Insecure (Thor x Reader)
Laughter erupted from all around as Clint fell into the hole in the sand just as Nat had predicted when Peter decided to dig it. Clint feigned a mad face and chased the kid around the beach. Tony sat cross cross on the ground with Morgan in his lap while she made sand “shoes” for Pepper, who was stretched out on the edge of the blanket. Bruce sat under the umbrella chatting with Natasha. Thor was sitting on a lounge chair taking a quick nap while Loki read a book under the shade of a nearby tree. You, Steve, and Bucky were playing with a frisbee.
After Thanos snapped, those who survived had gone into a depression. Now that everyone (and I mean everyone because I’m sad enough already) was back, you were trying to cherish the time you spent with each other. So when Morgan said she wanted to go to the beach, Tony had invited everyone along.
He had taken it really hard when Peter turned to dust, but he had fought those demons and worked to get him back. This was a similar experience to all the other survivors, and luckily, they were successful in reversing the tragedy. But Thor took the event harder than the rest, he lost his home, he lost his brother while he was still grieving the loss of his parents, and he lost you, his beloved girlfriend. Because of that, he let himself go and was pushed into a dark mental state. He pushed everyone out and it took a while for him to help in the last ditch effort to save everyone. Once you and his brother returned, he was able to battle with his guilt and grief and begin to heal.
“Watch out,” Steve yelled as Peter ran directly in the line of fire of the frisbee and got hit in the shoulder. He groaned and rubbed his arm. Clint laughed and spouted off something about karma. Peter gave a fake pout and announced, “I’m going in the water. There aren’t any flying objects there.” You giggled, “I’ll join you. It’s getting a bit too hot.” The other three men agreed and you all peeled away your clothes to reveal your bathing suits.
As you threw your shorts on your towel, you lightly teased Steve, “The American Flag, really?” He, already used to this type of ribbing, stood in the Captain America pose, feet shoulder length apart and hands on his waist, “Nothing wrong with being patriotic.” Bucky lightly punched his shoulder, “You’re it!”, and ran into the water. Steve chased after him with you, Clint, and Peter hot on his heels. You were all splashing and having fun in the ocean in seconds.
“I missed this,” you turned toward Peter, “The ocean reminds me of home and spending time with all you is like being with family.” He agreed, “It’s nice to have a family.”
Meanwhile, Thor had woken up from his nap to Morgan’s excited squeals. Her mother and her were playing with some toys near Peter’s ditch. He turned his gaze toward the ocean. “Enjoying the view Shakespeare,” Tony quipped, “Can’t blame you though. If Pepper was in that bikini, I wouldn’t be able to stop staring.” “Except for watching Morgan, right?” his wife responded facetiously.
“Too bad she’s mine.” Tony dismissed Thor’s comment, knowing the two of you had a strong relationship and Thor wasn’t one to get too jealous. Bruce said something and almost immediately, Tony, Nat, Loki, and Thor were sucked into a lively conversation.
But he couldn’t really concentrate because his eyes kept getting drawn over to the water. You were gorgeous all the time, but that bathing suit left so much skin exposed. He loved how the curves of your muscles were just visible, and how your hair glinted in the sun. Most of all, he loved the way you smiled and laughed as you played childish games with Peter and Bucky.
Although he wasn’t normally a jealous person, he felt a little upset as he saw you enjoy yourself amongst the waves. You looked like you were having a blast. He wanted to run into the water, but he also still didn’t like being shirtless. He had lost some of the weight he put on just because he led a more active lifestyle with you and he drank less, but it wasn’t a drastic change. He definitely wasn’t training for any physical fights or going on any strict diets. And it hadn’t mattered. His friends were still his friends. You still loved him. Once he was able to pick himself out of the self-wallowing, his life wasn’t too different, but now, as he stood around the superheroes that might as well be swimsuit models, he couldn’t fight off the self-deprecating thoughts.
He thought about how you and Peter looked like an attractive couple especially when he picked you up bridal style, even if it was just to slam you back into the water. He thought about how you were happy with everyone else. When you walked up to the blanket and sat next to him, leaning against him to warm up, he couldn’t help it but to think that you weren’t really still in love with him. Maybe a little bit, but definitely not as much as before the snap.
