Author's Note - On Hiatus
If anyone is reading this, I'm assuming you read A Long Minute and have now read some of A Fortuitous Commission - so, for that, THANK YOU. I was a longtime lurker on fanfiction sites and was so nervous to actually upload my own for other people to read, and every comment and kudos brought a genuine smile to my face.
I cannot believe I uploaded my first work to this site over 2 years ago in 2019. (It's June 1, 2021 as I'm writing this currently.) I think I've always gravitated to fictional and fantasy worlds and characters whenever my personal life was getting too lonely or stressful, and immersing myself in fantastical realities helped me deal with a lot of depression and loneliness that I was experiencing. I slowed down writing toward the end of 2019 because I started a new job that I absolutely adored - at Disney! For a huge Marvel fan, it was everything I could've hoped for and more. I didn't realize it was possible to be excited about my upcoming day and to not feel the need to write to take my mind off of things. I started thinking of more ideas for this story and started writing truly just for the enjoyment of it and not because I felt I needed to in order to survive. I was truly happy.
And then - the rest of 2020.
I'm sure if you're reading this you have your own personal horror stories of last year (and this), so I won't go into TOO many details about that year and bring up any unwanted memories for you. But I did get laid off and had to move back in to an abusive relationship; I knew people who got sick and I attended more funerals this past year than I have before in my entire life. I occasionally thought of ideas about this story as part of my escapism and would type them in my document notes, but even just the thought of sitting down and writing full paragraphs and dialogue and have it all connect in a story was so exhausting. I tried, but I just could not do it. I read a lot of wonderful stories over the last year and a half though, so if you were one of the amazing writers who managed to create stories during that time, kudos to you and thank you for putting art in the world when we all desperately needed it!
But anyway - I recently got notified that I am getting my job back at Disney. I struggled for a long time deciding if I could afford to uproot my life again after moving to a new place to go back to Florida, but ultimately, I knew that if I didn't, I would spend the rest of my life wondering "What if?" and regretting not going. I graduated virtually in December 2020 from college and got a full ride to grad school, and was fortunate enough to be granted a deferral and keep my scholarship so I will be going there in 2022 or 2023 after making magic again for a little while. I was incredibly anxious and was feeling very alone in my decision to do this, so I was writing again for this story to try and finally update it, but I ultimately decided that I wanted to wait until I'm in a good headspace and writing truly for the sake of continuing the story and not just to forget my anxieties for a little bit. I truly think working a job that I actually enjoy and then going to school for something I enjoy will help me, instead of just taking random classes to fulfill a degree or being all virtual for classes that are better designed for in-person. Plus, we're FINALLY getting the Black Widow movie July 9 after over a year of waiting for it, so that will give me even more wonderful quotes and storylines and ideas to influence this story.
Long story short - I'm not updating this story right now, and I truly can't promise the next time I will. It's always in the back of my mind, though. I'm constantly just writing little bulletpoints in my Notes app on my phone whenever I think of something, but putting it all together in a cohesive chapter is a whole other monster. THANK YOU for reading my work and if you've made it to this point in this note. As I'm rereading it I realize this is probably the most personal, vulnerable thing I've ever written explicitly and it might be oversharing lmao, but if anyone reading this experienced anything similar and somehow someway finds any bit of solace or hope in this, then it will be worth it. Stay safe, stay healthy, and I'll see you in a minute. :)