Peter is looking at Wade dubiously. “I’m not sure this is a good idea, Wade,” he said, shaking his head slightly.
Wade is bouncing on his heels in front of Peter, dressed in sweatpants and nothing else. “It’s a great idea!”
“Okay, wait,” Peter holds up a hand as he moves to sit on the couch. “Explain to me exactly what you wanna do.”
Wade kneels in front of him, automatically sitting back on his feet with his hands, palms up on this thighs. His smile is bright as he looks up at his dominant. “I want you to web me on my knees to the wall, and fuck me like that.”
“Wade-” Peter hesitates. “One of your hard limits is restraints. It was one of the first things you told me when you first let me dominate you.”
“Sir,” Wade presses a hand against one of Peter’s thighs, “It has some bad memories associated with it, but I’m ready. I trust you. I love you.”
Peter takes a deep breath, “Okay.”
He raises his hand as Wade sits straighter in his excitement, “But- Wade, are you absolutely sure?”
“Yes, absolutely!” Wade nods. “This used to be one of my favorite things, Petey. I really think I’m ready for this.”
“Okay. Remind me of your safeword first.”
Wade bounces on his knees, grinning, “Seaweed!”
Peter lifts his hands in a small shrug, “Alright, up then. Let’s get this started. Scene starts as soon as your clothes are off, just like usual. So no talking except about exactly what we are doing, if you're asked a direct question, or if you need to use your safeword.”
Wade jumped up, shimmying out of his sweatpants and tossing them on the couch, “I remember!”
{I’m still not completely sure this is a great idea.}
{Are you kidding? It’s going to be fantastic!}
{Yeah, you don’t remember why I think this is a bad idea.}
{There’s nothing bad to remember. I remember how awesome being tied up was with Vanessa. Of course it will be amazing with Peter, too!}
Wade gives himself a small shake, trying to clear out White’s misgivings. He remembers how good it was with Vanessa, too, and he wants that back. He trusts Peter. It will be fine.
Kneeling down to face the wall, he turns his head to watch Peter pull off his clothes. His dominant is already half hard, anticipating what’s to come.
He leaves his webshooters on and comes up to kneel behind Wade. He reaches out and presses on the silver plug knob visible between Wade’s cheeks.
“What’s this?” Peter’s voice is sly as he pulls it out, just a bit, before pressing it back in firmly.
Wade gasps as fire runs up his spine when it jabs his prostate, “It’s- ah- I wanted to be ready for you!” His words are followed by a whimper as Peter pulls it back a little more only to thrust it against his prostate again.
“You ready?” Peter asks, twisting his wrist to indicate his webshooters.
“Yes,” Wade gasps out, nodding his head to the question. At the same time, he thrusts his hips back as Peter continues pressing on the plug.
Peter relents, coming closer and moving Wade’s hands how he wants them. Wade ends up leaning against the wall, hands pressed at face level, about a foot apart. Peter webs them down and Wade grins over his shoulder at him, sticking his butt back and wiggling it.
Peter scoots back, landing a quick smack to Wade’s ass. “Excited?”
The quick, sharp pain has his cock jerking. “Yes, sir!”
One more press against the plug and then Peter is pulling it out and setting it aside. Wade can hear the click of a lube bottle cap and then he’s feeling the warmth of Peter’s exploratory finger circle around his hole.
{Wait.}
{I knew it.}
{No, but- this isn’t like I remembered with Vanessa. I don’t- we can’t move our hands.}
{We’re webbed to the wall.}
{But- what if he hurts us? We can’t move our hands!}
Peter has lubed up two more of his fingers, now playing with Wade’s hole and making sure he’s plenty ready to take him in. At that moment he’s slowly pressing two fingers in and circling them around, every few seconds tugging gently at Wade’s rim.
{I don’t like this. What is he doing back there? What if he hurts us? No! Don’t you remember what happened last time?}
{Last time wasn’t Peter. That was a long time ago and Peter is our dominant now. He would never hurt us.}
{Wait. Wait- No no no Dominants are terrible! Why would we-? Why are you letting this happen? This was a terrible idea. Dominants only hurt us! No no NO NONO I remember I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED!}
Wade can feel the panic flooding his body as Yellow draws up a memory from his time in Weapon X. All the dominants there who thought that since he was a submissive in the program, they could use him as they wanted. The dominants who thought that since they wanted to cause him pain anyway, hoping to trigger a mutation, they might as well cause him pain in that way, too.
