My love, December 1, 2026
There’s so much I want to tell you. So much. Please listen.
Every time I look at the red flower pot you got me on our one year anniversary a part of me wants to smash it so it shatters into the tiniest bits. Just like I did a few months back. I never destroy it, though. Because, I don’t know how, but you somehow managed to glue me back into one piece. So I gently caress the pot’s rim and water the dracaena instead.
Love you always,
B.
My love, January 1, 2026
I’m worried. I’m so worried and I truly hope you won’t see that. I really don’t want you to. But it keeps me up at nights, I can’t help it. Dead of night scares me. So I quietly leave the bed to make myself a cup of black coffee while you’re still sound asleep and try to distract myself however I can. I read. I draw. I do some crosswords. Did you know the name of the last Russian tzar? I didn’t, these tiny boxes remain empty. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll fill them out.
These past few months I’ve been having such terrible nightmares that even you, a self-proclaimed horror movie connoisseur, would get a cold shiver of fear. And weirdly enough in each and every single one of them you’re the star. Yesterday after I drifted off, in my dreams you looked at me with your baby blues and then with the sweetest smile said:“Beautiful. I’m going to work.” But you never came back, instead decided to run away. Emily was the one you left me for. Yeah, I was surprised, too. Who would’ve thought you’d pick her? You two never got along. But you really did seem genuinely happy by her side and that’s why I woke up in tears. I told you it was because of an allergic reaction to gluten. I don’t think you believed me but you just nodded and gave me a forehead kiss. I love it when you do that. My heart fluttered and I carried on with the day as if nothing had happened.
Because nothing did happen. And nothing will, hopefully.
Love you always,
B.
My love, March 10, 2026
No matter what happens, tell me you’ll never forget me. I know I can be a lot to handle, hence why I decided I want you to leave. I’m really scared of losing you and if these sleepless nights and nightmares could talk, they’d be saying exactly that. But what terrifies me most is you realising I’m not what you need. Because I know that already, believe me. And I don’t know if I’ll ever recover if you eventually come to the same realisation. So I’d rather you leave me now, when you still love me. Love you always, B.
My love, March 30, 2026
I really thought I was being quiet. I thought I didn’t stir you. But when I came to our bedroom to switch the light off because you’d forgotten to do that once again, I noticed something laying on the sheets on my side of the bed — American Cryptic Crosswords: Super Cool Crosswords.
I don’t deserve you but I love you always,
B.
My love, June 12, 2026
Today’s our third anniversary. I wanted to wake up early to surprise you with breakfast in bed but looks like you had the same idea. I stirred to the smell of pancakes and freshly brewed coffee on my bedside table. You even used strawberry jam to draw a smiley face on one of them. My heart melted, just like the butter you put aside. God, I love you so much.
And always, of course,
B.
My love, March 21, 2026
You’re so stupid. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall but I guess you feel the exact same way about me. That’s just how we are, the stubbornly perfect match.
I love you I love you I love you.
So why do I keep asking you to leave? We both know I don’t want that. That’s why you’re still by my side. Dumbass. Imagine how much I must love you if I’m willing to let you go. Just think about that for a short while.
Love you always even if you're stupid at times,
B.
My love, July 30, 2026
The nightmares have gotten worse. I’m very sorry about waking you up in the middle of the night. I tried my best to keep my screaming down but at this point I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. But you’re so patient with me. I feel like crying. Why are you like that? Can’t you see I’m a mess? Last night I woke up shaking with tears streaming down my face. I can’t remember what I was dreaming about. Probably you getting hurt or something. My chest tightened even more than I thought was possible when I saw you slowly opening your eyelids and looking at me with concern. I cried some more, this time not because of the nightmare. You wrapped your arms around me and we fell asleep like that. I slept okay.
Don’t know why you keep doing this but I hope you know I love you always,
B.
My love, October 13, 2026
I feel guilty. You constantly spend so much energy on me and my dumb mood swings. I keep telling you that’s not necessary, I can deal with whatever that is on my own. It will go away eventually. Why do you smile down at me every time I tell you that? Is that pity? No, it’s not. I look into your eyes and see nothing but pure love. I’m slowly starting to realise you won’t let go so easily, you’re anchored right by my miserable side. And I love you for that. So, so much I don’t even know how to express it, which makes me sad. I just hope you know.
Love you always,
B.
My love, November 1, 2026
I’ve changed my mind. I’m gonna be selfish. Please stay.
B.