Amsvartnir
Chapter 27: Amsvartnir
You couldn’t believe how stupid you had been! You knew from the very beginning that a friendship with someone of such high standard was simply doomed to fail. But if that was true than your friendship with prince Loki was also in danger. You couldn’t stop the sobs and tears from coming to the surface. You didn’t want to be this weak, you hadn’t been like this ever since the accident! What was it again that you had vowed to yourself? That you wouldn’t allow anyone to ever make you feel so miserable, alone and unworthy again? Prince Frey wasn’t worth any of your tears, but then just why were you still crying? Because you truly believed there was a chance to for once have a friend, a real friend. Prince Loki had been right. Prince Frey was selfish and could never truly be your friend.
You came to a stop and dropped down on your knees. You had no idea where you had been running to, but now that you could feel the coolness of grass through your dress, you realised you had unknowingly run towards the first place that had popped into your mind: the maze. When you had been a child and the baker’s sons had been extra cruel to you, you had always found solace in the maze close to your village. Most of the time you were all alone there and so there had been no one to see the tears streaming down your cheeks nor how you used your sadness to hone your talent in seidr. This time however, you were not alone as a rustling noise quickly found its way to your ears. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this, but for some reason you stopped yourself from brushing the tears away. You were done. So absolutely done with running and hiding away your true feelings, that this time, you couldn’t really care who saw. A familiar face came into your field of vision. Lord Fandral’s shirt was hanging open, showing off his perfectly sculpted chest while a woman with flushed cheeks gave you a frustrated look.
“Come, my stallion. This place is apparently taken.” She said as she grabbed hold of Fandral’s hand to pull him away with her.
“Leave us.” Fandral suddenly said which surprised both you and the woman.
“But-“
“I said leave.” The woman gave you a hateful glare before she stormed off to who-knows-where. “Svinnr? Are you alright?” You couldn’t help but let out an audible sob as he approached you like one would do with a scared animal. When he reached your side, he glided down to the ground and did not hesitate to pull you into his arms. “Shh, it’s alright. What happened?” A part of you was repulsed by the fact that you were crying in lord Fandral’s arms, but another part of you didn’t care who’s shoulder you found yourself crying on.
“I am so stupid.” You managed to get out of your throat and lord Fandral’s hold on you tightened.
“What makes you say such things? You’re anything but stupid, Svinnr.” You shook your head violently not wanting to hear whatever nonsense he wanted to tell you.
“I thought… I really thought…” You couldn’t finish that sentence as you lost yourself to your sobs. “It’s my birthday.” You managed to say instead.
“Oh, Svinnr.” He whispered as he caressed your back soothingly. “Listen to me. You don’t have to tell me what happened if you do not want to, but I will not allow you to feel so miserable. You are not stupid and whomever made you feel this way or made you this sad is not worthy of your tears.”
“I know.” You breathed out. “Thank you, my lord. You’re a kind man.”
“Don’t tell anyone that.” He chuckled. “I have a reputation to uphold, my lady.” You couldn’t help yourself but laugh with Fandral. This whole situation was just ridiculous. You were crying your eyes out in the arms of the most notorious philanderer in all of the nine. “Now, what would you like to do for your birthday?” He asked and you raised your eyebrows.
“I don’t want to keep you from enjoying your own night, my lord.”
“Oh, not to worry! I’m sure I will be able to make it up to Nuala somehow.”
“I have no doubt about that.” You said with a big smile.
“There you go. Now as I understand, these mazes are very important on Vanaheim. Care to explain why?” You beamed at him. You knew what he was trying to do and your heart fluttered at the thought. It’s funny how people can be so different than what you expected them to be. You got up from the ground and walked through the maze with lord Fandral by your side as you told him about the mazes and how you used to get lost in them for hours and even once for days.
It was very late when lord Fandral walked you back towards your shared rooms with Loki. You didn’t know whether Loki would have noticed your absence, that he would be angry you had disappeared or perhaps that he would be worried over your whereabouts. When you reached the door, it swung open and there he stood.
