The Initiation of Regulus Black
September 1977
It had been his first meeting he had attended. If his parents hadn't forced him to join them, his own fear would have been enough to paralyze him entirely from going. He had never thought that he would last long enough to see himself join them, but what other choice did he have now that he was here?
His parents had presented him to the Dark Lord as if he were some prized offering - some sort of way to appease him. If it hadn't been for the fact that he knew he had no way out, he would have fought back, he would have yelled and screamed, he would have done anything not to be there. At least, he liked to think that he would have, but he couldn't. As the Black family heir, he had a duty to his family, an image to uphold. One that he wished wasn't his.
When he was given the Dark Lord’s mark, it was made official. On his left inner forearm, a menacing skull with a serpent protruding from its mouth, a symbol to show that his side had been chosen for him.
It had been a rather painful process, though mostly quick, to have the mark placed on his arm, but nothing he wasn't used to. His arm stung for a few days after that and whenever they were being called for another meeting, it would sting a little. He tried his best to ignore the pain when they were called, but it didn't help when his mother would grab him by the arm and drag him along to apparate for the meetings. He swore she purposefully dug her long nails into the exact spot every time.
After the first meeting, it became apparent quite quickly that the followers of Voldemort seemed to fear the Black family just as much as people did at school. The majority of his family seemed to be favoured by Voldemort for their loyalty, wealth, and power and no one dared to question it.
His cousins, Bellatrix and Narcissa, and their husbands were some of the most loyal of his followers. Though, it seemed as if Bellatrix and Rodolphus were followers because they believed in the cause and Narcissa and Lucius were followers because of necessity. Two sisters, both following the same path - one out of faith and one out of fear.
When the Death Eaters were called for meetings, they often sat around a long table where Voldemort was always at the head of the table and the Black family was always there by his side; Regulus and his parents on one side and his cousins and their husbands on the other side. Some meetings would be tame, there would be discussions and updates from Death Eaters and talks of plans for their next moves, other meetings left Regulus with a hollow feeling when people would laugh at the monstrous deaths they caused and casually spoke of torture as if they were just discussing the weather.
Eventually, he found that he had grown used to the gross talk they would spew. He sometimes even found himself joining into the conversations once in a while and the other Death Eaters would encourage him, sharing with him ways that he could torment the “mudbloods” when he had to return to school.
He knew he had become desensitized to it and he sort of liked the attention people gave him when he arrived at meetings. It felt as though he had some sort of power - a power that maybe he didn't deserve but wanted nonetheless. Maybe embracing what the Dark Lord and his family name gave him, wouldn't be so terrible. Maybe Sirius was wrong about them. Maybe being the Black family heir was what he deserved.
When he arrived at school that year, he was completely unsurprised to see that Sirius was still acting as though he were a stranger. At the sorting ceremony and feast, Sirius didn't so much as make eye contact with him. It was as if Regulus had never existed to him.
So this was how he wanted to be… he thought to himself. If he really wanted to pretend that Potter was his brother, that they had never known each other, then so be it. For all he cared, he grew up an only child. So what if the thought of Sirius abandoning him hurt like fucking hell? So what if being alone with their parents meant he had to take all of the punishment? So what if the only person who had ever shown him compassion as a child no longer wanted anything to do with him? So what?
Fuck Sirius Black.
~~~
A week after they had all arrived at Hogwarts was when Sirius had made sure to solidify that he wanted nothing to do with his brother.
Rumours had already begun to circulate within the first week of Regulus and a few of his friends joining the Death Eaters. None of them chose to confirm the rumours, but they didn't do much to deny them either. In fact, Regulus started to enjoy the power it seemed to give him. If people hadn't already feared him before, surely they would now.
During his first potions lesson of the year, he found Professor Slughorn just as unbearable as every other year and just wanted to push his way through the class as quickly as possible. When the class finally ended, he rushed to clean up his station and in his haste, was not paying attention to his surroundings. He spun around a little too abruptly and bumped into a gryffindor boy who was trying to pass him, causing him to spill half of his ingredients all over himself. Then, without thinking, he did something he would soon come to regret.
He instantly grasped his wand and shot the first curse that had come to mind at the poor boy. The boy let out a scream and grabbed at his face as his eyes began to swell shut. Regulus’ friends, Barty and Evan, both burst into laughter as Regulus smirked at the boy.
“Maybe next time you’ll learn to watch where you’re going.” Evan sneered from behind Regulus.
“Don't blame the poor boy, he clearly can’t see.” Regulus mocked.
Professor Slughorn came bumbling over at the sudden sound of the student’s pain and Regulus resumed cleaning himself and the station up. Though Slughorn had asked many times what had happened, no one gave him an answer out of fear that they would end up like the Gryffindor with his eyes swollen shut.
As he left his class in a stride of confidence, Evan and Barty came laughing behind him, all of them making fun of the Gryffindor and Regulus joining them in laughing too. They left the dungeons, strolling into the Great Hall for lunch and joining their fellow Slytherins who Barty was quick to tell all about what Regulus had just done.
Then, in came Sirius with James, both looking as proud as always did and Peter trailing behind them in a conversation with Remus who seemed to be only half listening. When they sat at their table with the other Gryffindors, people all around them started whispering to them and for the first time in months, Sirius glanced over at the Slytherin table and glared at Regulus.
Regulus stared back for a moment, but something in Sirius’ glare made him feel sick - shameful. Regulus was the first to break his stare and drop his eyes, looking at what was left of the food around the table, but he could still feel Sirius’ eyes on him. His stare was burning into Regulus until it became almost unbearable.
He abruptly stood from the table, interrupting all of his friends who went silent and stared at him.
