Supervillains are weird. They spend all this time coming up with overly complex plans that fall apart the minute something unplanned happens.
They go around dressed as some crazy shit. Yesterday he'd seen Spiderman fighting a furry. A word he prays the kid never learns.
They create weird gadgets that if they put a fraction of their skills into they could make inventions that would save the world instead of end it.
But mainly the Villains Tony fights each have some weird quirk to them. Doom talks in the third person. Loki will draw his plans from movies he's recently watched. Magneto doesn't fight on Friday night or Saturday morning and afternoon. When he finds out that Magneto is Jewish that fact goes from quirk to respected belief.
Even the Winter Soldier will stop fighting to eat a plum if he sees one.
But lately the villains have been acting weirder than normal.
Tony has been an Omega all his life and he refused to let it rule his life.
He's done well for the most part. And the Villains all know he's an Omega and they've never go easy on him or give him unwanted attention.
But something changes.
It starts with Magneto. Charles Xavier calls them in to help with a threat and it turns out Magneto is going to help them too.
Tony has to wonder how Xavier managed that but then he sees the way the Alpha and Omega are around each other and how two of the kids at the school has Magneto's features and he knows.
The mission ends in a battle with things flying everywhere. Tony, Magneto, and Thor are on air support. The villain of the week had managed to tear a hole in Tony's suit and he's now getting ready to throw a car at him.
Tony gets ready for the impact but it doesn't come. He looks up and sees the car hanging there in midair before it goes slamming into the guy that had thrown it.
Tony looks over to where Magneto is floating ans waits for the villain to gloat about saving him but instead he finds his suit being forced to the ground well away from the fighting and Magneto watching him.
"Hey!" Tony shouts but before he can even explain why he's pissed the battle is over and Magneto is telling him to watch his health and safety.
What. The. Fuck.
Next time something weird happens they're facing off against Loki who apparently had just watched the Wizard of Oz and has made every tree in NYC attack people.
Tony is set to distract. So he does. He lifts his mask and starts his usual banter but Loki is standing stock still.
"What's the matter Lokey Dokey? Stunned by the beauty that is moi?" Tony asks.
"You should not be on a battle field Stark," Loki says waving a hand and Tony finds himself in his room in the tower.
Every time he tries to step out he ends up with Loki sending him right back to his room like some misbehaving kid.
According to Cap, Loki had knocked Thor around a bit said their mother would be disappointed and then left.
Tony is hundred percent sure that he's in the twilight zone.
Then the Winter Soldier breaks into the tower and Tony wakes up to find the man nestling his face into Tony's spare pillows breathing in his scent a big smile on his face before leaving just as Cap comes racing in in his star spangled PJs.
Tony is absolutely done with his villains acting more like lunatics every day and he has to wonder if they're all suffering heat stroke.
Even Doom seems to be affected by whatever is happening. Tony and him are doing their thing. Doom's sending out bots and Tony is sending them to the scrap heap when Doom goes slamming into him.
They grapple I'm the air for a few minutes and Tony's face plate gets torn off and Doom shoots back as if he'd been slapped.
"You should be resting," Doom says and vanishes with his bots and Tony really hates magic.
"Hey does anyone want to take a guess as to what's up with the villains?" Tony asks, maybe betas might have a better idea of what is going on.
"Maybe your scent is wonky?" Clint says.
"Very helpful Clint," Tony says.
"Hey, we're all betas. You're lucky if we know anything about scenting," he defends and Tony knows he's right. The whole team is full of betas.
"Maybe they're going into rut?" Steve offers.
"At the same time? All our villains? No way," Tony says and vows to do more research.
After all he doesn't think things can get any weirder.
He's wrong.
First a basket of caffeine free teas shows up outside the tower smelling of Magneto.
Then blankets and pillow cases from Latveria. Tony doesn't need to be a genius to know who they're from.
Fruit baskets that Tony knows are supposed to have plums in them but don't show up on how bed.
And puzzles and games that, according to Thor, are from Asgard. Some Thor says might even have been Loki's when he was a kid.
Again. What. The. Fuck?
"Maybe they're trying to court you," Clint says when he brings it up at dinner.
"Magneto already has a mate, and pups, and he's like thirty years older than me. According to Steve Bucky is Ace and Aro. Doom and I fucked in college so he's already had the goods. Loki thinks mortals are wastes of space," Tony says getting up to get more pancakes.
The weird didn't stop with the villains. Tony's virtually non existent appetite came back and has seemed to double in size the last month.
He's even been trying new foods which is definitely odd. It's not that he doesn't like new foods but with so much change and chaos he'd like at least one constant in life.
So yeah, weirdness all around.
Tony hates team training. He always ends up sore and achy and he's been achy for no good reason lately.
"Okay, the point of today's warm up is to get the flag from Tony. Either we do this and win or he lands critical hits to us," Cap says and they take their starting positions.
No one waits for Cap to call start. They all just go for it. Tony takes Thor down first because it's easier to pick off the others from the air.
Just as he takes Nat out something collides with his suit and he turns.
Clint scaled the fucking all and jumped on him.
Tony lands on the ground and easily takes the Archer out.
Which leaves Cap.
It's always down to the two of them.
Tony dodges a punch and grabs the shield sending it flying. Steve gets under Tony's defenses and sends a punch at Tony's stomach.
Only to connect with a wall of green light that sends Steve halfway across the room. Leaving a dent in the wall.
Tony is confused as Loki, Doom, Magneto, and the Winter Soldier all step out of a portal.
"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? DO YOU KNOW WHAT SORT OF DAMAGE YOU COULD HAVE DONE?" Loki is shrieking at Steve, a vein actually popping out on his forehead.
"What?" Steve asks.
"ENOUGH!" Tony shouts getting everyone's attention.
"I want to know what has gotten into you. Why are you all treating me like some shrinking violet that can't take care of himself. I want to know why," Tony demands.
"We are protecting the chikd," Loki says.
"What child?" Tony asks.
"Yours," Loki says.
"I don't have a child," Tony says.
"In eight months you will," Loki says eyes going to Tony's stomach.
Tony would like to say he handled that revelation with grace.
He fainted.
When he wakes up his feet are elevated in Bucky's lap and Loki is rubbing his temples. It actually feels kinda nice.
"Drink this, it helped Charles with the dizziness and fatigue," Magneto...Erik says setting a mug down on the coffee table.
"Am I actually..."
"Yes."
"Fuck me," Tony groans.
"That's usually how it happens," Bucky says.
"Do you know who the father is?" Loki asks.
"Some one night stand...shit... I'm not father material. I don't know the first thing about pups or pregnancy!"
"Relax. You're in good hands," Loki says.
"Yeah? How?"
"Charles and I have had three pups naturally and many, many, many more through psuedo adoption," Erik says pulling out crackers and handing them to Tony.
"In Latveria Doom assists with many of the births that occur," Doom says.
"I have given birth in my other forms before as well as assisted my Mother during birthing," Loki says and boy does Tony want to ask questions about THAT. But he holds off.
"If I can wrangle the chaotic twink that was Steven Grant Rogers, I can keep your ass in line to take care of your health and safety and those of the baby," Bucky says.
"When they said it takes a village to raise a child I don't think they meant this village," Tony says.
"Better us than the village idiots you live with," Loki says and Tony laughs himself to exhaustion and his eyes drift shut.
Maybe being a parent won't be so bad.