Gummy vs Real
The video opens to Peter and Tony sitting at the kitchen table.
“You ready, Mr. Stark?” Peter asks.
“What are we even doing today, Peter?” Tony asks exasperatedly.
“I’ve told you three times-”
{cut}
“Hello, everyone!” Peter waves cheerfully at the camera. “Welcome back to the Ironfam, and today I’m here with -”
“Wait, what?” Tony asks. “Welcome back to the what?”
“The Ironfam, Mr. Stark,” Peter looks at Tony. “It’s our channel name. And it’s what I call the viewers. The Ironfam.”
“That’s ridiculous, Peter.”
“It’s fantastic, Mr. Stark.”
{cut}
“Hello, everyone!” Peter waves cheerfully at the camera. “Welcome back to the Ironfam! Sorry, I had to explain branding to Mr. Stark, which is weird because you’d think he’d know all about that, what with owning his own company and all -”
“Peter.”
{cut}
“Today I am here with Mr. Stark again, and we are doing the Gummy vs Real challenge!” Peter exclaims, acting as though the cut had never happened. “In case any of you don’t know how this works, I’ve got my friends Ned and MJ to go find gummy foods, and then their real food equivalents. They’re going to give them to me and Mr. Stark one at a time, on a covered plate, and whichever one we get, we have to eat! It sounds pretty simple, but I’m sure we’re going to leave this challenge traumatized.”
“Oh, joy,” Tony says sarcastically. “How you get me to do these things, kid, I don’t know.”
“You love me, Mr. Stark.”
“Yeah, I do.”
{cut}
MJ appears on screen, setting a plate in front of both Peter and Tony.
“On the count of three, we reveal them, okay?” Peter says.
“Sure, kid.”
“One… two… three.”
With a flourish, Peter and Tony both yank the cover off the plate, revealing -
“Donuts!” Peter cheers.
“I’m assuming that you’ve got the real one, as mine looks like it’s made of plastic,” Tony says.
“Obviously, Mr. Stark.”
“Don’t sass me, kid.”
{cut}
Peter takes a giant bite out of his donut. “Mmm. I love donuts.”
“I know, kid,” Tony says, gingerly picking up his. He tries to take a small bite out of the side, but his teeth won’t go through it. “How the **** am I supposed to eat this thing?”
“Mr. Stark, if you can’t stop swearing, I’ll have to kick you off the channel.” Peter says solemnly. “And just… bite and yank, I guess.”
“You’d never kick me off,” Tony says confidently. “Okay, here goes.” He grabs a massive mouthful of the gummy candy, and yanks as hard as he can. The donut stretches, and stretches, and finally snaps. Tony chews it with an odd look on his face.
“Well?” Peter asks. “What do you think?”
“It’s…” Tony makes a face. “Disgusting. Why the hell do you eat gummy worms so much? This is nasty.”
Peter gasps. “How dare you? Gummy candies are the most superior candy in the world.”
“I’m shocked this industry hasn’t gone out of business.”
{cut}
Ned puts the plates down this time. Tony doesn’t wait for Peter’s countoff to pull the cover off.
“A pickle?” he asks skeptically, as Peter takes his cover off. “They make gummy pickles?”
“Apparently,” Peter shrugs. “I’ve never tried this before.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” Tony says sarcastically, picking up his pickle and biting off the end. “This isn’t even a good kind of pickle.”
“How many kinds of pickles are there, Mr. Stark?”
{cut}
Peter yanks the end of his gummy pickle off with his teeth, and chews it slowly.
“Ew,” he finally says, making a face. “It tastes like someone tried to make this taste like a pickle, but they’d never actually eaten a pickle before and only had a mediocre description of what a pickle tastes like as their frame of reference.”
“That’s… oddly specific,” Tony says, picking up the gummy pickle and taking a bite. “And spot-on. That’s… so weird.”
Peter puts the cover back on the plate and pushes it away from him. “Next, please.”
