Best Person (Stucky)
Today was awful. Bucky had to go to the doctor for a physical this afternoon and Steve wasn’t there to sit with him. He hated doctors. He hated needles. How could anyone know what was in the shots they were getting? Were they scanning your head or messing with your brain? Is the medicine they prescribe even good for you? It’s not like you would be able to tell without an advanced degree in pharmacology and a handle on medical jargon. Honestly, most of his suspicions came from his time under HYDRA. He knew that Tony wouldn’t let him see an evil doctor. He knew that he had friends to keep him safe. Sam, as much as they fought, even went with him to the appointment and gently talked him through everything they did. He respected Bucky’s boundaries and asked the doctor to slow down, stop, or leave whenever he noticed too much strain.
But despite the logic, the fear remained. He couldn’t stop the flashbacks of being tortured and brainwashed in a lab. He saw the grin of a man in a white lab coat as his blood burned. The grinning man morphed into a green snake. It stared at him, taunting him, daring him to fight. It coiled and shot at him. Bucky jerked away and glanced at different objects in the room. He was in a rotten mood.
His head whipped around as his enhanced hearing picked up the sound of clicking by the door. He stood up in an offensive stance and walked around a corner that would allow him to see the door, but where the attacker couldn’t see him. Once he recognized the blonde hair of his boyfriend, his tension melted away and he ran up to give him a hug. “You weren’t supposed to be back for three days.” Bucky gave him a once over to check for injury. Steve was remarkably unharmed and he let out a sigh of relief before pulling Stve back into his tight embrace.
“It was easy. The base was smaller than we expected.” Steve shrugged and leaned in for a kiss. “I also get to spend the rest of the mission time off. I think I have a few ideas of how to spend it,” He smirked.
Bucky nearly dragged him to the bedroom.
By the time they were finished catching up, both of the super soldiers were starving so Steve began preparing some pasta for dinner. The pot of water was just over the burner when he noticed that the salt wasn’t in it’s usual spot by the oven. He surveyed the kitchen. It was in front of the microwave, which neither of them used. “Ah ha,” Steve suddenly lunged in the direction to grab what he needed. As he wrapped his hand around the shaker, he noticed Bucky was twitching and had his eyes closed.
“Buck, are you alright?” He laid a hand on his shoulder. Bucky jumped at that and Steve put his hands up and took a few steps back. “I’m sorry. Did I do something?” Bucky shook his head, but held out his hand to gestured that he needed a minute. Steve moved further away from him and sat down on the floor. He was hoping that his criss cross position might ease Bucky’s mind again. He put his head in his hands. What did he do to scare his boyfriend like that? There had to be something before today that made Bucky think he was dangerous. It broke Steve’s heart to think that the pain on Bucky’s face could be because of him. Even if there was a deeper trauma, he was the one who had brought it up.
He made the pasta in silence when he saw Bucky had calmed down. They dished it out and ate quietly. Once they were finished, Bucky sat down on the couch with a book he’d been reading. It was an overview of the technological age that he had wanted so he could stay more in tune with the modern world. Although he wasn’t able to get a SHIELD briefing like Steve, the whole Avenger’s team had done their part in providing him with resources to catch him up. He was mortified. He got spooked over a salt shaker. What did Steve think of him? Why did Steve still want him?
Yeah, there was something during the war, but that was when he was confident and strong. He had all his limbs and all his memories. He was in control of his mind. Now, Steve had to coddle him. He always protected him from things that made him anxious or scared. He listened to all of his fears. He patiently helped him adjust. Was he doing it because he fell responsible for when Bucky fell off the train? He probably wasn’t actually attracted to this sniveling coward.
When he came up to their room, he saw the bathroom door open and the light on. He walked in on Steve putting something in the water. “I prepared a bath for you. It’s got those soothing smells you like and I think it’s cooled down to the right temperature.” He wrung his hands and made a movement like he was going to leave, “I’m um sorry about before. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I can grab a blanket and sleep on the couch if you need some space.” Steve’s head had slowly lowered until it hung anxiously while he awaited a response. Bucky did not like this look.
“Why would I need space? You just spent two weeks away.”
“I make you feel scared. You were shaking in the kitchen and it’s all my fault. If you can tell me what I did, I promise I’ll fix it. I’ll give you as much space as you need for you to feel…”
Bucky cut him off with a kiss. “You don’t make me feel scared. You make me feel safe.” He blushed a bit at Steve’s shocked expression. “Today I went to get a physical and I’ve just been antsy since then. You didn’t do anything. I’m sorry for jumping when you touched me. It’s weak.”
Steve flashed a soft smile, “You don’t have anything to apologize for. You’re the strongest person I know. Remember that I’ve always got your back so you can rely on me if you aren’t feeling great.”
Bucky nodded and looked at the bath. Steve’s smile got wider, “Get in.” Once Bucky stripped and slid in, he expected Steve to go off, but was pleasantly surprised when he squatted down next to his head. “Would you mind if I touched you?” Bucky thought about it for a moment before giving his consent. Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair. His fingers rubbed small circles into his scalp. He placed a kiss on his neck and then moved his hands down to massage his shoulders and back. Bucky could feel the tension and stress he’d been fighting all day melt away at Steve’s fingertips. He closed his eyes and pushed into Steve’s touch. “You’re the best person I know, you know that?”
Steve adoringly studied Bucky’s features from behind. “Funny. You’re the best person I know."