It’s a little known fact really, with all of Bucky’s physical enhancements anyone would have assumed he was more efficient with his energy usage and that he could live with less food than an ordinary person (much like Steve who could last at least four to five weeks with no intake of food). This however was very untrue and in fact was the complete opposite of how his body acted, see Bucky was not efficient and required more calories than anyone else in the Avengers; though Bruce was pretty much even given how much he needed to consume after transforming into the Hulk.
While Bucky knew and understood this fact he had never been good with reading his body or knowing when he needed something, unless he was physically in pain or bleeding. This was one of the things left in his system after HYDRA and no matter how he tried to shake it off it just seemed to always reappear. It was also a little known fact that whenever Bucky’s blood sugar levels dropped too low he became highly irritable and agitated at the slightest thing, resembling the actions of a child who hadn’t eaten in a long period of time.
Either way the only person was aware of this was, of course, Steve who had frequently gone out and bought snacks in order to feed his metal-armed assassin friend when he was reaching a level of irritable that might be noticeable to the other members of his team. But of course, all secrets eventually get into others hands and this one is no different, here’s the story of how It happened.
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It had been one horrendous mission for the group and when I say horrendous I really mean it, a nasty trip. Sure in the end they had gotten the information that S.H.I.E.L.D had required, but not unscathed as they would have all liked. Bucky was sat in the infirmary back at the base when he had felt it, a sort of uncomfortable feeling sitting just below his chest and in his abdomen; he just brushed it off as another side injury from the close call during scouting in which he had let his eyes slip off target for only a moment and everything had spiralled. Just another injury to add to the multitude of bruises and lacerations across his face and right arm.
He knew that he really shouldn’t have let his gaze falter and he shouldn’t have had to fall back as much as he had, but something had been in the back of his mind since getting on the plane and he just hadn’t been able to focus properly with it constantly nagging in the back of his head. It reminded him of an old mother hen nagging at her children over something stupid and small; he couldn’t help laugh internally at the immediate connection that his mind made between a mother hen and his best friend.
He looked up when he heard the heavy footsteps and sigh of said friend as he walked into the infirmary, shutting the door and turning back to Barnes with his arms crossed over his chest and a sad look on his face. “You okay?”
His voice was soft and caring but his posture warned Buck that Steve was a little upset at someone, most likely him, but was trying to put the safety of everyone before his own emotions.
“Yeah…. Look before you say anything about what happened. I don’t know”
Steve let out a huff of air, “Idiot you could have gotten yourself killed, it’s not like you to not completely focus on a target”
Buck almost grinned at the irony but the faint feeling in his abdomen and the nagging in his head started up again and stopped his lips from even trying to pull upwards.
“I know, something just felt off” he shrugged before giving Steve a look that pretty much begged him to drop the subject.
Nothing more was mentioned on that topic and as Steve sat down next to his friend neither of them could stop themselves gravitating to the other in hopes for a little familiarity. Steve’s arm wound around Buck’s shoulder and rested on the cool metal on the other side, “Fury mentioned a meeting over the mission… From what I gather it will either involve the stuff we returned with, you know the research documents or whatever was on that hard-drive disk thing, or it will involve what we are gonna be doing next since our target now knows of us.” He explained the arrangement in a soft voice, eye blankly staring at the opposite wall as if he could see the future within the shiny white tiles. All he got was a grunt of acknowledgement as a reply. “you need to be there too…. He wants everyone in the room, and since you are still conscious that does in fact count you as well” Again another shrug and grunt from his friend who seemed to be away with thought, eyebrows pulled together in a way that was barely noticeable to others.
“Can all of the avengers taking part in mission RFD come to the meeting room, I expect to start within five minutes so don’t be late”
A crackly voice resounded around the room, rather effectively snapping both super soldiers out of their dazes and kicking them both into gear as they stood. Bucky grabbed his jacket with his metal arm and threw it on over his bandages, covering them all with the exception of the one on his cheek.
