When Sebastian awoke, he wasn’t sure where he was, it felt like he was been drifting in an out of sleep for hours. His body ached and his throat was dry. The shift on the bed beside him brought him back to the moment. A weighted arm landed over his waist and a loud snore in his ear made him jump. He stifled a laugh at the incoherent mumbling in his ear. Sebastian lifted Chris’ arm and slide from the bed.
It was a sight to see Chris sprawled over the bed, his hair on end, face mashed into the pillow and the cover barely covering his ass. Instinctively Sebastian pulled the cover over Chris before finding his boxers on the floor and pulling them on. He stretched in front of the mirror, his body sore in a way it hadn’t for so long. He looked tired, they both would be, they had spent most of the early morning hours embraced unable to stop touching each other, making up for lost time. In the light of day is felt like a dream, they had put aside what they had been through and took each other like they obviously needed.
Sebastian splashed water on his face and ran a wet hand through his hair. Everything felt different and there was a twist in gut that filled him with all new anxieties. Maybe something to wake he him, he thought as he shuffled through to the kitchen and started looking for coffee.
The apartment seemed even bigger than the night before, to be fair he hadn’t seen much, he had been acquainted with the view and the cold glass against his skin. The memory stirred in his groin but the anxious feeling still clawed at his throat. He drank a glass of water to try get rid of it, but it just chilled his skin.
He knew what it was, he knew what was making him feel off point and it was Chris’ confession. Right then the memory of Chris leaning over him staring at him I love you. “Shit.” Sebastian cursed as the twinge hit him again.
He hadn’t been ready for that; it had taken him by surprise, but it had felt right in that moment and none more so when he had said it back. Now here standing alone away from Chris and the aura he emanated Sebastian’s insecurities took over.
They hadn’t seen each other in months, barely spoken and on the first night with so little said between them there were declarations of love. Sebastian tired to think clearly as he slowed his breathing that was much more rapid than he realised. How did he feel? Had he been caught up in the moment? He inwardly groaned, maybe Chris would feel he same, that thought seemed to calm him.
He could rationalise it; he had spent so long in this mixed up relationship with Chris, they had been together but never free to explore it. They had ended things and it had broken his heart and he craved any chance to reclaim what they had had. They could have been back together had there not been tragedy to pull them apart again and what they once had seem destined to never be the same again.
In the time they had been apart people had got over broken hearts and moved on. He could have been one of those people but there was a tether that still connecting him to Chris that had brought them back together. Then so quickly in the heat of the moment admissions of love? It didn’t sit right with him, it scared him, and he knew he had to let Chris know that now and not later.
Sebastian never got the chance to do anything, still handing in his underwear in front of the coffee machine he heard the call of Chris’ name and the bustle of the door opening. Sebastian turned disorientated frozen to the spot unsure what to do or say or go.
“Morning Sebastian.” Megan said brightly with a wink.
“Ah morning,” Sebastian said clearing his throat.
Megan hoisted a bag onto the table and dumped some papers. “Chris awake?” She asked raising her eyebrows.
“Oh, I nearly tripped on that boys’ shoes!” The voice of Chris’ mother came from behind a huge bundle of flowers in her arms.
“Shit.” Sebastian whispered. He looked to Megan who just smiled, and he quickly excused himself. “I’ll just check if he’s…”
Sebastian hurried to the bedroom and shut the door before Chris’ mom could see anymore. “Fuck, Chris!” He hissed as he looked for his jeans. “Chris! Your mother is here!” He threw Chris’ own discarded clothes at him.
“What?” Chris mumbled.
Sebastian pulled the sheet from the bed, “Get! Up!” Sebastian said as firmly and as quietly as he could.
“No, come here.” Chris pulled at Sebastian’s hand.
“Megan and your mother just walked in on me, in my underwear, in the kitchen.”
“Oh,” Chris rolled over and looked up at Sebastian, “Don’t worry they have seen it all before they both have sons.” Chris smiled and grabbed at Sebastian while he swatted his hands away.
“Yeah well I’m not their son and they are going to wonder what I’m doing here.” Sebastian was flustered and if he thought he was breathing fast before he was now nearly hyperventilating.
Chris could see Sebastian beginning to panic and sat up and took Sebastian’s hand and gripped it. “Calm down Seb, just take a breath.” He took a couple of deep breaths with him. “Megan might not wonder why you are here,” he said. “She knows pretty much everything.”
“What?” Sebastian said sitting on the edge of the bed.
“My mom doesn’t know for sure, but she’s not an idiot.” Chris rubbed Sebastian’s back. “Are you ok?” Chris knew there was more to this, but he didn’t want to push it.
“I’m fine,” Sebastian said after a minute, “Last night, everything its just…” He let out a big gasp of air.
“I know, it’s a lot.” Chris pressed his lips to Sebastian’s shoulder and felt him relax. “I’m not looking to push anything here Seb, just a day at a time.”
