Where the Weak Find Strength
June 18th, 1981
Things had shifted. Everything felt… off. That was the only way Regulus could describe it. There was a feeling of dread that was hanging in the air and it was entirely his fault. He knew it was, it had to be. What else could possibly explain the sudden hostility with the Death Eaters or the secrecy that had been implemented? People were growing far less trusting than they had before, which he had never thought was possible. Worst of all, the Dark Lord seemed to be holding a closer eye on everyone, especially Regulus.
It was no surprise to him that people were aware of a traitor amongst the Death Eaters, but it seemed as though he couldn’t do anything without the threat of someone catching him and it was slowing things down worse than they had been before. He would’ve thought by now he’d be a little more patient when it came to these things, but he knew better, not to mention how close he was to finally finishing this stupid job.
When he finally felt the sting in his arm, calling him to another meeting, he felt the dread wash over him with the sting. His head fell back as he let out a sigh and slumped back on the couch where he was reading. The last thing he wanted to do was attend another meeting. If anything, he wanted to quit, but that wasn’t an option unless he wanted to be killed immediately after. Then again, there could be worse things…
Putting his book down on the coffee table and slowly standing up, he looked down at his arm that had been scarred time and time again by the same man… no… the same monster. The Dark Mark that had slowly become more bolded as it stung into his skin, the frozen curse that had seeped into his veins, held only in place by the luck of a potion experiment, and the scars of scratch marks that surrounded them, reminding him of the water that had once filled his lungs.
Taking out his wand as he gazed at his arm, he waved it slowly back and forth over it, repeating an incantation Remus had shown him that could temporarily hide marks. It was like brushing makeup over his arm, it mostly hid the history embedded into his skin, but if you looked hard enough, you could see the impurities. Remus said he used to use it back during his school days to hide the scars on him, but these days he didn’t often use it, he didn’t feel he needed to anymore.
Regulus was sure to leave the Dark Mark in plain view on his skin, only covering it now with his black gloves and the sleeve of his shirt. He took a moment and closed his eyes, letting out another sigh before he opened them again and left for the meeting. Standing outside of Malfoy Manor, he passed through the iron gate and walked up to the familiar mansion before him. Inside the manor, most people had already gathered at the table or around the room. It was quiet - quiet as he entered the room. Something felt really off again.
His eyes scanned the room and no one seemed to be looking at him… no one was looking at anyone really. There was an unsettling silence hanging over the room, like everyone was too afraid to speak, just waiting to get something over with.
Regulus sat in his seat at the table, keeping his posture straight and his chin raised as only his eyes looked around at the people sitting around him. Across from him, Narcissa’s seat was empty. She had missed a few of the meetings now due to taking care of Draco, but he sometimes would see her peek her head in and listen in when he was down for a nap or being attended to by a nanny. Though he knew how she felt about nannies, that’s basically how they were all raised by their parents who were too busy for them - she didn’t want that.
Next to him, Evan was staring down at the table and picking at the skin around his finger. His eyes seemed to flicker over to Regulus for a moment as he sat down, but he didn’t say a word.
“What’s going on?” Regulus asked in a whisper, keeping his eyes forward now.
Evan let out a small breath.
“The Dark Lord is unhappy… I think he’s lost it…” He whispered back, looking down at the finger he was picking at.
“Unhappy?” Regulus repeated. “About what?”
Evan shrugged quickly, but still wouldn’t look up. His leg was bouncing rapidly under the table. Across the table, Peter had taken his seat, out of everyone in the room, he seemed the least nervous. In fact, he seemed… excited… He had done something - he had done something very wrong.
Regulus glared at him from across the table, making no effort to hide his look. Peter caught his eye and stared right back at him with the faintest smirk. Regulus narrowed his eyes as if to say “what have you done” but Peter’s smirk grew just a little more as if to reply “just you wait” to him. He held his glare just a little longer until finally Peter looked away at the sound of the Dark Lord entering the room.
His face was neutral, he showed no signs of anger, rage, or madness like Evan had said, but Regulus could sense it. He could feel the underlying fury from where he sat as he strode into the room and stood at the end of the table. His eyes were blood red and snakelike, his skin was pale, almost ghostly. It was like looking at a picture of Tom Riddle someone had distorted - there was still some semblance of him left, but not much. The man once known as Tom Riddle was gone, he was entirely Lord Voldemort now.
His eyes looked around at all of those who were in the meeting, quietly waiting for what he was going to say. He took his time, scanning each person at the table in front of him and when his eyes fell on Regulus, he raised his chin a little and let out a scoff, then looked back up, not directly at any one person, but to the entire room.
Regulus’ heart was pounding out of his chest as he waited in the deafening silence. He bit at the inside of his lip as he tried to slow his breathing. With each passing moment it became harder and harder. He thought he might be sick, but he held it in, trying to take subtle, deep breaths.
