Chapter 2
“Do you think he hates me?”
Ned looked up at Peter in surprise. “Hates you? Are you kidding me?”
“I don’t know, man, Mr Stark yelled at me and then he stopped inviting me over,” Peter voiced his concern. “It’s been two weeks.”
When Peter had first told Ned that he got invited to work with Tony Stark on his ‘Spider-Man stuff’, Ned’s eyes had gotten so wide that Peter was half-convinced that they’d popped out of his head. Ned knew that Peter had met Mr Stark before, and had conversed with him, and even filmed an alibi video, but being invited over to work with Tony frickin’ Stark? That was practically like being best friends!
Ned had pestered his friend about details as soon as Peter returned home from the compound, always asking if Tony had let him touch the Iron Man armour, let him fire a repulsor and other things like that. And every time Peter would respond with “All we did was work on my suit.” and then maybe launched into some technicalities like the time that Tony showed him nano particles and tried to explain how it worked.
“It’s like, say, osmium, or a neutron star. It’s very dense,” Tony had explained, showing him the watch he was trying to make that could extend into a repulsor. “If I use it correctly, it can expand and make whatever I want it to make.”
“So it’s like just getting gold and flattening it out?” Peter had said in wonder.
“Sort of. There’s also tons of other technicalities such as practically opening a portal, but we’re not going to go there yet.”
When Peter had told Ned about that, Ned practically had a brain aneurysm.
“I’m sure he’s just busy. What did he yell at you for?” Ned said, shrugging and reaching across the lunch table for Peter’s juice box.
“I was being nosy, and I found out something that I wasn’t supposed to know,” Peter sighed, letting Ned take his juice.
“What was it? Was it some sort of technology not known to this world? Was it a project that could destroy the entire human race? Was it-”
“No! Ned, it was nothing like that,” Peter huffed. “I just… read something I wasn’t supposed to. Something about… stocks.”
“Well, if it’s only about the stock exchange, I’m sure he’s not mad at you,” Ned grinned. “He’s probably busy. With those… stocks.”
“Sure,” Peter sighed for the fifth time in one sitting. “But I really don’t know.”
“Don’t worry. All you have to do is get hurt during your patrolling thing, and he’ll come running! You have Karen, right? She’ll tell him! He can’t avoid you if you’re dying!” Ned offered an idea.
“That’s very manipulating, and I really don’t want to get hurt anyway. I think I’ll just wait it out,” Peter concluded just as the bell rang for their classes.
“My idea was way cooler, but whatever floats your boat, I guess,” Ned shrugged, crumpling up the juice box and throwing it in the garbage on their way out.
“Yeah. I guess,” Peter said skeptically, still longing to finish the upgrades.
And at the very least, make sure his mentor was doing alright.
--
Tony couldn’t sleep.
He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t think. Hell, he couldn’t even function. Every single thing he worked on just ended up being wrong and failing, and he couldn’t concentrate, and he just wanted to finally end it all.
Tony Stark was depressed. And if he could admit it to himself, that meant that it was really bad.
Usually, Bruce would notice. Or Rhodey. But Brucie was off somewhere else in a stupid spaceship, or maybe even dead, who really knew, and Rhodey wasn’t going to be back for weeks. He was away on a business trip. Nevada. Somewhere like that, on the other side of the world.
Pepper. She was all he had left, and thankfully, thankfully, she had noticed. Maybe it had taken her a bit longer (but he had holed himself up in his work so it wasn’t like she saw him like Bruce or Rhodey did, it seemed like those guys checked on him every three hours), but he was grateful. He was too proud to admit to need help, so he had to wait for someone else to offer first. Tony knew it was stupid, but he just found that the words got stuck in his throat and his mouth got dry whenever he tried. It must’ve been from the less-than-adequate parenting of Howard Stark.
“I know you, that you,” Pepper sighed, trying to find the words without it being awkward.
She had interrupted Tony’s work, but he wasn’t complaining. It was another failed attempt at making a stupid nano-computer. He just couldn’t get the file sizes to change without making the computer bigger, the amount of information still required space, unfortunately. He was mostly looking for a distraction.
“Spit it out, honey. Can’t get much awkwarder than this,” Tony waved his hand as if he didn’t care.
“I know that you’re hurting yourself,” she blurted out. “Again.”
Tony sat down in his office chair, the seat spinning slightly to the left with the force. He didn’t say anything.
“And I thought I asked you to talk to me whenever you felt like that,” she continued, and if she didn’t sound so heartbroken, Tony would’ve thought that she was accusing him.