“You’re late.” Was all he said. “You can go now, Fandral.” He said with an icy voice, so you took a deep breath and gave lord Fandral a hug before he left to probably find the woman he had been with before he had spotted you in the maze. You walked passed Loki and into the room before turning around so you could face him. You knew he was angry by the way he was keeping his shoulders straight and jaw set. When he had shut the door and had turned around to face you, you could see him trembling with anger.
“Care to explain why you needed Fandral to escort you back to me?! Where have you been, woman?!”
“Please, Loki, don’t.” You pleaded with a tiny voice and for some reason Loki’s expression changed completely from furious to concerned.
“What’s wrong?” He asked with such real emotion that you felt your bottom lip start to wobble again.
“You were right. Prince Frey was never my friend.” You managed to get out before the sobs took you once again. Just as before you felt strong arms wrap themselves around you as they held you close.
“What happened?” He asked, but you shook your head. This night had been too much and you simply wanted it to be over.
“I just want to go to sleep.”
“Of course.” He then took your hand in his and guided you towards his bed where he pulled back the covers so you could lie down. He then tucked you in like you assumed a mother would. At that thought the tears threatened to come back, so you grabbed for his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Please, stay.” He looked terribly conflicted as his eyes darted to everything in the room but you. You then saw him swallow before he sat himself down at the other side of the bed, took of his boots and then laid himself beside you, just far away from you so his body would not make contact with any part of yours. “Loki?” He turned his head towards you. “Thank you.”
“For what?” He whispered.
“For not lying to me.” You whispered back and before you realised he had said something, you were already fast asleep.
When you woke up, you found the bed to be empty. Perhaps it was better this way for surely it would be rather awkward to wake up next to the prince of Asgard. With a groan you rolled onto your back. How terribly inappropriate it had been to ask Loki to stay with you in his bed. He was a prince after all and you nothing more than a silly servant. At least prince Frey had made you aware of that fact last night. You groaned again. You would have to see him today, there was no doubt about it. What would he say to you? Or would he simply leave you standing there as if you had never meant a thing to him? You suddenly sat up in the bed, very determined. If he wanted to be this cruel to you and act as if you were nothing to him, then why would you waste your breath and ask him if you could take the rulers of Vanaheim with you back to Asgard? You tiptoed to the study, worried that prince Loki might be in there. When you found it to be empty, you quickly skimmed the shelves until you found the book you were looking for. You took it from the shelve and walked back towards the bedroom where you placed the book at the bottom of your travel bag. You groaned in frustration. You had only been walking for a minute, but the aches in your swollen foot were back without any sort of warning. Once the book was hidden below various other books, your other trousers and some linen shirts, you walked back to the sitting room where you sat yourself down at the breakfast table. Once again there was a note left behind for you to find.
Dearest,
I sincerely hope you have managed to sleep peacefully and that you were not plagued by worries and bad dreams. I want you to know that I did not leave you out of my own volition. Frey wanted to speak with me and if I am completely honest, I too wished to speak with him. I will also be discussing our departure with Thor and mother, so please feel free to enjoy your breakfast without me. I will come find you when I am able.
Your friend
You sighed and placed the note back on the table. You didn’t know how long Loki would be gone, but you hoped he would return soon, because you were in no mood to leave his chambers. But then again you would quickly grow bored in here. Perhaps you should get dressed and find the lady Sif to accompany her to wherever she wanted to go or maybe lord Hogun wouldn’t mind a stroll through the Vanir mazes? You sighed again. They were probably busy with their own friends, people who actually had a title and a respectable family. Why in all of Yggdrasil would they spend their time with you? You grabbed the fruit bowl and gathered two pears onto your plate, but the basket of bread and the bowl of yoghurt remained untouched.
It was already nearing noon when the door suddenly opened and prince Loki walked in.
“We’re leaving tomorrow.” He said as he approached you and sat himself down on the coach opposite of the one you were in.
