Insomnia

“Oh my god, thank god you’re here,” greeted Rhodey as soon as he walked in the door.

He just got back from a mission in Nigeria with the Blue Helmets, and was looking forward to seeing his friend and possibly getting drunk with him, laughing away the nights and comparing horror stories. But it didn’t look like he’d be doing that too soon with the look on Bruce’s face. Looks like Tony’ll be drinking while Rhodey makes sure he doesn’t kill himself.

“You should see Tony. He’s been,” Bruce paused. “Not well.”

“What’s wrong?” Rhodey asked, looking around the room as if Tony would be there, but knowing him, whenever he’s less than ideal he hides away in his workshop.

“Every single time he stands up, he looks like he’s going to pass out. Talk to him. He won’t sleep,” he begged. “He’s been like, micro sleeping.”

“I’ve also caught him drunk, claiming that the alcohol helps him go to sleep,” Steve Rogers added from his position on the couch.

“Where is he?” Rhodey put his game face on, his eyebrows low and his eyes determined to make his friend better.

“Either in his workshop or in his room. I’m begging you, he’s actually going to die from exhaustion.”

Rhodey nodded and went straight for the elevator. He smiled at Clint who was just getting off on the floor, and Clint grabbed his elbow.

“You’re best mates with Stark? He’s been having nightmares. He won’t sleep. Gonna overdose on caffeine soon enough, trying to keep himself awake,” Clint said, and it was like he’d been itching to tell someone about his discovery. “Help him.”

“That’s the plan, Mr Hawkeye,” Rhodey gave him a mock salute before he stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for Tony’s floor. Geez, if the team picked up on it, how bad was Tony?

The elevator opened prematurely, and Natasha stepped in, pressing the button for the floor below them, the training floor. She gave a curt nod at Rhodey, who returned the nod, but as she stepped back out onto the proper floor, she turned around like she had just remembered something.

“You here for Stark?” she asked, keeping her foot in the door so it wouldn’t close on them.

“Yeah. Seems he’s been doing badly?” Rhodey hazarded a guess.

“He’s been bad. Caught him rambling the other night. Missing Pepper,” she said, biting her lip worriedly.

“I got him. Don’t worry.”

She nodded gratefully at him. “And Thor also found him on the roof one night,” she added softly, quietly, as if she wasn’t supposed to know this information.

“I got him,” Rhodey repeated. She left without another word and the doors closed, and the elevator slowly went down to Tony’s floor.

The first thing Rhodey noticed once he stepped out, was the silence. This was Tony’s workshop part of his floor, but he was nowhere to be seen. There wasn’t any music playing, there wasn’t any noise of hammer on metal, it was just silent. Every once in a while there was the creak of the building adjusting, but it was eerie. He carefully entered his key for the workshop, and the doors slid open, but it was still dead silent.

“JARVIS?” Rhodey asked, even unsure if JARVIS was online.

“Sir is in his bedroom,” came the answer. “I suggest checking up on him.”

“He alright?” he asked, turning around and walking quickly to the other half of the floor, what Tony called ‘the place I spend 10% of my time because who needs to live’. It was where his bedroom was, a kitchen, a TV room, and a few other things that would normally be in a house.

“He’s currently a bit upset.”

“I’ve got him,” Rhodey said, reaching the bedroom door. He knocked a few times, then let himself in, because if Tony was upset, there was no way he’d answer the door.

Tony was lying on the floor on his stomach for some reason, a mug set carefully beside him. He was staring blankly at it, and when Rhodey took a few steps closer, he noticed that the mug was empty.

“Do you want more coffee?” he asked, nudging Tony with his foot.

“Yes,” Tony answered in a monotone voice.

“You’re going to have to get up,” Rhodey compromised, picking up the mug from the ground and heading over to the little kitchenette. He scooped a tablespoon of instant coffee into the mug, and poured the hot water from the already warm kettle onto it. He left it on the counter, chancing a glance at Tony, who was still on the ground.

Rhodey sighed and went back over to him. He squatted down so he was at least closer to being eye-level with Tony, and tried to read his face, but it was blank. “You okay?”

“I’m good,” Tony slowly and shakily brought his elbows up, his palms facing the hardwood floor, and pushed up like he was doing plank. He brought his legs underneath him, stood up, and immediately fell backward. Rhodey caught him before he could tip all the way back, and rightened him against a counter.

“Coffee,” Rhodey handed him the mug, keeping close by if Tony was to tip over again. The mug was brought up slowly to his mouth, but the way he slung back the coffee was steady. It had obviously become habit, bringing a glass to his face, from alcohol or coffee Rhodey didn’t know nor did he want to find out.

He watched him drain the mug in just under thirty seconds, wondering why the hell Tony got himself in this state without asking for help. But then he remembered that Tony Stark was a self-destructive asshole with no idea what his limits were, so he wasn’t really that surprised anymore. This was a regular day for Tony Stark, looking like death on a stick.

“More,” Tony said, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and holding out the mug with his other hand.

“Please,” Rhodey said, taking the mug from his hands and heading back over to the kettle, where there was just enough water left for one more cup of coffee.

Tony didn’t answer, too busy gripping onto the counter to make sure he didn’t keel over.

Rhodey prepared the coffee for his friend, looking over at him every few seconds to make sure he hadn’t fallen over. He was pretty pale, swaying, and the bags under his eyes looked to be the size of a small truck. Tony was visibly tired, so it was no wonder that the team noticed. Still, he usually made an effort to hide, but maybe this had been going on for a while.

“Last mug, then we’re hitting the hay,” Rhodey informed him. “C’mon. I’ll tuck you in and everything.”

“I’m a grown man,” Tony grumbled.