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The room was filled with powerful assassins, soldiers and superhuman by the time both of the males made it up to where they needed to be. The meeting room was rather large and yet most of the chairs were full so they both decided to linger by the door, leaning against the wall. Steve had adopted a straighter position, hands by his sides as he tuned into the conversations around the room, Bucky however stood with hands in his pockets; one foot on the wall as he looked around the room with a bored expression.
That’s when Fury sat down, shuffling a pile of papers and holding a certain hard drive in his hand. “I’m assuming you all know what this is” he started, gaining everyone’s full attention within one sentence, controlling the room as usual.
Now meetings were never an interesting topic and it didn’t take very long before most people had begun to lose focus, some glancing around the room and others trying to make their friends laugh by doing the most stupid things and hoping not to get caught. It never ended well when someone got caught. Never.
By this time about eighty percent of people had been lost to the boring explanations recounting the mission or explaining the importance of the disk for S.H.I.E.L.D and its future. They didn’t care about that; they had just done their job as asked. Except that’s where things began to change, Fury coughed and fell silent waiting for people to refocus on him. The atmosphere changed, growing heavier until everyone was squirming under the uncomfortable silence.
“Now, I want to go over what went wrong with this mission. How on earth this group managed to figure out we were there and why no one shut them down before a message could be relayed to other bases. Care to explain this to me. Anyone?”
A scoff could be heard, “If your gonna blame anyone for this fuckup blame the Winter Soldier over there or ‘Ghost’ if you would prefer” he rolled his eyes as he let the frustration seep out of his lips and taint the words like a poison. “Thought you were made for assassination missions Barnes, didn’t you know that part of an assassination is scoping out your damn target which requires you to watch the damn target in the first place!” he growls out, tone growing louder.
“Enough” Fury spoke in a calm tone, eye shifting between Bucky and Tony. “I don’t want to hear the sarcasm, speak facts and nothing else if you are going to speak at all”.
“Alright fine” Tony smiled eyes watching Buck and malice burning behind them. “Mr Winter Soldier couldn’t keep his eyes on his target, they managed to get under his radar and someone spotted him, an intern it seemed like when I looked through the camera I had wired up to him.”
“Yeah, things kinda got outa hand after that. Apparently there were more weapons at their disposal than we initially accounted for and it wasn’t long before everyone in the building was aware of an intrusion and everyone was armed to the teeth” Clint muttered. “I’d been in the vents so I was mostly fine, no one looked there for the whole event which was why me and Tash were still able to get the disk with little to no problems”
Nat nodded in agreement, eyes landing on Clint as the pair exchanged a small smile.
Bucky rolled his eyes, of course he was having all the blame pinned on him it hadn’t been his fault something had felt off in his head. The discomfort in his abdomen had become worse throughout the meeting and he was beginning to get more than a little ticked off that no one was going to defend him.
“So what your telling me, is that Barnes is the reason for the mission almost turning to a complete failure?”
“Yep” Tony smirked, leaning back in his chair. “And he can’t even deny it cause even he knows that it’s his fault we ended up picking up the pieces of his mistake”
Fury’s eyebrows pulled together, “didn’t I tell you not to speak unless telling me facts, I don’t need you being a little shit and if you’re going to act that way Stark ill have you punished” Stark scoffed again at this but went quiet all the same, having learnt his lesson than to push the head of S.H.I.E.L.D.
“Now Barnes, is it true that you let your guard down? Is that the cause of your injuries and subsequent trip to the infirmary?” All he got back was a nod. “Use your words Barnes I’m not in the mood”
Steve’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked over his friend who seemed to be frustrated and was literally shaking with emotion. He couldn’t understand what the matter was, the only possible reasoning that Cap could come up with was that Bucky felt guilty for messing up. “Guys…. Ease up, you being rather har-” he’s cut off when Tony bursts into laugher.