{cut}
“One, two, three!” Peter dramatically lifts the cover off, only to fumble with it and drop it behind him.
“Smooth, Pete,” Tony snorts, setting his cover to the side of his plate.
“Yeah, whatever,” Peter shrugs. “Just ignore that. Anyway, we seem to have… a pepper?”
Tony picks up his bell pepper and examines it, a distasteful look on his face. “Can you even eat these raw?”
“Yes, Mr. Stark, you can,” Peter rolls his eyes. “I didn’t know they made gummy ones of these, either.”
Tony shrugs, and takes a bite out of his like an apple. “Huh,” he says. “It’s not bad.”
“Is it spicy?” Peter asks.
“Not really,” Tony says. “If you put a little ranch with it, this could actually be good. Who knew?”
“That’s disgusting, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, picking up his and taking a giant bite. “Hm…” he says. “It’s… kind of sweet. There’s a hint of…” he freezes for a moment, before his jaw drops and he immediately spits his mouthful of gummy pepper back onto the plate. “Oh my god! Oh my god, that’s spicy!”
Tony begins laughing, as Peter shoves away from the table and walks runs out of frame.
“Where are you going?” MJ’s voice asks. ‘
“I need milk!” Peter shrieks. “My mouth is on fire, I’m dying-”
{cut}
Peter is back in his seat, a half-empty glass of milk in his hands.
“That was horrifying,” he declares, taking a long drink and setting the cup down. “I was not expecting that to be spicy, and it was. That was awful.”
“Are you ready to move on now?” Tony asks, still laughing.
Peter glares at him. “Fine.”
{cut}
The cover doesn’t adequately hide the pizza box being placed in front of Tony.
“Well, I guess we know who got what,” Peter says.
As Tony opens the pizza box, Peter removes the cover.
Peter gasps. “They lied to us, Mr. Stark!”
Sitting underneath the cover is a piece of completely ordinary pizza, while inside the pizza box is an entire gummy pizza. Tony laughs lightly, picking up the pizza and taking a bite out of the side.
“Hm,” he contemplates for a moment. “Not bad.”
“Mr. Stark!” Peter gasps, horrified. “You can’t just take a bite out of the side like a ******* heathen, you’re supposed to slice it.”
“Watch your language, Pete,” Tony says, his voice muffled by the pizza.
“Oh, whatever, you never do,” Peter shrugs, picking up his own pizza and taking a bite. “Mm, that’s good pizza,”
“It’s just cheese from Pizza Hut,” Tony says, raising his eyebrows at Peter.
“That’s his favourite,” Ned explains from behind the camera. “That’s why he got the real one this round, because he’d be super mad if you got his favourite pizza.”
“What, we’re trying to please the victims now?” MJ asks. “I personally was all for you getting that pizza, Stark.”
Peter glares at her. “Thanks, MJ,” he says sarcastically.
“Anytime, Loser.”
{cut}
“One, two, three!” Peter shouts, yanking the cover off his plate. He immediately screams and drops the cover, where it lands on the floor with a loud clang.. Tony begins laughing.
“Wow, your friends are brutal, Pete,” he says around his laughs. “I am so glad I’m not you right now.”
Sitting on Peter’s plate is a writhing mass of live worms. Peter looks pale.
“Is that edible?” he asks, looking to Ned and MJ. “Can I eat that without dying?”
“Dunno, never tried it,” Ned says. “Good luck?”
Tony lifts his massive gummy worm up to show the camera. “Me and Francesco wish you the best of luck, kid, he announces.
“You named your gummy worm?” Peter asks, giving Tony a strange look. “That’s a little pathetic.”
Tony sticks his tongue out at him.
“Alright,” Peter takes a deep breath. “If I die, Mr. Stark, tell Aunt May that I always loved her more than you.”
“Excuse me?” Tony asks, offended.