“You alright, mate?” Evan asked, staring up at Regulus.
He glanced around him, they were all looking at him.
“Uh… yeah… just not hungry…” He replied, stepping away from the table. “I think I’m gonna head to charms.”
“Charms isn't for another twenty minutes?” Evan said, confused.
“Head start.” Regulus replied.
He began to walk away from the table and straight out the door of the Great Hall. He had barely made it into the corridor when he heard someone call after him.
“Reg!” Sirius yelled after him loudly.
He continued to speed walk, but Sirius broke into a sprint, catching up and jumping in front of him. Regulus stopped himself before he ran into him and rolled his eyes before turning around and trying to walk the other way, but James, Peter, and Remus were all just behind him.
“Reggie, can we please talk for a second?” Sirius requested.
“I have nothing to say to you.” Regulus stated, coldly. “And it’s Regulus.”
Sirius looked a little taken aback at his abruptness, but brushed it off.
“Can you just answer a question then?” Sirius asked.
Regulus shrugged.
“What are you doing, Reg?” Sirius asked, sounding concerned.
“What?”
“That Gryffindor kid? The rumours about you joining you know who? This fear that’s surrounding you?” Sirius explained. “What is happening to you?”
Regulus felt his shame consuming him. What was he doing? He wanted to say that he felt inconceivably guilty about what he did in potions, that he was threatened into joining the Dark Lord by their own mother, that he wished he could give up everything as easily as Sirius had and run away with him, but he didn't. He couldn't. That wasn't who he was allowed to be anymore - who he was expected to be.
“It is as much your business what I have chosen to do with my life as it is the rest of the school.” Regulus said, sternly.
“But Reg, I’m your brother! You can tell me wh-”
“Sirius, you gave up the right to call yourself my brother when you left me.” Regulus spat out coldly.
Sirius stared at him in stunned silence, his mouth slightly agape. James was quickly at his side after that, as were Remus and Peter, but Regulus could see the anger building in Sirius.
“So what? You think you can just start picking on kids now? You think it’s fine to make everyone fear you? Because I left? Because I left after I nearly died!?” Sirius scolded, raising his voice.
“Regulus, you can't possibly mean-” James started to say, but Sirius straightened his back and lifted his chin a little. His gaze fixated on Regulus as he cut James off.
“No Prongs, it’s fine.” Sirius said, holding a hand up to stop him. “Clearly Regulus has chosen his side and I know I’ve chosen mine.”
He stared straight into Regulus’ face as he said his final words.
“As far as I’m aware, I have no brother.” Sirius said coldly.
Like a blow to his chest, Regulus felt an unbearable pain in his heart. He wanted to scream and cry and beg Sirius to take it back. He wanted to say he was sorry, that he was sorry a million times over, but Sirius pushed past him, knocking his shoulder back and Regulus didn't say a word. James chased after Sirius and Peter after James, but Remus didn't move for a moment. He stood there, his arms crossed with the look of a parent’s disappointment on his face. Then, he shook his head as he grinded his teeth, looking as though he was fighting back every muscle in his body not to start a fight then and there.
“That was really shitty.” Remus said with a frown. “I feel bloody sorry for you.”
Remus shook his head again and let out a deep sigh before walking past Regulus to catch up with his friends, leaving Regulus standing alone in the corridor as people began to leave the Great Hall.
As people began to rush out for their next class, flooding the corridors with students, Regulus felt like his world was falling in on him. His breathing shortened and his chest felt tight. Why was everyone so close to him as they passed by? Why were there so many people around him? He needed to leave. He needed to be alone.
Shoving people out of his way as he hurried down the corridor, he looked for any place he could go for some quiet. Anywhere no one would find him. Eventually, he found himself in the library, tucked away in a far corner where people didn’t often go. Most students would be in class anyway, so he had no worry of being bothered at least for a little while.
He grabbed the first large book off a nearby shelf he saw and buried his head into its pages as he felt his eyes start to sting. He tried his best to read what was on the pages, but he wasn’t even sure if he was looking at a chapter or just the index because of the blur his watering eyes were causing.
He was just being weak, he thought. No one in his family would cry over something so unimportant to them. Not one of them would have even bat an eyelash at Sirius’ words. So, why did they hurt so much? He needed to get over himself. If his mother were here, he would have never heard the end of it.
“Boys don’t cry!” She would have yelled at him. “Man up and wipe your face or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
Crying would have been at least another two lashes from her wand.
He placed the book down in his lap and harshly wiped his face as he inhaled a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
“Are you alright?” He heard a sweet voice say as he opened his eyes.
Standing in front of him, holding a rather large pile of books, was Pandora Martou, the Ravenclaw girl that never seemed to avoid him. She looked genuinely concerned for him as she waited for him to reply to her.
“I’m fine.” He said, quietly as he picked his book back up.
“You look like you’ve been crying?” She pointed out.
Regulus sighed and dropped his book into his lap again.
“I said I’m fine.” He repeated. “It’s none of your concern.”
Her expression didn’t change like most people’s would have. People often gave him a look of surprise at his cold demeanour or even looked offended by it, but not her. She just tilted her head a little, like she was realizing something about him that maybe she shouldn’t say.
“Well, Regulus,” she said softly, “I’m sure you don’t want my advice or any of my help, so I’ll let you be, but don’t ruin that book, Madam Pince will throw a fit.”
Regulus let out a small chuckle.
She walked away with all of her books in hand, leaving Regulus alone once again, but this time he didn’t feel so horrible anymore. Sure, he still hated everything and really wanted to punch something, but he didn’t feel the need to cry as much. He felt just a little bit better and that had to stand for something.