cruising lope
Shuri may be the greatest prodigy in the family since at least three generations, she is well aware that she is less than perfect in other departments. Most president in her shortcomings, Shuri felt that shortage of empathy she appeared to suffer from. Interestingly enough, the first time she was called an insensitive bitch was on an international conference with her father.
She had cried; a rare occurrence, even in full swing of adolescence. That realisation drug the barb dig deeper; in a lot of ways, she realised, the boy that had slung these insults at her had not been wrong. But her father had scoffed, and told her such boys were jealous and intimidated by her strength.
When she confided she feared there was truth in his words regardless, he had shrugged. “Awareness of the sensitivity of others may be a skill you have not acquired yet. It is something that I believe can only come through experience and age and the constant practice of empathy you do have in spades.” then, his cool expression had turned wry. “Another thing that might need age to ripen is the knowledge that some people are not worthy of your prudence. Let me help you out here; this particular boy was not.”
Her father had been a wise man. But, sometimes Shuri feared that his love had blinded him to the truth. Because Shuri never stepped around anyone. Shuri studied, dissected, and extrapolated. She built theories, she categorized reactions and predicted behavior. But Shuri never, ever spared anyone’s feelings. Not even when her predictions suggested she was about to hurt a person’s sensitivities.
Interestingly, that incapability of care came from her greatest fear: that she was simply too cold and logical to truly feel, like other people obviously did. Because Shuri’s emotional responses were always logical and weighted. In the spectrum of feelings, she always chose the one that made most sense in a particular situation. This, obviously, set her apart from all others.
She thought her new fugitive friends showed the five most common groups of illogical emotional responses: Hawkeye, who seemed to react to anything he couldn’t handle with violence, covering up his failings with bad jokes and very little true remorse. She was personally still upset about him murdering that Hydra agent; apart from the information they might have gotten from the man, she could hot help but assume the man too had been under duress.
Then there was the great Captain America, who made a decent attempt at being reasonable and logical in his deeds and words. Until one praised him or made one remark that might be taken sexually. Then he’d blush an amusing bright red. It was obvious to Shuri at least that his hundred-years old ideal of logic and reason mostly relied on him not having any emotions. And working very hard on repressing any feelings that might threaten that marble surface he projected. A lie she supposed he wasn’t even aware of.
Next was the Black Widow, that had already left across the border to work on relations. She was the type to already brace for the impact of disappointment at all turns. The kind of aloft, cool demeanor that screamed ‘I know what’s coming and I refuse to get hurt by it.’
Then, Wanda, her new BFF; a nice girl, that had obviously suffered some blows to her ego lately. She was shy and unsure, second guessing her choices and ideas at every turn. Personally she liked that about Wanda. It showed the other woman was aware that she had made some bad decisions in the past, and that she was working on not having it happen to her again. Of course, Shuri didn’t understand why remaking oneself took longer than an evening reminiscing over a cup of tea with a good friend but again, Shuri did realise this was probably her personal fault.
Finally, the true dramaqueen. Tony Stark wasn’t with them, in Wakanda, of course. But Shuri truly wished he would visit soon. His type of shortcoming was rare —probably a good thing, but such fun to watch in action. She was almost sure he had coupled brilliance with an extreme form of ADHD: Stark went from casual cruel and uncaring to benevolent do-gooder and back in two seconds (she had timed him). It was like he had Steve’s ‘I must do good’, with Natashia’s ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attatude mixed. But they didn’t mix at all: like oil and water. The result was volatile and fun. Although probably more destructive than a guy with that much power should be.
Perhaps that was why her and Tony had hit it off so well; playing a game of frenemies that probably didn’t fool anyone. While Shuri often worried she was emotionally stunted, Tony Stark felt too much. The multi millionaire went on emotional benders as much as real ones, filling Shuri with a longing to try and capture that inebriated haze for herself while simultaneously filling her with dread for the consequences.
Shuri had, years ago, come to the hopeful theory that such imbalances in personality were probably the result of trauma. All the Avengers had after all had their share of bad experiences. Shuri, on the other hand, had lived a perfectly easy life.
Of course, that theory was no longer valid. The death of her father, that had unbalanced her brother bad enough to have him go on a quest for vengeance had hardly touched Shuri’s equilibrium: she had been sad, of course. Still was. But she never for a moment doubted her father would rest in peace in the spirit world, strong in the knowledge that his country would be safe in the hands of his two children. Not even when she’d assumed her brother dead had she despaired. One could pretend, and say she had put her country first over grieving. But Shuri knew the truth: she cried for one night, made her peace, and moved on without any pain.
