Two Times baby Groot avoided a spanking and one time he didn’t.
Yondu began to think helping to raise a baby Floral Colossus was going to be an even tougher job that it had been raising Quill. The twig was turning into a little kleptomaniac, Hopefully he’d grow out of that, soon! He was also seriously starting to regret having his universal translator upgraded. It was one thing to tune out a few I am groot’s but now Yondu could understand what the twig was saying, well his jabbering was driving Yondu insane. Thank god the translator had an off switch.
And sometime when his back was turned the damn twig had moved Into his quarters, whatever the hell that was about. The twig had got a draw open and tossed all of the contents out and made himself at home. Yondu had sat in his chair and watched as the twig made several trips to move his bizarre collection of treasure into the draw. Oh and a few little pots worth of soil dragged along on what looked like a T-shirt, not one of his at least.
Not that he was going soft, but he let the twig stay after giving him the “respect other people’s belongings and personal space” lecture. Groot had sat on his knee and given his cute baby bug eyed stare and promised that he could do that.
Groot had meant his promise at the time but by the time he’d climbed down off the big blue man’s knee he’d already forgotten all about it. And this place was so big and exciting, groot didn’t know which way to explore first.
Yondu watched as baby groot charged around his quarters and then started to climb,
“Ok kid I think you’ve had enough excitement for now, how about a nice nap in your new comfy draw.” Yondu scooped groot off the table as he was about to launch himself off again. Groot squirmed a bit and then quieted down as Yondu patted his little tree head. Groot yawned and cuddled into his shoulder. Yondu laid him into his draw and watched as the twig wriggled to get comfortable. Yondu yawned too, damned if he wouldn’t take a nap too. Not that he was that old he needed a nap, nope just nothing pressing to do right now and hell he was the captain and could nap if he wanted.
The big blue mans snoring was keeping Groot awake, how could you be expected to nap with that noise going on. And anyway he wasn’t a baby, he didn’t need a nap. Ok he was a baby, but still not gonna nap, gonna explore. He stood up in his new treasure chest and then climbed down and went over the the bed and scrambled up using his very nice, very helpful twisty twig things he could shoot out of his hands. He really was cool. He’d leant that word from Peter, that and other words, but he got told off if he used those. Groot grinned.
Yondu woke up from his very refreshing nap, it was one of the upsides of losing his Ravager crew, No need to stalk around the ship looking surly and threatening just to keep the crew in line. No need to maim random crew members with his Yakka arrow, Just so they remembered Yondu Udonta was their badass leader. There was still Kraglin and Peter of course but they were both good boys, well mostly. Speaking of good boys, wonder it the twig is awake yet Yondu looked around.
Yondu saw that Groot was sitting in the middle of the table playing with his Yakka arrow.
“Put that down right now!” He bellowed as he hurried over to table.
Startled Groot dropped the arrow and pouted
“I am Groot”
“I scared you. Are you kidding me twig? What did I just get though telling you?”
“I am groot”
Yondu picked Groot up and held him firmly, baby groot pointed at the arrow.
“Before that “ Yondu snapped
“I am groot?” Baby Groot replied his bottom lip quavering
“Did I not just get through telling you to keep your twig fingers off other people property, especially thing that could hurt you?”
“I am groot”
“What do ya mean you weren’t listening?” Yondu demanded as Groot wriggled in his grip.
“I am Groot”
“I do not have things crawling in my whiskers.” Yondu said indignantly as he pawed at his chine with his free hand.
“And you don’t be eating creepy crawlers anyway.”
“I am groot”
“Well stop it twig!” Yondu frowned at the little colossus and remembers what he was meant to be doing. He gave the kid a shake and barred his impressive teeth, “You looking to get hurt twig? What woulda happened if I’d thought someone had stolen the arrow and I activated it! Maybe you’re needing a spankin cause you sure been naughty.”
He waited for Groot to start jabbering his way out of trouble but instead his cute little bottom lip started onto quavering again and his little face screwed up and the tears started drip down is little face. Oh hell not so unlike Peter when he was little, but he could hardly shake the twig like he was a space rat and threaten to eat him.