“As you all know by now,” Voldemort began to say in his cool tone, “we’ve had some… worry of a… traitor amongst us.” His eyes moved around the room again, looking at the faces of each person, making some squirm in place. “But… our dear spy, Peter, has come to me with some pertinent information.”
Peter straightened his back again, a smug look on his face as his eyes quickly looked around to people for approval. When no one looked at him, keeping their eyes fixed on the Dark Lord, his head dropped a little and his eyes fixed back onto the Dark Lord as well.
“I must say… I was truly disappointed when he told me he knew who the traitor was… I didn’t want to believe it myself… but the evidence was just too… damning.” Voldemort said coldly as his eyes fell onto Regulus on his last word.
Fuck… this is it.
Regulus’ heart was on the verge of stopping at that moment. At this rate, he was going to die of a heart attack before the Dark Lord could even raise his wand on him. A million thoughts raced through his head as he stared across the table at Peter. Regulus didn’t blink nor did he move. On the inside, he was panicking, knowing this was about to be his end, but on the outside, he sat still with perfect posture, staring daggers into Peter with a vicious demeanour - one of which his mother would have even been proud of.
The room was silent for a moment as the Dark Lord allowed for his words to linger in the air. Not a single person moved, not a single person said a word.
“Now…” He finally said slowly. “Regulus…”
Everyone turned their heads towards Regulus, some with shocked looks, some with unchanged looks, but the worse to see was the eyes of Bellatrix fixed on him with a monstrous rage. She had accused him so many months ago and he had lied right to her face and she had tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but she had been right all along and she looked furious… no… wrathful.
Regulus slowly lifted his head and turned it to the Dark Lord, his face remaining unchanged as he did what he could to hide his fear. He looked him in the eyes and waited, knowing his time was coming and there was nothing he could do.
“Would you please take those gloves off…” Voldemort requested, glaring at him with indifferent eyes.
Regulus looked down to his hands and gulped a little as he stared down at them. Slowly, he pulled the glove off of his right hand which bore no marks but some scarring from some scratches. He knew what they were from, but to everyone else, they could have been from his mother for all they knew. They were mostly hidden by the charm he had done earlier, but if the Dark Lord knew what he was looking for, he would find it. Then, he slowly pulled the glove off of his left hand and placed both gloves on the table. His left hand, the one with so much damage, he was surprised it still worked. Again, the charm on that arm seemed to cover up everything but his Dark Mark and he hoped with everything in him that the Dark Lord wouldn’t be able to spot the blackened veins of his hand, hiding under the magic he had barely learned.
“Put your hands on the table, Regulus.” Voldemort demanded now.
Regulus did as he was told and slowly raised his hand, placing them palms down and flat on the table. The Dark Lord began to move around the table and stood behind Regulus, just to his right, between him and Evan. Regulus closed his eyes for a second and took in another breath. He felt the end of the Dark Lord’s wand slowly press into the back of his right hand as he harshly dragged it up his arm, leaving a red line up his arm.
“Hm…” Was all Voldemort said as he pulled his wand away.
He slowly moved to Regulus’ left side and harshly pressed the end of his wand into the back of his hand. Regulus bit the inside of his lip again to avoid letting out a hiss of pain as he pressed it just a little harder.
“Ah… I see…” Voldemort finally said as a small grin formed on his face. “Thought you might hide it from me, did you?”
The Dark Lord dragged his wand up his arm again, this time pressing down so hard he thought his skin might tear open. As he pulled his wand off of his arm, Regulus’ eyes finally looked down at his arm as his head remained perfectly straight. His eyes caught a glimpse of his hand, the charm was gone and his blackened veins were fully exposed now.
How had he gotten to this point? How had Peter figured out what he was doing? There was no way he should have known anything, but then again he had been stupidly caught by Evan and Severus from just one mistake. Who knows what he could have done for Peter to have found out… unless… no…
Regulus slowly turned his head to Evan who still couldn’t seem to look him in the eye. Maybe he had really chosen to be a Death Eater first… Regulus should have guessed he would have… he should have known.
He looked forward again as everyone continued to watch the show.
“I see you stumbled on my grandfather’s ring too…” Voldemort said coldly. “I wonder how many more you’ve… stumbled on… Stand up.”
The Dark Lord flicked his wand at Regulus and immediately he shot up to his feet without having moved himself on his own. Bellatrix had a certain contentment in her eye now as she watched the traitor who was about to feel everything she had because of him.
“Clearly, my efforts to show you all what happens when you betray me have flown over your heads… I can no longer tolerate even the slightest chance of… rebellion… in my followers.” Voldemort sternly announced. “We have come too far now for people to feel… sentimental… about what? Family?”
