Everything in Order
October 24th, 1981
Everyone was tense. Everything was tense. Life was tense.
Not a single person seemed to be in a good mood anymore and Regulus was no better than the rest of them. There had been a shift when Peter had been arrested and at first it wasn’t entirely noticeable. It was certainly there, there was no doubt about it, but it hadn’t been much at the time. Around that point, people were already untrusting of each other and blaming everyone for the betrayal, but now that they knew who the traitor was, now that they could put a face to him, no one seemed very accepting of it. Instead, blame began to shift. Arguing, fighting, shouting, and yelling seemed to be the only thing anyone could do anymore. Something had been unsettled and after Harry’s first birthday, it only got worse.
When they were all finally done pretending everything was great in the world, trust broke. Stress ran high and people who once called each other friends, could no longer look each other in the eye. It was completely devastating to see and Regulus felt like part of it was his fault. Sure, the Dark Lord suddenly going dormant didn’t help the stress, but it had been Regulus who turned everything on its head. Remus assured him plenty of times that it was not his fault, but he didn’t believe him.
His drinking only seemed to get worse too. Must be in the genes, he’d think to himself as he’d pour a glass, getting more and more sick of the world around him. With the Dark Lord dormant, he had no idea where Nagini would be and he was past the point of feeling hopeless. He was starting to give up. He knew it was getting bad when even Sirius started showing his concern, but he couldn’t stop.
“Maybe we ought to lay off the bottle tonight, Reg?” Sirius suggested as he reached for the open bottle on the coffee table.
Regulus was going to try and stop him, but the words didn’t seem to form in his mouth the way they did in his head. He wanted to reach out and grab the bottle before Sirius, but by the time his hand even moved, Sirius had already scooped it up and was closing it. Regulus just fell back onto the couch and let his arm hang off the side. He didn’t care too much anymore.
“Maybe I can… drink myself… to death… just like dad…” Regulus had mumbled before passing out on the couch. His snoring was the only thing that stopped Sirius from worrying that he had actually drank himself to death.
Every night seemed to be drink after drink as Regulus would lay across the couch he called his bed, wallowing in his own self pity and being angry at Merlin knows what. It took him ages before he even noticed that Sirius didn’t seem to be around that often anymore. He only finally seemed to notice when the liquor in the cabinet wasn’t replacing itself anymore. It hadn’t occurred to him that someone was actually replacing the drinks he stole. No one ever said anything about it.
That morning, he woke up with a pounding headache, struggling to keep his eyes open as the sun glared into the living room. Regulus sat up on the catched, rubbing his hands over his eyes with a bit of pressure. He heard the door to the bedroom open and partially looked up, only opening his right eye. Through his adjusting vision, he saw Remus walking out as he was finishing rolling up the sleeves of his sweater.
“Morning, Reg!” Remus said as he walked by.
Regulus winced a little at the volume of his voice. Remus would have said he was speaking at a completely acceptable volume, Regulus would not have agreed. Regulus let out a little groan and Remus chuckled as he walked by.
“You’re still coming to the meeting, right?” Remus asked him as he went into the kitchen, the sound of running water coming from the sink for a minute.
The meeting? What meeting? OH SHIT THE MEETING!
Regulus shot up from the couch, nearly tripping over the coffee table as he made a run for the bathroom.
“Yeah! Yeah, I’ll be there! You go ahead without me, I’ll meet you there!” Regulus called out in a panic as he raced into the bathroom.
“You sure? You probably shouldn’t be apparating by yourself.” Remus called back. “I don’t mind waiting, the beginning of meetings are usually boring anyway.”
Regulus rushed through the tiny bathroom, doing his best to wash the smell of last night’s drinks off of him and brush it away with mint toothpaste. He checked his face in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were a bit red and his hair was a bit messy. There wasn’t much he could do about his eyes, but he could at least make his messy hair look like it was on purpose.
“Sure, yeah, fine! Just give me five then!” Regulus called back out.
