Steve wasn't sick. Not really. It was just cramps, that's all. Bad cramps, but he didnt see why he shouldn't go to work today. He could stand, which meant he was totally capable of going to work.
He was having cramps yesterday too. His stomach was just hurting, and he had written it off as something he ate. Then, the next morning he woke up with blood stained pajama pants and sheets. He felt bad waking Bucky up early so he could clean the sheets. They had just started living together less than a month ago, and Bucky knew Steve still got his period, and had said it was no problem. Steve hadn't been sure how he would react though. Bucky had just kissed his forehead, and helped him change the sheets.
They had laid in bed for about another hour, Bucky had pulled him close, and ran his fingers through Steve's hair. It was honestly great, and when Steve's alarm went off, he had wanted to pretend not to hear it.
He did eventually have to get up though, his second just in case alarm going off. Bucky just made a small noise like he had been half asleep, and rolled away.
"Buck -"
"You're gonna be late if you don't get up."
Steve just grumbled a bit when Bucky pulled the blankets off of him. Bucky didn't even need to get up this early, he worked closer to home than Steve did. And he started at nine, not eight like Steve did. He was usually waking up right before Steve left, and getting home a little bit before.
Bucky just started to leave the room, asking what Steve wanted for breakfast first.
"Surprise me," He had said, rolling back over.
"You better get up otherwise I'm gonna make you eggs benedict."
That got him out of bed, he hated eggs benedict. He doesn't know why, he likes eggs. Maybe it has something to do with the way they are made, he's not sure. Maybe he got out of bed too fast though, because he got a bit dizzy when he stood. He blinked the black spots out of his vision, and easily ignored the small champ in his side, knew it was because he started his period this morning. He just took an advil before his shower.
He had breakfast - pancakes, thank you very much, and not eggs - and got ready to leave, kissed Bucky goodbye, then was out the door. It wasn't until he was still down in his car that he felt his stomach twist with a terrible cramp. All he had thought was that it would be a day with cramps, easily manageable.
However, now, sitting at his desk, they just kept getting worse, and worse. That advil was doing nothing. He was staring at his keyboard, the screen too bright to look at. He was having a hard time focusing on the letters.
His boss, Natasha, had come out of her office. She was a friendly boss, always coming to check up on them and say good morning. He had a feeling it was also to make sure everyone was here on time and doing what they were supposed to, but she also seemed to enjoy hearing about his their days after work was. She liked to ask him about Bucky too. She had actually started hitting his arm in excitement when she heard they moved in together.
He hadn't even heard her say hi to him when she walked by his desk. He was too busy trying to finish typing out the performance report on the new employee, Thor, from yesterday. Thor had done great, but Steve's report on him, not so much. He was going to have to fix this later unless he wanted to screw Thor over, and not help him get the job.
"Steve," and a gentle hand on his shoulder made him jump.
His stomach cramped up even worse with the movement. He tried not to let it show on his face when he spun around in his chair to look at Natasha.
"Hm?" He asked, looking over her shoulder at the thermostat. It was hot outside, but he wondered if the heater was on instead of the AC. He was sweating like crazy, but he didn't usually. His back, his neck, his legs, even his arms felt sweaty. He found it hard to even sit up straight instead of double over in pain.
He should be fine, it was just cramps. He got them every month, they were manageable, ignorable sometimes. But right now, he just wanted Natahsa to leave because her being here was making him acknowledge them, instead of focus on his work.
"You okay?"
He only nodded, not trusting his voice because of the heavy breaths the twisting in his stomach was making him take.
"You sure, Steve? 'Cause you look -"
"I'm fine."
She nodded, looking him up and down one more time. She had soft eyes, no matter how cold she tried to be, she had the hidden nature of a mother. She looked like she was resisting pressing the back of her hand to his forehead to check his temperature. She did reach out, on to rub his shoulder a few times though. "Go home if you aren't feeling well."
He nodded, then glanced back at his desk, back to her. "You are so stubborn." She laughed a bit, then turned to walk away.
