Dizzy
On their hunt for a rare, mighty beast, they wander off to the forests of Jotunheim.
The differences are subtle and gradual. The trees become smaller and thinner, the flora soon reducing to emaciated pines, dwarf shrubs and colorless mistletoe. With every steep leading them deeper into the realm Loki feels the magic underneath and around them becoming more ancient and rough.
It's getting colder, too, but it seems to mostly affect Thor.
They lost their horses while crossing Ifing and have been now walking for two days when Loki stops abruptly at the edge of a deserted plain and raises his hand.
'There's something here.'
Thor's reaction is immediate – his grip on Mjolnir tightens and his muscle tense. He looks around, ready to fight. Loki resists the urge to roll his eyes. 'No, not that type of something.'
In fact, he first sensed it right after crossing the river separating Jotunheim from Asgard. A subtle tingle at the edges of his consciousness, becoming stronger and more nagging as they moved. Not exactly magic, at least not of any type Loki knows. Something more physical.
He's shrugged it off because it didn't seem dangerous at the moment but as soon as they leave the shelter of the forest it hits him full force and the god can't ignore it anymore.
'What do you mean, brother?' Thor stands next to him. Together they look at the plains.
It's a vast, open space with the horizon blurred by endless stretches of white. In the distance they can faintly make out outlines of mountain range.
Loki bites his lip.
'I'm not entirely sure,' he admits reluctantly. 'Not magic. Not the ice giants...'
'Then I guess we'll have to find out!' Thor pats him on the back with force that makes Loki stumble and starts towards the open space briskly.
I've got a bad feeling about this, Loki thinks, but there's not much else he could do than to follow.
They find the dead Jotunn before dusk. Loki's by then out of breath and a headache pounds behind his eyes with steadiness of a sledge hammer. He hopes it's not beginnings of snow blindness.
He doesn't feel good physically and it makes him angry. Usually he has no problem keeping up with Thor.
The snow has started falling some hours before, thick and heavy, and Loki senses the body right before Thor stumbles over it. His older brother curses and grabs for Mjolnir but Loki's seidr tells him it's unnecessary.
'It's dead.'
Thor kicks the ice giant's head just to make sure. It's lying on its stomach, face hidden in the snow. Strong tall body limp and helpless, similar to a rag doll.
'What's killed it?' Thor thinks out loud. 'No wounds, no traces of battle.' There's no answer and he turns over his shoulder to look at his younger brother. 'Loki?'
He's standing there motionless with hands by his sides and stares at the giant with narrowed eyes. The strange sensation is back, stronger than ever, surrounding the dead body.
He snaps out of it and meets Thor's eyes.
'Let's be careful,' he says.
The realization dawns upon him when they come across an abandoned camp not a mile later.
Disheveled tents, ruined bonfires. Things thrown around in chaos. Hunters, perhaps. Jotnar don't usually settle in open space.
'Don't bother,' Loki says when they notice the camp and Thor reaches for the hammer at his belt instinctively. 'They're all dead.'
A group of seven in total. All strong, adult males. Again, no signs of struggle.
Thor's looking around for anything useful when Loki's hands start to shake – with cold or nerves or something else, he's not entirely sure – and he has an epiphany. All puzzles suddenly click into place.
The blank face of one of the Jotnar stares at him, traces of dry oily blood running from its nose, mouth and empty red eyes.
'Thor, don't touch anything!' He snaps. Looks frantically around for his brother and notices him bent in half, rummaging through the ice giants' equipment.
'Let's get out of here,' Loki grabs him by the arm. It's only surprise that gives him enough advantage to actually budge Thor's body.
'Loki, what's going on? What is it?' Demands the Thunderer but follows him nonetheless. The younger god's face is smoothed into an indifferent mask.
'It's a disease.'
The snowstorm only gets stronger and they don't make it far before they have to stop and make themselves some accommodation for the night. Together they dig a cave in the snow, fill it with furs and stretch skins above their heads. Then they lit a small fire and, satisfied with the results, settle down.
Loki's got a grim expression on his face and Thor throws him a few tentative glances before asking what they both expect.
'You think we got it?'
'No,' Loki answers immediately, though absent-mindedly. 'I sensed it right when we entered Jotunheim. Didn't know what it was back then, but now I do. And I don't feel it in any of us.'
It's just cold and exhaustion that makes his head hurt so bad and his hands shake, he tells himself. Tightens the furs around himself and suppresses a shudder. He reaches with his seidr deep inside his own body and surely there's no traces of that distressing sensation within him.
That night he sleeps like a stone.
It takes Thor a considerable while to wake him up. Usually Loki sleeps very lightly, any considerably loud noise enough to bring him back to consciousness. It's different now. He feels like fighting his way out of his slumber through a thick spider web and it leaves him disoriented and groggy.
His mouth is dry and his head pounds with deep, dull ache.
'Get up, brother,' Thor says. 'We need to keep going or we'll lose track of the beast.'
