“You know, he knew you,” Rumlow spat in Steve’s face, “Your pal, your buddy, your Bucky.”
“And where do you think he is now?” Steve shot back, “Back at the compound playing monopoly with Iron Man’s son?” He chuckled for a second, “Actually I think it’s Clue. Peter kept winning at monopoly.”
In Steve’s distracted state he missed Rumlow press down on the detonator in his right hand. He jumped back. What was supposed to be a giant explosion was contained to just Rumlow, encased in a ball of red energy.
He turned to see Wanda doing her best to control the blast. He was impressed at the power the young avenger possessed. Though the strained expression on her face told Steve that this was taking all her energy. And it only took a second for her to slip and send Rumlow and the fire soaring into an office building; breaking glass and sending several sections of the building up in flames.
Wanda slowly stood up and put her hand on her mouth, appalled at what she had just done.
Steve stared at the destruction in awe. While still catching his breath he put his hand up to his ear to talk to Falcon, “Sam. We need… fire and rescue… on the south side of the building.” He ran towards the wreckage to help save anyone he could.
He didn’t notice as Wanda slowly sank to her knees, still unable to look away from the devastation. Tears welled in her eyes as she was brought back to ten-years-old, huddling under the bed in Sokovia with her twin brother.
It was Natasha who found her. Not that Wanda had moved at all, she wasn’t even sure she had blinked.
Nat placed a hand on her back and leaned down to look her in the eye, “You alright?” she asked.
Wanda wasn’t sure if Nat had meant physically or mentally but she wordlessly nodded back anyway.
“Then let’s get you out of here,” Nat pulled her up and lead her through the crowds of people and away from the catastrophe she had caused.
“I don’t suppose there’s a senior discount, is there?” Bucky asked hopefully.
“Sorry, Uncle Bucky,” Peter said with a sly smile, “It’s full price. Two-hundre—”
“Yeah, I know,” Bucky grumbled under his breath, handing over four dark blue colored bills. He had run out of hundreds when he landed on Pennsylvania Railroad.
Now the Short Line was going to be the death of him.
Peter reached for the yellowing monopoly dice as Tony popped his head in the room, “They’re back.”
Peter leapt up out of his seat, followed closely by Bucky as they nonchalantly hurried towards the Quinjet landing pad. When the doors opened Sam and Natasha were the first to silently leave. Bucky wouldn’t have noticed if it weren’t for the friendly shoulder pat from Sam as he walked by. Bucky only had eyes for Steve.
Captain America put a comforting hand on Wanda’s shoulder before she took a deep breath and left the jet.
“Hey wanna play monopoly with us, Wand…a…” Peter tried to ask Wanda as she walked away from the teenager without even a glance his way.
“Give her a while to collect herself,” Steve said reassuringly, still using his captain voice, which he had presumably been using on Wanda just a few moments earlier.
Bucky easily saw through the façade. The mission had roughed up all avengers involved, it was clear as day.
Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve’s shoulder and grabbed the helmet from his hand, leading Captain America away from the disappointed Peter.
“So how did it go?” Bucky asked quietly.
Steve sighed before sending a small smile Bucky’s way, “He’s dead.”
“That’s great!” Bucky smiled widely. Steve and the rest of the avengers had been after Rumlow and his crew since before the Sokovia incident. Bucky wished Rumlow had been the first priority, but he guessed saving the entire planet from an army of Pinocchio-loving murder-bots was more important.
“Did you find anything on him?” Bucky asked, not sure if he wanted the answer to be yes or no.
“He blew up before I had a chance to search him.”
“He blew up!” Bucky was practically jumping with glee. Though he recomposed himself after he saw Steve’s pained expression, “What happened Stevie? What’s wrong?”
“There was more destruction than we anticipated. He tried to blow up the entire outdoor market. If Wanda hadn’t been there… But she slipped. He crashed into a building and… Oh, Buck. It was awful!” Steve broke down, throwing his arms around Bucky as he snuggled his face in his neck.
“But you’re okay,” Bucky soothed, rubbing Steve’s back, “That’s all that matters.”
“I can still smell it, Buck,” Steve sobbed.
“What?” Bucky asked, knowing he probably didn’t want to know.
“The ash, the burning building… the flesh,” Steve held onto Bucky tighter.
“Deep breaths,” Bucky advised, hoping some of upstate New York’s fresh air would clear his boyfriend’s mind.
“All he had to say…” Steve whimpered, pulling away from Bucky in order to look at him.
“What did he say?” Bucky was used to Steve in this post-mission state at this point. He knew to coax all the horrors from the Captain until he settled down.
“Bucky,” Steve breathed, touching the ex-soldier’s cheek, “Rumlow said Bucky and suddenly all I could think about was being back here with you. And people died. It’s my fault.”
“No it’s not,” Bucky demanded.
“I should’ve clocked that bomb vest long before Wanda had to deal with it,” Steve finally wiped away some of his tears.
