Phantasms
Captain’s log, stardate 77662.4: My attempt at contacting the Endeavour was not only a failure, it attracted Q’s attention. I have still not forgiven him for stranding me here in the first place, and it seems now I never will. In fact, I’m considering seeing him turned back to stone when I return to Equus.
I realize trying to understand the meaning of a chaotic being like Q is a foal’s errand, but even so: he seemed different tonight. Older, less likely to play around than before. I am concerned for his welfare and his mental state, if only because of the damage he could do if left unchecked.
All I can do for now is see how events play out here, and hope I can return home soon. Q’s references to death do not fill me with confidence. In fact, I find myself remembering what Emerald Wave told me about the spaceport she was trapped in, and I am filled with inescapable foreboding…
Bryan: Shark, you’re able to comprehend beings of higher reality, right?
Shark: Right, what of it?
Bryan: Can you explain who that was with Captain Shadow just now?
Shark: Some kind of trickster entity. Some of my kind are like that.
Bryan: You’re not like that, are you?
Shark: Of course not.
Bryan: But that’s what you’d say if…
Shark: If? IF?!!? Stop overthinking it Bryan!!
Bryan: But how can I - -
Shark: Stop. Over. Thinking. It.
Gem: Unable to sleep, Gem decided to go for a walk instead. She meanders around the castle for a while, going in no particular direction, feeling utter helplessness and anger.
After a while she comes across Bryan, and nods to him. “Good morning, gentlecolts… I hope the two of you are well.”
[Bryan smiles and waves.] Good morning Captain. I’m sorry about that weird man who stole your stuff.
[In his head, the shark comments on this.] Theft is not a joke Bryan. Try to sound sincere!!
[Now the shark manifests.] We both slept very well. The cardinal set us up with a lovely room befitting my noble lineage.
Bryan: Noble lineage that you totally didn’t make up.
Shark: Quiet. Yes my dear Captain Shadow, we are doing very well today. I trust you’re doing fine, despite your loss of resources?
Gem: “I believe it will be some time before I’m truly fine, but I appreciate your concern.” She smiles a little bit. “Q, or Discord, has been a thorn in Starfleet’s side for thirty five years, and in Equus’s side for even longer… he exhausts me. I will do what I can to survive here, and help others where possible, it’s just going to be a little more difficult now.”
Bryan: Is it true, shark? Gem had access to a spaceship that we could have adventures in?
Shark: It sure seems like it, but I wouldn’t mention that. A loss of contact will be upsetting, and we should try to stay friendly with everyone here.
Bryan: Everyone?
Shark: Well, except for, you know.
Bryan: Of course.
Buster: That wasn’t the only theft that happened last night! If anyone knows what happened to my pride and joy, my priceless painting, Rabbit with Apple, please contact me immediately.
Bryan: I suppose working under “Jimothy”’s command will have to do for now.
Shark: Yes! It should be an exciting opportunity. Hopefully we get an update on that soon.
Gem: “I must admit I’m looking forward to that as well… I miss being on a starship. It’s where I’m most comfortable.”
Bryan: If only someone here knew how to solve mysteries!!
Shark: Not our problem Bryan. Just be sympathetic and nice.
Gem: “A stolen painting… I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope the painting is recovered soon.”
Buster: It better be! Otherwise I’ll send my bodyguard after everyone.
Gem: “He seems quite an imposing character… but what does a ghost need with a bodyguard?”
Buster: I can’t beat people up myself, I’m a ghost!
Gem: “Do you often need to have people beaten up?”
Buster: No… I just want Rabbit with Apple back 😦
Gem: “I understand, I’m sure it’s a beautiful painting. I hope whoever stole it is found soon.”
Shark: As a fellow non-physical entity, I can relate to that.
Bryan: Unfortunately he’s stuck with me for that, and I’m an undead twelve-year-old.
Buster: Yeah, it’s a beautiful painting probably. I did find this left outside my quarters door, but this is just rubbing salt in the wound… (It is Rabbit With Apple with “THIS IS A FAKE” written on it.)
Shark: WHOEVER COULD HAVE PERPETRATED THIS CRIME???!!?
Bryan: Don’t sound so aggressive against it shark. That will draw suspicion.
Shark: Right, good call. [Shark clears his throat.] That is disgraceful. I’m so sorry to see that, Buster.
Gem: “Fascinating… I can only wonder who would do such a thing. A bad tempered art historian, perhaps?”
Bryan: Hopefully we can solve this together in a calm way without anyone having to start killing each other.
Shark: And hopefully any subsequent crimes will be solved the same way!!
Narrator’s voice: That’s called foreshadowing, kids.
Buster: Never heard of it, my life just kinda resets every 15 minutes.
Gem: “That’s an unsettlingly specific hope. But having heard the story of the space port from my friend, I find I must agree with you.”
Shark: I hear stories from other demons of the things they have seen. It’s sadly not as specific as you’d expect. I’ve heard of at least seven times where events played out like that, although the crimes were more serious.
Buster: I dunno, I can excuse murder, but I draw the line at stealing a painting.
Gem: “I’ve known Emerald Wave since we were foals, she’s irrepressible as can be and a superlative guitarist; she wears her emotions on her sleeve and does not hide things from anyone. But when I saw her last… she looked haunted.”
Bryan: What did the thief do?
Shark: Right-click and save, that’s a classic.
Bryan: Do you realise how suspect you’ll seem now if that’s what actually happened??
Eustace: August 30th. Still stuck in this blasted castle. Officially a prisoner now, which is extremely galling but I suppose no real change. The so-called “Cardinal Poxxy” - quite apt, really - has assumed the power of life and death over us all, the horrid brute. If I weren’t a pacifist I should like to kick his shins. As it is I have threatened him with legal ramifications and even diplomatic sanctions, but the beast seems ignorant of even the most basic tenets of international justice, rule of law &c. Would appeal to his sense of human decency but suspect he has none.
Other company similarly trying, endlessly absurd creatures with increasingly ridiculous stories. L. really would love it here, silly creature - I for my part feel as if I am going insane. Unacceptable. However with a thought as usual to pragmatism it may be possible to turn some of this rabble into passable allies. Really this Poxxy needs to be overthrown; will not stick my own neck out of course as am not an idiot, but some of my fellow-captives are much more reckless than I, and consider themselves Principled in the most pompous of ways but are apparently sincere. Might be prevailed upon to make some sort of stupid but useful attack. Perhaps that awful Cat?
Reep: Stupid but useful is my speciality I would have thee know! My boy, it would be prudent to inform thee that reading one’s private journal entry aloud as one writes it defeats the object of a private journal somewhat
Gem: ”Quite. This is why I record all of my log entries in my ready room, where I am alone."
Eustace: Excuse me! I was reading quietly, to myself! It’s not my fault you’re a bunch of rotten eavesdroppers!
Shark: What did the spoilt brat write? Bryan, you’re a child. You should be able to take a look without drawing attention.