At dinner, he didn’t eat much, trying to start the path to losing weight. You looked worriedly at him, but didn’t mention it. Everyone spent the evening around the fire, telling funny antidotes from the past and drinking before it was finally time to go to their respective bedrooms. Thor and you made your way to your shared room in Tony’s vacation house.
You pulled off the long sundress you had been wearing as a swimsuit cover up. You were a little tipsy as you smirked, “Whoops, I think I forgot to put on my underwear when I changed.” You spun to face Thor, “Guess I’ll get to the bath a little faster, care to join me?” You’d already peaked into the bathroom and the bath was huge. There were fancy imported bath salts, soaps, and other products everywhere. He made a hesitant expression and mumbled something about not needing one because he hadn’t gone in the water or played in the sand. You gave an exaggerated pout, “I’m too tired to wash myself.” Finally he agreed and stripped as you set up the bath. He was still a little nervous, most of the intimate time you’d spent together had been in the dark and there were new insecurities fresh in his mind.
By the time he entered, you were relaxed in the side of the tub. He slid in the other side. Quickly, you moved in between his legs and pressed your chest to him as you nestled your head under his, “Did you enjoy the beach? Tomorrow you should come in the water. It’s not even cold here. I heard there’s a cove nearby that has good snorkeling. We should try that too, I’m sure Tony has stuff here somewhere.” He wrapped his arms around you and felt content. He wrinkled his nose, “your hair smells like seaweed. Let me was it.”
You watched him sniff the different shampoos before choosing one and turned around to let him scrub your head. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch. He couldn’t help but fondly look at your face. It was nice to be so calm after everything that had happened. He let you do the same and even moaned a bit as you massaged his scalp. Both of you took your time cleaning each other until your hands got all wrinkly and it was time to get out.
Thor, in a bathrobe, was rifling through his suitcase for underwear when you called out, “Don’t think you can get away with not trying anything in the tub,” you giggled and leapt toward. He easily caught you and grinned at your display of affection. When you went to push him toward the bed, he gave a slightly doubtful look. Immediately, you stopped and stood up, “Um, I’m sorry. I already forced you in the bath even though you weren’t comfortable, and I shouldn’t of done that. I promise, I’m done. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to.” You slipped the shoulder of your robe back on and faced your stuff.
He hadn’t exactly been energetic today at the beach, so you assumed he must be tired or a little out of it today. Even though he was much better and almost everything was better, you knew he still had plenty of trauma to deal with. You’d done the best to help him with it, and even though that meant your relationship wasn’t exactly as it was before, you didn’t mind as long as you could be with him. Seeing your family die wasn’t exactly sometime you could just get over. You cursed yourself in your head as you tried to shake off your mix of embarrassment and guilt so you could get a goodnight’s sleep.
You didn’t see Thor’s shocked face directed at your back. He grabbed your arm and made you face him, “What?” You looked directly in his eyes, “I understand if you’d rather talk or just go to bed tonight. I don't want to make you do anything and I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I care about your mental wellbeing and I’m here for you no matter what you want to do. I love you.”
He took a minute to comprehend what you had said before he realized that you probably thought his apprehension about his body as not wanting to bathe or have sex with you. He pulled you into a passionate kiss and softly laid you on the bed. “I know I’m not as attractive as before. I didn’t know if you really wanted to...”
Now it was your turn to be surprised, “Thor, you’re still the most attractive person I’ve ever seen. Your eye may be a different color, but it still has the same intensity as before. That scar doesn’t stop you from having the most adorable facial expressions. Now that the long hair and beard have been brushed out, they’re so soft and I have to stop myself from running my fingers through them constantly. Despite all that, I didn’t marry you for your physique. You’re still the caring, loyal man I fell in love with. I’m lucky that you’re with me.” You cupped his face in your hand and watched him think about what you said.
He smiled and kissed you, “What did I do to deserve you?”
The rest of the night proved that it was a good thing Tony soundproofed each room