I’m a freaking ninja mr dad
“AAAAAAAAAA SVENYAAAAA,”
Was the first thing Tony heard when he stepped out the elevator.
“ABAA BEECHEEE BABBAAAAAA”
The first thing he saw was Harley, standing tall on the sofa, arms outstretched up into the air with a tiny kitten between his hands as if he was making an offering; Peter sitting cross legged on the floor and gazing up at the two of them in absolute awe.
“AAAAAAAA SVENYAAAA”
Weird lion king renaction aside, Tony couldn’t help but think that, huh, they were a cute little family. Ava’s face even kinda looked like them, which might sound totally dumb, she was a cat, but she totally had Peter’s eyes and her fur did a little swoosh like Harley’s mop of blonde hair.
Which made Tony think he was totally sleep deprived and making this all up as he observed the teens because why the hell was he thinking that the creature looked like two boys-
And then Ava began to squirm and wriggle in Harley’s grip, threatening to scratch his hands with her tiny evil needle claws, and there was a gasp, a split second where she was falling, freefalling through the air as if in slow motion with Harley screaming “Noooooooo!” as Tony watched, his eyes widening slightly as she fell and didn’t begin to flip over to land on her feet like all cats do. Maybe she was too young to have that instinct, or maybe she had it, and just couldn’t do it yet?
But then she landed softly, in a different pair of hands. And after a shocked pause a voice squeaked “I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me!” in a higher than normal pitch- in what Tony assumed to be Peter’s voice for Avocad- no. Tony absolutely refused to call it Avocado.
Harley let out the breath he had been holding and burst out into a fit of giggles as he looked down at his kitten cuddled up against his boyfriend.
“Why are you laughing Mr. Dad? I am a freaking ninja,” the same silly, put-on voice squealed, which only served to set Harley off laughing even harder. Which set Peter off. And suddenly Tony was watching the three of them roll around on the floor.
⎊
Peter wanted to catch Tony out for being the cat dad that Harley said he would end up being. The man in question liked to pretend that he didn’t like the little fluffy kitten, but yesterday Peter walked into the room and Tony was standing too straight and too formally for it to be natural, Avocado at his feet, and he greeted the boy with a “Hey Pete!” that was splurted out too nervously for him to not have been doing either something suspicious or something he didn’t want to be caught doing. Like giving kitty cuddles or belly rubs.
Harley, the little menace, just wanted to prank Tony. Anything would suffice, really.
So they planned a two in one. Expose Tony as a liar and a secret softie while also giving him a heart attack.
That’s how Peter ended up camping out on the ceiling for half an hour, waiting for the moment to present itself. Come on Ava, demand some of that attention you love before my fingertips go numb and drop off, he thought. And yes, he had to be on the ceiling, because Tony would never ever pet the cat if he thought someone else was there, if only for the fact that he put on such a dramatic show when the boys first brought her home that he didn’t want to keep her, even though everybody knew that he actually really liked cats.
He could totally ask FRIDAY to just record Tony and send it to him, she’s always recording anyway, but he needed to be there for the dramatics so he could pop up- or drop down, I guess- in the moment and watch Tony’s horrified expression once he realises he’s been found out.
It happens another 15 minutes later.
Ava comes clumsily trotting in and what Peter hears almost makes him drop off the ceiling in shock, and he has to suppress a giggle behind the hand that’s not holding his phone out to film.
“Oh who’s a good girl?” Tony says distractedly, but with a strong baby voice on, “you the good girl, Ava, yes, you just want some scratches?”
He roughly itches under her chin with delight in his eyes before it’s abruptly interrupted by a spider dropping to the floor in front of them yelling, “I KNEW IT!! YOU LOVE AVOCADO!! I HAVE VIDEO EVIDENCE!!”
Tony straightened up, stuttering with his eyes wide in shock, “What? N-no I. I don-“ but then was abruptly interrupted again, this time by the heart attack. It came from behind him while all his attention was on Peter, a deafeningly loud HHHOONK as Harley materialised from thin air and pressed down on the air horn. The memory of the scream Tony let out left Peter and Harley laughing their asses off for days.