“But, I thought we were supposed to stay here for much longer?”
“That was the original plan, but since ambassador Skírnir has already left as well, I see no reason why we should stay.”
“The ambassador left?” You were a little surprised by that fact. You had seen him drinking and making merry with the others as if he had no care in the world and all of a sudden he leaves?
“Yes, apparently it has something to do with his wife.”
“And we can leave as well?” Prince Loki rolled his eyes.
“Are you simply going to repeat everything I say? Yes, we can leave. We will do so at first light tomorrow. Fandral, Hogun and Thor will stay behind with a great deal of our men, but the queen, Fulla, Sif and you and I will leave.”
“And prince Frey agreed to that?” You knew it could be seen as an insult if the queen and half of her entourage left so shortly after a feast they had been invited to. That’s why you were supposed to stay for a week, so no one would get suspicious that the relations between Asgard and Alfheim were getting dire.
“He did. Although, I must say that he was rather saddened to hear of this. After the meeting he even had the audacity to ask me how you were faring.” A shiver went down your spine.
“And what did you tell him?” You asked him with a soft voice while he narrowed his eyes at you.
“Nothing. Svinnr, what exactly happened last night?” You took a deep breath and averted your eyes from him.
“I saw him standing next to a pillar and I thought to ask him if I could take that book with me I found here in your study. However, he wasn’t alone. His father was there as well and as soon as I had called his name, he had turned all of his anger my way. He called me a wench and later on, after his father had asked who I was, he had said I was of no importance. That I was just some low-bred little thing that is too dull to remember her place.” When you looked up at Loki you could see him trembling with anger. “After that I ran away from the feast and found myself in the maze where lord Fandral found me. He tried to cheer me up by letting me explain the meaning of the mazes as we walked through them.”
“Why didn’t you come to me?” Your eyes widened at his tone. He was so angry that you could simply feel it radiate off of him.
“Loki, I… I wanted to be alone at that moment. I didn’t even know where I was going at that time, I just ran.” He shook his head and looked at his hands.
“You should never feel the need to run and hide when you’re sad, Svinnr. Promise me that from now on you will come to me with your problems.” You looked at him quizzingly. After a moment in which you remained silent, he lifted his eyes to meet your own. “Promise me.” You took a deep breath. You had always been on your own and so you had always shared your sorrows with no other than yourself. You didn’t know whether you could honour such a promise. Afterall how does one change an instinct that had been there for as long as you could remember? You truly wanted to trust Loki, no, you did trust Loki, but sharing something so intimate with him was scaring you.
“I understand how you feel. I was always alone to carry the burden of my shortcomings, my sorrow and even my joy. I never had someone to share them with, not even with Frigga, but I wish to change that now.” Prince Loki said as he pinned you down with such an intense gaze that you couldn’t look away even if you wanted to.
“I…. I wish to change that too.” You eventually said and once the words had left your mouth, you could hear Loki’s sharp intake of breath as if he had expected you to refuse. A long uncomfortable moment of silence came over you both before prince Loki cleared his throat and changed topics.
“I wish to show you something.” He said and then grabbed your hand to help you stand. You slightly winched at the pain in your foot, but you kept your posture straight. Prince Loki wrapped his arm around your middle and then a feeling as if you had been submerged into cold water came over you. It only lasted a second and once it was gone, you found yourself outside, in front of a massive lake that had an isle in the middle of it.
“Where are we?” You asked bewildered. The lake was almost black in colour, making you wonder whether it had a bottom or not. It was so gigantic in size that you almost mistook it for a sea or perhaps it was a sea.
“Amsvartnir. The largest of the dark lakes. The isle in the middle is called Lyngvi. There are quite a few stories about it. It is said that on it lives a monstrous wolf that can be heard howling at every full moon.”
“Have people ventured there? To see whether the stories are true or not?” Prince Loki chuckled.
“No one has ever dared to go there, my dear. Why? Do you want to investigate it yourself?” The smirk he was giving you was so awfully mischievous that you couldn’t help but chuckle yourself.