“Look at the tremendous responsibility you have,” Bucky pointed out, “Your job; you try to save as many people as you can. Sometimes that doesn’t mean everybody. And if you can’t find a way to live with that then next time, maybe nobody gets saved.”
“I can’t let that happen,” Steve finally started to piece himself back together.
“And you won’t,” Bucky said forcefully.
“I’m getting too old for this, Buck,” Steve said after a second.
“Old!?” Bucky demanded, “What do ya mean, old!? You don’t look a day over 30!”
“But sometimes I feel the weight of all 98 years.”
“Listen, Pal,” Bucky stated, “There should be no weight, no guilt. There hasn’t been a day in your life where you haven’t done the right thing. Not one. You don’t deserve to beat yourself up about this.”
“Do you ever wish we had survived the war?” Steve asked, “You know, returned home. Started a family.”
“No,” Bucky answered, “Who would I have started a family with? Certainly not you. I couldn’t. But now? I can hold your hand without being arrested. Never have to worry about one of us going to bed hungry. Don’t have to pray every night that you will survive the winter. I hate how I got here, but I don’t regret being here with you, right now.”
“I just miss the days when I wasn’t responsible for the safety of the whole world,” Steve sighed.
“Yeah, well I miss the days when I could beat Pete at monopoly. Looks like we’re both setting ourselves up for disappointment,” Bucky deadpanned, “Now let’s get you cleaned up before Tony calls us for dinner.”
“Tony’s cooking for us?” Steve looked worried.
“Yeah, that’s what he gets for losing at Clue,” Bucky smiled.
It didn’t take long for Steve to look past this one bad mission and look to the next. It never did. All he ever needed was one moment to collect himself before focusing back on what was more important.
It was Wanda who seemed really shaken up. She stopped going out on missions or even on patrol. Even though Steve and Nat both insisted that they would need her help. She just quietly shook her head and turned away to return to her room.
She spent most of her time in there. Bucky was worried. Sometimes he sent Vision in there to check in on her. He couldn’t help but smile every time he heard her yell, “Vis!” Vision wasn’t big on doors. Or walls.
At Bucky’s insistence, she appeared at all meals and sometimes joined him and Peter when they played board games or video games. Though she had been banned from Clue the second Bucky realized she was reading his mind every time she looked at him.
Bucky particularly liked Mario Kart and smiled every time Luigi gave the death stare as he passed either Toadette or Baby Daisy. He was never very good and gave the blame to either Peter’s experience or Wanda’s ability to know exactly when he was going to throw a red shell. Thankfully Luigi was never in last place if Mario was racing with them. Peter had long given up trying to get Steve to choose a more interesting character and didn’t believe, “but he’s the hero” was a valid excuse. He had seen enough Game Theories to know Steve’s argument to be futile.
A month had passed and nothing that interesting had happened for the team. Both Thor and Banner were MIA, but what else was new. Neither had been spotted since Sokovia.
“Hey Barnes, can I see you for a minute?” Tony called out just as Bucky’s third double had landed his wheel barrow in jail.
“Sure,” Bucky got up to leave but not before telling Peter, “Don’t take any of my money, kid. I’m recounting this when I get back.”
Bucky followed Tony some ways down the hall where no one could hear them.
“Does this look familiar?” Tony asked, holding up a red notebook with a black star on it.
Bucky’s eyes widened before he quickly snatched the book away from Tony, “Where did you find this?”
“Cleveland,” Tony answered, surprised at how aggressive Bucky was acting.
“Ohio?” Bucky demanded.
“That’s where Cleveland is. Yeah. What’s in that book anyway?”
“You didn’t look?” Bucky asked.
“No. It was found in the house of a former Hydra agent. Thought you would know what’s in it, since it matches—”
“My arm,” Bucky answered, “I know.”
“So what’s in there?” Tony asked.
“Nothing. Doesn’t matter,” Bucky held the book close to his chest and left to return to Peter.
“…between the avengers and a group of mercenaries in Lagos, Nigeria last month,” Bucky heard the news station from the office space where Tony usually dumped his mail.
He ducked in the room and saw Steve stationed in front of the computer.
“You okay?” Bucky asked.
“Yeah,” Steve nodded, reaching out for Bucky. The ex-soldier entered the room and let Steve drag him onto his lap.
“This whole Lagos business isn’t still bothering you, is it?” Bucky asked.
“How can it not? Everyone’s still talking about it.”
“So? This isn’t the first time you have appeared in a negative light. Remember what happened to Banner last year? This can’t be any worse. You guys actually saved some lives,” Bucky pointed out.
“I don’t think anyone cares. Especially with the King of Wakanda speaking about it. People are more likely to listen to a king instead of a group of super heroes,” Steve sighed.
