Quiet Finally...Or this...why this?
Everything is different when Stiles opens his eyes. He isn’t aware of this at first, but it is.
He looks around at his surroundings to see the entire Avengers team and his dad all camped out in a hospital room, this time asleep, with him once again at the center laying in a hospital bed. That’s when it hits him.
The gym.
James.
Ten fingers.
Fuck.
Ten fingers.
No.
NO.
He’s not coming back. He’s not coming back.
Aggressively deep breaths calm his heart rate before the beeping monitor can wake anyone. It takes him a minute of forced calmness to convince his body to listen to him.
When he finally comes back to himself it finally registers that he’s been making eye contact with a very much awake James for a while now. It’s a familiar look in his eyes, a heavy, sad look that he’s seen on his father’s face a million times.
He looks for his father now, finding him sleep in the chair beside him, still in uniform.
Oh.
“He told you.” He whispers and James nods. “All of it?”
Another nod.
Honestly, he doesn’t even have it in him to react at that. All he can see is James’s face when Void used his face. That’s definitely new, and horrifying.
“Is...” James starts, his icy blue gaze is soft when they meet Stiles’ whiskey brown eyes, that somehow seem colder than his own despite the warm color. Haunted eyes, he guesses. He never finishes his question.
Stiles finishes it for him. “Is he coming back?” James gives him another nod. “I don’t know. It feels...it doesn’t feel like him, not really. When it was him it felt...it felt like my lungs were full of water. Every breath he drug in hurt me. And my head...I don’t know how to describe it. I was trapped. It felt like my brain was frozen in ice, and every thought was met with this...pain, so cold it was paralyzing. This is different. It’s still dark. Still painful. But it feels more like my darkness, not his, if that makes any sense.”
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head, rubbing at his temples. “I can hear him. And I can see him. He’s always here, voicing every one of my darkest fears. He’s angry that I stopped him last time. No one survives a Nogitsune...Ha. I guess no one has.”
“Stiles-“ James starts, looking like he’s about to jump in with some kind of reassurance.
“Don’t worry.” He cuts him off with a broken smile. “He won’t come back. I’ll make sure of it. Even if it means I go with him, I will drag him back to hell where he belongs. I won’t be trapped in my own head again. I can’t do it. I can’t watch my own hands tear my family apart again.”
In the privacy of his own head, he’s pretty sure he didn’t mean to say that out loud, but what does it really matter? He can already feel Void coming closer to the surface of his consciousness. Soon he’ll be awake and talking again and Stiles will be back in hell. So who fucking cares if he accidentally overshares to the one person that understands what it’s like to have your head not be your own?
“Stiles?” His father stirs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “You’re awake. Are you okay? How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been worse.” He says, going for dry humor.
“You scared me, kid.”
“Sorry Dad.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” John asks when he finally releases his son. “Better yet, you told me you were okay. You said he wasn’t-“
“He’s not.” Stiles says firmly, cutting his father off. “He won’t. He can’t.”
“Stiles…” John hesitates, unsure how to tell his son that he’s pretty sure they’re well past that by now. He can’t seem to get the video footage of what happened in the gym out of his head, the terrified look on his son’s face. “What happened in the gym?”
He hesitates for a long time before answering, stuck between trying to get relive it, not wanting to tell his father, and not knowing how. “Something…new.” He admits after a loaded silence. He glances around the room, searching for literally anything else to focus on except his dad’s eyes, then immediately curses himself when he finds his ‘shadow’ leaning on the back of Pepper’s chair, stroking her hair as he watches Stiles.
Most of them are awake now and notice the way his heart rate jacks up higher and how his train of thought gets side tracked. Clint and Natasha are watching him with openly worried expressions – which is a lot for both of them – and Thor is studying him with an uncharacteristic amount of seriousness. Bruce is glancing back and forth between him and a tablet with Fitz-Simmons, probably studying the data coming from all the wires he’s attached to. Pepper is holding Tony’s hand, the both of them completely unaware of the trickster demon behind them.
“I wasn’t expecting it.” he finally says, forcing his eyes away from Void. “That’s all. It won’t happen again.”
“We need to call th-“
“No.” He says firmly. Just the thought of dragging him back here when he’s fairly certain this is going to end badly makes his heart beat even faster. The heart monitor continues projecting it. James silences it for him without saying anything.
“Stiles, they could help.” John says, looking tired and more than a little tortured as he watches his son’s eyes stray from him to the empty chair next to him every few seconds. He can see the spikes on the monitor growing closer together each time, even if he can’t hear the beeping. Just like he can see the fear in his son’s eyes. “They care about you, they deserve to be here.”