{It’s not happening.}
{THEY TIED US UP AND SMASHED OUR FACES INTO THE WALL! THEN THEY RAPED US SO MANY TIMES I THOUGHT OUR INSIDES WOULD NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN!}
Wade rememembers, too. He remembers one time when three dominants, two males and a female, had him on his knees with his hands tied behind his back. They forced him forward, smashing his face into the ground. The woman had come around to his front, crooning to him about how all submissives were the same. Snivelling whiners, good for nothing except being on their knees and servicing whatever dominant wanted to be serviced.
He remembers how the men took turns, forcing themselves into him until he could feel the blood and other fluids dripping down his thighs in sticky lines. When he tried to look, the woman gripped his hair and forced him to keep looking at her, still hissing about a submissive’s place.
{It’s not happening.}
{Nonononono It’s going to happen, he’s going to smash us into the wall any second, watch it happen he will he will he will make it stop I don’t want it I don’t want IT NONONO}
Wade is starting to breathe faster as he listens to Yellow freaking out and the memories continue to play through their head. He thought he was past it enough to deal with this! He had hoped he could enjoy this again.
The next memory Yellow dredges from their subconscious is another instance when a dominant had him tied up on his knees. That time he was tied to one of the beds, his hands shackled to the frame and his knees in a spreader bar. The dominant was beating him with a belt the wrong way around. Every time the cold metal buckle hit his ass he had felt his skin tear.
{Safeword.}
Wade starts to whine quietly in time with Yellow’s panic, spiraling down into the box’s hysteria. It’s almost too overwhelming and he can barely even understand what White is telling him to do.
The memory continues to reel out in his mind. Once it felt like all the skin on his ass had been flayed away, the dominant had thrown the belt on his back. It had slid up to rest against the back of his head. Wade had been able to feel the warm drops of blood dripping from the buckle and trickling down around his neck.
{Wade! It’s time to use that safeword! Seaweed. Say it now!}
Wade sobs.
Peter freezes, “Wade?”
“Seaweed,” he gasps out, his breathing now coming so hard and fast it’s starting to feel impossible to speak. But he keeps going, panic now taking him hard. He doesn’t want to remember anymore. “Stop. Please stop! Seaweed, seaweed, seaweed! Please, I need out, let me go-”
Peter is reaching for the solvent for his webbing the second the first word was out of Wade’s mouth. He sprays it on the webbing binding Wade’s hands and waits impatiently as it starts to loosen, Wade tugging futilely against them as he cries.
When the bonds finally loosen enough for Wade to get away he instantly throws himself away from Peter, backing up until he is pressed on the floor in the corner of the room, arms around his legs and head buried in his knees. He’s heaving in breaths as fast as he can but it doesn’t feel like enough!
He starts rocking and mumbling to himself, “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.”
A hand reaches towards him out of the corner of his eye and he throws himself back, retreating farther into the corner. His head knocks into the wall behind him. “No! Please, no! Please, I’ll be good, please don’t-”
He still can’t catch his breath but the dominant doesn’t touch him, scooting himself back. He’s saying something but Wade doesn’t catch it. Being untied didn’t stop the memories from playing out in his head and his senses are consumed by the flashback..
The dominant that had been behind him with the belt had gone on to grab him roughly by the hips, driving his hard cock into Wade’s completely unprepared ass. He hadn’t bothered with any kind of preparation, not even lube. Wade had torn so bad that he remembers bleeding for days. He had been so disappointed when he had healed instead of dying.
Death would have been so much easier.
{You need to breathe. You need to stop freaking out and you need to breathe.}
{Don’t want to breathe want to die why can’t we die why doesn’t it ever stop make it stop please please please}
It doesn’t matter how fast he pulls in air, Wade can’t breathe. It feels like a rubber band tight around his chest. His head is starting to swim, but the more he draws in air, the worse his panic seems to get.