Sebastian looked at Chris, the knot was still in his stomach, but he smiled despite it. “Okay.”
Chris got dressed and went to see Megan and his mother while Sebastian go dressed. He needed sleep, he knew he’d feel better after he’d rested and had a chance to get his head round things. He sheepishly joined everyone in the kitchen, across the counter were some newspapers and Sebastian could see Chris’ mom scrolling through some reviews on the iPad.
“All good so far.” Chris smiled at Sebastian as he came over to show him one of the papers.
Sebastian took it and tried to concentrate on the text in front of him as Chris answered his phone and laughed loudly with someone on the other line. Chris’ mother Lisa looked up at him and smiled.
“Here is a lovely bit about you coming to support him, Sebastian.” She gushed.
“Oh nice picture too,” Megan said looking over her shoulder. “Going to have to change that jumper for going home though, get seen in that and they’ll know you are doing the walk of shame.” Both Megan and Lisa laughed.
“Jesus.” Sebastian felt his face flush and prayed for the ground to swallow him.
After what felt like an eternity Sebastian finally tried to make his escape. In a fresh top from Chris he finished his coffee and said his goodbyes to both ladies. Chris walked him to the door, the town car was waiting on him.
“You sure you are ok?” Chris asked concerned.
“I will be,” Sebastian looked down at his apartment keys that he was playing with nervously. “I’d like us to get a chance to talk, properly.” Sebastian looked back up at Chris who nodded. “I’ll call you.”
“Sure,” Chris seemed unsure, he felt like he was saying bye to Sebastian rather than see you later. He swallowed thickly and touched the back of Sebastian’s hand. “Call me, I’ll be here.”
Chris didn’t hesitate, his fear that something was wrong too strong to just let Sebastian walk away, he cupped his face and pulled him into an embrace, his tongue parting his lips. Sebastian held back for a moment aware there might be eyes on them but got lost in Chris’ touch and held on to him.
When they broke apart, they could both see their fears in each other. “Bye Chris.”
When Sebastian got home, he showered and turned off his phone and got into bed and drifted to sleep. He was surprised how late it was when he woke, it was so peaceful himself. His hand reached out along the empty side of the bed and he thought of Chris. So many times, he had wished he was there when he woke but he had come to terms with the fact he wasn’t. It was just another fact that he wasn’t sure that last night was what he had hoped it was going to be for him.
One thing he knew was that he did love Chris, as scared as he was to admit it and to hear it out loud, he loved him, he always had. They had had this bizarre relationship together and complications to get where they were maybe made it feel like an anti-climax or just not enough. How were they supposed to proceed? They were out from hiding behind one relationship, would there every be a time they weren’t hiding?
Sebastian turned on his phone, there were a couple messages but nothing from Chris. He knew he’d be finishing up at the theatre soon so sent him a quick message.
S: How was tonight? Do you want to meet for lunch tomorrow?
He knew they need to talk and the sooner they did the less either of them would get hurt.
Chris had replied late, tired but happy with the show and he had agreed to meet Sebastian for lunch. When he arrived Sebastian’s, nose was deep in the menu.
“Hey, are you hiding?” Chris laughed.
Sebastian laughed, “I’m not the one in a cartoon undercover get up.” Sebastian said gesturing to the baseball cap, sunglasses and moustache Chris sported.
“Touché.” He said removing the hat and glasses. “I can’t do much about the facial hair.”
Sebastian reached over and brushed it with he back of his finger, “I like it, I might call it Moe.”
Chris batted his hand away laughing, “Get off…”
Once they had ordered Chris cleared his throat, “Listen, I want to apologise for the other night.”
Sebastian shifted uncomfortably not expecting any kind of apology from Chris. “What for?”
“I know why you freaked out on me in the morning.” Chris looked at Sebastian; he could see it now in his face. “I know I came on strong with telling you I loved you and…” Chris sighed, “I feel you may just have been reciprocating the sentiment.” Chris watched Sebastian drop his head, “And judging by the way you were in the morning and now, you might regret it.”
Sebastian sighed and clasped his hands tightly in front of him. “Chris…”
“It’s ok Seb,” He reached out and placed a hand on top of Sebastian’s. “I don’t want you to say something you don’t feel. I don’t want you to feel like it’s what you have to do.”
“The other night, everything just seemed so heightened and like we were getting something out of our systems.” Sebastian looked at Chris, he understood. “There had been so much stop and start between us I’m worried I’ve let my feelings run away with it.”
Chris sat back and nodded, “I don’t think we have ever really had a chance to see each other, to get to know each other in that way without us holding back.”
“Yes,” Sebastian agreed. “I have always cared about you and wanted more but I feel like how are we meant to go forward from here?”
“You could let me take you on that date we never got.” Chris suggested.
