FBI, Rogers. Not that it matters, anyway. I don't owe you anything... my time, money, or an explanation. That said, what do you want?"
"You are cutting SHIELD funding that Howard put in place as a founder. You should respect your father's will and..."
Steve stopped when the man outright laughed. To his face, no less.
"You find this funny?"
"Hilarious. You see, Capsicle, I was at the FBI because amongst plenty of other things, they actually found Howard's will, that had mysteriously disappeared. Not exactly surprising since SHIELD wasn't even mentioned... And that it had been sitting in their archives for decades, courtesy of one Peggy Carter, apparently."
How DARE the man tarnish Peggy's legacy?
"Very easily" the man answered without hesitation, "Turns out that the delightful miss Carter embezzled, lied and outright stole my and my father's property for her and SHIELD's gain."
"She needed it for the greater good."
"As defined by Peggy Carter. Still wasn't her money, though. Disposing of other people property as you see fit is highly illegal... well, just about everywhere."
"I know Howard would have wanted, and..."
"You don't know a thing, Capsicle.
You barely knew Howard for a few weeks during the war... mainly when you needed his help or stuff from him, and then you went off with Barnes and the Howlies before tanking that plane in the Arctic and taking a seventy years long map.
Or are you going to have the gall to tell me you knew my FATHER better than me?"
Steve was a bit taken aback but tried to salvage the conversation
"No, but you owe us..."
"Owe you? What the Hell for?"
"I saved the world from HYDRA!"
"Oh, you won the war all by your lonesome, then? How silly of me not to have noticed that..."
Finally, some progress! Well, Steve could be encouraging.
"Well you weren't there, so it is excusable, I guess..."
The genius gave him a very weird look.
"You actually serious right now, Rogers? You REALLY think you won a world war by tanking ONE plane in the arctic? Well, it might come as a shock to you, but the allied forces still had quite a bit to do after your heroics... And manage without you, they did... It took a couple of nukes and a whole lot of dying, but they did.
The world in general doesn't owe you a thing, Rogers. No more than they owe their own fathers, uncles, grandfathers (and mothers), at any rate. You already garner far too much respect out of stuff you did'nt even do, but someone wrote in comics and created your fucking legend."
"Language."
"This is my home, Rogers, I'll talk as I fucking please. Now, your five minutes are almost up so let me be very clear about this:
I will not house you
I will not give you money
I will not join Fury's little boys band or whatever scheme he has concocted these days.
I do, however, intend to pursue SHIELD and their affiliates to the full extent of the law, and I don't give a shite that you don't like it. I refuse to be the sugar daddy to this freeloading enterprise, and I strongly suggest that you never darken my doorstep again. Now leave."
Steve sneered as he looked down on the genius, "And you're going to make me?"
"Allow me, Anthony"
Then the world was all green light for a moment and then...
"Well well well, what a delicious little morsel you are..."
It was all Tony Stark fault.
Tony was going to die of laughter, for sure. or something.
"You sent... the Capsicle...to a leather gay bar?!!?"
Loki buffed his nails on his lapel and then extended a finger "In leather microshorts. Looking very hip, if I say so myself. The patrons seemed to think so, at any rate."
"Oh my... What's the body count, JARVIS?"
"Strangely, none except one broken arm, apparently. The Captain seemed more intent in vacating the premises than to do actual damage, Sir."
"JARVIS, light of my life... Tell me there is footage, please."
"Apparently Mr Rogers adventures are beginning to trend on social media, Sir." And because JARVIS was awesome, he rolled it.
Hence, the dying of laughter part.
Tony particularly liked the bit where Rogers scampered in the neon lit street, bouncy gluteus maximus moulded even more tightly than his classic spandex, under the crowd cheers and whistles.
He was pretty certain it was something that was going to be treasured in some circles... especially the bit when some oversolicitude leather started to rip.
"Oh my God..."
"Yes?" the Trickster answered innocently.
"You're a genius, Reindeer Games, never let anyone tell you otherwise. I was wondering how soon I was going to have to kick Rogers out of the Tower again now that he'd found the way, but I do think we will get a few weeks of peace, at least. Hopefully."
"Surely not... Weeks?"
"Don't underestimate Crapstain abilities to delude himself and rewrite history, Lokes. Also, he has no idea what social media is, doesn't watch the news *because it's all lies anyway*..."
"Not entirely wrong on that part..."
"Yes, but that's beside the point. As soon as he can twist the story to make himself be the hero in his own eyes and everything that is not right in Capsicle world is my fault, he's happy. An trust me, Lokidoki, the level of mental gymnastics Rogers can perform in mere hours if not minutes is astounding."
"Thor level of astounding?"
"Odin level of astounding." The Trickster bit his lip "Oh my, this is not good."
"Well, it is what it is. At least I know about it this time around... And not that I didn't appreciate it, but why did you show up now? I thought that you were learning to do business with Pepper?"
"Miss Potts sent Mr Laufeyson home with quite strict instructions not to traumatize the board further... for this week, at any rate." The Trickster smirked.
"Also, Goose wants to show you something."
"Did she eat something or someone she shouldn't have?"
"Nah, it's a bit different."
And indeed it was. Goose was lounging in her room, on her favourite pillow, purring up a storm... surrounded by eggs.
Very many eggs.
Tony knew the flerken laid eggs, since Loki had told him, but he wasn't expecting THIS much of then...
"How many?"
"117"
"well, that is a big family, Goosey. Congratulation. We'll help as much as we can."
Of course, he would. He was such a sweet little human pet "Mreow purr purr..."