The world was burning. Or maybe that was just his interpretation as the ship finally landed, perhaps a little broken and battered from their travel and the scratches it had gotten from the meteor shower that Thanos had brought on them as he threw an entire planet at him, but functioning none the less.
Well, way more functional as the people that it contained.
Yup, the world was burning.
The stab wound he had so skillfully 'healed' had caused severe internal bleeding, that was the report FRIDAY had given him as soon as she was within reach again. The bruises and other scars he and his newfound friend -he had allowed himself to call her a friend. When one is trapped on an alien planet with an alien who seemed to have even worse mental issues as you have you will bond rather quickly- had obtained in battle were slowly healing, not fast and not well enough for his liking but they were.
The ship had taken a surprisingly long time to get them to earth.
Of course, with two people flying it that had not been able to fly this specific ship before it wouldn't be a surprise. The hyperjump Nebula had told him about they weren't able to find and the motor was so battered that they could only go on a certain speed before it would shut itself off.
So they travelled for a week.
And by the time the ship made contact with the ground, two hospital wagons and three police cars already on sight as they had called one as soon as they were able to contact any type of phone -hearing somebody else's voice besides his own or nebula's felt almost odd, a reminder that there were still others- and made them send an ambulance.
He hadn't wanted them to do so, muttering that it wasn't necessary, but after he explained to the younger female what an ambulance actually was, she insisted on getting them one.
So this was it.
They sat their first foot on earth after their lives had been ripped apart.
Alive and well.
Though... well was a rather odd way to describe their situation.
Alive.
Stark fell, the alien not able to catch him in time, as soon as his feet touched the grass.
All defences he had kept up so long they had blurred the edges of what was him and what was the man in the mask suddenly powering down.
The days without food as they had both been too tired or too overtaken by grief to get up, the injuries he was sure of that at least half of them were infected, an on the go nano parts spray only goes so far. The mental scars, some painfully fresh while other, older once, had been scratched open.
And the all-consuming, neverending grief and worry.
Because he had snapped. And people had died. And god he didn't know who had. And what if it was his team. And what if it was Rhodey or Happy. And what if it was Pepper.
As soon as he was picked up and laid on a stretcher, straps over his body as if they were afraid he'd tried to get away, Nebula let herself sink down onto one of the other stretchers they had put out for them.
They seemed to think more people would be making it back.
Oh god.
His hands, that had not stopped shaking since Titan, tried to grab onto his chest where the piece that held the little bit that was left of the nanoparticles was stationed, arc reactor gone but memories still hurting his chest.
Of course, he couldn't, the straps were there for a reason after all.
A few people clad in hospital attire, rushed over to him, one putting an oxygen mask over his mouth while another tried to talk to him, asked if he understood and if he could hear them.
He wasn't able to reply.
His mind conveniently provided him with flashes of possible situations the others could be in.
Happy sitting on the floor of Pepper's office, trying to get together every last bit of the ash that had replaced the most beautiful woman Tony had ever encountered.
Sam's eyes widening as Steve stared at him and then at the Wintersoldier before he fell to the floor.
Before he was able to hit it he had already dusted.
Natascha grabbing onto Clint as he fell apart in her trembling hands.
The 'what if' became worse and worse as every single scenario played out like a movie in his mind.
He snapped back into the land of the living as he heard her voice.
"Let me through! I'm- I'm his wife please I- Tony! Tony god you're alive. you're-..."
His eyes flew open as he began to struggle against the straps that held him down.
The men now trying to calm him down stepping aside as a woman rushed over to them, practically throwing the two policemen that tried to hold her back aside.
Her hair was greasy, eyes dark with grief and sunken into their sockets. Her face seemed thin like she hadn't been eating properly and her clothes were everything that they never were; stains covering the white blouse that peeked out underneath the hoodie he recognised as his own that was pulled close to her frame, leggings peeking out from underneath the shirt. She was walking on her socks and looked like the dictionary definition of a hot mess.
To him, she had never been more beautiful.
"He Pep."
His voice was hoarse and slightly muffled under the oxygen mask. She didn't seem to mind.
She let out a shuddering breath at his sight and very carefully put her hands on either side of his face, cupping his cheeks as he just stared at her, memorizing every part of her like it was the first time he saw her.