“Why not? I’m sure being eaten alive by a monstrous wolf is worth the risk?” Prince Loki laughed and let go of your waist.
“Well, if you insist, my dear.” He said and all of a sudden he hauled you over his shoulder and jumped into the cold water. You quickly swam towards the surface to fill your lungs with some air. You heard Loki laugh beside you, so you splashed him with a wave of water that was intensified with seidr. That was of course a stupid idea, given that prince Loki was educated and therefor knew exactly how to turn the wave your way, but this time it was even bigger than you had made it to be. When it hit you, you were once again submerged underwater.
“LOKI!” You yelled as you broke through the water barrier.
“You shouldn’t start a battle you can’t hope to win.” He said with that big smirk of his.
“You are unbelievable!”
“I know!” You laughed and let the water carry you onto your back. It was cold, there was no denying that, but it was also peaceful as if nothing could harm you here. Loki swam closer to you and tried to float as you were, while stopping himself from drifting away from you.
“Svinnr?”
“Hmm?”
“Whatever Frey has said…. I want you to know that I don’t see you that way. I never will.” You turned around and faced Loki. He had that apprehensive look in his eyes again as if he was nervous for your answer.
“I know, Loki. Just as I don’t see you as others do. You’re a good man and I am incredibly happy and fortunate to have you by my side.” Loki took a sharp intake of breath as he turned in the water so he could swim even closer to you, almost making his body touch yours.
“Svinnr, ….. I feel like I need to tell you. I… I believe that I-“
“Brother!” Prince Thor’s voice suddenly sounded and pretty much echoed against the trees. “I have been looking for you for ages!” You chuckled as you saw Loki roll his eyes in annoyance.
“What do you want, Thor?” Prince Thor came closer and then seemed to realise you were also in the water just as Loki was.
“Oh. Forgive me, girl. I didn’t know you were here as well.” He then cleared his throat and turned his attention to Loki. “What happened between you and Frey?” He asked and you shot your head towards Loki.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? It didn’t seem like nothing when I saw him walking down the halls with a curly pig tail hanging out of the back of his trousers.” Your jaw dropped open in bewilderment.
“How am I to be blamed when someone shows their true nature?” You couldn’t believe it. Prince Loki wasn’t even denying it!
“Loki, however amusing it is to you, I can assure you that king Njörðr’s opinion of it is very much the opposite.”
“Yes, well, the man never really had a sense of humour to begin with.”
“Loki, please take this seriously. You didn’t even give us a reason to leave so soon.”
“I did give you one. Multiple if I recall correctly.”
“Yes, but none of them was the real reason why you wanted to leave, now was it?” You heard Loki grunt in frustration.
“Why does it even matter? You are going to remain here, anyway.” Prince Thor sighed and shook his head before he looked over to you. You saw realisation dawn upon his face, but you didn’t understand why.
“Oh, I see. Has he been a little too forward with your lady last night?” Your cheeks reddened instantly while you simultaneously felt your anger rise. Was prince Thor seriously discussing you so carelessly in your very presence? Loki growled as he locked eyes with his brother.
“Shut your mouth, you oaf!” That made prince Thor grin as he regarded the both of you as if he had just uncovered a mystery.
“Careful, little one. Loki can be a little possessive when it comes to his priced playthings.” Prince Thor said to you and once again your jaw dropped. He was now even insulting you in your face! Prince Loki shot out of the water and all of a sudden prince Thor’s hands and feet were bound by green shackles.
“Not another word out of you!” He growled as he stepped so close to prince Thor that their chests were touching. “Now leave and get that ridiculous smirk off your face.” The shackles then broke with a loud clanking sound. You saw prince Thor rub his wrists while prince Loki turned his back to him and locked eyes with you. Prince Thor gave you a wink before he too turned his back and left both Loki and you behind.
“What exactly did you do with Frey?” You asked after a long moment of silence. All of a sudden prince Loki’s scowl turned into an absurdly large smirk as he climbed back into the water.