So, again, she feared that she was fundamentally broken: an uncaring, psychopathic part her unable to feel as deeply and painfully as others obviously did. Shuri did feel a measure of despair at that: that she would never truly be able to connect with another human being, simply because she could never feel like they did.
But then, along came Sergeant Barnes.
Her initial theory, was that Barnes was emotionally stunted. His reactions to fitting him a new arm were measured enough for him to be like the Black Widow: careful not to get hurt, and unwilling to invest in anything that might be taken away.
But, that didn’t add up with her other observations of him. He smiled when interacting with the other Avengers. Could safor little things like a good cup of coffee or a quiet moment in the palace gardens. He seemed happy; acting with an appropriate amount of annoyance to small setbacks or grievances, but never giving into anger, despair or doubt.
Her second theory was that he remembered nothing of what had happened. That the brain-damage was bad enough to have cleaned any trauma from his brain. The way his missing brain cells had happily regenerated into the holes he’d had certainly suggested he had the placidity to start over.
That didn’t quite add up either. Damaged tissue might have been replaced by new gray matter, Barnes’s brain had apparently at some point started storing information with a double back-up system. She had found the trigger words mapped in four different areas, and he had had very little remembering facts, because Barnes had happily divulged a lot of information about Hydra bases and operatives, regurgitating information all the way back to the seventies. Useful, pristeen information: lists of names, passwords, Hydra-bases. Kill lists, mission reports, all easily remembered in perfect detail.
Was he like her? Did he have that hole in his heart that left him untouched by bad things, like her? Barnes appeared pure and untouchable after a century of life throwing itself at him, but was obviously still able to tell good from evil. And though Shuri didn’t wish for half his misery, wasn’t that a blessing? If they were the same, of course.
She pushed harder, tried harder to get a rise out of him. She felt sure Barnes had to at least fear them digging into his brain at some level. But hard as she tried, this approach yielded little results. So, she observed again, and decided perhaps there was as little self-preservation in him as in Steve Rogers. The former Captain America didn’t have any though for his own well-being either, and the pair seemed pretty close. Also, they were from the same bygone age, from the same background.
So, she stretched her theory a bit further, and figured that perhaps she could get a raise out of Barnes the same way that never failed with Steve.; the total prude that literally turned bead red because her skirt showed off her knees.
So Shuri started fucking with the man: For the brain procedure she ordered him a ridiculous shift remeniscent of Western hospital ware from the eighties. Wakanda obviously had a whole range of better and more dignified surgical gowns. Hell, the last thing one could take away from any African was his fashion sense; that and his dignity. No Wakandan man woman of child would ever be caught with the ass hanging out like that; but Barnes didn’t know that.
Mildly annoyed was the best she got out of that. Which she considered a little underplayed. But, nothing definite. What happened next, she was not proud of: she pushed harder. During the last check-ups pre-freeze, she overstepped her professional bounds: “So, you don’t mind if I set the catheter, right?”
Shuri didn’t look up from her table; just listened to him shuffle into her sleek design cryo pod. A cold blue capsule, raised at forty-five degrees. Another piece of perfection from her hand: hardly any similarities with the original, Russian cold-war era design: hers looked like a hard plastic Mummy sleeping Bag, with the head cowl slightly raised. Barnes paused, one leg already in the opened case. Looked around at her with a puzzled expression a tad too rehearsed. “You’re.. Freezing me?”
“Yes, and I’ll be overseeing while Wanda does the deep work..” Her smile was cheeky, fishing for more. “I suppose I can find you a male nurse if that makes you feel better?”
Barnes smiled slowly, only slightly left of polite. “Young lady, are you trying to get into my pants? I won’t stop you, you know.”
Shuri laughed; at herself as much as at the comeback. Was she really that desperate for company to go looking for it in a patient? But, he did seem like her; untouched by life. She hoped Wanda and her could work quickly on the triggers. She needed to talk to Barnes now; find out so much more. Have an honest heart-to-heart so she could finally understand the nature of the affliction they both appeared to suffer from.
Or course, when he woke nearly a year later, Shuri finally understood that Barnes was actually a liar.