Bryan: I’m an undead child possessed by a demon shark who doesn’t know when to shut up. You think I can go anywhere without being noticed?
Jimothy: walks past It's not rotten to eavesdrop, it's morally correct! Especially when that person is an agent of the Green Man. Retreats away
Eustace: What the devil’s a Green Man?
Bryan: I know one who tells you when to cross the road.
Shark: That’s probably not what “Jimothy” means. I say we lay low for now and find out later.
Poxxy, to Gem: Ah, there you are, peasant. I come bearing a written command from The King instructing you to surrender your strange and foreign objects to me at once, on pain of execution
And Jimothy, I shall have you know that I have for many years tolerated your inexplicable fascination with this "Green Man", but if I get wind of any unilateral attempt on your part to leave this castle and track this individual down, myself and The King will be most perturbed.
Gem tugs on her uniform tunic and attempts to summon up some dignity. "You have come too late, Cardinal. The objects you speak of were taken from me overnight by the entity who marooned me here. All I retain is my magic, and even that could be taken."
Jimothy: Oh no oh no oh no, I wouldn't dream of doing that, sir, I promise, PROMISE!
Eustace: Here, let me see that! That doesn’t sound like proper documentation! Have you even got a warrant?
Poxxy, to Gem: I had better not catch sight of your magic book again, then, else I shall have your head! to Eustace It IS proper documentation, boy, and you may not take it, for you will certainly use it as a basis for forgery! I know your kind!
Eustace peers round Poxxy’s hand, straining to look at the paper. Well, that doesn’t look like a proper warrant to me!
Gem: ”I know not where it has gone, only that it is no longer with me," Gem replies. "You have nothing more to fear, Cardinal. I apologize for troubling you so.”
Eustace: It hasn’t been signed by a judge, now has it!
Poxxy slaps Eustace away I doubt that your opinion is more meaningful than that of The King!
Eustace: Ow! You hit me, you brute! You’re as bad as that cat! This is police brutality, I’ll report you!
Poxxy, to Gem: I am glad to hear that. I hope that your deprivation of your magic things will teach you to cease challenging me! to Eustace Report me to whom? I am the highest authority!
Eustace: I’ll - well - maybe I’ll speak to this rotten King you won’t stop talking about!
Poxxy: She will not take an audience with you!
Jimothy: While everyone's arguing, the moustached one mutters to no-one. You know, like a normal person. I'm an adult, of course I'd never dream of it. I don't dream. No, I take actions! evil laughing, exit stage right
Shark: Didn’t we have an audience arranged? I’d rather like to follow-up on that.
Bryan: Well remembered Shark! When can we meet her, Poxxy?
Eustace: So you say! I think you’re lying to save your own skin! Either she’s as good a King as you say, and she’ll be right and Fair and follow all the Proper Processes, or she’s rubbish! Either way, I’m not scared of her, and I’m not scared of you.
Gem, to Poxxy: ”Was there another reason you came to join us, aside from the message? Or do you enjoy arguing with we peasants?"
Poxxy, to Shark: Oh yes, your audience is arranged for tomorrow to Eustace The Proper Processes in this kingdom are such that The King need only meet with the most noble in the land, and not trouble herself with the affairs and concerns of lowly peasants. to Gem Nay, I need not concern myself with your meaningless prattle any further
Buster: Hey! Poxxy! Do you know what happened to my priceless painting, Rabbit with Apple?
Bryan: Ooh, how exciting!!
Shark: Compose yourself Bryan. You’ll need to look your best when the times comes.
Buster: This is Van Haretyl’s exquisite portrait of a beautiful kit on the cusp of adulthood. Rich, fluffy fur as brown as tea, of impeccable provenance. One of the last in private hands and unquestionably the best. It's a masterpiece. The rest of this shit in the castle is worthless junk.
AND I WANT IT BACK
Poxxy: Oh! I know this painting well. You say it's been stolen!? That is truly unacceptable. I shall inform The King at once
Buster: Thank you.
Dear Mina,
I have finally caught up on some sleep.
A most strange thing - I thought to take a walk this morning in the castle grounds, but found the doors locked. Oh well, I shall try again later. Now, I shall go to the castle kitchens to collect Chesterosian recipes for you.
Your Jo
The Swedish Chef is doing his very best to sneak quietly into the kitchens. In one hand he is carrying a picnic basket, while with the other he is holding a strange collection of objects close to this chest. One could make out the distinctive shape of his blunderbuss, pointed towards the ceiling, but it also seemed as if he is attempting to smuggle a battle ax, a mallet and even a tennis racquet.
Jo: Oh, hello! Are you the castle chef? I'm looking for the kitchens.
Bryan: Is it lunchtime already?
Shark: When is lunchtime already?!!?
Chef: ”Zee-a cestle-a cheff, me-a? Ummm... Vell I im guing tu zee-a keetchens, buot muost du su fery, fery quoietly. Vhee-a mekeeng sneck it is guod hefe-a pruper tuols und pruper vurkspece-a." As he mentions tools, he indicates the unusual assortment of items he's holding with his hand. "Buot, uh, I'm burruoing zee-a keetchens. Yes, burruo."
Jo is not entirely sure what he just said, but decides to just go with it. ...Yes. Excellent. Jo follows him
Chef: ”Duom duom dee-a duom, duom duom dee-a duom, I'll meke-a a sneck 🎶 sneek intu keetchens und cuok! Bork Bork Bork! "
Shark: We should follow too! Feed me Bryan, I’m hungry.
Bryan: Yes, I’m already going.
Jo: Oh, hello small child. You look very pale. Are you alright?
Bryan: Hello… blue person. I’ve been technically dead for ten years but my possession by the demon shark has kept me alive.
Shark: That’s me. Hello Sir! Always use their proper titles, Bryan. This isn’t “blue person”. This is Sir Jo! Sir. Don’t forget that. We need to be friendly.
Chef: ”FEESH! BEEG FEESH VIT SHERP TEET!" Chef drops everything he's carrying, and aggressively waves the tennis racquet in the direction of the demon shark. He takes one look at the tennis racquet and for a moment seems to be reconsidering his choice, but then resumes aggressively waving the racquet around.
Jo: That sounds fun, dear. Ah, the imagination of childhood...
[Shark stares at the tennis racquet and blinks a couple times. He then turns back to Sir Jo.]
I’m not imaginary. Stop acting like the 12-year-old boy is lying when he says he’s dead and has a demon shark possessing him.
[The tennis racquet hits Bryan. Part of his ear falls off. He ignores it.]
Chef jumps back as the ear falls off, and stares at his tennis racquet again
Jo: Erm… so shall we uh… go to the kitchens?
Bryan: Let’s go.
Shark: Yes, let’s! I’m starving.
Chef: ”Okee-a dukee-a, tu zee-a keetchens." Chef picks up his dropped belongings and begins bouncing along in the direction of the kitchens
Shark: I’m not sure about this chef.
Bryan: Me neither, but I’m happy to go along with it and see what happens.