The Dark Lord flicked his wand again and as if someone had kicked his feet out from under him, he fell over, directly into the table in front of him. He was suddenly flipped over, facing the high ceiling now as he felt his body lift into the air once more, hovering in front of everyone, unable to move a muscle.
This was it.
The feeling of dread was completely gone now and all he could feel was the grief - the grief at the life he could have had if he had been just as brave as Sirius. If he had been able to fight back and say, “No! This isn’t right!” If he had been able to be just as loud and rebellious as the brother who had saved him even when he thought he hated him. He no longer felt scared anymore, just sad.
His eyes fixed on the ceiling as he floated there in front of everyone, waiting for the blow. He knew this wasn’t going to be quick, he’d seen it enough times. He knew this would be just as good as a feast to the Dark Lord. Finally being able to destroy the one who came so close to destroying him. Then, he felt the first strike.
“Crucio!” Voldemort belted as a stream of red light blasted out of the end of his wand and slammed into Regulus.
At first, it burned. He thought he had misheard the curse and was actually set ablaze, but he couldn’t open his eyes as he screamed a blood curdling scream that echoed through the room. Then, the burning felt like hot knives, stabbing at every spot inside of his body, piercing every place the curse could touch. The pain was unimaginable, but pain he had felt before. His mother had used it on him twice when he was young, claiming it was to “teach him a lesson” for his bad behaviour. He had only been a child then, once when he was 10 and again when he was 13. He knew this pain before and he knew he could withstand it, but his mother was not the Dark Lord… she was a cruel woman, but he was worse.
Over and over again, he would cast the curse then stop it for a moment. Regulus would take a breath and then again would be met with unbearable pain that worsened each time he did it. He lost count after the fourth time he did it, that was when he fell unconscious. After that, he had no idea what else the Dark Lord deemed a reasonable punishment. At least if he was going to die, he wouldn’t have to be conscious for it.
What he hadn’t expected was to be opening his eyes again as he laid in pain on a cold, stone floor. His blurry eyes tried to focus as he turned his head to look around and let out a gasp of pain from the sharpness in his neck. Taking a moment to ready himself, he took a weak breath and somewhat sat himself up, propping himself up on his arms. He tried to look around again and as he moved, his body seering with pain, he saw the bars next to him. He was in some sort of cell.
Just then, a door creaked open and someone walked in. Regulus did his best to properly sit up, hissing at the pain in his back now. He watched as the person entered the room. It was Evan. He looked remorseful, guilty even as he walked up to the bars of the cell.
“Hi…” Evan said slowly.
Regulus stared at him, unblinking.
“I know you think this is my fault, but I promise you I didn’t mean for him to find out.” Evan said.
“Where am I?” Regulus asked flatly, ignoring Evan’s attempt at what he assumed was an apology.
“The manor’s dungeon.” Evan replied. He quickly stepped closer to the bars and Regulus backed up as he did. “Listen, Reg I-”
Regulus couldn’t help it anymore, his cold demeanour fell as he let the fear take over. He felt like a stray animal being backed into a corner.
“Reg…” Evan said more calmly, like he looked sorry for him. “It was Peter… he- he overheard a conversation I had with Severus and he… he went straight to the Dark Lord… I don’t even know how he heard it, I thought we were completely alone…”
“He is a spy afterall…” Regulus muttered.
Evan’s head dropped to his feet for a moment. He took a moment before he looked back up, now with a determined look in his eyes.
“Look,” he said a little more confidently. “They sent me down here to watch you for now. They want to question you, find out how much you know, how much you’ve shared, everything you’ve done before they kill you, but I’m gonna help you get out of here.”
Regulus looked up to Evan, confused. He felt around his pockets and as he figured, his wand was gone.
“How are you going to get me out of here?” Regulus asked angrily. “I don’t even have my wand and Merlin knows if I can even stand right now.”
“I have it.” Evan said as he pulled Regulus’ wand from his back pocket and tossed it to him through the bars. “Most people have left now, you should have a clear shot to get out through the kitchen and run.”
“What about you?” Regulus asked.
Evan walked over to the cell door and pointed his wand at it.
“Alohomora.” He whispered as the lock on the cell door clicked open and slowly creaked inward. “Knock me out. I don’t care how, just knock me out and run. I’ll say you somehow got hold of your wand and you attacked me and escaped.”
“Evan, they’ll kill you.” Regulus said, now more concerned than angry.
“I’ll be fine.” Evan assured him as he smirked. “Just make it look believable.”
Regulus took another deep breath and did his best to pull himself to his feet. His entire body ached like the knives inside of him were still trying to poke around, but he got to his feet and steadied himself. He dragged himself to the open cell door and walked out, pointing his wand at Evan who just stared back at him. Evan nodded once and with a sorry sigh, Regulus raised his chin just a little.
