Another lonely day in their shared apartment made (Y/N) think about their relationship. Granted, at the beginning he was gone a lot too but lately it’s gotten worse.
She knew what he did was important, saving the world and all this but she wanted to spend time with him, was that too much to ask for? Apparently, yes.
Steve went on mission after mission even when it wasn’t necessary for him to be there, he still insisted he needed to go because he is their “captain”.
The others could handle themselves, that’s what (Y/N) always told him and she was right.
They are not five-year-old kids who need a babysitter; they are very well trained and there is a God for fuck's sake!
Well, if he wasn’t on a mission to kick ass, he spends most of the time in the facility to train or to plan the next mission. It was maddening.
He’s married with his job and it slowly drained the life out of not just the relationship, but of (Y/N) too. She was tired of not seeing him and constantly worrying about his well-being.
(Y/N) didn’t have a good night’s sleep for weeks, months even and it started to show. Her boss had already fired her because she hadn’t done her job well for weeks; she was too tired and too depressed to do anything.
And she didn’t go out with friends as often as she used to. In fact, she hasn’t talked to them in weeks; they would just pity her and that’s the last thing she wanted.
Another thing about Steve was that he didn’t touch her. Like, not at all. Sure, she missed the sex with him but she could live without it.
What bothers her more is that he didn’t even hold her hand or let alone kiss her or something like this. He used to hold her at night when he was home, so tight she sometimes struggled to breathe but this time was long ago.
Now she’s happy when he patted her shoulder as if she was one of his teammates. Or no, scratch that. (Y/N) watched more than once how he hugged Tony or Natasha, so they got a lot more affection than her.
Something needed to change, and it would. Tonight, Steve would come back from yet another mission and she was determined to take matters into her own hands. One way or the other.
The sound of the closing door made her sit up straighter on the couch. She held her breath and prepared herself for what she’s going to do.
(Y/N) would give him one last chance but if that didn’t work out the way she wanted this would be the end.
After a while, an exhausted looking super soldier trotted through the door, black bags under his eyes showed that he didn’t sleep for at least a day or two.
Barely acknowledging her, he let himself fall on the couch and closed his eyes, breathing deeply.
Guilt started to creep in as (Y/N) watched him. Should she really do this now? He looked like he needed a break, not a break-up.
“You okay? How was the mission?” She reached for his hand but before she could take it, Steve withdrew to run it through his hair. His only response was a grunt before he crossed his arms over his chest.
(Y/N) swallowed hard. This was not how she wanted it to go.
“My cousin’s wedding is next weekend, and she asked me to come. Will you accompany me?” Although she felt bad to lie at him, she ran out of ideas to get a satisfying answer.
Tears started to pool in her eyes at his response. A sigh and a mumbled “can’t” all she got as an answer. Last chance now.
(Y/N) scooted closer to him and lightly touched his cheek to make him look at her which surprisingly he did.
“You need a break, Steve. We could go away for a week, somewhere quiet. Just you and me.”
Softly stroking his cheek, she watched him with pleading eyes and prayed to whatever God was willing to listen that he would understand this was the last chance for the relationship.
But it seems the Gods were otherwise occupied.
“You know I can’t. There is paperwork waiting for me and there are rumors about something big in Rumania. I need to plan the next mission.”
Jumping up in anger and disappointment, she snatched up one pillow that lay on the couch and threw it right in his face.
The pillow landed with a soft thud on his lap and Steve looked up at her in shock and confusion. That’s something new; she never had outbursts like this.
“You’re such an asshole, Rogers! I’m trying to keep this thing alive!” (Y/N) waved her hands between them to make clear what she’s talking about and continued.
“I do fucking everything for you! For us! And you? You don’t care! Or worse, you don’t even notice that something is wrong!”
Tears run down her cheeks. (Y/N) was angry, sad, and by now desperate to make him understand.
Steve sat there as if frozen and stared at her like she was crazy. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
A hysterical laugh erupted (Y/N) as more tears flowed. “And that’s the damn problem! You don’t notice anything because you are constantly gone!”
“Come on, (Y/N). It’s not that bad.”
She ran a hand through her hair and licked her lips, trying to calm down a little.
“Oh, it isn’t? So you did notice that our cat is dead, hm? And of course, you noticed that I got fired a month ago. Oh, and the couch you sit on? It’s new. But you noticed, right?”
Steve sat with his mouth slightly open, glancing at the new furniture before getting up and standing in front of her with an irritated look.
“Crowley is dead, and you lost your job? Why didn’t you tell me?”
His voice got louder at the end which not once happened in the past in their relationship and (Y/N) was grateful for it. She didn’t like it one bit, and it even made her tremble a little but she played it cool.
This isn’t the time to be a coward. Her arms fell to her side. She was tired. Tired of explaining the obvious and tired of him not understanding.
“Would it have mattered? Would it have changed anything?” There was a deafening silence between them, but it said more than thousand words.
Steve clenched his jaw as he searched for an answer that never came, he could barely look at her. (Y/N) swallowed as more tears run down her cheeks.
“That’s what I thought.” Neither of them said anything for a while.
Steve avoided her eyes and stared at a faded pasta stain on the carpet in front of the couch. The day they moved in; Steve cooked for them.
They ate while sitting on the floor and watching an episode of (Y/N) favorite show, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and she had to laugh so hard that the plate fell out of her hand.
It is a beautiful memory that now appears very far away. The only thing left of it was the stain.
Meanwhile, (Y/N) hoped he would say something. Telling her she was wrong or he would do better in the future, but nothing. It hurt her to know that this was the end.
There was a time they talked about buying a house, having a dog and one day maybe even children. And now this. It would be hard to walk away but she knew (or hoped) it’s the right thing.
“I can’t do this anymore.” She only whispered it, her voice cracking, but Steve understood and it hurt much more than the shot wound he gained on his last mission.
He knew what would happen next. And he didn’t stop her. Not when she left the room and not as she walked to the door with an already prepared bag.
“So you just gonna leave? You’ll just forget about us? About me?” (Y/N) stopped in her track, doorknob in hand and door already open.
He sounded wrecked, broken. (Y/N) could hear his voice tremble with raw emotion. She didn’t dare to turn around, couldn’t see his face because if she did, she knew she wouldn’t go.
She would stay and jump into his arm, pretending this never happened, but she needed to go. Once and for all.
“I’ll never forget about us nor will I ever forget about you. But someday you will just be a memory. Just like the stain on the carpet.”
She left the apartment without another word or look. The door slammed shut with a finality that echoed in the silence of the room.
And in that moment Steve knew that he had messed it up. Once and for all.