When he finally came back out of the bathroom, he was already pulling his shirt over his head and rushing through his pile of clothes for the cleanest looking shirt. His grey sweater he didn’t often wear seemed to be the only thing that was suitable for now. He threw it on as Remus sat in the armchair, sipping a cup of tea and rhythmically tapping his fingers on the armrest. When he felt like he was decent enough to present himself, he looked over at Remus and sighed.
“Alright, I’m ready.” He said as Remus stood up, putting his empty cup down on the coffee table.
“Let’s get going then.” He nodded and the two of them left the flat. Sirius was nowhere to be seen.
Regulus had only been to two Order meetings before this one. The first one had been quite the show and had almost convinced Regulus that joining the Order may have been a mistake. It had been in early August, just after Harry’s first birthday when the meeting had happened. Regulus had been one of the last people to arrive, following behind Sirius and Remus as he entered and the room fell silent as they saw him. Of course, the people who already knew were quick to try and break the tension and welcome him in, but those that hadn’t known or hadn’t been sure, didn’t do very much to hide their disdain. Alastor Moody was one of the first to vocalize his distrust of the ex-Death Eater joining the Order, especially with the Dark Lord having suddenly gone quiet. The concerns vocalized by Moody had some backing from a few others in the Order who Regulus only recognized from run-ins with. James and Sirius were the first to jump to Regulus’ defence, doing what they could to prove that Regulus really was with them. It had then started a much bigger argument that led to people accusing him of just being there to spy on them - to replace Peter for the other side.
That accusation hurt. It hurt him a lot, but he understood.
It took a while to finally convince them that Regulus was on their side. He managed to interject on the fight and give them his whole spiel on everything he had done for them. How he had risked his life over and over finding little pieces of the Dark Lord’s strength and destroying it, how he had gotten himself cursed trying to help take him down and Marlene’s potion was the only thing keeping him alive, how he was the one to discover Peter was the spy and he was the one to turn him in.
All of that seemed to convince those who were still unsure. Moody still seemed apprehensive about it and Regulus wasn’t sure if he was safe alone in a room with him, so he made sure he never was. After that meeting, that’s when Regulus seemed to be finding his way into the liquor a little more often.
At the second meeting that had been in mid-September, Regulus could feel a shift in the room as he entered, this time ahead of Sirius and Remus. Now that he at least knew what to expect, he didn’t feel so nervous going in. He felt more welcomed into the meeting, but still ended up sitting in a corner in the end, not because he was pushed there, but because he felt the most comfortable there. He could see everyone, he could see the room, and he could see any exit or entrance. You could have said he was paranoid, but Sirius had already done that enough times. There were often glances snuck at him as he stood in the corner, arms crossed and face in a perpetual frown.
“You need to open up a little bit, Reg.” Sirius whispered to him as he leaned to his side. “I think you’re freaking people out.”
“Oh, am I?” Regulus said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “I’m not doing anything.”
“I’m aware of that, but they’re not. Hiding in the shadows and looking like you could kill someone is not winning people over though.” Sirius whispered again.
“I’m not trying to win people over.”
“Aren’t you though?” Sirius said, finally looking at Regulus. “You need them to trust you or else what is this all for?”
Regulus closed his eyes and sighed for a moment.
“Fine.”
The rest of that meeting had been relatively boring, but at least as Regulus sat down with everyone, the stares seemed to lessen. That is, if you excluded the feeling of Moody’s glass eye burning into his soul. Even with him never once actually turning his head to him.
Today’s meeting was to discuss the Dark Lord’s sudden disappearance and what actions they wanted to take now. Regulus made it very apparent he wanted to be at this meeting. He had felt so hopeless and the tension that seemed to permeate the air only made him feel worse about everything. He needed any reason to have hope again. Anything at all.
When they arrived at the meeting, Sirius was already there, whispering to James in a corner of the room. Regulus made eye contact with them as they both looked up and he gave a single nod before he went to quietly sit down. The meeting started with a jump as Moody immediately got down to business and everyone seemed to rush over to join the conversation.