Sebastian smiled, “Yeah but…”
“Maybe we just have to try it to see what it would be like Sebastian.” Chris lent forward on the table and pulled Sebastian’s hands apart, “Just relax and enjoy finding out if it’s going to work.” Chris rubbed his thumb over the back of Sebastian’s knuckles. “I’m sorry if I put any pressure on you by telling you that I love you but I’m not taking it back.”
“I don’t want you to take it back.” Sebastian countered.
“Good I’m not going to.”
“Good.” Sebastian laughed.
“I don’t expect anything from you Seb, I’ll take what I can get, and I know I don’t deserve much.” Sebastian went to say something, but Chris stopped him. “Please just give it a chance.”
Sebastian felt the tight knot that had been in stomach loosen. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Chris pressed a kiss to Sebastian’s knuckle making Sebastian roll his eyes and blush.
Sebastian was aware that Chris wasn’t going to be in New York forever, but he did his best to put that to the back of his mind and enjoyed the routine they quickly got into. Sebastian stayed every other night at Chris’ apartment and Chris would come over during the day with Dodger in toe to Sebastian’s, they’d hang out and Chris would make them breakfast and Sebastian would try his hand at something new to cook for dinner and then order take out.
“There is no cuisine you can’t order in New York, cooking is overrated.” Sebastian defended as he served it up.
“That sounds like giving up.” Chris said pulling Sebastian down for a kiss.
“It’s not giving up it’s just choosing your battles.” Sebastian sat down and took a sip of wine.
Chris couldn’t complain after a night on stage a late dinner with Sebastian was all he looked forward too. He didn’t care what they were eating as long as they were together.
“I have a day off coming up.” Chris said.
“Oh?” Sebastian mumbled through a mouthful of rice.
“I thought we could do something.”
“Like what?”
Chris shrugged, “Normally I’d get up to Boston, see the family.”
Sebastian chewed slowly on his food, “Okay.”
“There is no pressure but it’s going to be Miles birthday in few weeks and I’m going to miss it so I thought, maybe we could go up and take them out for the day.”
“Them?”
“The kids, there’s a fair thing on in town. Or maybe even just a play park and a movie. Get a family dinner.” Chris shrugged and took a sip of his beer.
“So, you mean I go as your friend.”
“Boyfriend.” Chris corrected.
Sebastian raised his eyebrows, “Have you told your family any of this yet?”
“About going up?” Chris asked playing dumb.
“Chris, about us.”
“I don’t discuss my sex life with the kids, my sister is against it.”
“Jesus.” Sebastian tutted, “If I say yes will you give me a straight answer?”
“If you say yes…” Chris smirked.
Sebastian sighed and let out a nervous laugh, “Ok yes I’d love to.”
Sebastian laughed at how Chris lit up and leaned over the table and grabbed the front of Sebastian t-shirt and kissed him. “Thank you.”
“So?” Sebastian asked as Chris sat back down.
“Oh, yeah they all know.” Chris said off hand.
“You told them?” Sebastian gawked in surprise.
“My mother found you half naked in my kitchen; trust me they all know.” Chris rolled his eyes.
“Have they said anything?” Sebastian asked as he put his cutlery down.
Chris shook his head confused. “What are you expecting them to say?”
“I don’t know…” Sebastian said, “Were they not surprised?”
Chris realised that it wasn’t something they had discussed since they started seeing each other like this, they had just been in their own little bubble. Chris wasn’t really sure who Sebastian had told about their relationship and while it was still early days he knew it might not be something he wanted to share with the world but it worried Chris that he was maybe keeping it from the people that mattered most in his life.
“It’s not a big deal to anyone in my family, they are all just happy that I’m happy right now.” Chris said. “They don’t know about the affair, but they know I’m seeing someone and that someone is you.” Chris watched Sebastian squirm. “Would you have preferred I hadn’t told them?”
“No,” Sebastian said quietly, “You are right to tell them. I guess I just haven’t got there yet, telling my family.”
“You don’t have to unless you are ready Seb.” Chris comforted.
“I know I just,” he shrugged, “I’m still stuck in this secret mode.”
Chris winced; he knew that was his fault. “What about friends? Dan knows.”
“Yeah Dan knows.” Sebastian bit at his lip, “Actually… there’s few friends going out for dinner on Thursday.” Sebastian looked up Chris feeling a bit awkward. “I thought with the play you would be too tired.”
Chris laughed half-heartedly, “I get it… it’s ok.” He tried not to sound disappointed.
“No.” Sebastian said. “It’s not ok, its exactly the sort of thing we should be doing. Right?” He asked looking for some reassurance.
“You don’t have to invite me to everything Seb.” Chris said.
“But if…if we are a couple then I should have.” Sebastian said. “I’d like you to come with me if you’d like to come.”
Chris half smiled, “As your friend?”
“Girlfriend.” Sebastian said with a smile and tilt of his head.
Chris laughed, “I’ll get my best frock out.”
“I knew it!” Sebastian teased.