{Slowly! If you keep breathing like this, you’re going to pass out. Breathe slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth.}
Wade is fighting his instinctive need to try to breathe as fast as he can as he listens to the box. At first, while he’s breathing in through is nose and out through his mouth, it’s still too fast.
{Hold your breath for a moment and then try again.}
That helps. He holds his next breath in, despite the pain in his chest. His chest heaves twice before he is finally able to control it and he lets the breath out shakily but it’s a little slower this time.
Unfortunately, now that he isn’t fighting himself to breathe, the tears start. Great sobs shake his body and Yellow is still a running commentary of fear and despair in the back of his head. Wade can hear White counseling calm, but the box’s words just aren’t sinking in enough to make sense.
A dominant nearby means pain and fear.
Though the dominant in front of him isn’t offering any threatening words or gestures. He’s just- sitting there. Every now and then he offers soft words or food and water but Wade can’t bring himself to trust it.
Wade stays pressed in the corner, refusing everything. Yellow screams out against everything the dominant is saying and doing and everything just feels so hazy. Wade can’t remember how he came to be in his current situation. He’s naked and so is the dominant, but other than those things, there are no context clues.
So Wade doesn’t move. Sobs continue to rack his body. Gradually, though, his tears start washing away the fear and despair. Yellow gets quieter and quieter.
All at once Wade can make sense of the words of the dominant in front of him.
“I’m so sorry, Wade. We won’t do this again. I just- Please. What do you need from me?”
White notices Wade’s sudden comprehension. {Your dominant is trying to help. Are you going to let him?}
Yellow is still muttering in the background, but quieter now and easier for Wade to ignore. {Dominants always hurt us, you can’t trust him, you can’t trust Dominants, we don’t need help, I don’t want help, don’t let him touch us, please, just leave us alone}
{You know our dominant isn’t like that, you know Peter isn’t like that. We accepted his collar, remember? We trust Peter to take care of us.}
Wade’s soft crying fades out as he listens to White, the words finally starting to make sense. Yellow’s panic is now just muted background noise and White is starting to pull up different memories of Peter being good to them.
He remembers Peter.
He remembers the first time he allowed Peter to strip him down to skin. Wade had knelt down in front of the dominant and he had been mesmerized by the awe in the man’s eyes.
Peter had reached forward, smoothing his hands down either side of Wade’s face and smiling softly. “Look at you. You’re so perfect, Wade. Thank you so much for giving me this.”
Wade remembers how Peter had leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Wade’s forehead. He had felt so loved and cared for in that moment.
{Yes. Peter always gives us what we need!}
White drags out another memory. This memory is older, before they had even had sex for the first time. Wade had tried to say he wouldn’t need a safeword. He had said that he could handle anything Peter dished out.
Peter had categorically refused. “I don’t care if you can heal from everything! I still want you to have a way of saying enough is enough. If you aren’t enjoying what we're doing, I want you to have a way to call everything off.”
Wade had fought the idea, of course. Peter hadn’t relented, though, and later Wade had been so relieved that Peter hadn’t listened to him.
Yes. He remembers Peter. He remembers trusting Peter. And he remembers why, now.
“Peter?” Wade’s voice is quiet and still clogged with tears.
“Wade!” Peter’s voice is thick with relief. He instantly straightens, grabbing up the blanket and moving closer to Wade. He freezes when he notices Wade’s small flinch at Peter’s quick movement.
“Can I-” Peter holds the blanket out in offering.
“Yeah, it’s okay,” Wade holds his arm out, beckoning to Peter.
Peter drapes his arm around Wade’s shoulders as well as the blanket, wrapping himself around the sub instead of asking him to move from his protective curl. When Wade has stopped shivering and is leaning against his side, Peter asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Wade just shakes his head, turning and wrapping his arms around Peter’s chest, burrowing his head into the other man’s neck. Wade feels stretched thin and hollow now that Yellow’s hysteria has run out.
Peter tips his head against Wade’s, shifting to hold him more securely. “What do you need from me?”
“Just this. Just hold me, please,” Wade’s words are muffled into Peter’s skin.
Those are the last words either man says for a while as they sit together on the floor. The warm comfort of touch and closeness is what they both need right now.