The way her nose curved, the slight bumps on her skin, the way her brows frowned while still smiling so wide it almost looked painful.
"You're alive."
"So are you."
It was then that she finally kissed him, the confirmation he had been craving. It confirmed that she was real. Alive and in his arms and his.
"God I've missed you"
***
As it turns out his fear had only been partly confirmed. He had asked for them to take him to the other Avengers, wherever they may be.
Pepper had complained and denied him to do so at first, seeing as he was still sat in a wheelchair after they had found out one of his lungs had pierced and collapsed.
His only comment had been "Must be why I felt like I suddenly had asthma since Titan."
They asked him what had happened for it to do so. What had happened that he was coughing up blood for the time that they had travelled through space and one full day on earth before they knew how to stop it.
He hadn't replied. Just shaken his head as he leaned back in the bed they had stationed him in, the heart monitor that was attached to him showing everyone that his heart rate had picked up slightly after the question was asked.
After that, they asked Nebula, who had been laid just next door and was treated like every human patient except for the fact that they didn't dare to use medicine on her, who knows what was poisonous for her and what wasn't.
Nebula just stared at them blankly, the warrior she had abandoned in the week they had to spend on the ship had returned, steel gaze never wavering as she responded.
"He was stabbed with his own blade by the mad Titan."
She wouldn't answer any other questions after that, her only words being "I'm going with him" as she was informed of the fact that Tony would be going to Wakanda, the place where the remaining Avengers were residing after the snap.
***
There had been a fight.
Obviously, there had been a fight.
And they had lost.
As Tony was pushed out of the jet by Nebula -the Alien had refused to be seated in one herself as she claimed her wounds had healed enough- he was greeted by a woman far too young to be called queen or Black Panther, she seemed to think the same, face clouded with grief as she led them towards the entrance of the castle and into the living quarters in which they would meet the other Avengers.
He didn't ask about T'Challa. Assuming the worst had become their best guess since the snap.
The wheelchair squeaked a bit as it stopped next to one of the large, comfy looking chairs, Nebula going around to help him stand and sit down again, this time on said chair.
He didn't struggle or argue to do it himself, not anymore.
Three minutes and the doors on their left opened, revealing a few guards before they stepped aside to let in the people that they were waiting for.
And slowly they walked in, each looking more wrung out than the one that stepped in before.
And he was counting them, heart heavy and eyes focused on each face individually.
The first to come in was Natascha, her hair was white now, cut short and frizzy like she hadn't had a care in taking care of it, her eyes focused on Tony, a broken smile twitching at her lips as she nodded her head in greeting before she sat down.
Bruce, the man looked smaller, a few cuts and scratches covering his face like he had been fighting. (Tony vaguely remembers how the Hulk wouldn't come out while they were in new york, wondering if it had been the same here) Opposite of Natascha, he walked over to Tony and gave him a tight hug, the later noticing how the man was trembling almost as bad as he himself.
"Where is Strange? And the kid... are they-...?" Tony didn't answer as Bruce peeled himself off of the man and sat down next to Natascha, her right arm wrapping around his shoulders, effectively pulling him closer to her. Bruce didn't seem to mind.
Next was someone or thing that was unknown to him, a racoon-like creature, seeming to carry the weight of the entire world on his shoulders as he came in.
Though his eyes had been hopeful.
That was until he noticed how only Nebula and the older man were in the room.
He looked at the alien, hurt flooding his eyes in the form of hot tears as he let out a whine.
"Nebula where- where are they. Where's Quill and Gamora? Mantis? e-even that sack of muscles without a brain I don't care they can't-"
Nebula only shook her head and wrapped her arms around the creature Tony would later on learn was called rocket, it started to cry silently as the alien pressed him against her chest, burying her head in his fur.
Tony realised this was the first time he had actually seen her cry.
After the racoon, Thor walked in.
Contrary to the man's expectation, he wasn't crushed in one of the gods infamous hugs.
Instead, he got a nod from a wrecked looking Thor, eyes dull -one another colour might I add- hair cut short while his usual armour was replaced or at least covered by a long green cape that he had clutched close to his body.