“Can I hold your hand?” Chris asked.
“You never hold my hand when we are out.” He took a drink from his glass.
“I might want to if we are with people that know about us.”
“I’ll tell you what, I’ll let them know I’m bringing a date.”
“Your boyfriend.” Chris countered.
“My boyfriend.” Sebastian agreed with smile.
--
The first major pressure Chris put on Sebastian was to watch Dodger for him while he went to do his evening performance the next day.
“Jesus, what if I lose him when out for a walk?” Sebastian said as he watched Dodger following Chris about as he grabbed his things.
“You aren’t going to lose him.” Chris said patting Dodgers head, “Go to Sebastian bubba.”
Dodger barked up at Sebastian and he gave Chris a panicked look, “How much does he eat?”
Chris laughed, “There is still biscuits in his bowl.”
“And drink?” Sebastian looked round for the bowl of biscuits that Chris had put down for him earlier.
“There is a bowl of water beside the biscuits.”
“Shit.” Sebastian mumbled. “I didn’t even know you had brought this stuff.”
Chris circled his arms round Sebastian’s waist and smiled at him, “I bring his bowls every time I come over.” Chris brushed a kiss to his lips.
“Oh, you could just leave them here, you don’t to take them back and forth all the time.” Sebastian suggested shyly.
“He can stay then?” Chris asked pulling Sebastian closer to him.
“Yeah, I’m just panicking because you’ve never left him here before.”
Chris rocked his hips against Sebastian’s could feel him growing hard and hear the pitch of his breathing change. “Then you shouldn’t have got me all turned on earlier and I would have had time to take him home.”
“Oh, so it’s not that you trust me with him.” Sebastian teased.
Chris pressed Sebastian against the kitchen counter as Sebastian’s hand slipped down between them and squeeze the hard length of Chris cock through his jeans. Chris growl and licked as Sebastian’s lips.
“I trust you with everything.” Chris whispered.
“Fuck,” Sebastian said circling his arms round neck and kissing him deeply.
Chris’s phone buzzed and he groaned. “It’s the car. I gotta go.” He kissed Sebastian again before pulling away.
Sebastian looked hot and flustered, it was just how Chris liked him, his eyes full of lust and the way he chewed on his lip killed him. He reached down and ruffled the top of Dodgers head.
“I’ll be back to pick him up after the show don’t worry.” Chris said.
“Or you could just stay over here?” Sebastian suggested tentatively.
Chris hadn’t stayed over at Sebastian’s since the time they had argued and he had walked out. It had almost been an unspoken thing that it was Sebastian’s space and while they were still in such a new part of their relationship Chris had held back on imposing in it.
“Yeah, are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Sebastian said happy that Chris seen the sentiment in his offer.
“Okay, I’ll grab a change and Dodgers lion after the show and come over.” Chris said beaming. “Now don’t lose him, he’s like my child!” Chris gave him a quick peck on the cheek and bolted out the door, leaving Dodger staring up at Sebastian.
--
Sebastian sat tapping his phone off the palm of his hand as he waited for a reply from Chris. He should be on his way to the restaurant by now, but he wasn’t sure if it was his signal or if something was wrong, but he hadn’t heard from Chris since the show had ended that night. He couldn’t deny that the thought had crossed his mind that Chris had chickened out from meeting his friends for dinner. He tried to push it to the back of his mind but then Sebastian had to admit that while he had told everyone Chris was going to try join them, he hadn’t told them that Chris and he were together in any sense of the word.
Dan who had known what was going on had kicked Sebastian several times under the table every time there was a perfect opportunity to bring it up in the conversation. With no sign of Chris showing up it might be best to not mention it. Sebastian excused himself and went out the front of the restaurant to get better signal and find out what was happening. Sebastian dialled Chris and started pacing, he wasn’t sure if he wanted him to answer.
“Seb!” Came a voice down the street. Anxiety kicked in, it was Chris. He looked out of breath like he had run a mile.
“Are you ok? What happened.”
“Ah, sorry… fuck.” He held onto his side. “I just ran… three blocks.” He bent over resting his hands on his knees, “Woooh! Sorry my phone ran out of battery; I’d left the apartment… uber got stuck in traffic.” Chris grabbed Sebastian’s shoulder, “I’m sorry I’m really late.”
“No.” Sebastian suddenly felt bad thinking the worst. “You aren’t that late.” He reassured.
“Will we go in?” Chris said feeling his pulse settling back down.
“About that…” Sebastian suddenly regretted not saying anything before Chris arrived. “Everyone knows you are coming but… I haven’t told them about us yet.”
Chris bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair. “Okay.” He said flatly. “That’s ok Seb.”
“I’m nervous Chris, I’m just…” he let out a shaky breath.
“Do you want them to know?” Chris asked.
“I don’t want to hide it.” Sebastian said feeling stupid that it had come to this.
