their life was kind of like a movie, up until it wasn’t.
james buchanan barnes was currently walking around new york city at two in the morning. his hood was pulled up over his head, and the backpack he had on was beginning to weigh down slightly due to its contents. he assumed he looked a little suspicious, but there wasn’t really anyone else out. his face was a little tear stained, but that’s okay. if there were still tears welling in his eyes, so be it. he’s had a rough past couple of weeks.
bucky and steve were happy. they had each other and that was all they needed. their day started out happy. even though it was raining, bucky and steve found the day perfect. they love the rain. out of nowhere, steve jumped up, grabbed bucky’s wrist, and dragged him outside. they were in the middle of their street, and steve started singing. he didn’t have the best voice, but it was the most amazing sound to bucky’s ears. they were just kind of slow dancing in the middle of their street, in the rain, and steve’s voice was a low sound in bucky’s ear, and bucky was so happy.
he didn’t know how that changed as quickly as it did. or why. one second, they were happy and smiling and together. the next, they were both on the ground, a red, sticky liquid pooling around steve. bucky didn’t even feel himself running to steve, didn’t feel his heavy fall to the asphalt. his eyes were scanning the other boy feverishly, trying to find where the blood was flowing from. whether it was too late, if he’d already lost too much blood. the rain was already washing it away so he can’t see just how much blood steve had already lost.
bucky hadn’t realized he was crying. the soreness in his throat from his sobs wouldn’t hit him until later. this wasn’t how steve was supposed to die. no, he was supposed to die when he was old. the hero isn’t supposed to die like this; the hero doesn’t die on his off day, singing in the rain with the love of his life. bucky was holding steve’s head in his hands. he was wiping the falling water droplets from his lover’s rapidly paling face.
all of a sudden bucky was back to the day they met. they were young, about seven years old. bucky had just moved there and had no friends to play with at recess. steve, being the outgoing kid he was, walked right up to the other boy and stated that he was his new friend. from that day on, they sat together as they ate their lunch - even traded snacks - and played together at recess.
then the man was thrown eight years into the future. the boys were now fifteen. this day was important to bucky. they were in steve’s room, working on their homework. well, steve was, bucky’s mind was somewhere else. then, seemingly out of nowhere, bucky just blurted out, “i’m gay” to which steve just replied ‘cool, you want a soda?’ relief had flooded bucky that day, and he knew he never wanted to lose steve as a friend.
fast forward two more years, steve came out to bucky as bisexual. the boy had also confessed his developing feelings for the other boy, and bucky felt another tsunami of relief wash over him. he was starting to feel the same. instead of replying - you know, like a normal human being - bucky just kissed his best friend. the following week, bucky asked if he could take steve out on a date, to which the latter agreed rather excitedly.
then he was taken ahead another six years. they were still together. high school sweethearts, you know? this day was important because they were finished college and had a steady income, so they decided to get an apartment together. it was a quaint little place, but it had a perfect view of the sunset over the hudson. steve loved it so much, which made bucky love it so much more.
bucky was so in love with steve. he couldn’t picture his life without the other man. but here he was, losing him not even two years after getting their apartment together.
he was losing the man he was ready to propose to. steve’s consciousness was going in and out, but every time he came back, he was focused on bucky. steve, in one of his bouts of consciousness, lifted his hand to touch bucky one last time, whispering a lost ‘i love you' that was so faint at the end.
death isn’t how it is in movies. the person doesn’t close their eyes peacefully and drift off. their eyes stay open, their face falls slack. if you’re unlucky, you’ll see the life drain right from their eyes. and closing their eyes, like they always do in movies? that doesn’t work. their eyes lids would just snap right back open.
the brunet was crying so hard at this point. he’d loved steve for so long. he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop. “i love you stevie.” he started hearing an ambulance wailing in the distance. he hadn’t noticed, but around him lights were flickering on inside the apartment building. all he could do was hold steve and cry. he felt like he’d been sitting there for hours, and maybe he had been.
steve’s funeral was a week after the accident. that’s what they’ve been calling it. and bucky hadn’t realized he hit his head pretty hard after steve had apparently pushed him out of the way of an oncoming truck. bucky hit his head so hard he forgot what had happened. well, the doctors said it was either that or the shock. either way they said he should remember in time. bucky was one of the few that spoke at the funeral, but it was hard. he broke down reading it twice. he tried to be strong, he really did, but sometimes you have to just cry, and this was one of those times.
back to the present, two weeks after the funeral of steven grant rogers. james - who prefers james or jamie now, he can’t stand hearing the name bucky anymore - was going to the roof of some really tall building. his bag was still heavy, but he didn’t care. it wouldn’t matter much longer.
once at the top, james needed to sit down. so he just sat in the center of the roof. and he looked up at the stars. most nights when he did this, he would just talk to steve until the sun came up. but not tonight. james was doing something different tonight. he took his bag off, and began pulling out the contents.
fireworks.
it was officially the fourth of july. it was officially steve’s birthday. and james wanted to be the first to set off the colorful lights. he needed to be the first. for his boy. he took a deep breath in, then prepared the first firework. once he made his way to a safe distance, he launched. right before the explosion, he whispered to no one but himself.
“i love you, stevie.”