not again
he begged, as the flash of light faded from Mr Stark's fingers.
not him
his brain screamed as he saw his mentor motionless on the floor.
"Mr Stark?"
he spoke, as he knelt by the man who saved the universe.
"Hey- Mr Stark can you hear me?"
he cried as the man who risked it all lay still.
"It's Peter"
Surely he hadn't forgotten him, could he even recognize him now?
"We won, Mr Stark, we won, Mr Stark we won, you did it, sir, you did it".
The words poured from his mouth, they had won and Tony did it and it hurt and he didn't know who he was trying to comfort.
"I'm sorry, Dad".
It was his fault, it always was.
"It's okay, Pete, it's okay".
Peter gasped as the man whispered the words, feeling like he was being dusted all over again and-
He couldn't stop the sobs that escaped him as he was pulled back to let Pepper say her goodbyes.
It was so loud, the crying and the wind and the footsteps and everyone's hearts beating and Tony's-
Tony's wasn't.
It was so silent, Peter couldn't breathe.
He couldn't breathe, why couldn't he breathe and why did it hurt from the inside when he fell to his knees and screamed, screaming at the sky to give him back, he couldn't go please he needed him it wasn't fair and how could they take another from him- his dad and his mom and Uncle Ben and Gwen and Aunt May and now Tony.
His voice broke and the screaming stopped, but his pleas didn't. Mr. stark was too good to be taken. Why couldn't he save him? Why could he never save them? Why did they always leave when he needed them? How was he supposed to live when none of them were-
He flinched at the hand that landed on his shoulder, finally prising his eyes open to stare at the face in front of him.
That was not a good idea, as seeing someone who's going through just as much pain as you handle it so much better. Someone who deserves to mourn without having to worry about you all the time. Someone who is taking the time to hold you in their arms and rock you back and forth. To see someone you're so desperately in love with giving you comfort when they deserve so much more than you because you were the one who got them all killed anyway.
But Peter was nothing but helpless to fall into Harley Keener's arms when he was possibly the only thing that could help him want to keep living. He held on to him as he broke, Harley desperately trying to keep all the pieces together, unknowing that at every touch Peter shattered into hundreds more.
His steady hands on Peter's back only reminded him of how he would never get another hug or a pat on the back from Tony, the soothing words whispered into his hair making him think of how Tony would never be there for him again, how he was gone. There was nothing Peter could do, he was too late, he always was, he could only cry into Harley's shoulder and ask himself how long it would be until he got hurt too. How long would it hurt?
Would it ever stop?
Would he ever stop?
Peter would do nothing but cry for hours, questions left unanswered, as the world attempted to heal around him, leaving him to wonder if he ever could.