“Then act like one. Finish that up.”

Tony quickly drained the mug, then placed it too gently onto the counter. Usually he would slam it down, demanding more, but it looked as if that movement would break him.

“Can I, can I call Pep?” Tony asked quietly, hands going back to grip the counter.

“Of course. You want privacy, or..?” Rhodey frowned, wondering why he wanted permission. It was his girlfriend, his house, after all.

“Doesn’t matter. JARVIS, call Pep for me,” he waved his hand as if to dismiss Rhodey, but it threw him a bit off-balance.

“Why don’t you sit down?” Rhodey grabbed onto his elbow and helped him over to a wicker chair beside the bed. Tony didn’t protest.

“Connecting.” JARVIS said, and then Pepper’s voice rang from the speakers.

“Tony? It’s three in the morning,” she said.

Right. Time zones. Three in the afternoon meant three in the morning in Singapore.

“Sorry, Pep,” he said quietly. Rhodey sat down on the bed, trying to tune out the conversation even though Tony said it didn’t matter if he listened in. It just felt wrong.

“You alright?” Pepper asked, her voice laced with concern.

“I’m- yeah. All’s good,” Tony lied. Rhodey smiled sadly, knowing that Tony knew that she knew he was lying. Good attempt, though. “How’s the meetings?”

“Going great. I have a meeting with the contractors for the new building, then it’ll all be set. It’ll be good to have another building here, helps with the taxes on exports,” Pepper said, figuring that Tony needed a distraction.

“Yeah,” he said plainly. Rhodey could tell that he just wanted to hear her voice.

“You sure you’re alright?” she tried again.

“Pep- I, I miss you,” Tony said, getting choked up. He brought his hand up to his face to shield his eyes from Rhodey’s gaze, but Rhodey was by his side in a second, bringing his hand down from his face. He frowned at the tears brimming over Tony’s eyelids, but didn’t say anything. This was Tony/Pepper time.

“Oh, Tony. I miss you too,” she said sweetly, full of sympathy. “But it’s okay, alright? I’ll be back in two days, and I’ll bring you home a souvenir from the hotel. A hotel shampoo bottle or a key chain.”

“I don’t need a shampoo bottle,” Tony said, smiling a bit.

“A shampoo bottle it is. Trust me on this, Tony. They’re very cute,” Pepper said, and the smile was evident in her voice.

“Just come home soon,” Tony said, nodding even though she couldn’t see him. “I just- I can’t sleep without you. I’m so tired, Pep.”

“It’s alright,” she cooed. “I’ll be back before you know it. Try and get some rest, okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry for calling,” he said, clearing his throat.

“It’s okay. I’ll talk to you on the flight home, alright? I’m gonna get some sleep.”

“Alright. Goodnight.”

“I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

“I-I love you too,” Tony said, his voice shaking. The line went dead.

“Sleepy-time?” Rhodey asked, wiping the tears from Tony’s face with his sleeve. “C’mon, get to bed. You’re okay.”

“I can’t sleep, though,” he complained, getting up from the chair and collapsing on the bed, that was thankfully not too far. Rhodey pulled the blankets up to his chin, turned the lights down, and sat in the wicker chair with a book pulled up on the screen on the side table.

Tony rolled around fitfully, muttering complaints under his breath, his eyes closed the entire time. Rhodey ignored him, but was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on his book. His friend was hurting, so tired up to the point that he admitted defeat, and he couldn’t shake off what the others had told him; that he hadn’t been sleeping in a while, that he was being depressing, that he was found on the roof, for god’s sake.

“Y’know Tones?” Rhodey started. “I’m scared.”

“Mm?” Tony hummed, rolling over to face his friend.

“I’m scared that one day, you’ll just let go. That I’ll come home one day, and you’re gone. I just don’t know,” he admitted. “I never know when you’re going to get pushed over the edge, because you never tell me whenever you’re hurting. I’m just so worried.”

“M’okay, Rhodey. Don’t worry,” Tony waved it off, clearly uncomfortable.

“You need to hear this, alright? You need to know that I’m actually so, so afraid of coming back to find you gone. If you really wanted, or needed me to, I’d stay here forever. You know I would,” he continued. “Just say the words, and I’ll be here as long as you need me to.”

Tony didn’t say anything, but wouldn’t look at Rhodey. He just kept his eyes facing the ceiling.

“I really want you to be alright.”

They both didn’t say anything for a while, but the silence was light, not heavy like they usually were whenever Tony was silent. This was a contemplative silence, and Rhodey didn’t regret a single word that came out of his mouth, even if it made them uncomfortable. Tony needed to hear it.

“I’m going to sleep,” Tony said finally. “At least, I’m gonna try.”

Rhodey nodded, smiling at himself. It was so like Tony to just breeze past all confrontation.

There was more silence, with less complaining from Tony, but he rolled around in his bed without rest, fluffing or flipping the pillows, going from sleeping on his back to sleeping sideways, with his head on one side of the bed and his feet poking out of the blankets on the other. He was sincerely trying, he just couldn’t find a comfortable position, just couldn’t fall asleep. Rhodey frowned, staring at his friend who was clearly getting frustrated with the amount of effort it took to fulfill a basic human need.

Rhodey finally closed the book, sighing, and sat down beside Tony. He rolled around and hit Rhodey’s body with his arm, paused, then grabbed onto his shirt as if he was afraid that he would leave. But he didn’t leave, he just stayed there.

Tony finally fell asleep, his hand balled in his friend’s shirt, his body finally relaxed and his breathing evened out. Rhodey took a deep breath and smiled.

Sometimes all it takes is for someone whom Tony Stark is comfortable with to be close to him, and he’ll finally feel safe.