Bruce, after seeing Tony making a face at Thor's appearance, provided him with at least a smither of explanation as he bowed towards him slightly to whisper 'He has been cold every since Loki went.'
The way the man talked about the god of mischief was surprising to Stark, seeing as they had all mutually agreed that he was a lost cause after new york, the fond tone -grief laced thick within it- told him that something had happened to change that.
"Stark. You're alive"
He marvelled at how small the god's voice sounded, broken beyond words.
Though he still received the hug after a small nod, finding the god was also shivering underneath the rough material of the cape.
"Don't leave us again friend Stark, we have made enough sacrifices."
Tony just nodded again, finding it hard to breathe even after he was released from the deathtrap that was Thor's grip.
As Thor sat down on the other end of the couch, next to Bruce who seemed way friendlier with the god then they used to be. Remembering Bruce's words as he first saw him again, they must've travelled together through space for a while.
"Tones."
Rhodey was alive.
Rhodey was alive and giving him a hug for what felt like moments but could've been minutes long.
They were both crying, he realised as he felt the fabric on his shoulder stick to his skin, it wet with salty droplets he saw rolling down his best friends cheeks as he finally pulled away.
"Don't you dare scare us like that again you beautiful piece of shit. You had me shed my man tears Tones. I mean fuck! we thought you were a goner as well."
"I'm glad you're alive Rhodes. God, I was so terrified you'd be gone. You'd all be gone but here you are! It's basically Christmas! Bring in the others come on!" He laughed quietly, voice cracking at the words because he knew it wasn't true that they were all fine. Because Natascha should be sitting next to Clint and not looking as if she had seen a kitten being devoured by a cheetah.
And Rhodey and Sam should we walking side by side while Thor grinned widely at all of them.
And Steve should be plotting to kill him together with his old assassin boyfriend.
Steve.
"Hello, Tony."
Said man's head shot up from where it had been facing the ground, meeting the steel-blue eyes of Steve fucking Rogers himself.
"Steve."
The silence was all-consuming as they simply looked at each other, trying to figure out how to react or act after their parting ways.
That is. that was what he was doing until Steve whispered 'fuck it' and wrapped him up in his arms.
He was shaking also, Tony noticed (god they all were weren't they) and the hug was uncharacteristically light like he was scared to harm Tony.
Which was dumb really seeing as he had tried beating him to death before leaving him in the snow two years ago.
But there was no time for holding grudges anymore. Not after their lives had crumbled in their hands.
As he looked over Steve's shoulder the hallway they had come out of was empty. There was nobody else standing in the doorway to come to greet him with a shy wave, grim nod or bone crushing hug.
No Wanda, no Vision, no Sam, no Clint. And, he realised, no Barnes.
"The rest. Are they-..."
"Clint is alive, though he said he wanted to be with his kids as their mother and sibling dusted."
Rhodey said it quietly like the words would have less impact if they weren't that loud.
But Tony's stomach turned at the idea of Clint's wife and child fading right in front of him. And Natascha bawled her fists as she stood, excusing herself before walking quickly towards another door, Bruce following her after a moment, face twisted by worry.
They sat in silence, the Raccoon having placed itself on Nebula's lap -'Highly unusual, he would've normally shot off my arm if I even tried to touch him.'- And the people that had still been standing taking a seat on one of the many chairs and couches.
Except for Rhodey, who simply sat down on the armrest of his chair, seemingly wanting to either be as close as possible or not let him out of sight for even a moment.
It reminded him of the fear he had overcome just days ago, him watching Nebula's every move on the ship, afraid she would turn to dust if he didn't look at her, even refusing to sleep or go to the bathroom until she forced him to do so.
As the two Avengers came back Natascha's eyes were red, fists still bawled as she sat on her earlier claimed place in silence.
Another minute of silence laid heavy on the people present as they all worked up the courage to speak up about what had happened, how to fix it. Surely there must be some way to fix it.
"Did Fury or Maria contact any of you already? Surely they've come up with a foolproof plan as soon as it happened."
"Maria is gone."
"Well, I'm sure Fury would still be-"
"Fury is as well."
That made him stop in his track, stunned beyond words really.
He had never once thought about the fact that Fury could have been dusted too.
