The Shovel Talk
Peter doesn’t know how to feel about Happy and May dating. He assumes that it happened within the time that he was- those five years. Don’t get him wrong, he’s extremely happy for May and he couldn’t choose someone better than Happy Hogan. But all the new changes after what people call the “Infinity Age”, which is such a beautiful name for something so terrifying, has been something he can’t just get over.
May had actually pointed out that since he found out, Peter has been more defensive around Happy. Going as far as defying him completely or avoiding conversations with him. It’s not that Peter doesn’t like him, it’s just that he doesn’t know what he’ll say. With all the stress and anxiety of his… return, his filter on words is kind of limited. He doesn’t know if he’ll say something that he shouldn’t.
So when May had told him that she was going out for dinner with him, Peter decided it was time to give Happy the talk. It’s been three years- or eight, but he chooses to avoid that- since May has been in a relationship with someone. After Ben died, she preferred to act as a single mom, saying something about how single moms have more dignity. But Peter is pretty sure that was just a ploy to avoid the fact that she was falling apart without Ben.
Now, here he was, pretending to watch TV, while actually waiting until Happy got there. May had retreated into the bathroom by the time that Peter heard a knock on the door. He glanced at the clock- 6:20- ten minutes earlier than he said. Perfect. He got up and walked silently to the door. When he opened it, there stood Happy dressed in a dark gray suit and flowers in his hand.
“Happy,” Peter nodded, sticking his hand out. Happy took his hand firmly and shook it, wincing slightly. If Peter used a bit of his strength in the handshake, he chose to ignore it.
“Hi, Peter. I haven’t seen you enough lately. Is May ready yet?” Happy asked, beginning to step into the apartment. He was stopped in place by Peters' hand on his shoulder before he could get fully in. Peter looked over to him, the two shoulder to shoulder.
“No, she’ll be a couple of minutes. Why don’t you come in and have a seat?” Peter requested. It was a simple request, but the sharp look he was offering caused the slightest bit of tension between them.
“Sorry kid, I didn’t mean any disrespect. I’m not used to you being here just yet. Not that I don’t want you here, it’s just- ya know,” Happy rambled, fidgeting under Peters gaze. He tried to continue to make conversation as they finally sat down in the living room. “Hey, isn’t it your birthday soon? Are you going to choose to add on the five years or no? That’d make you either twenty-two or seventeen.”
The color drained from Peters' face, but he hardened his jaw and looked to Happy. “Seventeen, Happy. I wasn’t even alive to celebrate those other birthdays so I’m still a kid,” Peter answered harshly.
Happy is dumb and he could admit it. He was nervous for his date and Peter was looking at him so intensely that he totally forgot about Peters connection with the whole Infinity Age. He often forgot that Peter faced all the same things as a soldier coming back from war. Because that’s exactly what he is. A soldier who faced the biggest threat in the universe. On top of that though, he was a kid who watched his uncle and almost-dad die brutal deaths. A kid who was given extraordinary abilities and fought against people who were trying to kill him all the time. A kid who has faced so much more trauma in his short life than Happy ever has.
So when he saw Peters' eyes glaze over and his face go blank, it terrified him. The contrast between when they met and now is almost like a completely different person. Where Peters' eyes used to light up, they now darken. Happy wishes that he didn’t have to go through any of that, but he did. And Happy just threw it back in his face.
“Look, Peter, I’m sorry. I know it’s been hard, especially after Tony-” Happy began, only to be cut off by the glass that Peter had picked up shattering in his hands.
“Don’t,” Peter almost growled, “Don’t you dare bring that up in front of me. You don’t have that right. You weren’t on that battlefield. You have no idea.”
Happy stared at Peter, his heart shattering like the glass. He was only hurting the kid more. He couldn’t bring himself to talk. Peter sighed deeply before throwing on the facade again. Something no kid should be able to do.
“What time will you have her home?” Peter changed the subject so fast that Happy almost got whiplash.
“Wha- oh May. I’ll have her home by 8:30 at least,” Happy confirmed. He knew that Peter was about to give him the shovel talk. But with Peter, he knew this wouldn’t be a normal one. Hell, he’s a superpowered kid who has protected his single aunt for years after she became widowed due to her husband being stabbed. Normal was out of the question.
“I like you Happy,” Peter began lowly, “but I love my aunt more. She has faced far more heartbreak than anyone I know (‘except maybe you, kid’ Happy thought) and she doesn’t need any more of it. So if you decide that you’re going to go ahead and cause just that. Just know that we will have problems. And I know that you know, that's not a fight you’re going to win. Until you become the best man in her life, I will always know what’s going on. If you cause her pain, you’ll never stop feeling like something is watching you from the shadows. It’ll drag on like an endless loop of hell. Do you understand?”
Happy didn’t know that it was even possible for Peter to seem as threatening as he does now. He felt like he was the kid and Peter was the adult. The whole conversation sent a chill down his spine. He knows he would never want Peter on his tail. The kid has some crazy scary powers that Happy can’t even imagine going up against. Him going out for blood would be a guaranteed death for Happy.
“Y-yes I do. I promise I will never hurt May intentionally. I will value her over myself because she is a wonderful woman who deserves the world,” Happy answered, not wanting this to last any longer.
Peter pulled a tight-lipped smile, “Good, I’m glad we are on the same page.”
Just as he finished, May came out of the bathroom. She was dressed in a dark maroon dress that just reached her knees and had a belt around the waist. Her hair was curled, complementing the lace on the dress, and her makeup matching the color perfectly. Peter looked at her with a smile just as Happy got up to retrieve the flowers.
“Oh May you look beautiful,” Peter said as he wrapped his arms around her for a hug. “Happy and I were just talking. He said something about taking you to a wonderful Italian restaurant.”
Happy had no idea how Peter even knew that when he noticed the two tickets in Peters' hand. The tickets that were in his pocket not five minutes ago. What. The. Hell. Peter turned to Happy with a smug smile on his face, handing the tickets back.
Yeah, Happy seriously didn’t want to mess with him.