Chris took Sebastian’s hand and squeezed it, “Then let’s not hide it, we don’t have to stand up and declare anything, just be yourself.”
Sebastian led them on to the table where his friends were, Chris had a followed Sebastian with a light brush of his fingers to his lower back. It wasn’t a quiet bunch, so Chris found no problem in integrating himself chatting and introducing himself. Chris could feel how tense Sebastian was, but good food and company seemed to be the way to relax him. Chris kept his hands to himself; he didn’t want to make Sebastian uncomfortable. He couldn’t stop watching him though. He had only seen Sebastian round a couple of his friends at a time and to see him in this setting animated and not in the least bit awkward or shy it made Chris even more desperate to stand up and shout that this was his guy.
The night began to wind down and as the restaurant got quieter so did the tables conversation. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that Cat one of the girls on the table had started trying to get Chris’ attention and as the night grew on her innocent flirting had gone from subtle to very direct. Chris had been polite and had played it off. Dan could see Sebastian biting his inner cheek as her flirting become more obvious. Dan cut over her conversation a few times which brought a smile to Sebastian’s face.
Never had Sebastian felt so jealous or paralysed to do anything about it. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Chris either. When the Cat got up to excuse herself, Chris leaned back in his chair and rested his arm along the back of Sebastian’s, his thumb rubbed lazy circles in the back of Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian turned and gave him a little smile and under the table ran a hand down Chris’ thigh.
When the Cat returned, she didn’t go back to her seat instead sitting directly across from Chris, pushing Dan further down the table.
“Rude Cat!” Dan joked.
She just rolled her eyes, “I’m sure Chris has seen enough of your face tonight.” She turned her attention to Chris, “You probably need a better view, right Chris?”
Chris had felt Sebastian let go of his leg as soon as Cat had sat down, and he shifted in his chair so there was no contact between them. Chris smiled at her politely. “I think we are going to be heading home soon anyway.” He said looking at Sebastian.
Sebastian nodded, “Yeah sure.”
Chris winked at him, “I’ll be right back.” He quickly lent forward to kissed him and brushed the corner of his mouth.
Sebastian watched Chris walk away and couldn’t stop the smile on his lips, he cleared his throat and looked at Cat, her mouth hung open, he could feel himself going red. He averted his eyes and focused on Dan as he spoke. “You idiot Cat.”
“What?” Cat laughed.
“Are you blind?” Dan asked.
“She must be.” Someone else commented down the table.
“Nice work Seb.” Another friend laughed.
“I’ll have you know I just won a bet, thank you.” Cat got up smirking and took a couple of bills from three people at the other end of the table. “Friend’s don’t look at friends the way he’s been looking at Seb all night.”
Sebastian cringed and covered his face with his hand, “I guess there is something I wanted to tell you guys.” Sebastian looked up at the table of faces.
“I think we got it.” Someone laughed.
“How long has this been going on?” One asked.
“Too long!” Dan said. “I’m so glad other people know now I can relax and not put my foot in it.”
“Oh, you can still do that Dan.” Sebastian said, and the table murmured in agreement.
“I’ll remember that next time you have a secret.” Dan mocked hurt.
When Chris came back to the table, he could see that Sebastian was far more relaxed. They said their goodbyes and headed out onto the street.
“Everything ok?” Chris asked, he could see Sebastian grinning to himself.
Sebastian grabbed the front of Chris’ jacket and pulled at him; their lips crushed against one another’s. “Thank you.” He said against his lips.
“Mmm, I think we need to get you home.” Chris said, feeling Sebastian pressing against him. Chris took his hand in his and pulled him down the street.
Chris was trying to get the key in the door, Sebastian had his arms wrapped round him from the behind. His hands on the front of Chris jeans unbuttoning them, feeling the hard length of Chris’ cock. His lips were on the nape of his neck and fuck if Chris couldn’t concentrate.
“Seb, I ahhh…” Chris dropped the keys as Sebastian’s hand worked him free of his underwear and slide down to the base of his cock and back again, his teeth nipping at his skin. “Fuck I need to open…”
Sebastian let go and spun him round and pressed him flat against the door. He picked up the key and handed it to Chris and licked his lips before sinking to his knees. Chris gave out a choked sound as Sebastian flicked his tongue over the head of Chris’ cock, he toyed with it teasing him, humming and moaning the more he took in, pressing his tongue flat and angling him to take him as deep as possible.
Chris gave out a long stifled moan, his head rolling back on the door, his fingers deep in the thick mass of Sebastian’s hair. The keys in his other hand stabbed into his palm as he tried to hold himself up against the door frame. He bit his lip trying to not make a sound, the only sound coming from Sebastian as me moaned in pleasure and gagging as Chris cock hit the back of his throat.
