August 10th.
Peter had counted the days since his identity had been revealed. Since he'd been forced to hide, from everyone and everything. Since he'd been labelled a murderer. If his math was right, and let's face it, of course it was, then today was August the 10th.
His birthday.
His first birthday without Tony. The first birthday in years May hasn't woken him with pancakes for breakfast. First birthday since middle school began that Ned hasn't greeted him with a present and a card, and his first birthday since knowing Mj he hasn't received a sarcastic message from the girl he loved.
Sure, Birthdays since Ben died haven't exactly been as great as they could have been but he was never alone. He was always surrounded by those who loved him. Not like right now.
"Mr Stark," Peter whimpered aloud to no one in particular. No one was there to hear him anyway. No one was there to care.
Fresh tears rolled down his pink cheeks, staining the skin as they rolled down to his trembling lips. He tried to speak again, but the words caught in his throat and he could only make a small sound of sadness and frustration as he buried his head in his hands.
"I'm scared, Mr Stark" he finally choked, scrubbing his face furiously. "I'm scared because this is the first time I haven't had you here to guide me through everything and I messed up"
He sighed, suddenly feeling stupid for talking to himself. Maybe he had to, maybe he'd go insane if he didn't. Sure, he could reach out to May and to Happy, Mj and Ned and he was almost positive Miss Potts would do anything she could to help him but, let's face it, they were better off without him. Safer. It was better they didn't know where he was.
"Oh god, you would know what to do," he began.
He ran his fingers through his matted, greasy hair and tugged on the brown curls in frustration.
"You'd be able to fix this. Somehow, I know you could"
He sighed.
"You know sometimes I wish you'd never brought me back. Morgan would still have a dad, the earth would still have her best defender and I- I wouldn't be feeling like this"
Shaking his head, he curled himself further into a ball and buried his head in his knees. "And then I realise that's selfish because so many people have been made happy because of what you did. You saved the world Tony I just- I wish living again didn't mean I had to do it without you"
Peter shuddered, releasing a slow, shakey breath. "I'll fix this, somehow but right now I don't know what to do besides hide. I'm so scared Tony," he whimpered, wiping his stained cheeks against his sleeve.
"Happy birthday to me I guess" he said, much quieter this time. Like he didn't dare say it out loud. Like he didn't deserve to say it out loud.
"Goodnight, Mr Stark"