“So, we know You Know Who has disappeared in the last two months and no one has heard or seen a thing. What does this tell us?” He demanded to know in his gruff, forceful voice.
“They’ve all died and the war is over.” Sirius joked with a smile as he leaned back in his seat.
Moody grunted at him.
“If that were the case, we would have already heard by now.” Moody said, annoyed. “What it means is there is more than likely something bigger they’re planning. Something he needs everyone there for.” Moody’s glass eye darted over in Regulus’ direction before Moody had even turned his head. “Mr. Black, is there anything you can think of that we should know? Anything you haven’t shared with us?”
“No.” Regulus shook his head.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Regulus had spent ages, racking his brain. Trying to find any other information he could give them that hadn’t already been shared. He had told them everything, even that he thought the last horcrux might be the Dark Lord’s snake, Nagini. He had no idea what they were doing anymore and he had no way to try and speak to any of them either. To the Death Eaters, Regulus was dead and it needed to stay that way. At least until the war had ended.
Moody grunted again, the sound almost imitating a low growl of some kind as he turned back to the rest of the Order members. Regulus looked down to his hands in his lap, his head was still pounding.
“We’re going to need to figure out a plan of action now. Who knows what could happen if we wait much longer.” Moody demanded again. The room was silent as they all looked around at each other.
The sound of a loud crack went off outside which made Regulus’ head swing back towards the door. Everyone else turned around to the door, but no one seemed in the least bit worried as if they knew who to expect. As the door opened, Regulus realized why no one seemed worried as Dumbledore stepped in and closed the door casually, joining Moody at the head of the room.
“I must apologize for my tardiness,” he said in his soft voice, “I had an awfully important meeting with someone who may have provided me with some important information about Voldemort's whereabouts.”
A few people shudder.
“Really? You know where he is?” James asked impatiently, standing from his seat.
Dumbledore calmly looked up at him.
“I might know, however, what it is that he is planning, I do not yet.” Dumbledore explained.
“Then we need to move. If we know where he is, we can spy on him, figure out his plans and make a plan of our own!” Sirius said excitedly, standing up next to James.
“We can’t just storm in! If we have no idea what they’re planning, how do we know we won’t be ambushed at any second!? Think Black, think!” Moody shouted aggressively, but Sirius wasn’t going to back down that easily. Regulus had seen this enough times. Sirius never knew when to quit.
“I didn’t say we should storm in, but I do think we need to get ahead of them! We need to know what they’re doing!” He fought back, his voice growing louder. “You said it yourself, we don’t have time to waste, so what’s your problem!?”
“My problem is you always feeling the need to jump into action without thinking about it first!” Moody snapped at him, slamming his fists down on the table in front of him.
Sirius’s body shook just a little at the sudden noise. It wasn’t very noticeable, but if you knew what to look for, you would see it.
He held eye contact with Moody, grinding his teeth and Regulus’ eyes darted back and forth between them, waiting to see who would make the next move. He furrowed his brow as he watched them both, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Dumbledore raised a hand.
“Gentlemen, please.” He said forcefully yet still his usual calm. “There is no need for us to be arguing over this. I had some ideas of actions I want to take moving forward. James, Sirius, Alastor, a word please. The rest of you are dismissed for today. We shall talk more later.”
Dumbledore did not wait for anyone else to answer him as he began to swiftly leave the room, James, Sirius, and Moody all following him out of the room - Sirius was the first one out.
Regulus watched the three of them as they quietly followed Dumbledore out of the room, leaving the rest of the Order sitting around the table, wondering if they were really dismissed or should wait around a little longer. Remus took the initiative first, standing from the table and letting out a big sigh.
“I think if that’s all for today then I’ll be off.” Remus announced. “If I’ve missed anything, Padfoot will tell us. Reg?”
Regulus looked up at Remus a little confused, but didn’t move. He looked around at the rest of the room, some people were standing up and some seemed to be looking around as unsure as Regulus felt. Regulus looked back up at Remus who was waiting for an answer.
“Regulus?” He asked, his arms crossed.