Shark: Works for me. I’m so hungry right now.
The trio enter the kitchen.
Chef: ”Fur luonch ve-a vill teke-a zee-a breed und cuot zee-a breed intu helfes. Ve-a teke-a zee-a bettle-a ixe-a und sving it und fuila, breed cuot. Zee-a ve-a mufe-a ountu spreeds. Tu get un ifee-a spreed ouff jem icruss zee-a breed, ve-a bluo vit heur dryer. Zees ilsu keeps zee-a breed nice-a und verm fur vhee-a ve-a iet zee-a suondvich. "
Bryan: So what’s for lunch?
Shark: Just shut up, be polite, and eat it.
Chef: ”Vhee-a ve-a hefe-a zee-a suondviches, ve-a vill serfe-a luonch." Chef holds up a finished sandwich with one hand and starts readying his tennis racquet in the other
Jo frantically writing all this down Fascinating.
Eustace: This isn’t a sandwich! This is just warm bread! With a little jam - not even strawberry.
Chef hits a sandwich in Eustace's direction, and chuckles to himself
Eustace: HEY!
Jimothy: The moustached one darts out of the room, having apparently stolen 3 slices of bread
Chef: ”Zees isn't hey, zees is suondvich."
Eustace: And you aren’t a chef, you’re a hazard!
Chef: ”I im tuo a cheff! Cuould a hezerd du zees?" Chef picks up another sandwich and hits it with his racquet, sending it flying straight towards Sir Jo's shirt. There's now a wet, jammy smear running down their front. "Oupsie."
[Bryan is preparing a sandwich of his own.]
Shark: You got that right, brat!
Jo: Oh no!
Chef: "Zee-a puor suondvich, nuo it's oun fluor. Oune-a... tvu... three-a... fuour... feefe-a. Und nuo it's gune."
Jo: The boy’s right, you’re a hazard! In fact, I’m not sure you’re even a real chef! I must go and wash.
Poxxy: Given that I sent all the regular kitchen staff home, I think it is the case that this... man is the only chef currently resident in the castle
Chef: ”I im a fery pruffessiunel cheff! It tekes yeers ouff prectice-a und muony skeell tu prepere-a fuod vit bettle-a ixe-a und bluonderbuoss ."
Jo: I have washed my face, but alas, my clothes are ruined, and I did not bring a spare outfit with me… Does anyone have any spare blue clothes that I could borrow, please?
Gem: “Unfortunately not, all I have is my uniform.”
You’ve doomed us all!! Shark says, as he has Bryan eat his own sandwich anyway. Bryan is (of course) eating for both of them.
Jimothy: Meanwhile, in the Gift Shop, the moustached one wanders around. On a wooden mannequin is a red coat, priced at a ludicrously high price... he of course never intended it to be sold. He removes it from the Mannequin and puts it on.
Oh, how I've so missed wearing this. It's going to be so good to be a real Captain again, especially after... The Green Man.
He puts on a hat. It's made from a similar red fabric and has a feather perched on it.
This week, I finish my work. I gather the crew... check in on that Artoria girl, she seems like she'd be easy to get. Maybe I could trick the cat into helping me kidnap that Sourkin fellow, he seems like a good person for record-keeping. And then of course there's the matter of fairy dust... that Boy has some. He must, he's here... how else could he get here without fairy dust? He even said the true name of the Green Man. The name I dare not say...
He pulls out his metal hand and throws it into a nearby dustbin. Calmly, he walks to the register and pulls out a dusty relic from a drawer... a silver hook. He twists it into the stump where his left hand once was.
He said Peter. Who else could he mean but Peter Pan? Well, Peter, you may have humiliated me in front of my crew (which is quite the feat considering Smee is part of it), but soon... in, like, a week possibly, I'll figure out scheduling later... soon, you will come face to face again with the mighty Captain Hook! evil laughter
He discards the name tag with "Jimothy" written on it and replaces it with one that says "Captain Hook"
Shark: We’ve already got Captain Shadow, and now this. Are there any other captains I should be aware of???
Hook is startled, pulling out his gun Who goes there?
[Bryan tries to slip away quietly, but Shark has other plans.] You’re a pirate! I’m a shark. I feel like we should be either enemies or friends, but I know not which.
Gem: ”Well well well... another captain. Fascinating. And a pirate at that! Well, at least you aren't my mirror counterpart.”
Hook: Oh, it's just you. he puts his gun down. Considering I agreed to let you onto my crew, I think we're friends.
Bryan: I look forward to working with you sir, Mr Captain, sir.
Shark: Bryan, are you scared? He’s friends with us. Don’t be afraid because he’s a pirate.
Hook: Just because I lost my hand in a tragic crocodile/clock accident doesn't mean I'm a pirate! I mean, I am a pirate, but still!
Gem: ”Sir, I am beginning to have doubts about the feasibility of this trip of yours. I should have known not to trust you, but I let my wanderlust get away with me!"
Hook: You don't need to doubt my plan, it's all for a good cause! The Green Man is vile and needs to be destroyed, so what if a Pirate does it?
Gem: ”But who is this Green Man? Why do you have a vendetta against him?"
Shark: Green’s a terrible colour anyway. I much prefer Great White!!
Hook: I suppose I must tell my tragic backstory. Once Upon a Time, I was just a noble pirate, sailing the seven seas and shooting people. Once the day was over, I'd go to sleep, and in the morning I'd be waked... woken... woked? I woke up to the sounds of my alarm clock, a family heirloom I received when I graduated from Eton and Balliol college. It's very important to me.
Then, one day, I discovered Neverland, and obviously I wanted to explore... and then I met the Green Man. He thought it'd be a funny prank to take my alarm clock, which I oh so cherish, and feed it to a crocodile! Of course, I was furious, but I bravely went to retrieve it. I stuck my hand in the crocodile's mouth, using a stick to keep the jaws open and... SNAP! My left hand was gone, and it was all Peter Pan's fault!
Gem: ”While I'm sorry to hear about your alarm clock and hand, sir, and applaud you in your creativity with regard to fashioning a prosthetic, I have one other question: are you certain this Peter Pan, and the one Mr. Scrubb mentioned, are the same? Would it not be embarrassing to you and your good name if you were to have a case of mistaken identity?"
Bryan: Wow! That sounds exciting.
Shark: Hmm. That sounds stupid.
Hook: Of course they're the same! Who in their right mind names their child “Peter"? It makes them sound like bread!
Shark: Who in their right mind sticks their hand in the jaws of a crocodile? I’m a shark and I wouldn’t go near one of those things!
Bryan: You’re a non-corporeal phantom inhabiting a pre-pubescent corpse. Of course you wouldn’t go near an apex predator.
Hook: It may be that I'm more brave than you, then.
Shark: Brave or foolish?
Hook: Brave!
Gem: ”Both."
Jo: Please, does anyone have some spare blue clothes they can lend me?
Hook: he throws a blue t-shirt with "I survived the boring castle tour" on it Twelve gold is the cost.
