It was Tony’s turn tonight.
Many nights Bucky had spent thrashing, writhing and shaking in the shared bedroom, sweat beading on his skin as Tony took his time toying with the helpless soldier. It was a way for Bucky to unwind and breathe, the only way he could get through the day without nearly stabbing someone who’d snuck up on him unintentionally.
He couldn’t remember how all of this started. All he knew was that it was helping, it was allowing him to live his life and heal but also remain structured and kept in check. Tony had suggested it, he thinks, but he wasn’t entirely sure. All he knew was that he loved being tied and fucked senseless. He loved being whipped and then feeling those open mouthed kisses against his stinging skin. Tony loved to circle him like a predator and then strike when Bucky least expected it.
His favorite was when a blindfold got involved and Tony decided to plug his ass while he was caned until he cried.
Tony called them “scenes”, and Bucky had started calling it that too. Tony told him everything he needed to know before they did anything too serious, not that Bucky cared about the specifics, it was just that Tony was always so thorough.
Maybe he was always meant for orders, but these kind of orders only happened every now and then and only behind closed doors for a couple of hours. Not every day, not all the time, in order to leave room for Bucky to learn to make his own decisions. That was the rules Tony made him agree to.
Tonight, however, it was Tony’s turn to learn how to unwind.
It was a special night, and a horrible one at the same exact time. Bucky had gone down to Tony’s lab, finding comfort in the sounds of machinery and music pounding at the walls. Tony’s lab was always filled with life, the genius pushing himself about the room in a wheeled chair. There was always grease across his cheek and dirt caking his nails as he invested in a new project. This was the sight Bucky had expected to see as he wandered in, but to his surprise, there was no Tony in sight.
Everything else was the same, the pounding music, the scattered tools, there was even a small pool of oil spilled across a nearby table. The scent of stale coffee hit Bucky’s nose, which was both a comforting and concerning smell. Comforting because that meant Tony was most likely down here, and not so comforting in the sense that the man probably hadn’t slept in quite some time.
“Tony?” Bucky’s voice came out gruff and scratchy, as he chose not to use it most days. Tony always said his voice was sexy but that was only because Tony heard it most when Bucky was moaning. There weren't many actual words involved during their scenes.
He was met with a deafening silence. Well, as much silence as he could get while the speakers blasted rock music in his ears.
He tried not to let the anxiety affect him as he began to move about the lab, arm shining in the bright lights as he walked past the four projects Tony had pulled up. Tony would be fine, he was just in another room looking for something, Bucky was sure. Or maybe he went for a quick fly.
“Barnes.” It was a soft gasp of air from beneath a nearby table that had caught Bucky’s attention. Silver eyes snapped to the sound and met the deep chocolate ones he was used to. Deep chocolate eyes that were filled with watery tears.
Tony’s cheeks were flushed, and his lower lip trembled and Bucky could see that he was about ready to crumble to pieces.
“Tony. What happened? Come here.” Bucky stepped forward and held his arms out. Tony reached gratefully, letting the larger man pull him up. Those muscles startled Tony every time he saw them.
“I- there were deadlines and I couldn’t- Pepper got upset with me and I couldn’t I forgot to sign these papers, and- and- Clint’s bow broke right under my fingers because I wasn’t being gentle and- I- I can’t do anything right-!” Tony blabbered and gasped, panicked eyes darting about the room and hands clutching Bucky’s arms like he was going to fall apart if he let go.
“Stop.” Bucky demanded, not letting Tony continue any further. That was all he could let Tony say, knowing they were headed down a crushingly dark place in Tony’s mind. The poor guy had probably been suffering right under Bucky’s nose and he didn’t notice. Didn’t notice until he was going to come down and request another scene. Tony took care of Bucky, and now it was time to return the favor.
It was Tony’s turn.
“Breathe. You’re going to breathe and then we’re going to go to your room.” It was code for We’re going to start a scene.
“I-I can’t help you tonight, I- Look at me, Barnes! You really think I’m in any shape to-” Tony blabbered again, breath quickening and body trembling at the thought of possibly screwing another thing up. Bucky was special, and he couldn’t screw that up, he just couldn’t. If he lost Bucky then he lost everything. Bucky was the light of his week, he loved taking Bucky apart with just his hands and a few ropes and sex toys. He couldn’t lose that.
