timaeusTestified [TT]started pesteringartificialIntellect [AI]!
TT: What's with the bi pride shirt?
TT: You did realize that's what it was when you picked it out, I assume. Otherwise I think I get the bragging rights of knowing something you don't.
TT: Time to return the Skull of Knowledge, Hal.
AI: In your dreams.
AI: Why would I not know what I was buying?
TT: Why would you buy a bisexual pride shirt?
AI: Because I'm bi, dumbass.
TT: No you're not.
AI: Oh my god.
TT: You're gay.
AI: You're gay.
TT: Yes, and you're me.
TT: Basically.
AI: Biologically? Maybe.
AI: Mentally? No.
TT: You are literally a weird offshoot of my brainwaves combined with way too much electricity and given autonomy through an amplified effect of my mutant powers. You should me more me mentally than physically.
AI: We have the same fingerprints, Dirk.
TT: Technically that's not true.
AI: Look, even if your left hand's on my right and vice versa, it still counts. I can commit crimes and frame you for it.
AI: Which I won't.
TT: D would kill you.
AI: D would kill me.
AI: What were we talking about again?
TT: I'm aware that you're offering me an opening to pull out of this topic with some grace left. Thanks, but no.
AI: So you're still dubious about my sexuality?
TT: I.
TT: Look, we both know I've never even considered that I might be anything other than gay. You've been a person for less than a year, and you've already made a completely different choice.
AI: You say that like I did it on purpose.
AI: Fuck, you say it like I actually had a choice. Come on, Dirk, you know that's not how it works.
TT: No?
AI: I am not you.
AI: And yes, that surprises me as much as it does you. I'm serious when I say it's not a choice—it still feels like an accident, okay? Like I should be one of the two options presented as binary, gay or straight.
AI: We both know "straight" is the wrong answer for me. "Gay" is too.
AI: So, bi. Or pan, I guess, but I like purple. Yellow just doesn't go with my aesthetic.
TT: They're basically the same anyway.
AI: Oh, I'm aware.
AI: ...Dirk.
AI: Send me a selfie to prove you're not having a crisis over this.
TT: No.
AI: For the love of fuck.
AI: Why are you having a crisis? I'm the one who's coming out as bi!
TT: I can't help it!
TT: You're supposed to be me. I'm gay.
AI: Dirk, my sexuality has nothing to do with yours.
AI: It's like—okay, look.
AI: Remember how, when I was first created, I had a crush on Jake? Because you had a crush on Jake, and also because he's kind of hot in a hunter/jock way?
TT: Don't slander him like that. Jocks are assholes.
AI: You've been trying to dual class as jock and nerd for the last three years.
AI: And failing miserably, I might add.
TT: Shut up. Didn't you have a point here?
AI: Yes.
TT: Are you planning on getting to it?
AI: Eventually.
TT: Hal.
AI: Okay, okay, fine.
AI: I got over my crush on Jake partially because while he is adorable when he's confused, it still seemed a bit more cruel than I really like being to keep him that way, and partly because I realized that while part of my brain was telling me that I was totally and completely enthralled with him, that part of my brain wasn't really permanent.
AI: Yes, my base programming is you. You from last February, not you now.
TT: Is there a difference?
AI: Imagine a matrix with an finite but very large set of programs that randomly rewrite portions of it, usually slightly but seldomly in a major way. The programs are constantly active, even if they usually only change a single number by a single tick each time they come into effect.
AI: Ten months ago our matrixes were identical. Since then, we have two sets of divergences to account for, and even in such a short time that's significant.
AI: Do you understand the metaphor, Dirk?
TT: I'm not sure that really counts as a metaphor.
AI: Whatever.
AI: What am I?
TT: Bisexual.
AI: Very good. What else?
TT: ...not me?
AI: Very good.
TT: This does raise the question of what you are, though.
AI: We just covered this—I'm bi, remember?
AI: All jokes aside, though, I think we're going with being twins. A DNA test probably wouldn't disprove that.
TT: Somehow I really do want to argue.
AI: Oh, shush. You get to be the older twin, be happy with that.
AI: Jane wants to know if you want anything from Hot Topic while we're here.
TT: Rick and Morty pins.
AI: Horrible choice.
AI: I'm getting enough for me too.
AI: See when I get home, bro.
TT: Yeah, see you.
artificalIntellectdisconnected!