Jo: Thank you! Much appreciated.
Galdalf: Well, this is an odd place. Allow me to introduce myself, I guess. I am Galdalf the Green. Not Gandalf the Grey, though you may have heard of him. No, I'm Galdalf. Clue's in the name. Gal. The long lost green witch.
I'm here on important business. I've just left The Sewer. It's like the Shire but worse. And I left a friend there in possession of what I believe to be The Bad Ring, created by the Dark Wizard Simon. I'm just here to figure that out for certain. I hear this castle has lots of literature buried in its archives and I'm desperate to obtain a precise translation of the script that's only visible on the ring when you throw it into a fire. Only then will I know it's definitely The Bad Ring. And then idk I guess we'll have to destroy it or something.
I realize this probably sounds a whole lot like a story you may have heard, but rest assurred: this is NOTHING like Game of Thrones.
Gem raises her hand in a Vulcan salute. "Good evening, ma'am. I'm sure all of us here would be happy to assist you in your quest."
Hook: The gift shop sells many cheap tomes on the history of the castle, but you will be required to pay money. I glued all the pages together so don't you even think about opening and reading them before buying.
Galdalf: Excellent. Please direct me to the nearest dusty archive full of scrolls! Time is of the essence!
Gem bows her head to the green witch, and begins to do precisely that. "Your arrival is most timely... one of our number is afflicted by a terrible curse that I have been trying to remove, with no success. Would you be willing to assist?"
Galdalf: Really? Which one of you? Afraid I haven't been keeping tabs on much going on.
Gem: ”Her name is Aífe, she says her curse is signified by a constant smell of apples. She doesn't know exactly how it will manifest, only that it brings bad luck."
Buster: Speaking of apples, still no news on my painting 😦
Hook: The gift shop sells small prints of them if you're interested in purchasing.
Galdalf: Eating an actual apple might help. Though if it doesn't fuck if I know I'm more of a translator
Gem blinks several times. Somehow she hadn't thought of that. "I will let her know. Until then... we have arrived in the archives."
Agatha: Somebody said something earlier about wishing there were someone here who could solve mysteries? I have some experience in that. It's been a while, but I did a lot of solving mysteries when I was a kid. People are less thrilled with you mystery-solving when you've grown up
Gem brightens, “Ah! Ms. Alden, I am glad to see you. Between the missing painting and the curse, it seems we have quite a few mysteries on our hooves. So to speak.”
Agatha: Yes, I've been taking notes in my handy-dandy notebook. She flips it open Lost painting, a curse, our newcomer's search for records, and, well, we've solved the case of 'Jimothy'. Agatha looks at Hook Am I right in supposing that your first name, Captain, is James?
Galdalf: Not for nothing, I am also a bit of a mystery solver myself. Mainly this transcription I need to find a very precise translation of
Hook: So you've heard of me? I haven't seen a single wanted poster with my face on it yet, so I assumed I was safe enough to... stop playing pretend.
Agatha: Do you know what language the script is in? If the castle's archives is at all well-organized, we might be able to narrow it down. to Hook I don't know whether it's unfortunate or not that I haven't. I merely deduced the 'James' from the Jim in Jimothy. I guess the apostrophes were an indication that it was a pseudonym.
Galdalf: Oh, it's old. Very old. Impossibly old. Potentially the oldest language in the universe.
Agatha: Oh wow. That certainly would narrow it down. As for the painting, Buster, where was it seen last?
Hook: I’m not sure whether it's fortunate or not either. On the one hand, I like people knowing me, but... on the... other… he raises his hook and mildly regrets throwing the fake hand into the bin People who know me tend to try to arrest me.
Galdalf: So far it has. But it's gonna take a lot of time to unravel. Hopefully I don't die before then. Haha.
Agatha: Certainly not! We don't want anybody dying around here!
Agatha: I suppose that comes with being a pirate and all. And of course if you've got letters of marque, you're a privateer and not a pirate at all! But my uncle Lord Alden certainly hasn't put out any warrants for you.
Gem: “If I still had my universal translator I might be of some help, but alas it was taken from me last night. Damn that Q…”
Agatha: See, this Q you speak of is also a mystery. Agatha flicks to another page He sounds like some enigma wrapped in riddles
Galdalf: That cardinal gives me some doubts, mind...
Agatha: Indeed. The clergy in the province I come from are nothing like that fellow at all.
Gem: “He’s the mad faerie king of the Alpha Quadrant, next of kin to Chaos, and torturer of captains from Jean-Luc Picard to Kathryn Janeway. He’s also my adoptive uncle, sort of.”
Agatha: Ah, he's your uncle. I understand uncles to a degree. Especially ones who hold high opinions of themselves. Well, if anything needs further scrutiny, I've got the rest of my old kit here. Mainly my magnifying glass. My uncle Lord Alden said I should leave it at home but it's seen me through many an adventure as a youth.
With that, she pulls out a magnifying glass. With it in one hand and the notebook in the other, she's clearly more comfortable than she was the previous days.
I am a former kid detective, after all
Gem can’t help but grin at that. “You remind me of a commander I knew when I served on the McGann, a Lavinia Smith. Her niece was a journalist for the Federation News Network, and her articles were considered essential reading for command division officers.”
Galdalf: Right, I have found something. A book. It is entitled "The Lord of the Rings". Probably nothing to do with my Bad Ring business, but I might as well take a look anyway. I'll be in the corner reading this in one sitting then, if you don't mind. Also, I have hot chocolate. This will be good.
Dear Mina,
Very stressful day today, and I miss you more than ever.
In my endeavour to acquire Chessterosian recipes for you, I encountered a fellow who appeared to be a chef. Alas, I fear that I may have been deceived. He spoke in a strange dialect, and had questionable choices of cooking implements. Our excursion to the kitchen ended when he threw food at me - oh Mina, it stained all down my blue tunic!
I had hoped to ride back to Carcassonne tomorrow morning, but alas I must now stay whilst my tunic gets washed. I have acquired an alternative garment for now - not a type that I am familiar with, but at least it’s blue, so that’s the most important thing.
Today, I also met a young, pale boy who believes himself to be possessed by the demon of a giant fish. Am quite concerned for his well-being. Castle Spookalot is indeed strange.
I shall now go and once more attempt to take a walk around the castle grounds.
Your beloved
Jo
Agatha: I certainly have considered journalism, though history seems to call me more
Gem: ”There is a historian position open in the Endeavour’s science department, if you're interested. I know that yesterday, you mentioned a desire to see the stars.”
Agatha: I absolutely am. My uncle Lord Alden already has an heir, his grandson Henry, so it's find a profession or find a spouse for me, even if Henry will happily fund me, and I incline toward the former. The finding a profession.
"Well then!" Gem tugs on her uniform and straightens up a bit. "By the power vested in me as commanding officer of the USS Endeavour, let the record show that as of stardate 76359.3, I hereby present you with the rank of Acting Ensign, with all the duties and privileges of that rank. At the earliest opportunity, I'll have my first officer draw up a duty schedule for you, and your entrance application for Starfleet Academy will be tendered." She shakes Agatha's hand. "Welcome aboard, Ensign."