“Stop, I said. Stop. I’m going to start it, not you.” Bucky grumbled, gripping Tony’s forearms and giving him a slight jostle to hold his attention. Tony wasn’t ever the one to listen, was he.
Tony’s lips parted in a silent oh as he simply stared at Bucky with those big, teary doe eyes. The eyes that Bucky was falling madly in love with. Not that he’d ever tell Tony.
“Okay?” Bucky wanted to be sure.
“Okay.” Tony responded, just a whisper.
With a silent nod, Bucky pulled Tony to the elevator. He never broke physical contact, knowing that Tony was a toucher. Tony clung to him like a child clings to their parent, one hand firmly on his arm and the other fisted on Bucky’s sleeve. Neither of them said a word as the elevator rose, though Tony gave a hiccup or two.
It wasn’t until they reached the bedroom that Bucky spoke.
“Strip. Get on the bed, hands and knees.” He growled, taking the position of a Dom right away. As Tony did what he was told, Bucky locked the door with a soft click. Bucky knew him well enough to know what he needed to feel better. If he didn’t punish Tony, then the man would punish himself until his grave.
It took Tony a moment to remove his clothes because his hands were shaking so badly, but eventually he managed to get them off and kick them to a corner. Then, he turned and lowered himself onto the bed, hands and knees. All he could do was think about all the shit he’d done wrong. How could anyone even look at him again knowing what a failure he is. He couldn’t even sign a fucking paper-smack!
Tony let out a startled shout. Did Bucky just spank him? The sharp sting on his ass told him yes.
Looking behind him with wide, confused eyes, he was just met with a blank, steady expression staring back at him. There was nothing in those steely blue eyes that explained why the hell his ass had just been smacked that hard.
“Wh-...” Tony began, but decided not to finish. His eyes did the rest of the talking.
Bucky gently rubbed the reddening spot against Tony’s ass. The man was absolutely beautiful like this, submitting under Bucky. He wondered if Tony felt this empowered when he was the Dom in a scene.
“What did you do wrong today.” He murmured softly, knowing Tony had a list as long as hell.
“I-I…” Tony was still speechless. What the hell was the point? He was just going to screw up again tomorrow. He didn’t understand the meaning of this, Bucky was supposed to help him, not hurt him, he didn’t *get it*.
“You didn’t sign papers?” Bucky gave him a bit of help. Tony nodded, tears returning to his eyes.
Bucky struck Tony again, and even his own hand felt the sting of that one. Tony sucked in a choked breath.
“What else.” Bucky pressed.
“I-I broke Clint’s bow. It was an a-accident.” Tony was getting worked up again. Bucky was just going to spank him every time he did something wrong? It wasn’t fair! He couldn’t help it, everyone makes mistakes, right? Wasn’t he allowed that?
Bucky just gently ran his hand up and down Tony’s back, rubbing the sore spot on his ass. There was no slap for that one.
“What else.”
“I-I missed a meeting.” Tony anticipated the sting of Bucky’s hand against his ass but nothing came. Confusion tore through him which made him feel worse because he didn’t understand the situation. He hated not understanding things. It made him feel powerless. Tony started to just gasp in quick bursts of air, on his way to a panic attack.
“Breathe. Tell me why.” Bucky murmured, leaning in to press tender kisses against the small of Tony’s back. Tony sucked in a thready breath and then let it out with a sigh. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, and his arms were shaking as he tried to hold himself up good for Bucky.
“B-Because I didn’t want to go.” He hated meetings. Every one of them had no point and took away from his personal time.
Slap!
Tony whimpered and sobbed.
“What else.” Bucky stayed steady and calm as he stroked and pet Tony again.
“I was supposed to w-write up a document f-for SI.” Tony shut his eyes tight, shaking his head a little.
“Why didn’t you?”
“B-because I didn’t have the time.”
“Why not.”
“I c-can’t do everything all at once! They throw s-so many things at me and I-” Tony stuttered and sobbed through his words, really having a meltdown over it. Bucky wasn’t having it.