Steve got dizzy at about ten. He was in the bathroom - the boys bathroom, he could go in there without hesitation anyone, amazing feeling (except for now) - throwing up by eleven.
He flushes the toilet, wiping his mouth with toilet paper. He sighed, his stomach hurting even more now, and feeling even more dizzy. He wasn't sure if he was over exaggerating or what, but he felt like shit. He found himself wanting to go home more and more now. He could go tell Natasha, she knew it all. She would understand. She knew he was trans, knew he hadn't had surgery yet either. She didn't care. He had come out to her a few days after she hired him, he didn't know if he legally had to tell her or what. He wasn't sure if she could technically fire him for it, or much of the laws on that. He didn't care, if it had went bad with her, he could find a new job with a more accepting boss — he knew that could be hard though. Still, he had went with, "Don't fire me, or freak out, or whatever but.. I'm - uh, trans." And it had worked out fine. He thinks the beginning half had been the better part of his argument.
So he could tell Natasha he had cramps but he didn't want to. He didn't want to look or appear at all like a girl in her eyes. It had already been bad enough telling Bucky he still got his period. He had cried for hours afterwards, then Bucky scooped them vanilla ice cream.
He hated his period, he wasn't going to have kids. He was a boy. Boys didn't have kids. He knew some trans men did actually carry their own kids, and good for them, it was cool, but it was not for him. His period just upset him, and reminded him that he was born with the wrong genitals no matter how much he wanted the opposite ones. Unless he was willing to pay hundreds on top of hundreds of dollars for surgery.
He didn't have that kind of money just sitting around, he tried to save up, but he had a rent to pay. He was hoping that things would start to get easier now that he was sharing the rent with someone.
Steve sighed, bringing one hand to his stomach where it hurt, mostly just below his bladder, and by his hips. He went from kneeling in front of the toilet to sitting down with his back against the stall door. Thankfully, he worked in a small office, so the bathrooms were pretty clean. He wouldn't even care if they were dirty, he was tired and dizzy, and just wanted to sit down. He's not sure if he felt better or worse after throwing up.
He slipped his phone out of his pocket, turning the brightness down before tapping out a text to Bucky. what time are you gonna get home?
Then closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. He's glad Bucky is good at answering texts, because he would have fallen asleep if he didn't get a response.
I get off at five so fivethirty just like always
Steve hauled himself to his feet, and went to the sink. He rinsed his mouth out in the tap a few times before he left. He hesitated going to Natasha's office... maybe he was being a bit overdramatic. The cramps weren't that bad if he was standing, only when he was sitting. Maybe he could work standing up or —
His phone pinged with another text from Bucky, probably because he hadn't answered the first one. Why?
He knocked on Natasha's office door, knowing that Bucky would be upset later when he figured out Steve was feeling like crap and didn't go home.
"Come in."
He opened the door with a small shy smile, and shut it behind him.
"Hi, Nat." Was he just supposed to ask to go home, or did he need to explain? Would she ask questions or just let him go? He had no clue how to do this, of course he's called in sick or requested vacation time, but he's never asked to leave early. What if she tells him no?
"What's up?"
"I - uh. Can I leave early?"
"Not feeling well?" She asked, still typing on her computer, not even bothering to look at him. As if she already knew. Mother instincts right there.
"No."
"That's alright. Make sure you clock out, drive safe."
Oh. "Alright."
-
i left work early, not feeling well. see you later
He doesn't even know why he texted Bucky. It's not like he needed to tell Bucky before he went home. Bucky couldn't even come pick him up, he doesn't have a car, Sam picks him up for work and takes him home.
What's wrong? You want me to come home early? Bucky texted back no less than two minutes later.
He told Bucky exactly what was wrong, just cramps. and no, i'll be fine see you when you get home, still a bit nervous about his reaction. He knew Bucky didn't care though, still made his stomach drop when he talked about it so casually.
Okay text me when you get home though, love you
He smiled at the text - responded with love you too - still amazed that he could have someone as amazing as Bucky. He drove home on side streets, knowing he probably should be even be driving when he was this dizzy, let alone on the freeway.
He texted Bucky when he got home, then went to the bathroom.