“But if you hadn’t been there more people would have died. And it wouldn’t have just stayed in Lagos. Rumlow stole a biological weapon, right? That means there would have been far more deaths all around the world. And how do you control a biological weapon?” Bucky asked.
“Vaccines,” Steve deadpanned.
“Okay, Mr. Buzzkill. I have a monopoly game to attempt to win and ultimately lose. If I leave, will you be alright?” Bucky got up from Steve’s lap.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he sighed.
“Good. Now turn off the news and try to find something more useful to do than just moping around,” Bucky warned, leaving the room.
He fully intended on going back to finally kick Peter’s ass at monopoly but was stopped when he heard another news channel from an open door. He cursed under his breath and entered Wanda’s room.
He grabbed the remote off her dresser and turned off the tv.
“It’s my fault,” Wanda stated, still looking towards the dark screen.
“That’s not true,” Bucky disagreed.
“Then turn the TV back on. They were being very specific,” her voice sounded like she’d been crying. Maybe she had.
“You know I’m not gonna do that,” Bucky made his way into her room and sat beside her on her bed.
“They’re all afraid of me,” she mumbled.
“They can’t help but be afraid of you. That’s the first response people have when they can’t understand something. They turn us into monsters; into ghost stories. You’re more than that, Wands. You’re stronger than they’ll ever be.”
“And that’s why they’re scared,” she finally made eye contact with Bucky, “Are you? Are you scared of me?”
“Of course not,” Bucky smiled softly, “I’m not afraid of anything. Except spiders. Never been a fan of spiders.”
Wanda giggled. Bucky was always proud when he made her laugh; glad he could be some sort of substitute for Pietro in her life.
“I used to think of myself one way. But after this,” Bucky watched, fascinated as the red energy danced along her fingertips, “I am something else. I’m still me, I think, but that’s not what everyone else sees.”
Bucky took a deep breath, knowing what it was like to lose oneself because of Hydra, “I’ve had this arm for 72 years. Hydra’s technology was extremely advanced, even in today’s standards. Sometimes I forget that it’s not my real arm, and only realize when I touch Steve’s bare skin and he jumps a little. Other times I can’t forget how many people I have killed with it. But it’s a part of me.”
“Are you afraid of the power you have with it?”
“Not really. I just wish it was mine, you know? Then I could feel like my body is whole, again. But right now it still seems like Hydra has control of me; of my mind. And who knows, maybe one day I’ll have complete control.”
“I thought you had all of your memories back.”
Bucky sighed before exposing the notebook he had taken from Stark. He held it out to Wanda. She took it hesitantly.
She opened it slowly. The words were in Russian. She had learned some Russian back in Sokovia. That had been years ago, though she still knew a few words.
“желание,” she read from the top of a page.
“Don’t,” Bucky growled, reaching over to close the book. He squeezed his eyes closed for a few seconds, breathing deeply. He started to talk when he had calmed down a little bit.
“When those words are read in order, I become him. The Winter Soldier. I lose all sense of where I am and even who I am. I lose control of my actions. Only Steve has been able to get me out of it. I don’t know if anyone has these words memorized. Nat killed the last person to use them and I think Stark killed the last Russian to use them. But as long as this book exists, I don’t have full control of myself.”
His eyes widened as Wanda made the book float up in the air and in one fluid motion of her hands the book exploded into nothing.
Bucky’s mouth hung open. Wanda looked back at him like nothing had happened.
“There,” she stated emotionlessly, “It’s gone. You’re in control.”
Bucky wanted to argue. But what had she done wrong? She fixed it, didn’t she? The book was gone. And it no longer mattered if Hydra was still in his head if there was no way of knowing the words. He’s not even sure if he remembered them in the right order.
“But you’re in control, too,” Bucky stated, “What happened in Lagos, you were in control and stepped up when it mattered. You saved Steve. You saved so many people. Those people on the news, they don’t know the whole story. Those who do, know you’re a hero. You are the bravest woman I have ever met.
“What about Nat?”
“No. She’s different,” Bucky said, “You are the only fighter that I have ever met who has lost so much but has stayed the same. You’re not hard on the outside. There is no protective shell blocking you from the world. You are still very much yourself. So don’t let other people shut you down because of one lousy mistake.”
“How do I do that?”
“Well,” Bucky thought, “You find someone who believes in you, you hold their hand, and you don’t let go.”
Wanda reached over and took Bucky’s metal hand from where it rested on his knee. She held it tightly and smiled up at Bucky. He mirrored her expression before wrapping his right arm around her and pulled her until her head rested on his shoulder.
The two stayed like that for a while, letting the comforting silence wash over them.
“You know, Ultron was my fault,” she said quietly, “I let Stark see his fears and—”
“Shh,” Bucky hushed her, placing his right hand over her mouth.
He felt Wanda smile against his hand. Bucky wished they could’ve stayed like that a while longer.
“Buck! Wanda!” Steve called from the hallway, “We need a team meeting. The Secretary of State is here.”