“God I was right! He really can’t defend himself!” that’s when Bucky snapped.
Eyes, that often didn’t show anything thanks to his dampened emotional state, flashed with an anger. A pure unrestrained anger. He forced himself off the wall with his metal arm, putting a dent in it in the process, and turned with a force that was enough to warn anyone to stay out of his way. His heavy footsteps sounded through the corridor as he left, before the door shut quietly effectively leaving the room in silence.
“I-I should go and make sure he’s okay” Steve muttered before turning to head off after his friend. That was before Fury stopped him.
“Romanov will go; I want to discuss something with you. As for the rest of you, go back to your places and think about what could have gone better on your end. Either that or train to better yourself, Stark I’ll be discussing your punishment with you at a later date when I’m not busy.”
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Natasha had begun her search for the metal-armed assassin a while ago, she had been to at least four possible retreat spots that Bucky usually used and her final guess was the roof. It was always the roof.
The bolt to the roof slid open, locking mechanism reading her facial features and unlocking without hesitation. “Bucky?” She called out, making herself known in case he decided to attack thinking she was someone else. He was sporadic like that and she had gotten used to announcing herself around him.
She stepped out onto the gravelled floor and spotted the black jacket hung over the railing, she moved faster eyes widening at the jacket; at least until she noticed the man in question pacing back and forth, one hand fiddling with the bandage on his cheek and the other pulling at the bottom of his shirt. As she approached she heard a multitude of languages streaming from the fellow assassin’s lips, some of languages she knew very well and others she was less certain off. What she did recognise however was the frequent cursing within the speech and it made her roll her eyes at the fowl mouth of the man who had come from a time of gentlemen and good behaviour.
“Bucky… hey” she muttered, stepping in front of the pacing man and getting his attention. “You okay? ... I mean, of course you not okay but are you any better now you’ve done your pacing around thing?” her hand rested on the taller male’s shoulder as he glanced at her with stormy unreadable eyes.
“Just so you know…. I don’t think it’s all your fault, they all could have acted better to prevent word spreading and such” She sighed when he looked away and his shoulders sagged a little under her hand’s weight. They were both silent for a moment, just a few seconds passing before a small and distinct growl was heard reminding Nat more of a gurgling toddler than any growl a creature would make. “When was it since you last ate?” she asked, tilting her head and letting her hair slip to one side obscuring a little of her vision.
“Not since last night I guess” he mumbled, eyes shutting as he shifted on his feet.
“what do you mean not since last night? You went on a mission without eating?” She asks, mildly dumfounded at the fact that he hadn’t thought to eat when he was always so prepared with his weapons and making sure he had everything he needed. He nodded “should I have? I wasn’t that hungry then” he seemed genuinely unaware that he should have eaten when he didn’t really need to waste food by eating so frequently.
Back at HYDRA he would have been given a meal a day if lucky and forced to ‘train’ the other Winter Soldiers until he couldn’t stand and passed out; food had always been a thing only consumed when absolutely necessary because there apparently wasn’t a lot of it in the HYDRA base he had been kept at. This of course was a lie, the handlers just preferred eating his portions and had kept him on as little as possible for an added restriction in his life, it also helped limit his strengths when a mind wipe was due and they didn’t need him destroying things.
Nat hummed and stepped away from him, “You stay put and ill grab you something from downstairs… anything you want in particular?” she asked as she turned her back, throwing a last glance over her shoulder when he didn’t answer. She muttered something under her breath and strode off, planning on getting back quickly to prevent him working himself up again.
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It was a surprise for both parties involved when Natasha bumped straight into Steve in front of the vending machines. Her thoughts had been wondering when it had happened, mainly focusing on how he had gone without food for so long. Steve on the other hand had just turned, planning on finding Bucky himself and checking up on his state.