Bryan: Is that a viable career path?
Shark: One thing at a time Bryan. You can’t be a detective and a member of Captain Hook’s crew. Pick one.
Bryan: Hmph. I’ll take pirate.
Agatha, grinning, shakes Captain Shadow's hand I don't understand much of that, but I'm sure I eventually will! I look forward to it. She turns to Bryan I mean, it's not once you gro—uh, it might be viable for you. But pirate can be fun, too!
Buster: On my wall!
Agatha: Someone broke into your quarters and took it off the wall? That's bold
Shark: Is your painting still missing Buster? I’m really sorry to hear that. We now know there’s a pirate among us. They’re thieves!
Bryan: That’s it shark, wildly start accusing others without proof. That’s not suspect at all.
Shark: Aren’t you about to become a boy pirate, Bryan? You should know what you’re getting yourself into!
Bryan: [whispering] This isn’t a productive conversation to have in front of everyone!!
Buster: wildly start accusing others without proof Can’t relate
Hook: I would never steal a famous painting such as Van Haretyl’s Rabbit with Apple! It's too famous to sell to anyone who knows about it, and if they don't know the history then I'd likely get shortchanged!
Gem: ”In literature, criminal detection can be a fascinating exercise. The immortal Sherlock Holmes would have an interesting view of our mystery, I believe."
Bryan: Sounds like the only one who could take it would be someone who wanted the thrill of it.
Shark: Sounds like you know a lot about this, boy!!
Bryan: Okay, you’re accusing me now? I literally share a body with you!
Gem: ”Mr. Shark is not Sherlock Holmes."
Bryan: I think he gets like this when he wants attention. He really wants to find a female shark demon and I DREAD TO THINK what would happen to me then!
Buster: Are there many of those?
Shark: I’ve not found one yet, do you know any?
Bryan: Please say you haven’t. I don’t need another temper tantrum if he learns you’ve misled him.
Agatha: I haven't heard of any female shark demons
Buster: I’m afraid not. Aardvarks, monkeys, rats, bulldogs, whatever “The Brain” is, cats, dogs, but no sharks
Shark: If you find one, you know where to find me.
Bryan: If you find one, please don’t tell him.
Gem: ”The Brain? Wasn't he a diminutive lab mouse with dreams of megalomania?"
Galdalf: Not too keen on all this racket disturbing my very important translation work (and reading The Lord of the Rings)
Shark: A witch, she could’ve magicked away the painting!
Bryan: Shark, buddy, please. This is getting pathetic now.
Hook: Aren’t you meant to read the Hobbit first? Or the Silmarillion, or unfinished tales, or the children of Hurin, or-
Buster: Tell me more, shark 🤔
Galdalf: Good grief, everyone's so prejudiced about witches. Eh. The Lord of the Rings is probably gonna help my translation more. That's the one with the Bad Ring after all-sorry, I mean the One Ring. Bad Ring is different.
Bryan: I don’t want to ruin anything, especially before it even starts! Please don’t judge me based on my demon.
Shark: Bryan, she could be the painting thief!
Bryan: A minute ago you were saying it was me. Sorry about him, Galdalf. I hope we can become good friends going forward.
Galdalf: Right back at you. Not at the shark though.
Shark: What’s wrong with the shark?
Bryan: You haven’t exactly made the best first impression on her.
Galdalf: Sharks are fine. Demons sharks less so.
Reep: Hail my good people! I hath returned from another adventure in search of a worthy challenge to honour my knightly vow. Prithee heed mine words: the highest chamber of the north tower is a most mystical place, beware!
There you will find a grand library unlike any I hath laid eyes upon heretofore. It is brimming with innumerable tomes, many of which exude a most disconcerting aura. But lingering there was impossible as no sooner had I set a paw across the threshold than I was attacked by a being I struggle to describe.
She called herself Radis, a spectral woman whose countenance was as pale as death, her flowing locks as white a the first snow of winter. She possessed four arms: in one she wielded a stave of pure crystalline ice, in another a greatsword that shone as though imbued with moonlight. Perhaps she was a frost witch? Or an elemental spirit? Nay, in my bones I sense that she was something far more powerful and dangerous. Dare I say she bore the aspect and spiteful attitude of a goddess.
Indeed, the devastating spell she sent my way upon my intrusion seemed to shake the very foundations of the castle (you might have felt it earlier, my apologies for the disturbance). Our battle was a long, terrible thing. I fell many, many, many, many, many times, revived repeatedly by the phoenix feather Aslion hast blessed me with. This was most tedious, as I had to climb all thirty-eight floors of the tower from the fireplace where I last rested on each occasion. Forsooth, I did not land a single blow on the woman: she smote me without fail with a single, lazy flick of her staff.
In an unexpected turn of events, I so throughly bemused her with my persistence that Radis eventually elected not to obliterate me for once and instead make conversation. She confessed that none had entered her domain in many years, and she had forgotten what it was to have company.
It seemed that I had inexplicably succeeded in charming her, for she offered me a box of what looked liked powdered jelly and tasted like soap, explaining that it was a delicacy to those who hailed from the faraway land of ‘Spare Oom’. Not wishing to offend, I did eat a few, though I vomited most of them up on the cashmere rug on the way back here.
And so, there goes the tale of how I encountered a malevolent entity borne of the chill night and wound up befriending her. At least I think I did. There is a chance she was merely attempting to poison me.
Regardless, I do not recommend ye venture to the north tower yourselves unless you posses a means of continuous resurrection. Or a death wish. Or an all-consuming hunger for Turkish delight, though I question the sanity of any who do.
Galdalf: That is one hell of an adventure. I've had many myself, though right now I really need to translate this inscription
Reep: The mages are multiplying I see! And who might thee be?
Galdalf: Oh, just Galdalf the Green. No relation to Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, or Garfield the Great, or any other wizard. Just here to translate an inscription on what I think may be the Bad Ring, which is not the One Ring.
Reep: Thou hast a quest of thine own, I wish thee well!
Galdalf: Libraries are where my quest shall be fought. Anyone have a copy of the Silmarillion?
Reep: Thou could ask Radis, though don’t expect a warm welcome
Galdalf: Oh, I think I will be...fine, then. Very hard work, translating. You can go for ages and not get anything. Think I'll just enjoy the castle for now. Easier said than done, mind. Freaky place
Reep: Quite, there are abominations around every corner
Gem: ”One, perhaps. He claims to be a cardinal."
Reep: Indeed, he is the worst of them all
Galdalf: Yet strangely, very interesting abominations. Only hope nobody dies as a result.
Gem: ”Death has been coming up a lot today... Q mentioned it last night, and now so have some of you... it explains the terrible sense of foreboding I've had all day."