“No, they don’t.” He shakes his head. “I already drug them through this once, and it cost them Allison and Aiden. They’ve already paid enough because of me. We’re not calling them back here just so that they can watch me go crazy.”
“I can’t sit here and do nothing, Stiles!” It comes out louder than John had meant it too, stress testing his control over his volume.
“What would they do, Dad?” Stiles shouts back after shivering at something the rest of the can’t hear and retraining his gaze on his Dad. “What could they possible do? We’ve done this before, Dad, and look where it got us! Allison is dead. Aiden is dead. Twenty-six people died, Dad! He used my hands to kill twenty-six people.” The whole room seems to crumple at that. “I have their blood on my hands,” He continues, a little quieter, but his voice still filling out the room, “and that is something that I can’t change. What I can do, is keep them out of this. I refuse to call them back here just so we can go in circles doing the exact same thing we did before while I wait to see who I kill next.”
‘what’s wrong, Stiles?’ Void asks, filling the heavy silence that follows. ‘Are you scared that they’ll wise up this time? Scared that come back and put a bullet between your eyes just like the hunter wanted to?’
Void cackles at the thought, moving from his seat next to Clint to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning down until his face is only inches away from his father’s. His dad just sits there looking at him, completely unaware.
‘You know,’ he says, sitting back and looking at him, ‘If he had any sense at all, he’d have let the hunter find a way to kill you. After all, when the career monster hunter looks at the seventeen-year-old boy before him and decides to hold a gun to his head, logic says that maybe he’s not as innocent as his puppy dog best friend has decided.’
He has to close his eyes and take deep breaths to keep himself from screaming at him to shut up.
‘I wonder what would have happened if he had shot you.’ Void muses, enjoy his suffering as usual. ‘God, I can just see the look on daddy dearest’s face when the bullet hit home and we spat it back out at them.’
The mental image makes his stomach revolt.
‘No worries.’ Void is grinning smugly at him when he opens his eyes again. ‘I’m sure it won’t be long before we get the chance to compare fantasy to reality. Let’s take bets on who tries to take a shot at you first. I think it’ll be the Russian. She seems pragmatic. A survivor. We’ll have fun killing her.’
“For the love of god,” He grits his teeth, not even caring that he’s talking out loud, “If this is what I sound like all the time, then you all should have just let Chis shoot me.”
‘Cute.’ Void snorts. ‘Using humor to deflect pain. How’s that working for you?’
“I’d say about as well as possessing me is currently going for you.” Void sneers before disappearing. Stiles almost cries with relief. “Finally, some fucking quiet.”
“Is that what you thought?” His head snaps up of its own accord, heart pounding at the icy tone that he’s so used to coming from his father instead of a figment of imagination.
oh.
“The only time it’s ever going to be quiet again, is when you’re a used up brain-dead husk.” His dad’s face snarls at him, immediately bringing tears to his eyes.
“You think I’m letting you off the hook that easy?” Steve demands this time, the evil look on his face unsettling him so deeply that he’s glad when his vision gets too clouded with tears to see clearly. “You stuck me in a box. It was a nice nap, but now I’m all rested up and ready, and guess what stiles? I’m even more blood-thirsty than before.”
He thinks he’s shaking his head now.
“That’s right, Kid.” Tony’s turn, he shrinks back against the wall, balling his hands up tight against his sides. “I’ve got plans for you.”
“We’re gonna set the world on fire, Stiles!” James laughs gleefully. “The streets will run with blood! Chaos will reign! And then, only then, once you’ve seen everything you hold dear destroyed, once I’ve consumed every drop of pain and strife the world has to offer me, only then will I leave you with your silence! You think this is the end of our story? It’s just the beginning!”
“Stiles, just breathe.” His father says as James’ face goes back to normal. “It’s not real. It’s okay, son.”
The panic that swallows him whole is so bad that Fitz-Simmons have to hold a paper bag over his mouth and nose to keep him from hyperventilating. The whole time they never leave his side, offering soft encouragements every time his heart rate starts to climb again, but they don’t know that it doesn’t help, because as soon as he looks at someone, Void takes over their faces in his mind, jumping from person to person as he gaze moves.
He thinks seeing Pepper looking at him with such hate is probably the worst.
“T-tony.” He says after a while, pushing the bag away and keeping his gaze locked firmly on his hands. “Get a jet ready. You’re going to Japan.”
*****
Clint, Natasha, Bruce, and Thor left almost immediately after Stiles told them the plan to go collect more of the Lichen that Deaton used on him the first time Void got in his head, leaving the rest of them to watch over him as best they can.
