"Mama, where's Daddy?" Sigrid asked Loki.
"Daddy had to go away for a little while." Loki forced a smile.
Sigrid watched as Loki threw up into the toilet. She ran through the bathroom, looking for medicine to give to Loki.
"Mama, where's medicine?" Sigrid cried.
"Mama is okay." Loki held Sigrid in his lap.
"Is it the baby?"
"Yeah. It's fine."
"You sure?"
"Mama would never lie."
Sigrid was going to be three soon. She may be a child but she was too smart for her own good. But that was to be expected given how smart Loki is and how much of a genius Tony is. Sigrid was also very observant. A trait Thor says she got from Loki. Lately, it's been harder for Loki. He noticed Sigrid's attitude towards Tony has started to change. Her feelings for Tony has even turned to anger. She didn't ask for him anymore. It was a question here and there. Sigrid evolved around Loki and the new baby. Sometimes, he has to call for help from Thor or even Steve because Sigrid will try to break something that belongs to Tony and scream at it. Loki didn't like this. Sigrid was a good little girl. Compassionate and thoughtful beyond her years but that anger. Loki had anger but Sigrid took after Tony.
"I hate Daddy." Sigrid says.
"You don't mean that." Loki was taken back. "Daddy loves you very much."
"No, he doesn't."
"Sigrid, that's not nice. Daddy tries."
"Then where is he?"
"He had to go away for a little bit. He'll be back. He's a little...sick."
"You're sick."
"Mama has a baby in his belly right now. I'm not sick."
Sigrid didn't completely understand pregnancy but she knew enough to know that the baby needed to stay inside for a little bit because it wasn't strong like Sigrid right now. Sigrid liked to lay against Loki's stomach. The pregnancy was still in the very early stages but there was something about knowing there was a baby forming that warmed Sigrid. All she ever wanted now was to be close to Loki. She wanted to be close to the baby. She wanted to keep them safe. Just like she promised Thor. She wished she could keep Thor safe though. She knew he was sad for Jane.
Loki tries to move but Sigrid doesn't let go. Loki scoops her up in his arms and walks them out to the kitchen so Loki can cook them lunch. Sigrid still doesn't let go. Loki frowned. Sigrid has always been so independent but after everything with Tony, Loki doesn't even mind the new dependency. Loki knew he should break it. It's not healthy.
"Sigrid, what's wrong?" Loki cooed, hugging her.
"Mama is hurt." Sigrid says.
"How?"
"Daddy hurt you."
Loki froze. He didn't know what to say. He sat in a chair, holding Sigrid in his lap.
"That's why Daddy is gone." Sigrid sniffed. "Because he hurt you."
"No, no." Loki tried to soothe her. "Daddy is just a little sick so he's getting better."
"You're sad all the time."
"Mama is just tired."
"Does Daddy love us?"
"Of course, he does."
"Then why did he hurt?"
Loki sighed. Damn his little girl being so smart and observant. This was too hard. Loki is a month pregnant. Everything is too hard right now. Even with the help he's getting.
"I can feel it." Sigrid says.
"What do you mean?" Loki raised an eyebrow.
"Se...Sie.."
"Seidr?"
"Yeah."
"You felt mama's sadness?"
Sigrid nodded. Loki sighed. So Loki was right. Sigrid was a little goddess of magic. Loki wanted to laugh at himself. This whole little play fight Loki and tony used to have over Sigrid has finally been settled and Tony wasn't even here to enjoy it. Instead, he's in rehab. Trying to overcome his alcoholism and seek professional help. And Sigrid's third birthday is around the corner. All of this happening while Loki is a month pregnant with their second baby.
~
After Loki finally put Sigrid to bed, Loki sat in his empty bed and stared at his phone. He just stared at it for a long time.
Hey Loki. It's me.
I know you don't want to talk right now. I'm not going to ask to see Sigrid. I know I shouldn't and you probably won't let me. I don't blame anyone. I hope she still loves me. I hope you do too. I'm sorry for it all. The almost rape. What I screamed at you after you told me about the baby. The things I spat in your face. Just all of it. But the thing I'm most sorry for is being me. You deserve so much better. You're not a bad mother. You're not a bad lover. You're not bad. I am. I'm more damaged than I ever thought. This isn't some plead or anything. I'm not trying to manipulate you. I swear. I love you too much to keep hurting you. I'll go away until I'm better. I don't know how long it'll take but I am going to be better. When I come back, maybe we can try again. I hope this isn't forever. I miss you and Sigrid...and even the new baby.
I really miss you. I do. God, I love you. I know I shouldn't even be writing you because I'll fall into a dark hole. Barnes talked sense into me. I'm not mad for Thor nearly beating me to death. I deserved it. Even before the attempted rape, I was making your life a living nightmare but you never said anything. Was I that horrible or did you just love me that much? I hope it's the latter. I'm going to love you forever but when I come back, I hope you will still love me. I hope Sigrid will love me. And God, I hope I come back before the baby is born but if not, I hope the baby will love me too. I'm sorry for being my father to you. I'm sorry for assaulting Bruce. I'm just sorry for everything. You deserve love but you don't deserve it if it destroys you.
I love you, baby. Until we meet again.
Tony.
Loki cried into the phone. He loved Tony with everything he had and he'd let Tony hurt him over and over if it meant he could have him back. But he knew. He knew something had to change. Otherwise, he'd have to take their children from Tony.