The man had always seemed like an unstoppable force, having come back from the dead more than once and not planning on staying in his grave any time soon.
"We- we can work out something then. I'm sure there's some way to- to bring him-... them, back."
That terrible silence laid itself on the room once more, only interrupted shortly by the young queen that entered in silence, sitting down on one of the empty chairs, seemingly wanting to be part of whatever conversation they were going to have.
"Mister Stark, what happened while you were in outer space?"
He looked at the girl, her voice making him realise she was way younger then he had thought her to be. God, she was about his age, wasn't she? That alone made him feel nauseous, not wanting to tell the story in fear of getting on the girl's bad side. He was the reason why Thanos had gotten the timestone after all. He was the reason T'Challa and so many others had died and god he couldn't breathe.
But, as soon as the question was asked, the atmosphere in the room changed dramatically and he quickly realised she wasn't the only one wanting to know what had happened by a long shot.
All eyes now were on him, occasional glances at Nebula made her get up quickly, Rocket still pressed against her chest tightly like a newborn, his tail hanging flatly, fur matted, as she left the room. Leaving him to do the explaining by himself. Great.
"Why don't you all start with what kind of Hellfest went on down here?"
The attempt to lighten the mood fell flat, lost in translation because of the absence of enthusiasm or a reason to joke about as Thor now shook his head.
"We will tell the events in order. As the snap happened in Wakanda he must've been to you first. I assume you were on Titan correct? Because that is where the other Guardians had gone and the rabbit asked his friend where they were?"
Tony simply nodded along, not even starting with asking why the hell Thor called the racoon a rabbit or how he knew about the Guardians.
"Thor, I think that means that we should start."
Bruce's voice was possibly even more quiet and timid then it had been before he had gone off on the jet, hands fidgeting, seemingly not able to keep eye contact with any of them and instead, facing the floor.
The god nodded slowly to the man's suggestion, Tony noting how his shoulders visibly sagged and he took a shuddering breath before starting, thus sparing Bruce from having to explain the complicated story himself and thereby also making it far less complicated.
"I went back to Asgard to find Loki not only alive but disguised as Odin. We found my real father in Norway where he told us we had a sister who is also the goddess of death and who, conveniently so, turned up right after he died then and there."
"Maybe we should keep it short Thor. To... not overcomplicate things?"
"Sorry Banner I shall try. In short yes. Loki was alive, I lost my father, had a sister but had to kill her and thereby destroy Asgard, I found Banner on an alien planet which was convenient though they made me cut off my hair. Lost my eye. Ultimately lost half of my people, my best friend and my brother to the mad Titan before Bruce was sent to earth and I met the Guardians that then split into two groups, one coming to earth and one going to knowhere to face him themselves."
"I am going to pretend I understood everything you said and that that wasn't gibberish to me for at least 48%."
"Tony for once in your life take things seriously for just a moment, half the fucking universe is dead."
The joke didn't help once again but he couldn't seem to turn them off. They were like his twisted fucked up form of dealing with bad situations. Not that America's golden boy would understand how complex and deeply and thoroughly fucked up he actually was.
"Sorry, Steve." Was all he could get out, sounds suddenly hard to produce, the lump in his throat had grown to an exceptional size.
"Do not worry friend Stark I understand. Dealing with grief through humour is something that is surprisingly common amongst mortals... among other races."
The god of thunder looked down, the smile on his face looking painfully forced and for a split second Tony wondered how grand the pile of repressed emotional scaring Thor was sitting on must be before Bruce quickly took over, knowing his friend would not do well if anyone were to ask if he was alright.
"When I landed in new York Thanos already had the space- and powerstone and had gone to find the others. I was brought to Tony by Doctor Strange- Yes he was a wizard for the once wondering how he did get me to him -Thor I think you've met him right? Two aliens had come to earth to get the timestone that strange held with him so we tried to protect it... Well, I was sent off because the other guy wouldn't come out then either and then-"
"The kid showed up to help us out."
The faces turned from Bruce to Tony again, the man's voice suddenly seeming to match every other aspect of his form; tired.