Tony rubbed his upper left arm, where the offending cuts were made hours earlier. They weren’t deep; he just wanted to hurt. To feel something. As the fabric rubbed against the healing scabs, they stung as if they’d been broken open again.
“I’m sorry,” Tony said softly, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.
“I’m not mad, I’m just,” Pepper walked around the desk to put her hand on his shoulder. “I’m just worried.”
“I’m okay, Pep,” Tony put his hand over her hand, patting it twice before squeezing it.
“But you’re not okay. That’s the thing,” she said, her tone more urgent. “The sooner you admit it to yourself, the sooner you’ll feel better.”
“Pepper,” Tony said with grandeur, as if he was making an announcement. “I’m depressed.”
She stared at him for a moment, confusion written all over her face.
“Huh. I don’t feel better,” he noticed sarcastically. “So much for that theory.”
“You know that’s not what I meant,” Pepper deadpanned, not really finding his sarcasm or tactics amusing.
“Then what do you mean?” Tony said, frustrated. “Because I’ve tried, okay? I’ve tried the pills. I’ve tried talking to people. But I just can’t get better.”
“You’ve talked to me. Rhodey,” she listed. “That’s two people.”
“Believe it or not, Brucie too. But it doesn’t help,” he stressed, rubbing his temples.
“What about the kid? You liked him, you said he helped you. Call him. Tell him to come over,” Pepper offered, refusing to let herself get angry.
“I’m not pouring my heart out to a fifteen year-old,” he deadpanned.
“I’m not talking about that! Just see him. What happened in between you two anyway? Why did he just suddenly stopped coming?”
“Nothing. I just stopped inviting him.”
“Why?”
Tony didn’t answer, just continued to massage his temples as if this conversation was a serious waste of time.
“If it’s really nothing, I’m inviting him over. His name is Peter, right? Parker? I’ll just call his parents and ask if he could come,” Pepper said, with a tone of voice that suggested that she was going to do it anyway if he didn’t give her a reasonable answer.
“His parents are dead. He lives with his aunt,” Tony grimaced.
“So you adopted him?”
“What? No!” he stood up defensively, shrugging Pepper’s arm off his shoulder.
“I’ll call his aunt. Ask if he can come over and work on something with you,” Pepper smiled slightly at Tony’s reaction to her joke, but it quickly disappeared when she saw how tense he had gotten.
“No.”
“Seriously, what happened? One second you two are best friends, and the next you aren’t talking!”
“Look, Pep. He just can’t come over. Not anymore,” he balled his hands into fists. “He’s busy.”
“That’s bullshit.”
Tony looked up in surprise. Pepper rarely swore.
“Tony. What happened?” she tried again, her tone softer.
“There was an accident,” Tony started, and then at the expression on Pepper’s face, he quickly retraced his steps. “I mean, I accidentally cut myself on metal. And he tried to help. And he saw the old scars, the ones from, y’know, and I-“ he stopped, shaking his head. “I freaked out.”
“Tony,” Pepper reached out to him, holding onto his shoulder again.
“I told him to go, and he just wanted to help, and-“ he cut himself off, taking a breath. “The kid knows, Pep, and he shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m weak,” he sat back down, shielding his eyes with his hand.
“That’s not weakness, Tony.”
“Is it not? Because I’m giving in. I’m running away,” he gritted his teeth, willing his hand down from his face and gripping the arms of the chair with tight fists. “I’m weak, Pepper.”
“You’re one of the strongest people I know,” she leaned forward, and he put his head on her stomach. She caressed his scalp, relieving tension, and no matter how gentle and loving the gesture was, he still couldn’t just feel okay.
“Then you know very few people,” he sighed into her shirt.
They stayed like that for a minute, until Tony had composed himself enough and pulled away.
“You know I’m still going to ask Mr Parker to come over,” Pepper said, giving his shoulder a squeeze before dropping her arms.
“I know,” he said softly.
“And you know it’s because I love you,” she said.
“I know,” he repeated. “I love you too.”
--
“Hi.”
“Hi!” Peter exclaimed.
They stared at each other for a bit.
“Come in?” Tony said, but it was more of a question. This was more awkward than he thought.
Peter seemed to be making a big show of staring straight ahead and not looking at anything, afraid that he’ll once again see something he’s not supposed to see. He logged onto the computer and pulled up the program, then plugged in his suit.
Usually, Tony would have an upgrade that he’d give the Spider-Man suit, but he’d been relatively unproductive and distracted while they held their weird grudges, so he just asked FRIDAY to run a bug check and diagnostics.