Peter shrugs, then picks up the mass of worms and shoves the whole thing in his mouth. Ned shrieks from behind the camera, Tony gags, and even MJ can be heard gasping slightly. Peter gags, almost vomits, then swallows the whole thing.
“Oh my god, Peter!” Ned exclaims. “You were not supposed to swallow them! They’re just supposed to go in your mouth for a second, and then spit them out!”
Peter shrugs. “I mean… people come to this video expecting me to eat worms. Who am I to disappoint them?”
“Peter, you are a ******* idiot,” Tony declares.
{cut}
“I would not recommend eating live worms,” Peter comments, as Ned puts two more places in front of them. “I swear, it’s like I can feel them writhing around in my stomach, begging the acids for mercy as they’re devoured alive.”
“That’s sick, kid.” Tony says, lifting the cover off his plate. “What the **** is this?”
“It looks like jerky,” Peter says, tilting his head curiously as he stared at Tony’s plate. “Should I uncover mine, so we can see what it is?”
“No, Peter, I think we should just sit here and wonder all day,” Tony says sarcastically. “Yes, take the ******* cover off.”
“Could you please stop swearing, Mr. Stark?” Peter asks. “It’s going to make editing this a real pain in the ***.”
“Excuse me, you just swore,” Tony says indignantly.
“Oh, *** and ***** don’t count,” Peter explains. “Only the f-word and the s-word count, because those are ‘against YouTube guidelines’ or something.”
Tony stares at him for a moment, before shaking his head incredulously. “Take the damn cover off, kid.”
Peter removes the cover with a flourish, and bursts out laughing. “Have fun with that, Mr. Stark.”
Sitting on Peter’s plate is a giant gummy bear.
“Is this… is this real bear?” Tony asks tentatively, picking up a piece of jerky.
“Yep,” MJ says. “Bear jerky. Kind of expensive, but made out of 100% real bear.”
Tony stares at her for a moment, before picking up the jerky and taking a bite out of it. “Hm,” he says thoughtfully. “Tastes just like beef jerky. Not bad.”
“That’s disgusting,” Peter says idly, yanking the ear off his gummy bear.
“Says the kid who just ate a pile of live worms!” Tony exclaims. “You never get to complain about my cooking again!”
“Just because I ate worms once doesn’t mean I want them every night for dinner, Mr. Stark.”
{cut}
“I swear,” Tony declares. “If one more disgusting thing comes out of this challenge, I’m leaving.”
“You can’t leave, Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaims. “The viewers expect you to be here!”
Tony rolls his eyes.
{cut}
“One, two, three!” Peter exclaims, this time deliberately throwing the cover over his shoulder. “YES!”
Sitting on his plate is a bottle of coke.
“Are you ******* kidding me?” Tony drops his cover onto the ground. “They make gummy soda, too?”
“Mr. Stark, how did you not know this?” Peter asks. “I thought you were a genius. They make gummy everything.”
“Technically, that’s not true,” Ned says from behind the camera.
“Well, nobody asked you, Edward,” Peter says.
Ned gasps in horror. “How dare you use my given name?”
“Shut up, loser,” MJ says. “Drink your damn coke, Peter.”
“Fine, but only because I was going to anyway,” Peter says, sticking his tongue out at the camera.
As Peter takes the lid off the bottle and takes a long drink of the soda, Tony yanks the top of the gummy bottle off. Immediately, his eyes go wide.
“What the ****.” he says incredulously. “What. The. ****. This tastes exactly like that ******* soda.”
“Mr. Stark!” Peter whines. “Bleeping!”
“Oh, move on, Pete,” Tony says, still staring at the gummy. “This **** tastes exactly like soda. How did they do that? This is some weird, gelatinous, probably toxic candy, and yet, it tastes like it just came directly out of a can. This is sorcery.”
“Tony Stark geeking out over gummy soda; check.” MJ says.
“What?” Peter and Tony say in unison, giving the camera a strange look.
