Golf
Working with the Avengers was annoying, migraine inducing torment. One that Coulson had sorely missed when he was on his “vacation” after the Battle of Manhattan. He didn’t know why, but somewhere along the line that ragtag group of miscreants had become a sort of family to him, and to pretend he was dead and not be able to tell them nearly killed him. For good this time. So he had looked forward to seeing them again. And they had seemed happy to see him as well when he walked back into their lives.
A month later he wanted to throttle every last one of them.
He still loved them, of course, but man, he forgot how much he felt like a babysitter with them around. And Fury questioned why he watched every episode of Super Nanny he could get his hands on.
Still, sometimes he just needed a moment to himself. Or maybe an afternoon. Yeah, an afternoon sounded nice. Though he had doubted he’d get it until one of the other SHIELD agents mentioned wanting to go on a golf retreat of something of that sort. He’d invited Phil, and Phil had readily agreed. Fury was another matter, not believing that the Avengers could stay out of trouble for one weekend without their sitter.
Apparently he had been right.
Phil and Rob had just arrived at the extensive golf course at a fancy resort on the west coast, when a loud shout alerted him to something terribly, terribly wrong a split second before something collided with his side.
“I HAVE FOUND HIM, MAN OF IRON!” Thor’s booming voice echoed in his ear as the blonde God lifted Phil off his feet in the biggest bear hug he had ever gotten.
“Good job, Goldilocks,” Tony drawled, waltzing up with the rest of the Avengers trailing behind, all dressed for a vacation. Phil groaned inwardly as he was set back on his feet. So much for a relaxing weekend away.
This was actually incredibly entertaining. Phil was busy attempting – and failing horribly – to teach Thor how to golf without breaking the club. Bruce was surprisingly helpful. But nearby was where the real show was. Apparently Rob wasn’t used to oversized toddlers like Phil was and was having a hard time getting Clint and Tony to give him back his equipment. Steve and Natasha were standing nearby, watching the show. Both knew how pointless it was to try to get the two overgrown idiots to behave.
Phil sighed as he watched Clint begin to juggle golf balls, causing Steve (who had yet to comment on the beginnings of chaos around him, surprisingly) to roll his eyes though there was indulgent smiles on his and Natasha’s lips. Rob, however, didn’t appear as amused. He huffed, shooting glares at the Avengers as he stalked over to Phil.
“What the hell!” he growled. “This was supposed to be relaxing, Phil! Why the hell would you invite the freaks–”
Phil didn’t allow him to finish that sentence. No one ever spoke of what happened. Not even in private amongst those who had seen it. Especially not then. Only three things were ever spoken (briefly) about that day. One – a golf club could actually be shoved down a man’s throat. Two – Phil Coulson wasn’t one of Fury’s most trusted agents for nothing. And three – no one ever even thought a bad word about the Avengers in front of said badass agent.