Chris closed his eyes and he could hear his own heavy panting in he ears. He tired to hold back, pull away so he could slow Sebastian before he blew is load outside his apartment door, but Sebastian circled his finders round him and stroked him in time with his mouth. Chris could feel the heat building is his gut and he became more vocal. Sebastian other hand had travelled under his shirt and pressed flat against his stomach, kneading and holding Chris in place.
He couldn’t take it anymore and let out a deep throated groan and he felt Sebastian react, he pulled back, Chris hand still in his hair, his heavy wet cock rest on his lips. Chris couldn’t take his eyes off the sight of Sebastian on his knees, his eyes begging him for more. Sebastian slowly got up and adjusted himself rubbing himself through the material, he took the key from Chris’ now sweaty hand and unlocked the door over his shoulder.
“Are you coming in or are you going to fuck me out here?” Sebastian pressed a wet kiss to Chris’ mouth, his lips tingling from the stretch round Chris’ cock. Sebastian opened the door and guided Chris in backwards, letting the door fall shut behind them.
--
Sebastian was stuffing the last few things into his backpack before he left for his early morning flight. He was only meant to be away for a night, but Sebastian felt a like it was leaving for much longer. He and Chris had been stuck in bubble over the last few weeks and as time went on Sebastian knew that it wouldn’t be long until Chris’ theatre run would be over, and he would be leaving New York. Neither of them had brought it up and while Sebastian was happy that they were taking things slow he didn’t want to see Chris leave so soon. He knew he wasn’t ready to bring up the love conversation again, but he felt he needed to let Chris know how he felt.
Working by only one light in the hall of his apartment Sebastian attached a newly cut key to his apartment on to a keychain. In his mind he could brush this off as common sense. He was about to leave town and Chris had to lock the door behind him but to Sebastian it meant more, he wanted Chris to know they he could stay if he wanted, that he could come and go as he pleased.
Sebastian went to the bedroom door, he could hear Chris snoring gently and he could see Dodger lying at the end of the bed, illuminated by the light of the hall, watching Sebastian.
“Dodger.” He whispered and patted his knee.
Without hesitation he jumped down from the foot of the bed and wagged his tail looking up. Sebastian knelt in front of him and threaded the keychain onto Dodgers collar with a ribbon.
“Good boy.” Sebastian said nuzzling his nose at the top Dodgers head. “Go back to bed, go on.”
Sebastian watched as he took his usual perch at the bottom of the bed and smiled closing over the door.
It was mid-morning before Sebastian heard from Chris, he stared at the message and smiled.
C: Can I tell you something without you freaking out? I love you.
S: I know :)
--
“You’re cheating that’s not fair!”
“I am not cheating, it’s pure skill.”
“No! Your foot is over the line!”
Chris held his hands up and took an exaggerated step back from the chalked white line on the ground and looked at Sebastian to see it satisfied him.
“Better.” Sebastian said putting his hands on his hips.
Chris eyed the target and spun the softball in his hands before lunching it at the in the direction of the bucket. The ball skimmed the edge before falling in. Chris’ arms shot up and he shouted in celebration. “YES! Thank you, thank you.” He took a bow.
“Don’t be a show off uncle Chris.” His nephew groaned.
“It’s called sportsmanship.”
“It’s called showing off.” Sebastian corrected.
“Come on then, your turn.” Chris said stepping aside for Sebastian to take a turn.
Sebastian groaned, “Don’t worry Miles if I lose this, I’ll buy you one.”
“Your confidence speaks volumes.” Chris smirked.
Sebastian narrowed his eyes on Chris and took his position at the white line. He wasn’t sure when this had become a competition but then anything where Chris got to show off in front of his niece and nephews seemed to ignite his competitiveness. Sebastian on the other hand didn’t have himself down as a sportsman but Miles, Chris’ nephew seemed to have gravitated towards Sebastian and began championing him to win against his uncle.
“You can do it.” Miles whispered to Sebastian.
Sebastian looked at Chris who just gave him a smug look. “Oh god.” Sebastian groaned.
Sebastian didn’t think it mattered how much he tried to line up the shot, he could close his eyes and have to same chance of getting the ball in the bucket. Sebastian threw the ball with a flick of his wrist and watched as it clung to the rim before falling in. Sebastian looked in shock at Miles who jumped up and he high fived him.
Chris shook Sebastian by the shoulders and laughed, “See there is a sportsman in there.”
Sebastian puffed out his chest, “That shot was never in doubt.”
“Sure.” Chris said winking at him.
From the choice of prizes Miles chose a foam sword and shield and spent the rest of the day attacking his brother with it. The fair was a made up of mainly the local community and as busy as it was, they seemed the be able to come and go around the game stalls and food stands without anyone noticing them or drawing attention to them. Chris had recognised a few faces and said a few hellos, but Sebastian had kept his head down busying himself with keeping an eye on the kids.