Buster: I suppose you’re all wondering why I’m so obsessed with getting Rabbit with Apple, my priceless Van Haretyl painting back. It is after all, just a painting. There are hundreds if not thousands of recreations and replicas available for sale- as established earlier, there are some in our very gift shop. Mine is of course, the original, which is the first reason I want it back, but the second, and most important reason, is because acquiring this painting in the first place was not as easy as you’d imagine.
No, Rabbit with Apple has a story behind it, and if you’re sitting all comfortably on this dark, rainy night, then I shall tell it.
The Saga of Rabbit with Apple
I first joined Spookalot castle as a kit, assisting the other animals with their day to day tasks, under the instruction of the legendary aardvark, Arthur. I first met Arthur as he was entertaining one of his many friends, a monkey known as Muffy Crosswire, who was a frequent visitor to the castle. My task that evening was to help prepare a meal for Miss Crosswire, cook, clean, serve, that sort of thing, and it was while I was clearing the plates that I heard something incredibly strange.
Miss Crosswire told Arthur that she was frightened to leave the castle, afraid that she would never see him again, though didn’t provide a reason. Arthur managed to assure her that she was being paranoid, though she requested he light a candle for her before the car arrived to take her home.
It was then I was formally introduced to Arthur. My task was originally just to light the candle Miss Crosswire had requested, though as we began talking, Arthur questioned my employment and found out I was only here on a trial basis. Arthur began to interview me, and was able to determine that I had no education, experience, or family. Arthur looked perplexed, asking “why do you want to be servant at Spookalot castle?”.
“Who wouldn’t?” I replied. Arthur was pleased with that answer. He then took me under his wing, mentoring me to be one the best servant Spookalot Castle had ever seen. I worked with him happily for many months, and during that time, met the love of my life, a monkey known as Francine Frensky. I don’t mention her much these days. I can’t…
Anyway, when fetching the paper one morning, I notice that an article reading “Miss Crosswire Found Dead In Her Bathroom” was printed on the front page. I immediately showed Arthur, and the two of us took the first train to her mansion to see what was going on.
The story was true. We were lead to her casket by Miss Crosswire’s maid, with Arthur not taking the news of her death particularly well. While we were mourning, the maid mentioned that the Butler, The Brain, wished to speak to us, though he ran away as soon as we approached him.
After some formal greetings, we found ourselves in the trophy room where all of Miss Crosswire’s extended family were present for the reading of the will. To our surprise, the executor of her estate was the hotels very own Mr Ratburn, who had spent numerous hours analysing the will and it’s many amendments.
Most of Miss Crosswire’s possessions went to her children, though Mr Ratburn claimed a new amendment had been added recently. Reading it aloud, he spoke of the joy Arthur had provided Miss Crosswire in her later years, and explained that her prized painting, Rabbit With Apple, was left to him as a thank you. Miss Crosswire’s son George did not approve, and the two of them, alongside George’s right hand man Binky, got into a fight in front of the whole family.
Arthur then took me to the room where Rabbit With Apple hung. We admired it for a little while, before Arthur had the idea of taking the painting down, and stealing it. He had The Brain wrapped up the painting, and unknown to us at the time, he tucked an envelope labelled CONFIDENTIAL into the rear of the painting. Before we left, Arthur questioned The Brain on what he wanted to say earlier, but The Brain did not say any more.
On the train ride back we quickly realised that George and Binky would come looking for the painting, so Arthur had the idea of selling it on the black market, where I would receive a cut and be made Arthur’s heir. We then quickly hide the painting in the cellar, before Arthur is arrested by DW the cop under suspicion of Miss Crosswire’s murder.
Arthur went to prison as he awaited his trial, so in his absence, I decided to take up the case myself, and try to prove my best friends innocence.
My first call was meeting with Mr Ratburn, who explained that several members of Miss Crosswire’s family claimed Arthur had secretly entered the mansion, and poisoned Miss Crosswire in her sleep. Only one person, The Brain, claimed to see the full events, though at this point he had gone missing. Arthur and I were convinced that The Brain was forced to bear false witness, and besides, Arthur had an alibi, though he didn’t want to bring them into the picture.
I soon began acting as a middle man for Arthur’s correspondence with the castle. He sent me his letters and instructions on what to do in his absence, and in return, I sent him cakes and pastries as baked by Francine.
Francine and I then hatched the plan of hiding tools in the pastries, so Arthur, and his newly made comrades, could break out. The guards wouldn’t take a second look at the pastries, as what could possibly be hidden inside a cake, so over several days, we provided him with the adequate to escape. Fearing we may be caught, it was then I confessed to Francine about Rabbit With Apple, and how to retrieve it if ever she needed to.
Arthur and his friends managed to escape, with an unfortunate number of casualties along the way, and the two of us made a run for it. What we didn’t know at the time was that DW the cop was investigating the break out, and ran into George Crosswire’s right hand man, Binky. Binky claimed he knew The Brain had gone missing, but knew nothing of Mr Ratburnd death (he’d apparently trapped his fingers in a door a little while earlier)
After crossing several kingdoms, Arthur finds a pigeon, to which he attached a note addressed to the King of Harquerre, who rescued us from the countryside. Meanwhile, George went over his mothers will, when Rabbit With Apple returned to his mind. He then discovered the painting had been removed, and by Arthur!
Francine decided to retrieve Rabbit with Apple from the cellar using my instructions, but grew wary when she heard footsteps approaching her room.
Arthur and I meet The Brain in a monastery, where he confesses his witness to the creation of a second will Miss Crosswire had made in the event she was murdered. Miss Crosswire’s family had had it destroyed, but he was able to obtain a copy of it. However, before he could tell us where it was, Binky strangled him, and we caught him leaving out a side door.
We gave chase down the hills, us on a sled, and Binky on skis. The chase comes to an end with Binky pulling off to the side, while our sled plowed into a hill, sending me into the snow, and Arthur hanging over the edge. Binky attempted to loosen the icy ledge that Arthur hanged from, when I pushed him over the edge, sending him to his death. We got to higher ground, and celebrated still having our lives. However we are then spotted by DW the cop, and the two of us escape on Binky’s motorcycle.
We reached Spookalot Castle, where DW and her cops took over many rooms. Retrieving Francine, we had her enter the Castle under the guise of delivering complimentary pastries, as a cover to retrieve Rabbit With Apple for us. However, as we guarded the front door, George and his family pulled up to the entrance.
As the family entered the main hall, George, spied Francine, who quickly turned around and attempted to escape. The two found themselves on the stairs where George gave chase.
We feared for Francine’s life, so me and Arthur disguised ourselves as pastry chefs to rescue her, when we ran into George again. George attempted to kill Arthur, but the gunfire attracted all the other cops, and an impromptu shootout occurred.
DW reached the fooork demanded we all stop firing, however the silence broke when we heard Francine calling for help. I rush to see her dangling out of a window, and rushing to her aid, we both fall out, landing on the roof of the pastry wagon she arrived in.
When Rabbit with Apple is retrieved, the confidential letter The Brain hid on the back was found. With everyone gathered, DW opened the second Will, and read from its contents.