"Spiderman, you know the one that stole your child cap? you get the point. So the kid wanted to help out, but Strange got beamed up into this spaceship, and the kid was trying to get him down because I had told him to get him out of trouble. He wouldn't have been on that ship if it hadn't been for me.
Anyway, I went and got on the ship as well, and we managed to get the remaining alien out into space, but we didn't know how to turn the ship around so after a crash landing we had arrived on Titan."
"That is..."
"Where we met the Guardians yes. A woman called Gamora had been taken by the titan and they were there to get her back and to cut off his raisin head of course.
I won't go into detail too much. We lost the fight, mainly because of me, the stone was given to Thanos because I couldn't handle a stab wound and he went away."
He had said it flatly, tone emotionless and eyes dead, though the now almost familiar sting in his midsection, around the area that had still not healed, the stitched stretching with every move.
But suddenly everyone spoke up at once.
"He had already gotten four stoned before that you couldn't have possibly-"
"So my brother dying was your fault then coloniser?"
"Bucky died because you couldn't keep up with the -"
"My newborn nephew is fucking dead Stark I swear-"
"Guys I'm sure there's a good reason as to why he-"
"SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN!"
Nebula stood in the doorway, Rocket now standing next to the extremely pissed looking alien, still down looking but not hard determination had settled within his eyes.
Though Nebula looked infuriated.
"He-" She started, pointing at Tony who, given the circumstances, looked just as intimidated as the others did.
"Took a blade he made himself to the ribs, he should be dead wouldn't it be for the fact that he's a tough bitch to kill.
Thanos would have crushed him like a bug if Strange hadn't given him the stone. Tony asked him to not do so, asked him why he had once the titan was gone.
You guys should be fucking thankful for him risking his life and even coming back after what happened."
She looked at him for a moment, a sad smile tugging at her lips as she grimly continued.
"He tears himself apart enough as it is, no need for others to do that for him."
"We've lost people too. My best friend dusted in front of my eyes."
"Yeah, and his kid crumbled in his arms while he begged for 'Mr. stark' to save him so what gives."
"Wait Barnes did too?"
That was the first time he actually looked Steve in the eye, and the hurt the steel-blue irises held nearly drowned him out as Steve gave him a nod.
"I'm sorry Steve I didn't know."
He wasn't. Not as much as he should have been perhaps.
The mans best friends had died. He had lost him again and Tony knew that Barnes was innocent of the crimes he had tried killing him over.
Well. innocent enough. He had still strangled her to death, had still made sure every bit of life was squeezed out of her body. But it hadn't been him. Not his own mind and thoughts and actions.
So he did feel bad. And maybe even slightly sad because before he had seen that video, the man seemed quite nice and they might've been friends in another lifetime.
"Are you?"
The words were cold, a harsh reminder of how they had left their friendly banter in a military base in Russia. But he was being sincere. They had all suffered far too much to be dwelling over fights that laid in the past before the snap. Before Thanos.
"I am. For your loss and everything else. I should've listened to you."
"It's not your fault Tony. You saw a video of your parents being murdered while the guy whose face was on the monitor was right in front of you. It's a logical reaction."
He looked at Natascha who had spoken up, her giving him a joyless smile, fist bawled, before she pulled Bruce and herself closer to each other again.
"Was it? "
"My brother went after white wolf as soon as he heard the reports about him killing our father. You were not the only one blinded by rage, Mr Stark."
The queen had spoken, voice soft and tired, like she was carrying the world on her shoulders, far too young to look so devastated, so empty.
She really was his age, wasn't she?
"We will get him back for you my queen."
Thor's voice was suddenly harsher, determination layered thick within the tone.
He must think by somehow reversing the snap he could reverse the deaths as well.
"I do not know how yet. But we shall form a plan to bring him and the others back.
We will bring Bucky home- " He turned to Steve who just looked at the slightly taller male, grim determination settling on his face at the words. Then Thor turned to the others, one by one as if he weren't sure they would come with him if he didn't address them personally each.
"- Natascha, we shall bring your nephew back, Sam, the Vision, Wanda, the Guardians, Fury, Maria and-"He now turned to Tony, maintaining eye contact so heavy it made his muscles tense even more. "- And we shall bring back your son Stark."
"He's not-... I-... Yeah. We'll try big guy. We'll certainly try."