Disassembled
She was sitting in the common room with Rhodey and Vision when Tony strode in with their new recruit.
“You like spiders, ma’am? My name is Peter Parker, Ms. Widow. I’m Spider-Man!”
She stared, her mouth slightly open as he shook hands with Rhodey and took an overexcited reaction to Vision that could only be described as geeking out.
“Okay, don’t forget what we talked about, Tiger. Rhodey will clue you in on the rest,” he said, his voice firm, as if he were speaking to a child.
“Are you crazy?” She whispered once they were out of earshot.
“What?” He asked, feigning an innocent expression.
“He’s a kid!” She hissed.
“He’s older than you were, when you were pulled in,” He pointed out. “And not much younger than Rogers was, for that matter.”
“That’s different,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “We were soldiers, and there were wars being fought.”
“Yeah? And what do you think this is?” He retorted.
“This is a war that we declared on our friends!” She shouted. “Or have you forgotten that?”
“I haven’t forgotten anything,” he snapped, clearly trying not to raise his voice to her. “I am trying to keep us all safe! We bring them in, just like we planned and they go easy on them. Do you even want to think about what happens if we don’t play this our way?”
“I know,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “I know that.”
“I don’t like this either,” Tony said gently. “But it’s the only way. We stick to the plan, right?” He asked, moving closer to her.
She sighed, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Right.”
“Trust me.”
“I do trust you, Tony,” she whispered.
XXXXX
“Just for the record, I’m not mad,” he said. His voice was hoarse and she could tell that he’d been crying for hours. “I know you did what you had to do.”
She glanced through the open door of Rhodey’s hospital room, sucking in a shaky breath as she wiped away her own tears. “I-Is he…?”
“Paralyzed? Yeah, among other things.” He put a hand over his mouth, leaning his head against the window.
“Tony….”
“They say it could be permanent. I guess it could be worse though, right? He could’ve died. And that would’ve been on all of us.”
She shook her head. “Don’t.”
“I tried so hard,” he said through gritted teeth.
“I know you did,” she whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. “We all did. But maybe we made a mistake.”
He snorted softly. “We made a lot of mistakes. Isn’t that what this was all about?”
“Maybe the mistake I made was not noticing sooner,” she said quietly.
“Noticing what?”
“This thing with you and Steve. I think it was there all along. I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t want to see it.”
“I’m already blaming myself, and now you’re blaming me too?” He asked, his voice thick with irritation.
“Tony, whatever it is inside you, don’t let it consume you. Swallow it, before it turns to hatred.”
“Whatever,” He said, still staring out the window. “You should go. Do whatever it is you have to do to be able to sleep tonight. I have to take care of my real best friend.”
She turned away from him, wondering why she always had to be the one to walk away. “Just don’t do anything stupid,” she called over shoulder. But he was so wrapped up in his own head and his own hurt that she didn’t even know if he heard her, and she wasn’t going to turn around to find out.
XXXXX
She held onto the bars as she gazed up at him, thinking how strange it was that the closest they’d been to each other in the last eight months was on opposite ends of a prison cell.
“You’d better be quick,” Clint said with something of an icy tone. “They know what you did, and they’ll come after you too. I’m surprised they haven’t already locked you up in here with the amount of eyes that are on us right now.”
“Tony arranged-“
“Of course he did,” he said with a smile that was more angry and defeated than it was genuine. “Where is Stark now?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. Gone after Rogers and Barnes, I suppose. He doesn’t exactly keep me posted on things anymore.”
He was looking at her with his arms crossed stiffly over his chest, a detachment in his eyes that she didn’t quite recognize.
“It’s not my fault you picked the wrong side, Clint,” she whispered.
“I picked the only side,” he snapped. “And you’re on the winning team, right, Nat? Tell me, do you feel victorious?”
“I didn’t want this for you. Any of you.” She thought for a moment. “Would it have been different, if I’d been the one to call you first?”
He snorted. “Hell no.”
She leaned her head against the bars, waiting for him to expand on his answer.
He chewed on his lip for a moment, clearly debating on whether or not he should spare her from whatever it was he really wanted to say. Finally his anger won out and he said quietly, “You let your feelings for him cloud your judgement.”
She shook her head, now equally angry with him. “No, I didn’t,” she said defiantly.
“Yes, you did, and you’re doing it now,” he said, finally stepping up to the barrier to meet her gaze. “It’s always been about him, hasn’t it? You have been letting your feelings for him get in the way since the day you decided not to kill him and I found you a quivering mess on his doorstep.”
“You’re wrong,” she insisted, wiping a tear from her eyes.
“So no, I absolutely, one hundred percent would not have taken your side on this, had you called me first,” He said evenly. “Which you didn’t. You didn’t even call me at all.”
“I was trying to keep you away from all this,” she said, gesturing with her hand. “I was thinking of your children and your very patient wife. Who are all fine, by the way. I checked in on them before I came here.”
He sighed, his expression softening slightly. “Thank you.”
She reached through the bars, touching her hand to his. “Clint-“
Her secure phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out, freezing for a moment when she saw who it was before she pressed the button to answer it.
Clint shook his head, covering his mouth with both hands.
“I’m sorry, I know we’re not on the best of terms right now, but I didn’t know who else to call.”
He sounded lost and his voice was cracking on the other end and her heart was pounding in her ears, the hand that was holding the phone up to her head starting to shake.
“I need a ride.”
“Alright,” she said quietly, her voice hoarse. “Text me your coordinates. I’ll be right there.”
Clint was looking at her with an expression that was filled with despair and almost pity, something else she didn’t recognize on his face.
“I have to go,” she whispered.
He straightened up, his hands moving away from the bars. “Or you could just not, for once.”
“I have to go,” she repeated through gritted teeth.
“And what am I supposed to do?”
She took a deep breath to calm her already severed nerves. “Stay here,” she said firmly. “Sit tight. And wait for Captain America to make good on his promises.”
She whirled around, pressing a button on her cell as she moved.
“Nat,” he called from behind her, and she turned around. “Bring him back safely,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.
She nodded once before running down the hall.