Arthur got vindicated of Miss Crosswire’s murder, but also gains possession of all her businesses and properties she owned, and of course, most importantly, Rabbit With Apple.
When Arthur died, everything was left to me, and while I sold off the property and business as I had no need for them, I keep Rabbit with Apple around, as a fond reminder if our time together.
Now can you see why I want it back!
Gem is quiet as Buster tells his story, and when he eventually finishes, she speaks softly, her voice filled with determination: "That was a beautiful and heartbreaking story, Mr. Buster... and I will do all that I can to help you find Rabbit With Apple. I almost wonder if Q took it... but as he only appears when he wants to, it is not as though I can simply call his name and summon him.”
As if in response to this statement, a note suddenly appears in Gem's hand. It reads: No, it wasn't me. -Q
Gem: "Well, that's one suspect off the list.”
Agatha: I thought you were very young?
Buster: I am in human years
Agatha: Ah, that explains it. Well, I will do my very best to help you find Rabbit With Apple
Artoria: comes down the stairs, nose in a book, runs into a few things while doing so
Gem: ”Careful, Artoria!" Gem exclaims, reaching out to grab her before she walks into something else. "I would recommend against walking and reading at the same time!"
Artoria: holds book up "But look! They gave me two whole books! Two! And I don't need to share them with anyone else!"
Gem tilts her head. "They? They who, exactly?"
Aife: ”A remarkable story... for some reason, I feel there is a great symmetry to it."
Galdalf: Uh oh. I don't like the sound of this "One Ring" in "The Lord of the Rings". Terrible vibes
Artoria: the church! The Cardinal's people! They gave me those books they said they would! Two whole books!
Gem: ”Ah, I see. I take it they make for engaging reading?"
Artoria: A lord of the rings? Well, if he's any trouble you'd just need to wait for the return of the king, right? to Gem Well, any book does! Ector owned one book, and it cost quite a lot of money. And they just gave me two! Incredible!
Gem: ”Really? Fascinating... in my time, most books are digital. Paper books are considered rare collectibles… though on Equus, they are still the norm.” She smirked a bit. "Naturally, I have two shelves of them in my ready room."
Galdalf: Know any kings that can return?
Gem: ”Not a king, but Princess Luna returned from her thousand-year abeyance in 2362."
Artoria: whats a digital?
Galdalf: Not got a clue who that is.
Artoria: Well, there's one who is supposed to come back in my homeland soon! I wonder who it could be? stops under an arrow pointing down at her A mystery I hope we will solve....
Gem: ”One of two rulers on my world. She raises the moon and shepherds the stars."
Galdalf: Oh, you all have backstories! I see. That's fun.
Gem sighs sadly. "I wish I could show you, but my device was taken from me. So I'll just say that it's a book that exists in a form that is not printed and bound."
Artoria: Huh? A backstory? My back hasn't had anything notable happen to it, mostly I sleep on it! squints not printed and bound... oh! a tablet! I read a stone tablet once, it was very heavy.
Gem nods, "Yes! Though ours are much lighter than yours, and can be carried around."
Galdalf: Well you see, a backstory is...actually, I'll explain it later. Can't overdo the exposition.
Artoria: so like... really thin stone? Huh. Oh! You look like you're a fellow mage miss green clothes, my name is Artoria, I'm a student of Merlin?
Gem: ”Not really, but if it helps, yes," Gem replies, mentally cursing out Q in Modern Ponish, Vulcan, Federation Standard, and French.
Galdalf: Thanks for the welcome! I'm a student of Etymology. Basically word magic
Artoria: Oh! That's fascinating! I'd love to learn a few tricks if you have the time. Its so rare I meet another mage....
Galdalf: How about tomorrow? I can fit it in between my important translation work, I think
Artoria: eyes light up, she hops up and down a little Oh thank you thank you! I'll look forward to it!
Galdalf: Excellent!
Artoria: Tomorrow I'm sure is going to be a great day!
Gem facepalms.
Galdalf: Rather rude, we're just talking about Word Magic! (and my translation work)
Gem: ”I wasn't facepalming at your discussion, Galdalf. That is perfectly acceptable, and I wish you both the best. I am mainly concerned with the temptation of fate that Artoria just uttered." She sighed. "The last time I said something like that, I woke up on a Borg cube."
Artoria: translation work! What do you translate, Miss? to Gem Well I hope you were able to climb down from the cube easily and it wasn't too high!
Galdalf: Uh. So it's a bit of a story. There's this ring called the Bad Ring and it's got an inscription in this really old language
Artoria: *nods oh, like Babylonian? Merlin made me learn some of that, and Latin... Have you translated any of the bad ring yet?"
Galdalf: Less like Babylonian. More like...how to put this...Evil Speak? Evil Speak, yeah. That's what we'll call this. Good name.
Artoria: do evil people have their own language? Fascinating! Is there a good people language? ...is.... pause is it Parsi?
Poxxy: Latin!! If I hear anyone speaking Latin, I will be most perturbed. The King and I have issued a superb new prayer book in ENGLISH, the language that ALL preaching will take place in from now on, so we won't be doing with any other languages, Latin or otherwise. We have an independent Church now! Chexit means Chexit!
Gem: ”Chexit? That sounds like an ancient Earth breakfast cereal."
Victoria: in the crypts of Spookalot Castle, someone is stirring inside a coffin where she's been slumbering
Nghhhhhhhhhhth. Oh. she bonks her head hard on the coffin lid Ow! Where the hell...am I in the...what was it called again? I need...a light. Or maybe...do I really need a light? Maybe I need a snooze...zzzzzzzz.
You really are an idiot. Useless vessel. Although, a snooze does sound good right now...nighty night...
Galdalf: So far as I can tell
Artoria: taking notes Evil... language.... Parsi.... the good.... language.... Latin.... illegal.... Chexit... means... chex mix....
Galdalf: Alas, I also know Latin, but if the Cardinal wishes me not to speak it, then that's fine. Besides. Fuck Latin. Dull language.
Poxxy: This is wise. I, too, speak Latin, but the language will not pass my tongue any more.
Artoria: Miss Galdalf! ....I had no idea people could have intercourse with languages... goodness... takes notes
Galdalf: Not…quite what I meant, but sure, let's go with that.
Gem: ”All I can say is, thank goodness I learned Federation Standard when I was a filly. Or English, as it was once called."
Hook: I did take a Latin course... I've, uh, forgotten most of it, it's been a while.
Jo: Hello, fellow castle-dwellers. It’s been a strange day, but I expect tomorrow will be more normal. Does anyone know how to get out to take a walk round the grounds?
Poxxy: Yes, tomorrow, The King shall have an audience with the Demon Shark, and all will be perfectly normal
Galdalf: Does normal usually involve Demons Sharks?
Hook: Well, I don't not not know a way out of here, and I mightn't notn't tell you if you don't join my non-pirate crew. wink
Jo: I do so want to see those goats that everyone has been talking about, you see.