“Oh, just crossing things off my bucket list of things I want to see before I die,” MJ explains. “I didn’t know that was on it until just now, but still. Check.”
“You have strange friends, kid,” Tony says, taking another bite of the gummy.
“I know, Mr. Stark. I know.”
{cut}
“Please let it be more soda, please let it be more soda…” Peter pleads, as he removes the newest cover. It’s revealed to be a mass of red gummy.
“What is that?” Tony asks, poking it.
Peter suddenly bursts out laughing. “Oh, good luck, Mr. Stark. This is a gummy brain.”
“Oh my god, no way,” Tony says, his nose wrinkled in disgust as he lifts his cover off. “Is that… is that even edible? There’s no way I’m eating that.”
“Come on, Mr. Stark!” Peter says imploringly. “I ate worms!”
“You did not have to do that,” Tony points out.
“Yes I did,” Peter counters. “The viewers would be disappointed if I didn’t. Just as they’d be disappointed if you left right now.”
Tony sighs. “Fine. For the views.”
Peter laughs again as Tony picks up a fork, snags a piece of the brain, and sticks it into his mouth.
“You know what’s funny?” Peter comments, taking a bite out of his brain as Tony tries not to gag on his. “You put up more of a stink about broccoli than you did about brain.”
“Oh, move on from the broccoli, Pete,” Tony rolls his eyes. “I’ve desensitised.”
“Whatever you say, Mr. Stark.”
{cut}
Peter and Tony sit, staring forelornly into space. Peter lets out a breath.
“I mean… it can’t get much worse, can it?” he asks.
“It definitely can, but I appreciate the optimism.” Tony retorts.
{cut}
“Fried chicken?” Peter asks, giving the camera a questioning look.
“Check Mr. Stark’s, Peter,” Ned says, sounding apologetic. “I’m afraid not.”
Tony picks up one of his candies, which is a small gummy -
“Frog?” Peter shrieks. “You gave me fried frog? Can you eat that?”
“Well, we’re actually not sure,” Ned comments. “I mean, most people can, but as you’re both allergic to fish, there’s a possibility that you could be allergic to frog, as well-”
“You’ll be fine, being allergic to fish is not going to make you allergic to frog, they’re different species,” MJ placates. “You literally ate live worms today, Peter, I think you’ll be fine.”
“True,” Peter nods, picks up one of the frog legs, and takes a bite out of the side. “Ew,” he makes a face. “It’s really chewy. I mean, it tastes like chicken, but… chewy.”
“Mine tastes like trash, but chewy,” Tony comments. “Moving on.”
{cut}
“What the **** is that?” Peter shrieks, staring at the large, pinkish mass sitting in front of him.
“Cow tongue,” MJ happily informs him. “Before you ask, don’t worry, it’s completely edible. Have fun with that.”
Tony reveals his massive gummy version of the tongue. “This also looks disgusting, but less gross than that.”
“Why am I getting all the worst ones?” Peter whines. “Torture him a bit!”
“Excuse me,” Tony looks offended. “Did you forget about the brain? Or the bear?”
“Ive eaten frog, a ridiculously spicy pepper, and live worms, Mr. Stark,” Peter retorts. “And I’m about to eat cow tongue. I think I win. Oh well, if I die, I die.”
He takes a massive bite out of the side, chews thoughtfully, before swallowing.
“Not as bad as I thought it would be,” he decides. “But still nasty. Let’s just move on before I think about this too much.”
{cut}
“This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen,” Tony declares, lifting up his plate to show a tray of gummy sushi, accompanied by chopsticks.
“Oh, thank god,” Peter sighs in relief. “I ******* love sushi.”
“For someone who lectures me about language a lot, you sure like using that word,” Tony comments.
“It’s my channel, I can swear if I want,” Peter snarks.
Tony looks offended. “Excuse me, I thought this was our channel? It’s called the Ironfam!”