Sebastian knew he would probably have been more apprehensive about the day had he not have met Chris’ family before but still he felt awkward and self-conscious. The day had been made easier because of kids, there was no way he could not to feed off their excitement and just watching how Chris was them gave Sebastian a tightness across his chest. It was one thing in a long line of questions and concerns Sebastian had about their relationship. Chris was meant to do this; he was meant to have a family of his own and was he going to be giving up the opportunity to do that?
“We are going to have to head soon guys.” Chris shouted as the kids ran around chasing each other.
Sebastian sat back and finished his ice cream, smiling as the kids ignored Chris. “That told them.” He chuckled as Chris plonked down beside him on the bench.
Chris rested his arm along the back of the bench and huffed. “I know right. They listen to you more.”
“I don’t think so.”
“They really like you.”
Sebastian smiled at Chris “I like them.” He could feel Chris eyes on him, “What?”
“Your mind in running, what’s wrong.” Chris said.
Sebastian wasn’t sure you liked the way Chris could read his every mood, he felt like no feeling or thought was his own. “Kids.” Sebastian looked down and picked at the seam of his jeans.
“What about them?” Chris asked.
Sebastian huffed and turned on the bench, so he was facing him more. “You want kids.” He stated and Chris gestured for him to finish his thought out loud. “Well are you going be sacrificing having kids for this?”
Chris took in a deep breath and shifted, “You don’t want kids?”
Sebastian shook his head as he spoke, “No, it not that I don’t it’s just…”
“Just what?”
“How?” Sebastian said frustrated. “How are we going to do that? Adopt? Surrogate?”
“Yeah one of those.” Chris said bluntly. He could see Sebastian was frustrated by his response. Chris pulled Sebastian hand to him. “Seb you are worrying about things that you don’t need to. There are options and until we are ready to do it there is no point getting upset about it.”
Sebastian looked at Chris, “It doesn’t scare you? All the stuff we’ll have to go though, all the scrutiny?”
“No,” Chris shook his head and looked at the kids running around. “I’m more worried about if I’ll do a good job bringing them up.” He looked back to Sebastian who was searching his face. “We’ll be doing it together, we’ll have each other.”
“You promise?” Even as he asked it, he saw the look in Chris’ eyes implode. It was meant so much more then one promise to be there; is was a promise of a future, tying them together.
“I promise.” Chris cupped Sebastian’s cheek and kissed him briefly on his lips.
“Uncle Chris?” Miles voice rang out. Chris and Sebastian separated quickly they had been lost in the moment. “I’m hungry.”
“Come on then kiddo.” Chris got up and grabbed Miles round the waist and hoisted him up on to his shoulders.
It had been a long day out and the kids had fallen asleep in the car on the way back to the house. Sebastian lifted Stella, Chris niece up from the car seat and rested her head on his shoulder as Chris got the boys. In her sleep her small arms came up and circled round Sebastian neck, he held on tight to her and pressed a kiss to the back of her head as he followed Chris inside. They were greeted by his sister and mother eager to hear how the day went.
“You might be better taking her straight up and putting her down to bed, if I try take her and wake her up there will be hell to pay.” Chris’ sister said stroking the hair from Stella’s face.
“Ah sure,” Sebastian said.
Chris led him up stairs and guided him to his niece’s bedroom. Chris turned on small lamp that illuminated the room in a pink glow and pulled back the bed cover. He came over to where Sebastian was swaying slowly back and forth cradling Stella, he unbuckled her shoes and smiled at Sebastian.
“You ok?” He whispered.
“I love this.” Sebastian said sheepishly.
Chris smiled at him, “I know.”
--
Sebastian woke to the jostling of the bed as Dodger jumper on it and nudged his nose under his arm. Peering up he couldn’t see Chris anywhere and there was no sound from the bathroom.
“Where is he Dodge?” Sebastian yawned.
There was a distinct smell of coffee and cooking as he stumbled through to the kitchen, Dodger following behind. Chris was whistling as he placed two plates on the table.
“Morning.” Sebastian mumbled.
Chris turned and smiled, “Morning handsome.”
Sebastian stifled a groan; Chris was always so cheery in the morning and it took Sebastian about an hour to function properly. He looked on the table along with breakfast was an envelope.
“What’s this?” Sebastian asked sitting down to what he knew was going to be the last breakfast they’d have together for a while.
Chris’ run on Broadway was nearly over and as much as they had both been aware of it, neither had brought it up and what it meant for them. To add more pressure, Sebastian was due to leave for filming in Europe that was going to last a couple of months. They were both so stuck in their bubble that neither wanted to be the one to burst it, but the situation hung over them like a laden cloud.
Chris pressed a kiss to Sebastian mouth before sitting across form him at the table. He pushed the envelope over the table. “Open it.”
Sebastian picked it up and pulled out a brochure for apartments in the area. “What’s this?” He asked flipping through it.
Chris finished chewing on a mouthful of eggs and cleared his throat. “I spoke to a realtor when I was looking for apartments to rent and they sent this through for me.”