“As my brother said, prince Frey now has a pig tail to accompany his beastly attitude.”
“But what of the king?”
“If king Njörðr wishes to see me punished, he risks the allfather’s anger. He’s as soft as a pillow. He wouldn’t risk it, so don’t you worry.” You nodded your head and treaded water for a while.
“Why did you do it?” He looked slightly hurt as he regarded you.
“He hurt you.” He stated emotionlessly.
“Is that…. Is that why we’re leaving?” You asked him next, biting your lip once the words had left your mouth.
“We’re leaving because the allfather is getting too old to rule on his own.” Loki said as he swam closer to your side. “We’re leaving because we have to organise a tournament that will soon take place on Asgard.” He was now so close that you could feel the warmth coming off his body. “And we are leaving because I want to see you happy and Frey is preventing that from happening.” A lone tear escaped its prison as it rolled down your cheek.
“Thank you, Loki. You are truly amazing.” You said as you wrapped your arms around his neck and held him close. He chuckled as he held you tighter against him.
“I don’t think I will ever get tired of your compliments, darling.”
“Yes, well, I will give you another one if you teleport us out of here before I freeze to death.” He chuckled again before you felt his hands lower to your waist and then the cold feeling came crashing upon you before you found yourself back in your shared rooms.
“I suggest a warm bath and then afterwards you can bestow your many compliments upon me at dinner.”
It was early in the morning when Loki told you he didn’t want you riding Léttfeti back to Asgard. Instead he wanted you to ride in the carriage with the queen and the lady Fulla. You were not pleased with his decision, but then again you knew you would be going through hell if you were to ride Léttfeti with your still-swollen foot. At least Léttfeti would still have a rider as Forni would ride him instead of his own horse. He apparently never got along with it and the money he got from selling his horse was going to his dream of becoming an educated healer. You only agreed because He was such a friendly lad and he got along well with Léttfeti as the horse happily let him on his back without a fuzz. Once everything was ready for departure, prince Frey showed his face to wish you all a safe journey. You were happy his father wasn’t there with him or at least you couldn’t see him, but still you felt dreadful when prince Frey spotted you and approached you. Before he could reach you however, prince Loki had joined your side and had pulled you against him by holding you by your waist in a protective manner. You could see that prince Frey was taken aback by the sight, yet he didn’t halt his steps and soon he was standing right in front of you.
“Svinnr.”
“Frey.” Loki said coldly before you even had the change to open your mouth. Prince Frey glared at him with hateful eyes, but after a moment or two he lowered them again and shook his head.
“How are you?”
“Fine now that’s she’s leaving this dreadful place and its hideous people.”
“She can answer for herself.” Frey hissed at Loki and you could feel his hold on you tighten.
“I could, but I don’t want to. You made yourself very clear last time and I am happy to inform you that I now know my place. It’s right here. Besides the dark prince and away from the light one.” You felt Loki give your waist a squeeze as he chuckled. Prince Frey however looked as if you had just taken everything he had ever cared for away from him.
“My sweet, please…. I never meant to hurt you.” Loki snorted beside you. “I wish to explain myself.”
“No need. You said enough.” You went to turn around, but that was against prince Frey’s wish as he grabbed your wrist to stop you in your tracks. As soon as he had done it, Loki had moved and grabbed for prince Frey’s wrist instead which he was holding with such a painful-looking grip.
“Unhand her, Frey.” He growled witch such intense hate that your entire body was instantly covered with goose bumps.
“Please. I never….” Prince Frey then looked up and when you followed his eyes you could see king Njörðr standing with the queen, deep in conversation. “In time you will understand why I acted so uncivilized.” He eventually said and you huffed. Truly there was nothing to understand other than prince Frey not wanting to show his father that he was friends with a mere servant.
“Goodbye, my prince.” You said before dropping down into a curtsy. He was looking so terribly hurt that you couldn’t stand another second in his presence. You turned around and left with prince Loki’s arm still securely around your waist.