Still Here - Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Reki loved Langa with all his heart. He really did. He was his best friend, after all! But sometimes, it was just so hard. It was so hard to care so much about someone who would inevitably leave him behind.
Reki wouldn’t consider himself a person who holds himself to particularly high standards. Personal growth is great, but comparison is dangerous. As soon as he starts comparing himself to others, his motivation turns to dust. And that was exactly what was happening to him right now.
There was this pressure bearing down on him that made him feel like he couldn’t ever catch his breath. Every time he took one step forward, he fell three back. He was being left behind. Left behind by the person he loved more than anyone else in the world. And that hurt. So much.
What was worse was he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t know if he should confront Langa, or let him be. He didn’t know if he should bottle up his feelings, or let them out to someone else. He didn’t want to be a nuisance - that was the least desired outcome. In the end, the option that seemed to place the least burden on anyone else was distancing himself from Langa, and subsequently, from skating.
That was really hard for Reki.
Skating had been his entire life up until this moment. But continuing on just reminded him of happier times, which would inevitably make him remember that he couldn’t have those back. But he knew this was for the best. He knew that he didn’t love skating anymore, and he was trying (in vain) not to love Langa anymore.
Langa was confused by this. At first, he thought Reki was just going through a rough patch in school, or maybe home life. He allowed Reki his distance, not wanting to seem overbearing. But minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, and days turned into weeks. Langa realized after the third week of being apart from Reki, he couldn’t handle the separation anymore. Loneliness similar to that when his dad passed away started to take over. Suddenly, skating didn’t seem as fun anymore without the person that made it fun.
That was when he knew it was time to confront Reki, whether he wanted it or not.
It was a rainy summer morning when they saw each other again.
Reki walked up to his front stoop after a night of walking aimlessly. He tended to do that fairly often now. It was easier than facing the dreams that plagued his sleep.
What he wasn’t expecting to see when he got there was Langa laying against the wall by his front door, sound asleep. Reki froze in his tracks, and suddenly his heart was pounding in his ears. “No,” he muttered softly. “I’m not ready for this.”
Langa stirred at the sound of Reki’s quiet voice. A single blue eye popped open to check its surroundings. When Langa saw Reki standing in front of him, all traces of sleep left his body. He shot up from his place on the ground and took a step towards Reki. He stopped when he noticed that Reki flinched away from him. His eyes turned down. “Reki?” he murmured.
Reki was desperately trying to get his breathing under control. His vision darkened around the edges and he was starting to feel dizzy. He felt himself begin to sway when a pair of hands latched onto his arms, trying to hold him steady. “Reki,” Langa’s voice came firmer this time. “Can you hear me?”
Reki closed his eyes in an attempt to block out the voice, failing to remember that his vision had nothing to do with his hearing. “Langa, you shouldn’t be here.”
“I want to be here,” came a response with no hesitation. “Reki, I always want to be here.”
At that, Reki snapped his head up. He hadn’t realized he had started crying until he noticed that Langa was more of a blue blur in the shape of a person instead of his regular self. He reached up to wipe his eyes, fighting against the grip on his arms. Once they were clear, he lifted his head again and held back a gasp. Langa was really here. In front of him. And he looked so beautiful.
Suddenly, any of the walls Reki had built up between himself and Langa were gone. He threw himself into Langa’s already open arms and started sobbing even more. With every rise of Langa’s chest that he felt against his own, another wave of tears rolled over him. Langa was here. In front of him. In his arms. It was so warm. So, so warm.
“I love you.”
The words were out of his mouth before he could even process them. He felt Langa’s breath hitch at the sudden exclamation. Reki lifted his head up from Langa’s shoulder. They locked eyes. The entire world around Reki turned light blue. Blue like the color of the sky when snow has just fallen. “I love you,” he repeated, more to himself than to Langa. “I love you so much.”
There was a pair of slightly chapped lips covering his own not even a second later. The blue turned black, and it took Reki a moment to realize that was because he had closed his eyes. The arms around his body clutched at the back of his shirt, and his cheeks were wet with the tears of himself and the boy he loved. This was it. This was home. Not skating anymore. Langa. Langa was home.
Langa was still here.