“Apartments to rent?” Sebastian asked.
“No I think they are to buy.” Chris took a sip of coffee. “I must have mentioned that I had thought of buying in New York and I think they just put a portfolio together and sent it, it must be because the lease will be up on this place soon.”
Sebastian couldn’t bring himself to look up at Chris, he could feel a slight lump in throat. “Yeah soon.”
Chris reached over and took one of the brochures, “I’ve not properly looked but they aren’t far from here, I suppose I could take a look.”
“Do you want to buy in New York?”
Chris shrugged, “Never say never. I’d like to have a nosy, I’ve got a few hours to kill, fancy coming with me.”
“Sure.” Sebastian said.
After breakfast Chris made a couple calls and they went out for a stroll. They had refrained from any public displays of affection but today felt different. Maybe it was the realisation that Chris was going to be leaving soon. Chris had Dodgers lead in one hand and the other in his pocket. As soon as they turned on to a quiet street Sebastian pulled his baseball cap down and instinctively reached for Chris’s hand that was in his pocket. Chris faltered for a moment but couldn’t stop the smile as Sebastian shrugged at him and laced his fingers with his own.
Chris slowed and looked up at one of the buildings, “This is it.”
They were greeted by the agent at the entrance and followed them upstairs. Chris started a light conversation with them as they went. Sebastian hung back keeping Dodger on a tight rein. When they entered the apartment Chris in full charm mode with the realtor, so Sebastian took the opportunity to walk round while Dodge had a good sniff.
“This is obviously good open plan family and entertaining space.” Sebastian could hear Chris getting the tour, the place was furnished and Sebastian could see the appeal and he couldn’t help feeling a little excited at the prospect of Chris having a more permanent place to in the city, it felt like it mean that he might be there more.
After a short while Chris came to find Sebastian, he was looking out into the city.
“What do you think?” Chris asked.
Sebastian looked back at Chris. “It’s big.”
“Yeah but that’s ok,” Chris pulled on Sebastian’s arm “Have you seen the bedrooms?”
Sebastian followed him through, “Would you really need all this space?”
“I have this have the same size of place in LA.” Chris said
“Yeah but…” Sebastian stopped in the door of one of the rooms. “How often are you going to be here to use all this space.”
Chris walked in the room that was laid out as a home office. “What if I wasn’t the only one here?”
“Okay the odd weekend your family or buddies come to see you.” Sebastian sat at the desk chair and spun in it.
Chris lent over the desk and caught the chair Sebastian was spinning in and turned him the was looking at him. “What if you live with me?”
Sebastian just stared at Chris, “What?”
“What if I bought somewhere and you moved in.” Chris stated.
“Chris… I…”
Chris stood up and tired to calm Sebastian before he freaked out. “I know, I know it’s a big thing. I know, just think about it.”
“You want me to move into a place like this while you are on the other side of the country?” Sebastian asked.
“No,” Chris said coming around the desk and perching in the edge. “I want to be here with you Seb.”
“This is huge Chris and…”
“…And?”
Sebastian stood up and took Chris’ hands in his and searched his face for any sign of a joke. “I don’t think you are thinking this through properly Chris.”
Chris smiled sadly, “Maybe I’m not, but I know I want to be with you, to wake up next you, to welcome you home and be together.” He swallowed thickly, “I know it might seem rushed and I know I’m not meant to be putting pressure on you I just… I want that future we talk about and I don’t know how we are ever going to have it living on other sides of the country.”
Sebastian felt his heart racing; he knew everything they had been through and the fight to get where they were. The last couple of months had confirmed all his feelings for Chris and he knew he couldn’t just watch him leave to go back to his life away from him was unbearable. He wasn’t sure what was holding him back.
Sebastian could see the sheen in Chris’ eyes, he took his face in hands and kissed him tenderly. “You know I do love you.” Sebastian whispered against his lips. “I know I’ve held back I just want to make sure we don’t rush into anything, I’m scared, I’ve never been in a relationship like this before.” Sebastian tilted his head the realisation finally hitting him. “I’ve never wanted the same things and future with anyone before now.”
Chris nodded a tear falling down his cheek. “I know, neither have I.”
Sebastian wiped the tear from Chris’ cheek, “You don’t have to leave everything behind for me Chris. If we are going to do this, let’s do it together.” Chris’ eyes shot up to Sebastian’s.
“You mean…”
“I mean, stop trying to surprise me with gestures like this.” He said looking round the room. “Let’s plan it properly and plan our future together and pick a home together and have a family together.”
Chris held on to Sebastian’s hips and smiled at him. “You mean that?”
“Don’t you?” Sebastian said with a little doubt.
“With all my heart.” Chris said kissing Sebastian.
“Oh my god. We are really going to do this.” Sebastian said suddenly flushing with excitement and nerves.
Chris kissed him again, “Yeah we are, together.”
“Together.” Sebastian smiled.