Peter just stood there while Tony shuffled around awkwardly, silence tense and heavy in the room. Usually Peter would be talking his head off, encouraged by Tony’s head nods and notes of surprise or humour at the appropriate moments, but the kid didn’t speak and it made them both uncomfortable.
“How was school, kiddo?” Tony asked finally, pulling out the USB that held the diagnostics from the suit that held Peter’s performance levels, methods of fighting, etc. It would help him with future upgrades and it made him feel nice, sort of like a proud parent. Not that Peter was his kid or anything.
“Fine,” Peter answered plainly, and didn’t elaborate. His face was expressionless.
Tony smiled awkwardly and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. “What do you plan on upgrading?” he said in a weak attempt to keep the conversation going.
“There’s really nothing to do, it’s perfect, Mr Stark,” Peter said quietly, lacking his usual energy. “You’ve thought of everything.”
“Oh, I beg to differ. But if you want, pull up FRIDAY’s code and debug the file called ‘protocol ABITHAD.’ It’s new. Gives FRIDAY the ability to call a doctor when my diagnosis is very, very wrong or I’m actually in dire need of medical attention.”
“What does it stand for?”
“Another Blithering Idiot Thinks He's A Doctor,” Tony smiled, hoping it would at least crack a grin out of the kid; and it did, a slight smile was tugging on Peter’s lips.
“What do I need to do?” Peter asked, as the code slid onto the screen as FRIDAY pulled it up without request.
“You’re smart. You’ll figure it out,” Tony shrugged, turning to his work. The second his back was turned, he cringed, cursing himself internally, wanting to get over this stupid roadblock that he had with the kid. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was.
Tony fell into the routine of working with the gentle muttering of the kid in the background. Usually he’d give up on his own projects when Peter came over, but he was still stuck on the stupid computer size, not knowing how to make it smaller while still containing the proper amount of memory. He had tried everything except the nanotechnology he used for his suit, because that was expensive and the idea was to make everything easily accessible for the average consumer.
He glanced over at Peter, who was deleting and altering code, adding functions and adding more variables. He seemed to be doing okay, so Tony turned back to his work knowing that he would fail again. He finished the model and ran diagnostics, and when the bright lights read ‘fail’ in the flashing red letters, he sighed and rubbed his eyes. He hit a block.
After a few more trying and failing, Tony was suddenly wrenched from his work when he heard the clatter of instruments falling to the ground. He turned around quickly, and it looked like Peter had pushed off all of the things on the table in anger, as the kid was leaning heavily against the table, breathing hard. The program up on the screen was flashing red.
“Pete?” Tony asked, stepping toward him, cautious.
“I’m sorry, Mr Stark,” Peter said quietly, his eyes scrunched closed as if he was containing something.
“What for?” he asked, deciding it was safe to approach the kid.
Peter looked up at him like he was stupid, tears brimming in his eyes. “I don’t know what I did wrong!” he yelled.
And that’s when Tony knew he was just frustrated. Because Tony himself had felt like lashing out and throwing everything away earlier, every single time he failed the stupid model, every single time he didn’t know the answer to something. Built up anger, being mad at himself for not solving the problem, being mad at the problem for not solving itself.
“You need a break,” Tony said simply, and with a wave of his hand, the screen cleared itself.
“But what did I do wrong?” Peter asked, drawing out the words, blinking rapidly so that the angry tears wouldn’t fall. “I don’t understand, I deleted something and then the entire program fell, nothing would work!” he brought his fist down on the table,making a dull thunk when it connected with the thick glass.
“I’ll go through it later. But you- actually, we- need a break,” Tony repeated, gesturing at his own work space, diagrams still all over the place and the hologram model up. “I’ve been trying and failing with that thing, I’m about two more fails away from completely destroying everything.”
“But it’s so much more impressive-”
Tony shushed him, cutting him off with a look. “You’re fourteen. You’re a kid. You’re supposed to be impressed, that’s my job.”
Peter nodded, a smile playing on his face. “I’m fifteen, Mr Stark.”
“Fifteen, Shmifteen. Same thing,” Tony joked, glad to see the smile back where it belonged; permanently stuck on the kid’s face. “How about we do something fun?”
“Like what?”
“I’ll teach you how to build a holographic lightsaber,” Tony grinned, knowing exactly what the reaction from Peter would be. A bright smile, light back in his eyes, jumping up and down and waving arms with grandeur, nearly connecting to nearby projects. Just the way it should be.
And there it was. The kid’s smile, the thing never failed to melt Tony’s heart no matter how down he was.