Baby groot had been looking at the big blue hand that held him and was half listening to the naughty lecture, but that hand was SO big it would break him if he got a smack with it. Terrified he started to bawl loudly.
“Come on now twig, calm down, quit fussing.” He laid groot on his shoulder and crooned to him, concern on his usual sharp features. Then had to wait until groot cried himself out enough to respond.
“I am groot” Groot murmured sadly, a few tears still rolling down his face.
Yondu looked at his free hand, he hadn’t really given much thought to the size difference with giving little kid Peter a few whacks and the twig. That was dumb no wonder the kid had freaked out.
Groot was watching anxiously while he blinked the last of his tears away
Yondu held up one finger and then two “bitty bit naughty, very naughty?That not too scary for you twig?” He asked.
“I am groot” Baby groot asked hesitantly
Yondu stroked the little face starring into his eyes, “woulda been a two finger spankin I’m thinking”
Groots little face looked like it was threatening a breakout of yowling again, so Yondu decided he’d give the twig a break this time.
“But, seein how my oversized hand gave you such a scare we take that as punishment enough. Just this once mind you, no thinking I’m gonna let you off every time you turn the water works on.”
Groot reached out and patted Yondu’s face and picked something out of the blue whiskers and popped it into his mouth.
“I am groot”
“I do not have crawlers in ma whiskers!” Yondu said indignantly and watched as groot chewed.
“You’re disgusting Twig!
Groot stretched his hand out again and Yondu quickly held him at arms length, “no you don’t twig time you went and annoyed someone else. I have things to do.”
“I am groot?” Groot asked.
Yondu leaned down and put groot and the floor, “Mind your business twig, now scat! Go!” He shoed Groot towards the door and opened it for him. Groot hangs his head sadly and heads out of the door. He turns back towards the big blue man and gives his most adorable and persuasive smile
“I am groot?”
He is not gonna crumble every time the twig gives him that look, got a reputation to uphold here. Yondu’s gets a twinkle in his eye and winks at groot.
“Go find Peter, he’ll play with you. Tell him I sent you and he’s to do whatever you want or else.”
“I am groot?” Groot asks.
“Oh the kid will know what I mean.”
Groot scampers off but turns back before he gets out of sight, he waves to the nice blue man fondly. Then runs off with his usual chorus of “I am groot”
“See ya kid.” Yondu’s waves back before getting to work. It must be time to fumigate his room if things are starting to breed in his face hair. He scratched at his whiskers and shudders.
Drax The Destroyer, frowned uncertainty at the item that Mantis held out to him.
“ I made this for you my good friend Drax.” She said with a shy smile.
He took the long piece of material with a loop at the top and held it up trying to decide what it was for.
“Peter said this is called an apron and you wear it when you do the cooking.” Mantis explained.
That did have some logic as since he had joined the Guardian crew he had assumed responsibility for cooking their meals. Drax found cooking very relaxing in between missions. That was considerable of Peter, unusually so in fact. If Drax’s people wasn’t quite so literal he might have found that a little suspicious.
“Rocket Racoon said that you have sensitive nipples and Peter then made the suggestion that an apron might come in useful. He is a very thoughtful young Terran don’t you think?” She added.
Drax’s frown deepened, “Did these suggestions lead to humourous reaction?”
Mantis thought for a second before replying, “Rocket was very happy about Peter’s very kind suggestion. I did not need to touch either of them to know they were both very happy for you. And the cute puppy did roll over on the floor laughing and I so wanted to rub his cute little belly.” Mantis ended with a sigh.
Ah a Joke at his expense Drax concluded, “When you see those two again tell them I said they will be eating cold rations from now on” Drax huffed.
“Oh dear, they will be very sad to hear that. I’m sorry if I have offended you Drax.” Mantis said sadly.
“I do have sensitive nipples and this will be a very practical garment to protect my skin during cooking. Thank you.” Drax nodded before moving towards the meal prep area of the galley.
Happily Mantis drifted off to see is anyone needed her assistance, especially the cute puppy. Maybe one day he would let her pat him.
