Harry's Day Alone
Friday, June 15th, 2001
Harry looked at his watch again. It was 8:04 A.M., he had only been away from Sage for four minutes, but it seemed impossible to be away from them a second longer.
How was he supposed to wait another twenty-three hours and fifty-six minutes?
Miranda said he needed to, that it would be beneficial to everyone, but it didn’t feel very good at all. Weren’t good things supposed to make him happy? Not unsafe.
Sage was unsafe.
They weren’t. They were spending the day with Bill, Fluer, and Victoire—a totally safe, calm, and loving environment. He had only been gone for a few minutes as well, Sage probably didn’t even notice.
“Dada! Love!”
Sage had been speaking in fuller sentences recently, but they still, occasionally, said that. “Dada! Love!” And every single time it made Harry so happy, but also mournful.
Harry loved one year old Sage so much, but that didn’t mean he didn’t miss nine month old Sage, six month old Sage, three month old Sage, newborn Sage. Technically they were all the same person, but it was different. They were different.
Harry didn’t regret a second of Sage’s life, couldn’t wait to see who they became from here, but….So many changes in such a short amount of time. That was about all babies did—change.
Harry wanted to watch Clifford.
He felt really guilty about that fact. His baby was who even knew how far away, in a different country, and they couldn’t see each other for twenty-four hours yet instead of being majorly distraught he was just minorly distraught and wanted to watch a cartoon about a giant red dog.
How horrible was that?
Miranda said he was allowed to have time away from Sage, that he should have that alone time, but….Surely Sage was more important than some cartoons and chocolate milk.
Harry wanted chocolate milk….Out of a sippy cup.
He didn’t have chocolate powder or a sippy cup, not for adults at least, but it would be wrong for him to use it anyway. He was an adult, this was all wrong.
All wrong.
“Hermione?” Harry clutched the landline against his head harder than necessary.
“Harry? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know where you would get it, but can you buy two things for me? I’ll pay you back as soon as you get here with it, but I really don’t want to get it myself.”
“Harry, take a deep breath. What do you want me to get?”
“I—I—”
“Deep breath.” Hermione reminded, throwing her hair up in a bun at the same time.
“Right….It’s just so…so….Embarrassing.”
“Harry, love, we’ve been friends for a decade, we’ve been through more than anyone could ever imagine together, you have nothing to be embarrassed with around me….You’re my little brother, I promise I will love you and respect you and like you no matter what. Okay, hun?”
“....Okay.” Harry agreed, only half-sure. “I need a tin of chocolate milk powder and….And….”
“And?” Hermione sat down to tie her shoes, trying to sound understanding and attentive at the same time.
“....An adult…sippy cup….”
“Anything else?” She tried her best to sound nonchalant. She was surprised, but it wasn’t a big deal. Anyway, she didn’t want to make Harry feel bad about it.
“....Not right now.” Harry could think of many other things he would like—’childish’ clothes, ‘childish’ snacks, juice, crayons, coloring books, toys—but he couldn’t yet, if ever. Just the sippy cup, and chocolate milk, was so much.
“Alright, love. I’ll go out and get it now, I’m not sure where the cup will come from, but you will get it. If you need anything else in the future don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Thank you, Mia.”
Of course, hun. Love you, bye.”
“Goodbye, ‘Mione, love you too.” Hermione hung up, but Harry kept the phone next to his ear for nearly a minute longer.
She loved him.
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Harry?” Harry blinked awake at a stranger's soft call. Except, opening his eyes, he found the person quite familiar.
“Good morning, Harry love.” Hermione smiled, handing over the sippy cup full of chocolate milk. “I hope pink is okay.”
Harry sat up, he was on the couch in the living room, his cartoons paused themself at some point while he was asleep and now Hermione was here and he had a pink sippy cup and….
Life felt fake.
“For me?” Harry rasped, grasping the cup in his hands as hard as possible.
“All for you.”
Harry took a drink of the sweet milk, he had never been allowed to have anything except the occasional plain milk at the Dursley’s, the gentle chill chasing away a bit of the sleep in his throat. “How?”
“How? What do you mean?” Hermione sat next to Harry on the couch, gently moving his head to her shoulder.