“Nat?” He asked, raising an eyebrow when she jumped back. “…. sorry Rogers, was lost in thought. Um….” She looked at where she was and pulled a note from her pocket. He laughed softly, “Were the snacks calling for you too? Pretty good to have something sweet after a mission; I’ve found fruit is good for celebratory snacking because its sweet and not bad for you”
Natasha sighed and shook her head, “I need something with some substance to it…. Did you know Bucky hasn’t eaten since last night?” she asked, assuming the answer was a no when the silence lingered a little longer than usual. When she looked up, a few bags of random food items in her hands, she noticed the concerned and thoughtful look on her fellow Avengers face.
“Where is Buck?” Cap asked softly, following her when she turned away his eyes filled with worry. She didn’t answer while she attempted to hold the variety of snacks in her arms. “where is he?”
“Roof” was her only reply as she slipped in the elevator to the top floor and roof access point. The rest of the trip was silent, well mostly silent except for the fact that Steve kept rustling his yogurt covered raisins packet. As the door to the roof opened, Steve practically bolted out leaving Nat to huff and make sure the door was locked while holding enough snacks for a small picnic. She wasn’t surprised at what she saw when turning around.
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Bucky and Steve were both on the floor, Steve on his knees and gesturing frantically with his hands. The interaction was comedic to say the least, and Nat could practically hear the tone of voice Steve had as he went into a full blown rant. Bucky however was just sat there, eyes down as he looked at the packet of raisins mind focused completely on the food and not at all on the scolding he was getting from Steve.
Eventually Steve relaxed and calmed down enough for Nat to risk walking over to the pair. “I got you stuff Barnes” she muttered, throwing the food items down on top of her friend’s head.
They both watched as the hungry man opened things and ate them quickly, shoulders relaxing as he did so and his overall aura becoming more at peace. Nat and Steve sat quietly until the question that had been lingering in the back of her mind finally became too much to not ask about. “Steve… What’s up with Bucky and not eating? Is it common? Does it link to his outburst in the meeting?” she asked the questions quickly and in succession of one another eyes watching his face for a reaction.
“Its uh…. Complicated. Yeah” he hummed, rubbing his arm as he kept his eyes focused on his best friend.
“I don’t care. We have time, so explain”
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With the strict instruction to explain, Steve’s eyes became unfocused a million-mile stare setting over him as he gazed almost through Bucky who was focused on eating.
“It’s a lingering effect of his trauma as far as I know. He burns calories quicker than I do, due to us having different serums in our system, and yet during his time under HYDRA he apparently was never given the required amount of food, or sustenance in general, to cover what he burned. The way he explained it was never really recognising when he was felt hungry due to being used to the feeling. Just feeling a distinct discomfort in his abdomen and head when his blood sugar drops too low.” He took a breath before carrying on.
“This logically speaking would explain the outburst and from experience I know that’s probably what caused it, on top of other things. It may also have been the reason for his mistake during the mission in the first place if you say he hadn’t eaten since last night.”
He fell quiet as he watched Bucky finish the last of the food that had been brought for him, a small smile of satisfaction now adorned his lips as he looked up at the two of them, eyebrows raising when he realised they were both staring. “guys?” he asked softly, looking back and forth between them.
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From that point onwards the two made a deal to always keep some form of emergency food on their person at all times. Steve personally found it much easier to have someone else he could rely on to give his Bucky snacks if he was out of range or on a solo mission/patrol. Natasha found it almost entertaining to see the change in Bucky’s attitude after having his blood sugar levels boosted to a more acceptable place and the other Avengers. Well the other Avengers didn’t find out the reason behind Nat and Steve’s sudden obsession with having snacks stored in every place possible, and if they were being honest they just collectively assumed it was the two of them enjoying food too much.
Bucky didn’t have this kind of incident again on a mission and his reputation for being one of the best assassins and scouters returned rather quickly when he was the saviour of the next mission, one which ironically Tony had messed up due to his over-confident attitude. They later both agreed that from that point that on no one would put anyone else down if an error was made on duty, accepting that mistakes happen to everyone.