Drax was trying out a new recipe he’d picked up at the last food stop over and had all his carefully prepared ingredients laid out ready to cook. Baby Groot was sitting on the back of a chair nearby watching Drax with fascination. Some of the things the big ugly man was playing with looked very interesting and Groot slyly reached out with his hand vines and grabbed a handful.
“Put those back right now you annoying small tree!” Drax demanded.
Groot popped the orange thing into his mouth then his face crumpled in disgust and he spat it out. He glared at Drax and started to throw what was left at the horrible, nasty man.
Peter and Yondu came in on the scene as Drax was yelling at Baby Groot and his bad manners.
“Yay! Food fight!” Peter chortled.
“I am groot” little Groot said indignantly
“Shame on ya Drax, trying to poison the little twig” Yondu said with a wink in Groot’s direction.
“I am trying to prepare the evening meal. Whose responsibility is it to look after the small tree today?” Drax demanded.
A big grin spread over Peter’s face, “That would be you. Took my turn yesterday. Had a fun time didn’t we kid?” He directed at Little Groot.
Yondu smacked Quill around the back of his head.
“Ow! What was that for?” Peter winced.
“A good time? You lost the twig for 2 hours.”
“That was hide and seek.” Peter said innocently. Yeah the kid hid and I went and listened to my new Zune tracks for a couple of hours. Win win.
During the distraction Groot snuck over and took Drax’s tablet and made off with it to the top of the store cupboards
“I am Groot” Groot grinned.
Peter did his best to keep the smirk out off his face ”Hope you got nothing too important on that tablet” He nodded towards groot who was poking with little fingers on the screen.
“I am Drax The Destroyer! Do not even think about touching my things, put that down right now. All my recipes are on there.” Drax added almost inaudibly.
“I am Groot.” Groot said with what looked suspiciously like a sneer.
Yondu smacked Quill around the head again, harder this time.
“Ow!” Peter yelped And backed away from Yondu.
Yondu pointed a warning finger at the young Terran.
“Come on man, coulda been Rocket.” Peter said
“Well twig who was it taught you that little mouthful you just spouted?” Yondu asked looking up at Groot. Baby Groot looked at the big blue man sadly as he started to point.
Peter frantically shook his head at Groot. But trust the little brat to pick now to tell the truth. Peter’s shoulders slumped as Groot’s accusing finger landed on him.
Yondu had Peter by the ear before he had time to decide to make a run for it.
“Will one of you tell the small tree to return my property, if that is not too much trouble.” Drax said impatiently.
Still with a firm grip on the Quill’s ear Yondu looked up at baby Groot
“I am groot”
“He says catch.” Yondu translated with a toothy grin.
Groot watched in satisfaction as the tablet fell and hit the ground breaking into lots of nice pieces.
Drax beside himself with anger shook his fist at the little colossus , “when I get my hands on you I’m going to.... going to” he looked at Yondu for inspiration
“Spank his twig butt?” Yondu suggested helpfully
Quill shuddered at the mention of his least favourite word.
“Yes, I will give his bottom a very firm spanking.” Drax threatened, still very annoyed about the loss of his recipe collection.
“Make the little tree come down so I may carry out his punishment.” Drax said.
“I am groot” groot said before he swung himself down and bounced off Drax’s bald head, (just like Rocket Racoon had taught him) and dashed off in search of his next adventure.
Drax stood with hands on hips, “what did he say?” He looked between Yondu and Quill for a reply.
“Not saying” Peter did have at least some semblance of self preservation.
Yondu smirked, “you don’t wanna know, trust me.”
Now the side show was over Peter fidgeted,
“Can I have my ear back please?”
“Nope, need to have a few words about your language kid”
“How come the brat gets away with everything?“ Peter whined
Peter gave a yip as Yondu started towards the door without warning him.
“Twig is a cute adorable baby and you...
Quill hurried to keep up as Yondu dragged him by the ear.
“Are Stupid, stupid enough to stand within arms length a me”
“Oh man, that’s so uncool.” Peter slumped even further in embarrassment.
“What times dinner? Yondu asked Drax
Drax picked up whatever was closest and threw it at Yondu, who swung Peter in front of him and grinned when it bounced off the young Terrans head.
“Ow!” Damn it, is it the official dump on Quill day or something. Peter groaned.