“Please don’t get yourself killed for me.” Regulus said. “Petrificus totalus.”
Evan’s body went rigid, completely freezing still as he fell over with a loud thud. His own wand fell out of his hand and rolled towards Regulus’ foot. He kicked it aside, trying to make it look like Evan really had been attacked.
“I’m sorry, Evan.” Regulus said to his paralyzed body as he ran towards the door to leave.
With every step he took, he felt the pain searing through every muscle, every vein, but his adrenaline was high and his will to live… stronger than it had been in a very, very long time.
He did his best to navigate through the halls of Malfoy Manor, trying to keep himself quiet with every painstaking step he took. As he continued further, trying to reach the kitchen, he saw no one around, he heard nothing. Evan hadn’t lied, almost everyone had gone home. How long had he been passed out on the cell floor? It was late, he knew that much and he figured it had to be the same night, so maybe a few hours, but he couldn’t be sure.
As he turned corner after corner and dragged himself through the corridors of the manor, he finally saw the hallway he recognized that led to the kitchen. He was in the final stretch, freedom was just ahead, but of course, it was never that easy.
“Going somewhere?” A voice said behind him.
He quickly turned around, his wand outstretched at Peter who was standing there with another smug look and his own wand raised.
“I’m not letting you get away.” Peter said. “I know you’ll tell them everything. I can’t have you blabbing back to Padfoot…” The way he said “Padfoot'' came out in a mocking tone as if it were the most ridiculous name to him. “I should have known something was off when you pulled me aside for that little… chat we had. I should have known it was you then.”
“Peter, you don’t know what you’re doing.” Regulus warned.
“Oh, I know exactly what I’m doing.” He said, sharply. “I’m making myself his number one. I’m going to end you, Regulus Black.”
Peter raised his wand a little higher and very quickly started to speak.
“AVADA KE-”
“CRUCIO!” Regulus yelled before Peter could finish his sentence as a blast of red light shot from his own wand and slammed into Peter knocking him to the floor as he withered in pain, screaming as loudly, if not louder, than Regulus had.
Immediately, Regulus heard that guilty voice in the back of his head, attacking him, but he had to… he had no choice… he was going to kill him. He had no time to feel guilty, but he did anyway - he felt disgusting.
Taking a quick look around and seeing no one else, he did his best to move quickly through the kitchen door and close it behind him, leaving Peter to lay in agony on the floor. No one was in there except their house elf, Dobby again. Dobby stared at Regulus stunned, clearly having not expected to see him up and moving around, especially not outside of the cell.
“You never saw me, Dobby.” Regulus said quietly.
Dobby’s stunned expression quickly turned to that of a determined one as he nodded at Regulus with a smirk and went back to washing the dishes in the sink in front of him. Regulus quickly walked past him to the back door and let himself out into the cool, night air of early summer. The breeze felt nice as it blew past his face and he breathed it in. As soon as he was at the end of the path, he took a moment to breathe again, knowing his only option was to apparate, but also knowing this was about to hurt like hell.
With determination running through him and his adrenaline still high, he spun on the spot again and was whisked into the air before poorly landing in an alley between two familiar buildings. His knees buckled under him as he fell over and he took the moment to rest, but he needed to get back up again. Sirius needed to know. Sirius needed to know that the Dark Lord knew what Regulus had done. He needed to know he was no longer safe.
Another jolt of sharp pain shot down his back as he tried to stand up, but he forced himself up nonetheless and dragged himself to the door of the building. Pulling it open with both of his arms, he leaned against the door and slid across it into the building, using his weight to keep it open long enough to move. Getting up the stairs was the worst part. Fuck, he hated those old, narrow stairs.
Out of breath and in an unfathomable amount of pain, he finally made it to the front door of Sirius’ flat. He couldn’t raise his hand any higher than the handle of the door so instead of knocking, he let himself in again. He had started letting himself in more often. He was getting too comfortable.
As he pushed the door open and walked inside, he saw Sirius pacing back and forth in the living room and Remus perched at his spot by the window with a lit cigarette. They both looked up at the sound of their front door slamming shut and both gave Regulus a shocked look. At first, he thought it was from the way he had dragged himself in, but then he very quickly saw the real reason they were stunned.
Suddenly, Regulus was slammed up against the door with one hand pinning him back and the other pointing a wand at his throat. The adrenaline that had started to wear off, jumped back up and his eyes widened at the person holding him against the door. Regulus’ face must have been just as stunned as Remus and Sirius’ faces, but the person holding him with his glasses slightly sliding down his nose looked angry, then confused.
“Regulus?”
Regulus formed a weak smile.
“Hi James.”