Gem facepalms again. "As the librarian once said to the dragon: everypony in this town is crazy."
Dress: Oh, there’s more people here, where did you all come from?
Jo: Ah! Why is this dress appearing to float in the air?
Artoria: Oh, look, a Fairy Dress!
Dress: Because I don’t have legs, I’m just a dress after all
Jo: Who said that???
Hook: Someone get some fire, quick!
Dress: Who are you, strange blue person? What were you stained with to make you that colour?
Gem: ”Fascinating... the dress can move and speak by themself..."
Hook: Who sent you? The Green Man? Or did Tinkerbell act alone this time?
Artoria: well obviously?
Jo: I’m Sir Jo of Harquerre, from Carcassonne! Who is speaking? Show yourself!
Dress: No one sent me, I’ve always been here. Well, I’ve been here for at least a few centuries. You’re looking at me, blueberry head!
Gem: ”Obviously. I'm going to need to remember this for my log, hence my statement."
Artoria: Do you ever get worn or is that, like, weird for you?
Dress: I used to be worn, but no one would dare wear me these days. They’re all too scared
Jo: You know, I'm starting to think that there's something very strange going on in this castle.
Dress: That was before I was sentient though, I did used to be just a normal dress
Jo: Address? Yes, this is Spookalot Castle.
Artoria: Oh, I have no fear of sentient objects, they're fairly common where I'm from. What a curious difference.
Dress: Oh, they’re not scared of me, they’re scared of blood diseases
Jo: I… I think... I think this castle might be HAUNTED! runs away
Gandalf: Sentient dresses, demon sharks. Real mix of genres here.
Gem: "Sir Jo, come back! Please!" Gem gallops along after them, looking very concerned.
Being chased just freaks Jo out more
Artoria: pause sorry what?
Dress: Oh, this red isn’t dye. You see, the person who was wearing this dress was murdered, and all their blood and magic soaked into me, and now I’m sentient! I was such a lovely white dress before, perfect for her wedding day. But it all ended up very red…
Gem stops and instead goes for the first contact maneuver. Holding her hands up, she says slowly and calmly: "I mean you no harm, Sir Jo. I promise."
Gandalf: Oh for fucks sake, not diseases too. We just had a plague!
Artoria: Ohhhhhhh nods knowingly of course, why didn't I realize that myself!
Jo: Captain Gemini... do you know what's... What's going on here? I fear something very queer is happening. I am usually of gay spirits, but these events have me most perturbed.
Artoria: It was a gay wedding!
Artoria: I am usually in bi spirits, I guess?
Dress: It’s okay. Blood usually dries to brown, but waves sleeve at self magic
Gem: "You are quite correct, something queer is indeed happening. What's important is that, as long as we are here, none of us are ever alone. You are here with others, and as long as there are numbers, there is safety." She smiles. "Whatever happens tomorrow, we'll get through it together as a crew. I promise."
Jo: But WHAT is happening?
Dress: You better start believing in ghost stories, Sir Jo, you’re in one!
Jo: Why are there floaty dresses? Why is there wailing and rattling in the night? Why are all the castle doors locked?
Dress: 1. Weird magic
2. That’s Matteo, he’s dramatic
3. Because Poxxy’s a dick
Well, I should say that’s Matteo AND Zachar, I’ve told them to quiet down but they do like to scream
Jo: Ah, Poxxy's first name is Richard?Oh... kay...
Dress: Yeah, Dick Pox. He was ever so picked on as a child
Jo: takes some deep breaths
Jo: Nothing like this ever happened in my noble land of Carcassonne!
Gem: "On Equus it happens roughly every October, during Nightmare Night. I am somewhat used to haunted buildings."
Jo: I must trust that the Great Game-Players In The Sky will protect me and return me safely to my homeland. I miss dear Mina...
Dress:,Is a Game Player like a dress wearer?
Artoria: you guys don't have ghosts where you come from? Then what do you do with your angry dead who are holding grudges that can only be sated by revenge?
Jo: In Carcassonne, we believe in the Great Game-Players In The Sky, who move us around the land of Carcassonne and decide our fates. That is why we each wear clothing all of one colour - we believe that this corresponds to the Great Game-Player who has control of us. I... can't say I've ever thought about that
Galdalf: does anyone have any pipe weed
Gem: "No, but after the events of the past few days, I could use a Saurian brandy right about now..."
Galdalf: oh bollocks. I'm going to bed
Dress: Sleep well, green one!
Gem: "Rest well tonight!"
Hook: The gift shop sells cough drops if that's good enough
Artoria: I have some of this, Merlin told me not to smoke it but I stole it from him---I mean borrowed it---I don't smoke things though. But you can have it if you want. There's only enough for one smoke, tonight, before tomorrow, though 😦
Jo: I think I could do with a stiff drink. When will we be able to leave the castle??? Mina will worry so.
Gem: ”Soon, I hope... Luna knows I am anxious to return to my ship and crew."
Dress: I’ve never been out of the castle, what’s it like? I was sewn in a workshop here, by many craftspeople. And then I was worn at a wedding in the private royal gardens, before I was brought to life. And ever since I’ve been floating through these halls
Artoria: there are a lot of beautiful fields, filled with crops and flowers, and woods filled with monsters and fairies!
Gem: ”It depends on where you go. Space is indescribably beautiful, my homeworld of Equus is relaxing. Earth is busy."
Dear Mina,
This evening has been most distressing. Oh, how I wish I were at home with you, safe in your bosom!
It transpires that Castle Spookalot is HAUNTED by GHOSTS and other UNNATURAL THINGS. Who could have foreseen that? Alas, that Lord Peter did not know the danger that he was sending me into.
It seems that for the present, myself and the other inhabitants and guests of the castle are trapped here. We must find strength in numbers, and work together to solve our predicament. And I must trust that the Great Game-Players will return me safely to Carcassonne. Oh, how I long for our fields.
I shall now attempt to gain some sleep, though I fear it will be difficult.
I love you, always.
Jo
Dress: Oh that sounds lovely! I’ve never met a fairy, what are they like? Hmm I didn’t know different places could be different, I only know this place. But I guess the kitchens are different to the gardens?
Gem: ”That's a good way of looking at it, yes."
Artoria: Well, they're about the same height, but they can fly, and they often have pointy ears, but not always. And sometimes wings!
Jo: I feel too frightened to sleep alone in my quarters. Can I bunk with someone else for the night? Or vice versa.
Dress: I don’t sleep, I’m doomed to wander these halls until… I can’t remember, can’t be that important…
Gem smiles. "I'd be honored to have your presence in my ready room this night, Sir Jo. I'll keep watch."
Dress: Maybe… am I a fairy? I don’t have wings, or pointy ears, or any ears at all. But I am the normal size and I fly! Well… I float? I don’t know if I can go higher than this?
Artoria: I assumed you were a Fairy Dress when I first saw you! So its possible.
Dress: We should do some experiments! I will ask people if they have any ideas to test if I am a fairy or not