“I want to stay until they’re done.” Regulus replied, looking back ahead of himself and leaning back in his seat.
“You sure?” Remus asked, concern hinting in his voice.
Regulus nodded once. “I’ll go back with Sirius if I must.”
There was something about the short and abrupt meeting that didn’t sit well with Regulus. Something felt… off. Maybe he was just paranoid or maybe he was just starting to lose it, but he felt uneasy. Who was this new contact Dumbledore had that just happened to know where the Dark Lord was? What were these sudden plans he had for James and Sirius? Whatever it was, a part of Regulus wanted to be involved. He was fighting the urge to just stand up and walk into the other room they had gone into. He was trying so hard not to just walk in and demand to know what they were planning. Something felt wrong and he didn’t know how to explain it without sounding like a hungover lunatic.
Remus shrugged and dropped his arms.
“Fine, but I’m not coming back to get you if Sirius doesn’t.” Remus said to Regulus’ back.
Regulus shrugged in response as Remus left the room himself. A few others left behind him as well, but Regulus couldn’t stop looking at the direction Dumbledore had taken his brother. He breathed in and let out a deep sigh before pushing his chair out and quickly standing up. The few people who were still sitting around the table had resorted to chatting with each other, but all looked over at Regulus quietly as his chair harshly scraped along the floor. He didn’t pay them any attention as he moved around the table and marched his way down the hallway.
He could hear the faint, muffled sound of Sirius discussing something as he grew closer to the room with the one closed door. As he came up to the door, he pressed his ear to the wood and listened in as best as he could, trying to make out what they were saying. He could faintly make out some of their words.
“It will have to work…” Moody said gruffly and as if he still didn’t seem sold on the plan.
“It will work…” Sirius assured him, but Regulus couldn’t hear everything he said. He must’ve been further from the door. “...got this.”
The room behind the door fell silent and Regulus tried his best to listen more carefully.
“It seems we have a visitor.” Moody suddenly said.
Regulus’ body tensed up and he quickly pulled himself away from the door as it was yanked open in front of him. Moody glared at him as he stood in front of the door. Behind him, Sirius and James stood near the back and Sirius looked more intense than Regulus had ever seen him. James on the other hand looked like he was deep in thought, barely even acknowledging Regulus standing at the door. Dumbledore, however, stepped behind Moody, giving no sign of concern that Regulus had heard anything.
“It’s quite alright, Alastor. I think we’re about finished here anyway.” Dumbledore said, giving Moody a friendly pat on his shoulder as he pushed past him and out of the room.
Moody let out another growl as he walked past Regulus, making sure to keep his eye on him as long as possible. Even when he was faced away from him, it still felt like his eyes were glued to him.
“How much did you hear?” Sirius asked Regulus as he took a single step into the room.
“Not much.” Regulus shrugged. “Just that something’s going to work… So, what’s going to work then?”
“Prongs and I are going to-”
“Padfoot.” James warned, cutting off Sirius and glaring at him. “We can’t.”
“He needs to know.” Sirius said back.
“No. We have strict orders.”
Sirius and James both silently stared at each other as if they didn’t need to say anything more to understand what the other was thinking. Regulus glanced between the two as their expression seemed to grow more frustrated.
“It’s fine.” Regulus said flatly as they both stopped and looked at him. “If you have orders not to tell me, then you have orders. Sirius, I’ll need you to take me back to your flat when you’re done here.”
Sirius nodded and Regulus turned around and left the room again, not feeling any more reassured than before.
The room the meeting had been in was empty now, everyone probably left when Dumbledore and Moody did. Regulus sat back down and began tapping his fingers rhythmically against the wood of the table in front of him. He couldn’t help but fall into his thoughts again, wondering what Dumbledore was about to make Sirius and James do and why they had to swear not to tell him. He just hoped that they had sworn not to tell anyone and it wasn’t only Regulus who was being left out, as selfish as he may have felt that was.
