I Am Brave, I Am Bruised

F/M
M/M
G
I Am Brave, I Am Bruised

A birthday is supposed to be a celebration. But instead, it's a dark day.

 

Jane Foster has died.

 

They held a funeral. Thor didn't want a wake. He couldn't do it but Erik convinced Thor to do it for Jane. He caved and both Darcy and Erik did not leave his side. They knew he was going to need support. Thor would look at Loki for anything but he knew Loki had enough on his hands. Sigrid was three years old now. He was about six months pregnant and was just starting to barely show. Bucky and Steve offered their condolences. Pepper, Happy and Rhodey gave them sympathies. Loki was constantly being hovered over by Bruce, Natasha and Jennifer. Sigrid didn't leave Thor's side. She knew he was hurting. Thor carried her everywhere he went. Sigrid may have been a child but she always knew how to warm Thor's heart. She held him tight. She could feel his grief. Just like she can feel Loki's sadness.

 

Clint had given his sympathies to Thor and took a moment to sit outside. Away from everyone. He just needed a moment. He was never good with funerals. He wanted to be home with his family. But he knew Thor needed everyone. He was going to go back in a moment when his eye caught something.

 

More like someone.

 

"No fucking way." Clint growled.

 

+

 

Thor finally got some breathing space away from everyone when Loki found him. They didn't say anything. They just sat together. They both watched Sigrid as she followed Bucky and Steve around. She may be wise beyond her years but she was always starstruck when she saw Captain America and The Winter Soldier. Especially when they were together.

 

"How's the baby?" Thor asked.

"Fine. I found out the gender." Loki replied.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What are you giving life to?"

"A little boy."

"Have you come up with a name?"

"Magnus Edward Stark."

 

+

 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Clint hissed, not trying to attract any attention.

"I heard Jane died." Tony said. "I want to pay my respects."

"You are literally the last person to be here."

"Just let me lay down a flower and I'm gone."

"You are full of shit, Tony. You know Loki and Sigrid are here."

 

Tony took a deep breath. He really did want to pay his respects. For Jane and Thor. But a part of him wanted to just see Loki and Sigrid. It's been five months. Sigrid turned three. Loki is starting to show. Loki never answered his message back. He knew that. He wasn't going to actually approach them. He just needed to see them. He wanted to see Sigrid's face. He needed to know how much Loki was showing. Maybe... Just maybe figure out the gender.

 

"You need to fucking leave." Clint warned Tony.

"Please." Tony actually begged.

"I know you're still fucked up. You shouldn't be here."

"I'm not drinking anymore. I'm almost sober. Just mostly getting professional help now."

"I'm not gonna budge with this sob story."

"I know. Just tell Loki my progress, okay? But please let me just see Sigrid's face. That's all I ask. Or tell me the gender. One or the other. I just need to know something about my children."

 

+

 

The funeral finally ended and Loki scooped up Sigrid in his arms. She was tired. They wanted to go home. He big Thor goodbye and Thor gave Sigrid a kiss on her temple. Before Loki could leave, Clint caught up.

 

"Hey." Clint said, petting Sigrid's hair.

"Hello." Loki smiled. "You disappeared for a while."

"I hate funerals. Needed air."

"I understand that. Thor and I escaped the crowd for a while too."

"I gotta tell you something."

"What is it?"

 

Clint walked Loki out before he spilled the beans.

 

"Tony showed up." Clint said in a low voice.

 

Loki's grip around Sigrid tightened.

 

"I didn't let him come in or anything. I know what's up." Clint explained. "Nat told me."

"I see." Loki tried to breathe.

"I got him to leave but he wanted me to tell you something. Apparently he messaged you a while back and you never wrote back."

"He sent a large message to my phone. I couldn't bear to reply. Not when I'm trying to deal with Sigrid's..."

"Broken heart, right? That's why she's so pissed at him."

"Yes."

 

Sigrid shifted in Loki's arms but remained asleep and close.

 

"He wants you to know he's almost sober and he's getting professional help." Clint continues.

"Okay." Loki shrugged. It was all words right now.

"He wanted to see Sigrid or find out the gender of the new one."

"What did you do?"

"I said no. To either. Sigrid is having complex emotions about him right now and if he sees you, pregnant with his second baby, it would break him. Plus, I don't know the gender yet. You haven't said."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

 

+

 

Tony sat in his room all alone. He has been at this townhouse for the last few months for his rehabilitation. He wanted to see his daughter and... He wasn't sure what to call Loki. Loki didn't call Tony a lover anymore. They never got the chance to get married. But god, Tony still loved Loki. He thought about getting a drink but he's been sober for a while now. It was hard at first but he really wanted to change. He walked to his kitchen to eat instead and he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Loki, glaring angrily at him.

 

"Baby!" Tony tried to move forward but Loki backed away.

"Don't." Loki's voice was furious.

"Loki, I-"

"Just don't, Tony." Loki placed one hand over his pregnant stomach.

"I miss you."

"Just stop it."

"Why are you here then?"

"Do not come near me or Sigrid. I know you're not completely sober and you still need help."

"Loki, I-"

"You had NO right to come to that funeral."

"It was Sigrid's third birthday too."

"I don't care. You have no right until you have changed."

"Loki."

"I love you so damn much it hurts, Tony. I do. I'm always going to love you. But what has been going on, I can't stand for it anymore. I can't let myself be destroyed because I'm in love with you. You've given me two children and if I have to, I'll take them away and you'll never meet Magnus and you'll never see Sigrid again."

 

Magnus. The name made Tony freeze. It was too close to Magni. Which meant the baby was a boy. Loki was carrying Tony's unborn son.

 

"Please don't take them from me, Loki." Tony got on his knees and begged. "Please don't leave me."

"You have until Magnus is born." Loki sighed. "You have three more months. Then I'm done."

 

And with a blink of an eye, Loki was gone.