By the time they gather their equipment and resume the march Loki knows something is definitely wrong. Every movement of his eyeballs causes sharp spikes of pain. His muscles start to ache, the whole of his body feeling strangely detached. There's a weird weakness within him and he wants to curl right on the snow and sleep, the temptation to ask Thor for a break becoming stronger with every passing hour.
And yet, he just clenches his teeth and endures it all. There's no way he's willingly showing weakness in front of his brother. Thor had asked him to go on this hunt together exclusively. No Warriors Three, no Lady Sif. Just the two of them. Such occasions have been becoming more and more rare, the Thunderer's companions doing everything in their might to leave the younger Odinson behind, and though he wouldn't admit it in face of tortures, Loki deeply aches for his older brother's affection.
So no, he won't fuck this up for himself and for Thor. He'd rather die than prove Thor's friends right.
Loki's plan goes to hell when the distant, pale sun reaches its highest place on the sky.
Thor hears a weak moan and turns in time to see Loki's limp body fall into the snow face first.
'Brother!' He yells, panic rising as he sprints towards him, falls to his knees and lifts the younger god's upper body in his arms. Loki's face is as pale as the snow beneath them, only two spots of red high on his cheekbones standing out.
His unfocused eyes meet Thor's before drifting away.
Loki loses track of time. He's in Jotunheim in one moment and floats in darkness the next. Distantly he hears voices and feels rough hands on his body manhandling him but can't focus enough to comprehend what's going on. All he knows is that he's unbelievably hot, body burning underneath his skin and threatening to burst out in smoking streams through his pores.
He comes to himself rapidly in what appears to be another hideout, weakly flickering flame causing more shadows than light.
Thor is above him, pins his arms down and Loki starts trashing on instinct but his limbs feel heavy and there's no way he can free himself.
He panics, breaths coming out in short tight wheezes.
'Brother,' he hears through the roaring in his head. 'Loki, I need you to calm down.'
'Hot... I'm too hot...' He manages, tries again to peel the furs off but Thor just holds him down through another fit of uncoordinated limb flailing.
'I can't let you. It's freezing outside. You've got fever...' He hears. Weakly, he lifts a hand to his own forehead and his eyes widen at the feeling of skin burning hot like a furnace.
'Well... that's unfortunate...' He manages. His throat feels like sandpaper. Thor gets the hint and lifts his upper body, brings a flash to his chapped lips. Loki drinks greedily, fighting the dizziness and nausea.
His brother lies him down gently and once again the younger god finds himself staring at the furs and skins dancing above him; swimming in and out of consciousness. His whole body shudders in regular waves of muscle tightening involuntarily, the sweat accumulated all over burning uncomfortably.
'We need to go back,' he hears at some point.
His reaction is immediate. He tries to sit up but his traitorous body doesn't listen and Loki cries out at the sudden wave of nausea and dizziness. He feels weak like a newborn kitten.
Tears fall out of his eyes and down into his hairline and he can do nothing to stop them.
'No... I can't... can't go back...' He gasps. His lungs are burning with fire and he finds it harder and harder to breathe.
Thor's pained face comes into focus for a second before it turns back into a smudged stain of colour.
'What do you mean? Why did you tell me nothing?' Comes from somewhere outside of his aching body. Loki needs to close his eyes, breathe heavily through the overwhelming pain to answer.
'Couldn't... let you see... think I'm... weak...' he manages. The struggle exhausts him and once again he plunges into darkness.
Thor, the great mighty firstborn of Odin Allfather and Loki, weak scrawny younger brother, he thinks. The one no one wants to play with, a laughing stock to the other noble children. Left out by his brother more and more often. He'll slow us down, Sif says. Let's just go, he'll only make things harder – Fandral. He's not a fighter, we have bigger chances without him! It's Volstagg. The voices mock him in this weird place between consciousness and feverish dreams. Loki tosses and cries, begs them to stop. Enough. Enough.
'Enough.. enough...' His tongue and lips are moving, he realizes, and snaps his eyes open. Thor's incredulous face seems very funny all of sudden. Loki starts giggling and Thor's eyes widen and he looks even funnier now and Loki can't stop, can't stop thin wheezing outbursts of laugh that shake his whole body.
'Don't make that face, brother...' He gasps, fighting the outbursts of amusement down. 'Don't act like... you don't know... like I'm anything else but a burden...'
'But it's not true, Loki!' Thor protests hotly. 'Whatever you're saying is nonsense. It's the fever speaking, not you!'
Loki chuckles. That sentimental oaf.
'Ah, but it's the only thing I'm good at,' he murmurs, suddenly sleepy. 'Words. I'm the god of lies. God of stories. It's everything I've ever been.'
It's hard to keep his eyes open. His brother's face seems to be moving away and Loki realizes Thor's staring at him from above the opening of a well.
'Loki... Loki, no...' he hears distantly, but that's the end. Loki falls down the well and the darkness swallows everything.