~~~
October 30th, 1981
Sirius and James had been sent off for this secret mission, still having not told Regulus any details about what Dumbledore wanted them to do. Even Remus hadn’t been told anything from Sirius and the two had butt heads over it more than Regulus had ever seen them in the time he’d spent with them. Regulus could see it was killing them both and from what he had overheard, things between James and Lily weren’t too much better, but at least Lily knew where they’d be.
The day Sirius and James were set to leave, Remus had begged Sirius to tell him more details, any details. Regulus had barely tried at all.
“Sirius, please.” Remus begged as he watched him tie up his leather boots. “Just tell me how long you’ll be, if you’ll still be in the country, anything! Just something!”
“Remus, you know I can’t!” Sirius shouted back, his voice sounding strained. “You know I would tell you if I could, but I can’t! You just need to trust me!”
“I do trust you! It’s not you who I don’t trust! You’re going to spy on You Know Who, he will kill you in an instant if he catches you!” Remus shouted.
“He won’t catch us.”
“How can you be sure!?”
Sirius sighed and stood up. “I can’t. We just have to trust that we’ll survive.”
Remus shook his head. “Trusting that we’ll survive is the reason so many haven’t.”
“But trusting in each other is the reason so many have.” Regulus said quietly, interjecting into their argument. “I don’t like this either. I don’t like not knowing anything and just having to trust the plan, but what other choice do we have?”
After that, Remus calmed down a little. He was still angry, still making it very clear he hated this idea, but he didn’t stop Sirius when he finally left. He didn’t say goodbye either. As soon as the door shut behind him and Sirius was gone, Remus stared at the door.
“Let’s get to the Potter’s.” Remus mumbled and the two of them left for the Potter’s where Lily and Harry had already been left by James.
Lily seemed just as anxious and frustrated by the situation as Remus did, but the two together seemed to give each other a bit of comfort. She had told them that she knew James and Sirius would be in Albania for a while, but that didn’t do much to reassure Remus or Regulus.
What the hell would the Dark Lord possibly need to be in Albania for?
Regulus did what he could to help them calm down by taking Harry from Lily for a while and playing with him in their living room while the two sat together in the kitchen with their cups of tea. A part of him was wishing for a drink at that moment, but he knew better, he had to be better.
He still didn’t feel like he was great with kids and yet here little Harry was, happily playing with him and showing off all of his toys as if Regulus was the most interesting person he’d ever met. It gave him some comfort playing with Harry as he threw his toys around and giggled and laughed. Oh, how blissfully unaware of the world this child was.
The rest of the day was spent entertaining the toddler and trying to keep their minds off of the two who were going to be gone for who knows how long. Of course, no matter how hard they tried, the thought always lingered around them. The pair had been on plenty of missions before and every time, they came back alive, maybe banged up or beaten badly, but they always came back alive. So, why did something feel so wrong? Why did it feel different this time? Regulus had no idea, but he knew he wasn’t the only one thinking about it.
That night, Lily had set Regulus and Remus up in their guest room. It was a small bedroom with just one window that looked out over their back garden. There were two, perfectly made twin beds on either side of the room and a dresser that doubled as the nightstand between the two beds. Neither Regulus nor Remus seemed to be able to get much sleep that night and as Regulus tossed and turned, he heard Remus get up from his bed and quietly creep out of the room. Regulus assumed he was going out for a smoke and didn’t bother to find out.
A few minutes went by as Regulus laid in the bed, eventually rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. There was a small alarm clock on the dresser that Regulus couldn’t see properly. He grabbed it off of the dresser and turned the face to him, checking the time. 11:59 PM. The second hand ticked along on the clock. Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick… The moment the hand hit midnight, his arm began to burn.
He dropped the clock on the bed and grabbed his arm from the pain as he gasped. He was worried at first that the curse was starting to move again until he realized it was still dormant. Instead, it was the Dark Mark pulsing on his arm, bolder and darker than he’d ever seen it. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.
Just then, their bedroom door burst open and Remus stood out of breath and panting, clinging onto the door frame for a moment.
“Sirius and James have gone missing.”