“Ok kid let’s get on with this, I do got Captain’n stuff to take care off.”
Peter jogged to keep up with Yondu,
“Go easy on the ear dude, I need it.”
Yondu stopped abruptly and glared at Quill, “It’s not my ear I’d be worrying about boy. And don’t call me dude!” He growled.
“Sorry.” Peter said meekly, knowing when he’d over stepped.
“Good” Yondu sad, satisfied and let go of the kids ear and transferred his grip to the back of his neck and continued on to his quarters.
He opened the door and propelled Quill inside, using a bit more force that was absolutely necessary. Peter bounced on his feet to keep his balance and waited for the yelling to start and kept a wary eye on Yondu.
“Got a question for you kid”
“O....k”
“That little Contraxian sonnet you taught the twig, not part of your day to day cussing, if memory serves?” Yondu watched as the kid had the decency to turn a nice shade of pink.
Peter groaned, “oh man it was just a joke an I was drunk. Seemed really funny at the time.” He added feebly in his defence.
Yondu kept his stern Captain face in place for several long moments before breaking out in a belly laugh. It wasn’t as though he had any strict rules about bad language, as long as nobody was dumb enough to aim it at him. And it had been a very long time since anyone had been dumb enough. Well not counting Peter and that was a different story.
Peter relaxed a little but was still wary, although he’d been out on his own this past six years he hadn’t forgotten just how sneaky the Captain could be. Still maybe dragging him along to his quarters was the blue doofus idea of a joke. Peter did his best to push to the back of his mind that in the past, and sorta more recently, it meant he was getting his ass handed too him. Ok here goes nothin Peter thought as he edged towards the door.
“And where do ya think you’re going?” Yondu said as he came a little closer.
Peter gestured towards the door, “gotta be git’n along, stuff needs cleaning, this ship is almost as filthy as the Milano.”
“No problem kid, I’ll find some chores for ya after We’re done here.”
“Huh? I don’t do chores, I do maintenance and stuff.” Peter said indignantly.
“I’m your Daddy kid and if I say you do chores that’s the way it is.”
“Huh?”
“That knock on the head before scramble your brains kid? you heard what I said. You can’t have forgotten our little heart to heart when I was saving your life an all.” Yondu feigned a hurt expression.
“Thought that was lack of oxygen or something.” Peter gave a twitch of a smirk and got a smack around the ear in reply.
“Ow! Can ya Stop slapping me around for a bit Dude.”
“You call me dude again and I’ll wash your mouth out with the slimiest soap I can find.” Yondu threatened.
“Man What is your problem.”
“Say it again kid and you’ll find out.”
Peter declined the offer, see he could make mature decisions, if he felt like it.
“So if I’m your heir apparent and all does that mean I get special privileges, sit in the Captains chair and all, Pilot the ship while you’re takin a nap.” Peter grinned.
“No, but I might let ya call me Daddy, if you behave and all.”
“ Wow, thanks, can’t wait.” Peter said giving Yondu a disdainful look.
Yondu put an arm around the young mans shoulder, “also means I don’t need ta drag you to my room every time I need to chastise ya, that’ll be a time saver.”
“Huh.” I really needed to work on broadening my vocabulary, Peter thought.
“No Ravager crew to hide our warn fussy family relationship from no more.” Yondu grinned mercilessly.
Peter shrugged Yondu’s arm off his neck in a huff, “How come this deal is all one sided in your favour?”
Yondu ruffled his kids hair, “you get t’ call me Daddy, what more do ya need you ungrateful brat.”
Peter flashed his most disingenuous smile at Yondu, “ Gee thanks Dad.”
Yondu’s belly rumbled,” Ok lets finish up here so we can go eat.” All this sentimentality was making his teeth ache. He caught Peter by the arm and and turned him side on and delivered half a dozen swats to the kids butt and made sure Peter felt the whacks in-spite Of getting it over his pants. To prove the point Peter yelped and went up on his toes with each powerful slap.
Soon as he was done Yondu headed out of the room and motioned for Peter to follow, “You coming boy or you going to stand there and sulk? Peter slowly followed and rubbed his butt as he headed for the door.