“You didn’t even want to do this, Mr. Stark, I had to force you, which makes it my channel.” Peter decides, putting a piece of the sushi in his mouth.
“That is so not true!”
{cut}
“This is delicious,” Tony declares, staring down at the gummy sushi. “I mean, I’ve hated almost every single one of these gummy candies, but this is fabulous.”
“Come on, Mr. Stark, we’ve got to move on,” Peter says, putting the cover back over the sushi. “You can have it back after the video.”
{cut}
“Is this a worm again?” Peter asks, holding up a long, gummy something.
“Um, no,” MJ says. “It’s a snake.”
“A snake?” Tony and Peter say in unison.
“Yes,” Ned laughs nervously. “This was all MJ’s idea.”
“Damn right it was.” MJ mutters.
{cut}
The cover has been removed from Tony’s plate, and he’s staring down at the slices of meat on the plate.
“I don’t know if I can make myself eat this,” he informs Peter. “I mean, brain was one thing, but… snake? Really?”
“Just eat it, Mr. Stark, tell youself it’s salami or something,” Peter says, voice muffled around the head of the gummy snake in his mouth.
Tony sighs, picks up one of the slices, takes a deep breath, moves it towards his mouth, stops and closes his mouth, takes another deep breath, closes his eyes, shoves it into his mouth, immediately swallows, and begins downing a glass of water.
“That was horrifying,” he says, repeatedly. “That was horrifying.”
“You couldn’t have even tasted it, Mr. Stark, look,” Peter picks up one of the slices and pops it into his mouth. He chews, swallows, and takes a drink from the coke bottle sitting next to his plate. “Yep. Horrifying. At least there’s only two more.”
{cut}
“Thank ****, a cheeseburger,” Tony declares, picking up the burger and taking a massive bite, his eyes closed.
“Mr. Stark’s favourite food is cheeseburgers,” Peter informs the camera. He picks up his gummy hamburger, only to have the bottom fall off. “Oh my god, this comes apart?”
He immediately takes apart all the layers, spreading them out on the plate, before staring down on it, his eyes alight with happiness.
“Look, Mr. Stark, it comes apart!” he exclaims. “It’s like an actual hamburger! This is amazing!”
“That’s great, kid,” Tony says, still eating the cheeseburger with his eyes closed.
Peter rolls his eyes, picks up the gummy slice of cheese, licks it, and slaps it onto Tony’s cheek. Tony’s eyes fly open, and he shrieks.
“Why is it wet?” he yells. “Oh my god, Parker, did you lick that?”
“You weren’t paying attention to me,” Peter says solemnly. “I did what I had to do.”
“You little-”
{cut}
“Last round,” Peter says nervously, staring at the covered plates. “This could either be really amazing, or really bad.”
“I don’t think it gets much worse than worms and brain,” Tony says reasonably.
“That’s true,” Peter allows, nodding. “Alright. On the count of three then?”
“Sure.”
“One… two… three!”
With a flourish, they both remove their covers, and Peter begins cheering.
“A hot dog! I love hot dogs!”
He immediately picks it up and takes a bite, at the same time that Tony yanks a piece of his gummy hot dog off.
“Huh,” he says, chewing thoughtfully. “I’m having flashbacks to the donut of round one.”
“Mr. Stark, you can’t have flashbacks to something that happened an hour ago.” Peter rolls his eyes.
“Well, I am, so clearly you can.”
{cut}
“Well, that’s it for the gummy vs real challenge!” Peter exclaims, smiling widely at the camera. “I hope you enjoyed, because I, at least, am definitely leaving this challenge traumatized. I can still feel the worms writhing around in my stomach.”
“There’s no way you can really feel that, kid,” Tony declares.
“Prove it.”
{cut}
“If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe, to see more of… this. Have a good night! Or day. Or morning. Whenever you’re viewing this. Just enjoy your current time.” Peter says awkwardly. “Bye!”
Tony begins laughing.
{cut}