Now Tony, James, Steve, Pepper, Fitz-Simmons, and John watch over Stiles while he sleeps – or pretends to be sleeping, he can’t actually bring himself to surrender to his nightmares – not that hearing Void take over everyone else in the room one at a time and verbally abuse him is much better.
“Is this going to work?” Steve asks John, momentarily making Void be quiet, as it seems he’s keen to listen too.
“For a few days.” John nods, watching his supposedly sleeping son. “If we don’t come up with a solution before then…If this doesn’t help, I’m calling the Pack.” To his credit, the heart monitor only spikes once to betray that he’s not actually asleep. “If it comes down to it, Stiles, I will call them. I care about them too, and I don’t want to hurt them either, but if it’s a choice between them and you, I’ll chose you.”
He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t trust himself to acknowledge his father without screaming at the Nogitsune. He feels like all his emotions have just bled out of him at that, all except one – fear.
He hears his dad say something else, but he’s already focused on the figure setting in the empty chair Bucky just got up from. His own face stares back at him, sunken eyes dark eyes, skin so pale it’s almost translucent, and worst of all that horrible smirk. Then he disappears and he hears Steve’s twisted voice saying, “Everyone has it. No one can lose it. What is it?”
“A shadow.” He whispers because he physically can’t stop himself from saying the words. He buries his hands in the blankets.
“Stiles,” Steve says, “Did you hear me?”
“No.”
“I asked if you wanted to try and eat something.”
“No thanks.” He lies. “I’m not hungry right now.”
“You haven’t had solid foods since the gym – probably before.” James protests. “You should eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” He repeats, only a whisper this time.
He can tell without looking that his father is going to try and insist, but clearly James understands, because he cuts him off before he can start. “Okay. Guys, would you mind giving us a minute?”
Before anyone can move, Stiles speaks up. “It’s not going to work.” He keeps his eyes trained firmly on his hands – clenched into fists so he doesn’t start counting fingers. “I can practically feel you all waiting to pull out the rousing emotional speeches that you hope will somehow inspire me to beat this, but it’s not going to work. This isn’t a battle of the wills, and even if it were we’ve already proven that he’s much stronger than I am. But more than that, you don’t understand how serious I am being when I tell you, don’t waste your breath, because your words are falling on deaf ears.”
“Stiles,” Pepper says softly, he starts shaking slightly, afraid of what Void will say if he takes her over. “We don’t understand. Honey, look at-“
“I can’t.” His voice cracks. Void laughs.
“What do you mean?” He can see Tony come closer, taking Pepper’s hand where it rests on the bed next to him. “Why can’t you look at us?”
“Because every time I do he takes over.” He admits, hot tears welling up in his eyes as struggles not to look at his new family for strength, knowing Void will rip it away from him and poison it if he does. “I don’t see you, I see him possessing you. And all those motivational speeches? I can’t hear them. All I can hear is him.”
The armrest of the chair James is setting in snaps in half, wood splintering. It scares him, making him flinch. He makes the mistake of looking up to see if James is alright. “God, you really are a monster. Can you not see what you’re doing to me – that you’re torturing me? I lived through seventy years of hell, and now you want to push yours onto me too? Maybe Scott was right.”
No. Please, god, don’t say that.
He can’t breathe. His head is screaming at him in pain and his lungs feels like they’re on fire as Void uses James’ stolen face to rip into him.
“How could we not have seen it?” He continues, the bone-chilling smirk on his face showing him how much he’s enjoying his suffering. “If your best friend since childhood, the one who knows you better than anyone else in the world, the one who is notorious for giving every monster and serial killer that runs through his territory a chance throws you out to the curb, why are we fighting so hard for you?”
“Stop it.” He can barely gasp it out, his breathing is so frantic now. His entire torso is in pain, like razors are slicing through him all the way down to the bone. “If Scott McCall of all people doesn’t have faith in you, then I think it’s time to face the facts. Void isn’t the monster here. You are.”
He’s screaming. He can’t hear anything anymore, but he can tell that he’s screaming because his throat hurts. Who knows what he’s saying at this point – he could be begging for mercy, he could be shouting expletives. The pain gets considerably worse, so bad he thinks he stops screaming for a minute because he can’t breathe through it, before he becomes aware of way too many sets of hands on him. Everything is trembling, like the earth is shaking, and now he’s thrashing and screaming some more.
Er, no.
He realizes. He’s shaking, and he’s making the room shake too. His eyes must have been closed, because the shock of that realization has the flying open again, just in time to see everyone around him magically thrown back away from him into various walls and pieces of furniture around the room.
His shadow laughs before something hard slams into his jaw and knocks him out.