It's been three days since Tony suggested marriage to Loki. He was already starting to feel bad about sneaking around but Tony suggesting marriage made it worse. No one knew they were being intimate again. And if they did know, Loki was smart enough to know it would not be a good thing. It'd be rather explosive. But he can't stay away. He never could. Even when he invaded Earth all those years ago. Loki watches Magnus as he sleeps in his crib. He was a good baby. He never fussed. He only did it on occasions. He smiled early on. He laughs. His eyes brighten whenever he sees Sigrid. He walks out of the room so Magnus can nap in peace. He checks in on Sigrid who is also taking a nap. They sleep so well.
"Loki." Thor taps his shoulder as he closes Sigrid's door.
"Thor." Loki looks at his brother.
"We need to talk."
+
"What. The. Fuck." Clint rubbed his temples.
"Well shit, Yasha." Natasha sighed.
"I'm a little ashamed that you didn't catch on, Natalia." Bucky grind his teeth.
"This is Loki we're talking about." Natasha replied.
"Fair enough." Bucky didn't care for magic but he knew it was a bitch of a thing.
"I realize that Thor might actually kill Tony this time." Clint sighed.
"If he finds out." Natasha eyed Bucky.
"You think I'll rat him out?" Bucky eyed back. "I'm the Winter Soldier. I wouldn't have survived Hydra if I was a snitch."
After Bucky's talk with Tony, he decided to confide in Natasha and Clint. He could have gone home to Steve but they've been tensed lately. Well, more like the last few months. But his problems wasn't chaotic the way Loki and Tony's relationship was at the moment. Natasha knew but she didn't ask. She knew Bucky well enough to know when to not push.
"If you're not gonna snitch, what are you gonna do?" Clint asked.
"I've gotten on Tony's ass twice already." Bucky replied. "Hopefully, this time, he'll listen."
Natasha and Clint looked at each other. "It's Tony fucking Stark."
Bucky rolled his eyes. He knows. He spent some time with Howard during the war. But Howard never tried to rape Maria. Howard may have been a mean drunk who liked to hit his wife and son but he wasn't a rapist. He was a womanizer. He was an arrogant genius. He was in Shield. In a lot of ways, Tony was similar. He was a playboy. He was an arrogant genius. He was Iron Man. He may have never hit his children and Loki but he was as damaged as Howard. Then again, that's what childhood abuse tend to do to someone.
+
"What's going on, Steve?" Carol asked. "You're freaking me out a little and you know how rare that is. Is Bucky hurting you? Is he having triggers?"
"Nothing like that." Steve took a deep breath.
"Then what?"
"I don't know. I've been thinking of my folks. I've been thinking of when he was under Hydra's control. I think about how Hydra will never fully leave his mind. Then I think of Tony and Loki. Bucky would never hurt me. He'd never force me. But I guess what my dad did was more extreme than I ever thought. I guess I've put it all away for so long that once this thing happened with Tony and Loki, it triggered something. I still love Buck. I still have sex with him. I still do everything I do with him but I feel this uneasiness in the pit of my stomach."
"Steve, you gotta tell him."
"I know but I don't want to hurt him. Hydra has done enough of that."
"Not telling him this is going to hurt him more than Hydra could have ever done."
"I know, Carol. I know."
And Steve did know. Bucky has been the love of his life for decades. Back when love and sex was a mystery. Back when Steve's dad was still alive, slurring at people who didn't see the gender when they loved someone. He remembers the day his dad saw Bucky kiss him for the first time. He got the most drunk he has ever gotten that day and nearly beat Steve to death. His ma stepped in and took the rest of that beating that day. He couldn't hide it from Bucky. They were only twelve years old. What was a twelve year old going to do to a drunk, abusive grown man? He remembers the day he gave his virginity to Bucky two years later. That was the second time his dad ever got the drunkest he has gotten in his life. He had found a used condom in the trash and knew. He knew Bucky and Steve had sex. It happened again. And again, Steve stopped Bucky from assaulting his dad.
Then he remembers the day his dad died. Bucky felt some relief because Joseph Rogers was no longer there to hurt Steve and Sarah Rogers. He was no longer there to try to "beat the gay out". But Steve remembers how broken his ma was over his dad's death. How it took her a while to finally get some kind of normalcy back. And it was the day Steve realized that he, Steven Grant Rogers, was in love with James Buchanan Barnes. He remembers that day. Bucky came over to comfort Steve and he couldn't deal with it. He broke up with Bucky. Broke his heart. He loved Bucky but he broke his heart. Like he had told Carol, it didn't last long. They got back together two weeks later. Bucky didn't chase after dames during that time. He was constantly trying to talk to Steve during those two weeks. They were in love but they were hurting too. Back then, Bucky didn't know about the nightmares. He still doesn't know how bad the abuse got.
And seeing what happened with Loki and Tony has caused Steve a trigger.
+
Loki's heart dropped. Did Thor know?
+
What's going to happen then?" Natasha asked.
"Hope for the best." That's all Bucky could say.
"Yeah, hope." Clint shook his head.
+
"I love him so much, Carol." Steve put his head in his hands.
"I know, Steve. I know." Carol patted him on the shoulder.