Peter slouched along with his hands in his pockets, couldn’t be rubbing his behind in from of everyone. “You never did say what that was for.” He said, not quite keeping the whine out of his tone.
“Encouraging the twig to cuss, or anything else you been up to and I don’t know about, yet.” Yondu stressed.
Peter shrugged and then smirked, “Fair enough.”
Yondu glanced at Peter suspiciously, “you been up to much behind my back kid?”
Peter edged further away from the old Centaurian “Well I was out there earning my Star Lord rep for six years, so I’ll leave that up to your imagination, Dude.” He added before taking off at a run.
Yondu shook his head, damn Terrans mature the slowest of all the races he’d come across, that or the kid was just an immature idiot. Probably the latter, hardly fair to tarnish a whole race on account of one dumb kid.
Rocket trotted in the direction of the cargo hold and hummed one of the hummi’s songs, Southern Nights was one of his favourites. It was a good tune for blowing stuff up or generally causing mayhem, although while he was on ship he kept the explosions to a minimum. He was working on some improvements to the new jet packs and had needed to scrounge around the ship looking for useful components. Which he was sure their original owners wouldn’t miss and if they did, well tough. They could bite him, or more accurately he would bite them if they got too antsy.
Rocket chuckle was drowned out by a high pitched scream and angry shouting. Groot he recognised and picked up his speed to go see what was up. He spotted Baby Groot kicking the big metal box that Rocket had appropriated to keep his tools and work crap in. A very angry Groot was beating on the box with the extended vines of one hand,
“I am Groot!” Groot said crossly as he held up his other hand and Rocket could see that the tip of one finger was missing and sap dripped from the small wound. Rocket bend down to examine the damage and rummaged for a clean cloth to cover the tip of Groot’s finger.
It’ll be fine kid, grown back in no time. Then he glared at Groot, “what do ya mean, ‘it bite you?’ “ he asked.
Baby Groot fidgeted uncomfortably under Rockets glare, “I am groot” he answered
“Oh so it looked at you funny and then went and bit you? That your story kid?”
Groot nodded solemnly.
Rocket scooped Groot up, “What’ve I told you about touching my stuff when I’m not with you kid?
Baby Groot gave Rocket his cutest most endearing look and held up his poorly finger for added sympathy.
“That might work on the other idiots on board, but not me kid.” Rocket placed one foot and the top of the metal box and flipped Groot over his knee and gave him three whacks on his butt while Groot wiggled and started to cry. Then he put groot down on top of the box and wiped the tears from his face with a gentle finger.
“Don’t wanna have to start over and grow you from a twig again kid” he said in a serious tone but spoiled the effect by winking at Groot.
Groot pouted and rubbed his behind. “I am groot?”
“Let’s not start that again kid, box didn’t look at you funny or otherwise.”
Groot folded his arms and pouted some more.
Rocket wagged a finger at the kid, “you gonna touch my stuff again kid or you leant your lesson?”
Baby Groot nodded and then added”I am Groot?”
Rocket shrugged, “sure you can mess with anyone else’s stuff if ya feeling brave enough. Anyone particular in mind?”
Groot gave a cheeky smirk”I am groot “
“Drax hey, big surprise there. What you got against that big galoot Anyways?”
“I am groot”
“His head’s scary cause it got no hair? Really? What about the Captain then? Ya don’t seem to spend half your time throwing stuff at him?”
“I am groot “ Groot said.
“What you talking about kid, he don’t have any hair.”
Groot patted his head.
Rocket shook his head, “that’s his fin kid not hair.”
“I am groot “ Groot said stubbornly.
“Fine, have it your own way. Now go and bug someone else, I got work to finish up.”
Groot gave a yawn and held his hands up, fingers wiggling enticingly until Rocket gave in and picked him up. “Well if ya think I’m traipsing back to Yondu’s quarters to put you to bed think again kid.” Rocket made a makeshift nest and plopped baby groot on it and watched as the kid got comfy and put his damaged finger in his mouth and went off to sleep. Rocket turned back to his work area and Kicked his tool box, “and you leave the kid alone.” He said as he finally got back to his project.