“Where cup from?”
“Oh! I was unsure about where to get an adult sippy cup and I didn’t want to make you wait too long so I found this old pack of unopened sippy cups from when I was a toddler and did a permanent enlargement charm on them to be more size appropriate. There’s that one, a light green one, and a dark blue one.”
“Where others?” Harry took another drink fighting not to fall back asleep.
“In the kitchen cup cabinet. I already washed all of them….Remember how I told you I have some stuff for Sage once they’re a little older?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I have some stuff that you could have instead or that wouldn’t work for Sage at all, if you want.”
“I’m adult.” Harry protested, but instinctively tightened his grip around the cup so Hermione wouldn’t take it away at this so-called revelation. “Sage needs it more.”
“Like I said, not all of it can be used by them, Teddy, or Victoire, but you could. And what could be used by Sage has multiple copies, enough for all the kids and more, so you taking a bit of it would be more than fine.”
“Like what? What no one else can use? What I have some of too?”
“Well, I have a couple packs of unused pacis which Teddy is too old for, Sage doesn’t like, and Victoire already has more than enough of. As for things that the four of you could each take some of: I have plenty of clothes and toys and stuffed animals. Since all the kids already have enough it won’t hurt them for you to take a few.”
“Well…maybe….But, still adult.”
“So?”
“Adults don’t have all this stuff. This baby stuff.”
“Harry, being an adult is literally about having whatever you want, that you couldn’t before. Besides, you didn’t get to have this stuff when you were a kid, so it only makes sense to make up for the missed time now.”
“People will think I’m weird or unfit to be a parent.”
Hermione squeezed his shoulders tight as he took another drink, moving to rub his hair after the hug was over. “Haz, that doesn’t matter. Your comfort and happiness is more important than what some random people think….Anyway, it will be good for Sage.”
“How’s it good for Sage?”
“Well, once kids reach a certain age they become quite insecure about being kids. I remember when I was nine I overheard one of my classmates admit they still watched cartoons as if it wasn’t normal, then their friends made fun of them. But, if Sage sees you, an adult, doing so-called childish things they won’t feel bad about doing them themself.”
“....I guess that’s true….But, what if it means they never grow up? Always act like a child?”
“There’s nothing wrong with acting like a child in this context. Watching cartoons, playing with toys, etc. In fact, many people, specialists, say that it’s healthier to continue playing into adulthood. We’re meant to, we just don’t typically because of the social stigma….I mean, the adults of all other species still play, so why wouldn’t we?”
“....I guess….” Harry’s instincts told him to keep up the serious conversation, but his body disagreed, yawning.
“Are you sleepy, love?”
Harry nodded despite himself, he was exhausted. “Milk.”
“It’s okay, hun, we can put the milk in the fridge until you get back up.”
“But….Nap….”
“What?” Hermione carded her hands through his hair again, doing her best to coax him into giving into his body’s needs.
“I took nap.”
“Take another.”
“What time?”
“What time is it?” Hermione confirmed, but didn’t wait for a response. “It is…10:13.”
“....’Kay.” Harry hesitantly handed the cup over to the woman, after taking another drink. “You take? Or me?”
“I’m going to go put this in the refrigerator, okay? Then I’ll come back in here.”
“Okay.” Harry agreed, laying down on the couch once Hermione was standing, curling up for any warmth.
He played the show, twisting limbs together against the cold, and waited for Hermione. And waited. And waited.
She eventually returned, Harry nearly asleep, with a pillow and quilt. “Here you go, love. It’s much too cold in here for you to have no blanket and the arm can’t be very good for your neck.”
Harry tried to respond, but all that came out was a sort of tired whimper. He tried to stand to get comfortable with the bedsheets, but wasn’t able. Still, Hermione was just fine with helping him more.
Once Harry was comfortable, and again almost asleep, Hermione sat on the gouda next to his head.
“You here?”
“I’m gonna stay here a while, if that’s okay.” Hermione whispered, rubbing his head again as she had noticed years before it made him instantly feel safer.
“Yes, please.” Harry barely verbalized before drifting off into unconsciousness.
She loved him.