Tommy knew he wasn't well, it could have been the countless nights he would lay awake staring thoughtlessly at the roof, sleeping but also not at the same time. it could of been the fact that no matter how much sleep he gets, he's always tired. sleep all night tired, don't sleep at all tired.
it could have also been all those times he zoned out in the shower mindlessly slicing a blade threw his skin, not paying attention even as crimson blood mixed with water trailing down his leg.
so, tommy knew he wasn't well, really he did, it was just so many people had it worse (his best friend time ranboo for example), he had never cut into any veins or into fat so. really Tommy was just fine. an average teenager as some would say.
tommy walked up the stairs and opened the door tired after a long day at school all he wanted to do was just lay down on his bed and scroll through tiktok.
"Tommy come sit down"
, fuck.. Tommy looked up from the floor accidently meeting eyes with his Gurdian Phil
this isn't sketchy at all, tommy walked forwards and sat on the edge of the couch. what did Phil want, tommy had a bad feeling.
"I don't want you to get mad he only wants the best for you, but tubbo's dad rang me about some concerning stuff saying Tubbo had told him you have cuts on your thighs".
tommy stared blankly at the wall behind Phil, stare, don't give him any answers commands ran through Tommy's head as he ignored every word Phil was saying. he wisely ignored the hurt and betrayal flashing through his chest he ignored his brain screaming snitch.
"I always knew it was going to well, i was just looking for the signs", Tommy held in a laugh bullshit, "you've always kept walls up, you're a very private person tommy, just like your mum, it must be hard for you, you did have to do everything for your mum, and it wasn't fair". tommy continued staring at the brick walls. tracing the cracks with his eyes, don't think about her DONT THINK.
"can you show me your legs", tommy tightened his grip on his sleeves, specking up for the first time in this conversation,
"no"
"i need to see how bad it is, do you know why you self harm" tommy made the mistake of glancing at Phil the face he had on just made him want to run him over with a bus
tommy shrugged. please just shut up.
"I'll tell you what i know about self-harm, people do it to feel or control their emotions, there are some who do it for attention and popularity like your cousin Wilbur, and there are some at the end of the line, suicide like i think you are".
He knew nothing, Tommy bit his cheek to stop himself form yelling. Wilbur did it because one of his beat friends just committed, it wasn't for attention. tommy tuned pill out he wished he never told tubbo at all.(even though he didn't really just one mistake with not being careful enough and he saw, maybe, maybe if tommy had also just kept his mouth shut and didn't make the jokes tubbo always took to seriously. why why why)
"i expect an answer back from you by Saturday",
tommy mindlessly nodded still having not looked Phil in the face, "oh and tommy just remember were worried about you".
bullshit, tommy got up and left, why would tubbo, he fucking trusted tubbo knew he should never have. god tommy felt dumb, he headed to his room and opened his laptop.
tommy
Wilbur
my friend tubbo snitched on me about sh and now I'm being singed up to therapy yayyy.
wilbur
are you okay.
tommy
no, but Ima keep laughing because i dont know what else to do, anyways bye,
tommy closed his laptop, god he was tired, tommy acknowledged the burning in his fists, the urge to punch was overwhelming, the thought of pill and tubbos faces being smashed in strengthened it. he needed to punch something or scream or all of the above.
there were times when tommy couldn't feel anything, he was just existing, at those times the voices got louder chanting for blood, his blood to be exact.
just steal a bunch of pills, it would be fun- get you vein and bleed out, you know you deserve it.
they were usually the bad night's when Tommy's thighs would go numb when he would wake up more tired than ever, when he knows his mum would be so disappointed him. just look at him in the span of 6 moths he had started smoking, vaping, doing shit in school, his mum would hate him.
tommy stared emptily at his room, it was one of those days, how did he know he was real, he looked down at his body, what were feelings how did pain affect him it is and will only be a feeling.
god he was fucked wasn't he
tommy looked up slightly as his mostly closed door opened, tommy closed his eyes,
i swear to fucking god if it phi- tommy took in the figure of Wilbur, the person he had looked up to ever since he was a child. wilbur opened his arms and tommy lent into them( when was the last time he had even been hugged he can't remember anymore.)
"sorry i couldn't be more help, I was high and bare footed walking through Walmart when you texted, are you okay tommy?"
tommy laughed sourly, "no", he took a slight look at his fist of with was red, swollen and bruising. but had he ever really been okay.
"I'm sorry i know how it feels" Wilbur whispered slightly rocking tommy.
tommy laughed again, its kinda sad the only way he found out about both of us is that we were snitched on by people we trusted.
yea.. Wilbur replied holding tommy tightly.