Alright, you sure you're okay, you don't want me to come home?
He texted back right away because he knew he was going to fall asleep, and didn't want to leave Bucky with no response.
no it's fine i'll see you when you get home
Honestly, he did want Bucky home, but knew that he was probably busy at work. He could wait for cuddles until Bucky got home.
He turned his phone off, then passed out on the bed to try and sleep the cramps off.
-
He woke up at three to a text from Bucky checking in on him. He answered back, then went to get up. Not as bad, but he was still glad he wasn't at work.
He ate soup for lunch, and decided to not go back to sleep and to turn on a movie. By the time the movie was over, he was wishing he knew where his heating pad was.
By the time Bucky texted him that he was on his way home, he was making a plan to rip his uterus out.
He was actually considering going through with his plan when Bucky got home. But then, Bucky had bought ice cream, and that plan was out the window. He could just eat enough to freeze his uterus, then no more problems because it would be dead, and couldn't bother him anymore.
"Did you sleep all day?"
Steve laughed a bit, "I watched a movie too."
"I was kinda surprised you came home."
"Why?"
" 'Cause your Steve "Nothing's wrong, I'm fine, leave me alone, Bucky" Rogers."
"I —"
"You can't even argue with that," Bucky cut him off, handing him a bowl of ice cream.
Steve just laughed, and thanked Bucky for the ice cream with a quick kiss.
"Why are you still in your work clothes?"
He shrugged, "I passed out like right when I got home."
Bucky nodded slowly, looking at the floor and not at Steve. "Did you sleep with your binder on?"
Steve paled, "Crap."
"You should take it off," Bucky was saying, but Steve was already handing him the bowl of ice cream and standing up. He hesitated for a second, still dizzy.
"You alright?"
"Yeah. Yeah, just - still a bit nauseous."
"Did you throw up?" Bucky asked, placing a hand on his lower back from where he sat on the couch.
He only nodded, then waited for Bucky's hand to drop away before he left.
He hurriedly took the binder off, deciding that nothing was wrong. He had read online not to sleep with a binder on, he thinks it was to make sure that you weren't wearing it 24/7, but he isn't sure. He was getting information off the internet after all.
He also changed out of his work clothes, he put on a big, baggy shirt, and pajama pants. The shirt was Bucky's, the pants were his. If he could get a pair of Bucky's pants to stay around his slim hips, then he would have definitely wore them more often.
Bucky always smiled when he saw Steve in his clothes. Steve sat next to him, and fit easily in the space between Bucky and the arm of the couch.
Bucky chuckled, and put his arm around Steve's shoulders, "All this room on my other side, and you sit there."
"What's wrong with where I'm sitting?"
"It's like the size of the cracks in the cement, and you fit there." Bucky had this smile, even as he placed a gentle kiss on Steve's cheek.
Steve faked offence, "Are you — oh my god... are you calling me small?"
"Oh no, Itty Bitty, I would never do that."
Steve smiled, and leaned his head on Bucky's shoulder. He wasn't sensitive about his height, especially when it was coming from Bucky. (He also know height didn't define gender, unlike the kids bullies at the school he went to after his transition.)
Bucky just hummed, and leaned over Steve, grabbing something on the floor between the couch and the side table they had. His hand came back up with a heating pad, already plugged in and warmed up.
"Where did you find it?"
"Under the cabinet in the bathroom."
Steve vaguely remembers putting it there and think that it was a good spot because he wouldn't forget and lose it there. Well.
Bucky passed him the bowl of ice cream too.
"James Buchanan Barnes, I think I love you."
"Only think, Steve Rogers?"
Steve couldn't stop smiling, and it was so stupid it made him smile more. Steve grabbed Bucky's chin and turned their faces to deliver a kiss. He pulled away smiling, and hid his face in Bucky's neck.
He heard Bucky whisper "I love you too," in the the soft quietness, the only other sound was their spoons clinking against their bowls.
Later, Bucky moved over, and layed Steve's head in his lap. Despite his three hour nap, Steve fell asleep within five minutes of Bucky playing with his hair.