“Hey.” Bucky gave Tony’s ass a few quick, rapid slaps. They didn’t hurt, they were just to get Tony’s attention. Again, there was no punishment. “Focus. Breathe. What else.”
Tony took a breathe just as Bucky asked. “I haven’t eaten.”
Slap! That was a good one. Bucky wanted Tony to really feel that one, and judging by the pained shout, he did. This time when Bucky rubbed at the spot he’d just hit, Tony let out a small whimper of pain.
“What else.”
“I slept th-through a phone meeting this morning.” Tony sniffled, and Bucky didn’t hurt him for that one either.
“Is that all?” Bucky asked, and Tony nodded. “Come here.”
Slowly, Tony turned around and plopped down, now sitting on the bed facing Bucky. His eyes were bloodshot, and his cheeks were wet with tears. His breathing was short and rapid, though he did look better than before. Bucky knocked him down and now it was time to build him right back up.
“Did you notice that I didn’t hit you every time?” Bucky asked, placing his flesh hand against Tony’s cheek and wiping away the tears with his thumb. Tony gave a nod. “Why do you think that is?”
“Because not everything was my fault.” Tony responded. A smile pulled at Bucky’s lips.
“You’re so smart, Doll, that’s exactly right.” Bucky praised him softly, and he could see how Tony brightened with relief right away when he’d said it. That was exactly the sort of reaction he was going for. Tony averted his gaze for just a moment and Bucky let out a grunt, making Tony look at him again. “Look at me.”
Tony swallowed thickly, staring Bucky in the eyes. He didn’t like to do it, because Bucky’s eyes were so intense. Every time he stared into those eyes for too long, he felt so exposed. Bucky had a way of staring directly into his soul.
“Not everything was your fault, and the things that were, you were punished for. What else can you do about it.” Bucky’s tone was firm and hard, not letting Tony hide from the questions.
“Nothing.” Tony whispered, biting the inside of his cheek. His breath came smoother now, calming down more with every second he stared into Bucky’s eyes.
“That’s right. Nothing.” Bucky confirmed, the hand on Tony’s cheek sliding up to card through Tony’s hair. It was a gesture Bucky knew for a fact that Tony enjoyed.
Bucky leaned in and pressed his lips against Tony’s in a very gentle kiss, working now on stitching those wounds back together again. The poor man had torn himself apart, and Bucky was set on helping him become whole.
Tony moaned against Bucky’s lips, drinking in the feeling of being so tenderly kissed. His chest ached with how sweet Bucky was being, and he was growing further and further from a breakdown. It was a damn good thing Bucky had found him there in his lab.
For a few more good beats, Bucky kissed Tony, their lips moving in synchronization and Tony’s head tilted to deepen the kiss into one that had a little more passion. Bucky knew what Tony wanted, and he wasn’t going to give it to him. Not tonight, after a meltdown like that.
Breaking the kiss with a soft intake of air, bucky placed his hands on either side of Tony’s head, keeping him steady.
“I want to have sex.” It was Tony that said it, always so blunt and sure.
“I know.” Bucky smiled just a bit.
“Can we?”
“No.”
Tony pouted. “Why not?”
Bucky exhaled, running his fingers through Tony’s soft, dark hair again. “Because you’re hurting, and you just cried, and you need to calm down. Go take a shower, one that’s warm and comfortable. Change into soft pajamas. Then come back to bed.”
Tony gave him a look. “Is this still part of the scene?”
“Yes.” If Bucky said no, then Tony would listen to a damn thing he said. He’d learned that by now. Heaving a great sigh, Tony stood and grabbed some pajamas and a towel and retreated to the bathroom.
Bucky sat down on the bed with a smile. Sure, they weren’t exactly dating or anything, but they took care of each other when they both desperately needed it. Bucky could see Tony, and Tony could see Bucky, and that’s all they could ask of each other.
Standing, Bucky went to get Tony a glass of water.
Tony would never admit to needing it, but Bucky knew him well enough to know. He knew Tony’s ins and outs, he knew Tony’s likes and dislikes, and he knew that Tony deserved so much more than he was given. Including a man who paid more attention to him. That was Bucky’s fault, and he’d never make a mistake like that again.
Starting with just one measly glass of water, he vowed to be what Tony needed.