Chapter 6
Bucky left the same afternoon to take care of something. It didn’t sound like any of Steve’s business so he hadn’t bothered to ask. Even though the two of them were seeing each other almost daily Bucky was still a very private person.
Him leaving might have to do with the nightmare from earlier that day, but once again he didn’t dare to ask.
For example, he never talked about his family nor his friends. Steve was wondering if Bucky even had friends or family. It doesn’t appear that he has any hobbies and he doesn’t do much. Sometimes he goes to auditions but mopes around when he doesn’t get a part.
The first thing Bucky talked about was his ex-boyfriend, the one who drove into a tree and died. The accident that left his shoulder all scarred and his arm all messed up. Steve was scared to talk about it again or to ask any related questions.
But boy, Steve had so many questions. How many boyfriends did Bucky have in his past? What even is his sexuality, Steve obviously knows that he’s into men but he could also be into women? How went rehab? How is he doing, really ? But Steve didn’t want to force anything on the other man.
Right now it was night, but Steve couldn’t sleep. He was bothered. Bucky went home to do something, he was all mysterious about it, but because Bucky left he was alone in the house, again.
He was always alone in his home, sometimes a rare visitor, like Sam or his mother but Steve was a loner. He was so bad at making friends and socialising. Sure on TV, he can come across as all charming and friendly but under that confident fun person there’s a lot of insecurity.
Insecurity about everything really.
Steve never really had a significant other, sure he dated Peggy Carter for a while but that was before she found out she wasn’t into men (Steve tried not to take offence to that but really, was he such a bad boyfriend?).
When you look at Steve you don’t see much. Sure he has a cute little baby face and a deep voice but he is so tall it looks awkward. He had always been tiny and frail but when he finally got his growth spurt he expected to also put on some muscles, he was wrong. Every day in senior year he just got taller and taller and he just stood out so much in the crowd.
Now he’s working out for that superhero movie he is starting to see changes in his body for the better. He isn’t as tired when he walks up the stairs and his legs don’t hurt. His ribs are becoming less and less visible. But he isn’t making as much progress as he would like.
Sometimes Bucky joins for a workout, but that man is fit. Like super fit. Broad shoulders and defined abs and a sixpack oh god. Steve knows he worked hard for his body but he can’t help but feel jealous.
He also feels insecure about his career. Sure it took off all great and now he is in the biggest action movie of the year but he never felt like he was great at doing what he does. Of course, his friends, family and fans appreciate what he does but Steve just can’t help but feel like he should just stop acting altogether and start working as a garbage man.
Never, has he gotten an award, he never even got nominated. Really what’s the point?
Steve’s been here before. Lying alone in bed contemplating every single thing he has done in his career and life up to this point.
Wow, he should really go to bed.
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When he woke up the next morning his phone was vibrating of his nightstand. Steve rubbed in his eyes and looked at the clock. Six in the morning. Ugh, who calls at six in the morning? Today was Sunday, the only day Steve can sleep in and someone calls? At six in the morning?
“What.” Steve sighed. Tired, irritated and ready to go to bed again. If someone is prank calling him he will find the person and murder them with his phone.
“Steve.” It was from Maria. Of course, it was Maria. Does the woman ever sleep? “Look at the article I sent you.” And she hung up. Maria, always business, no fun and definitely no manners.
Article? What article. What could possibly be that important that Maria fucking Hill felt the need to call him at fucking 6 am in the morning. He opened the link she sent. It was an article from some shitty tabloid.
The headline read: Trouble in paradise? Bucky Barnes seen with a hottie.
What the fuck?
Now Steve did know that the two of them weren’t dating. Steve also knew that Bucky definitely was allowed to see other people. But he wasn’t sure that he was okay with that. Also, it wasn’t allowed by the contract and Steve told himself that that was the reason he wasn’t happy with Bucky seeing other people.
He wasn’t sure he believed himself.
Was it jealousy? No, it couldn’t be. Jealousy is for people who are together, dating, married or maybe close to dating. Bucky and him were none of those together. So what was he feeling?
Anger? Angry because some other dude did dare to speak up about his feelings about Bucky. Angry at himself because he couldn’t? Angry at the paparazzi’s capturing everything all the time? If they didn’t take these pictures Steve wouldn’t have known that Bucky was greeting busy with someone else.
Sadness? Because Bucky wasn’t into him but into that unknown hottie from the paper? Sad because he was scared he wasn’t enough for Bucky.
So maybe Steve didn’t have big muscles or a beard. Was that Bucky’s type? Was that why the feeling wasn’t mutual? Because Steve wasn’t enough?
Was that a tear rolling down his face?
Fuck. Why was Steve being such a baby over this?
The two of them weren’t dating. They weren’t even involved in the slightest. The two of them only talk over silly things and they are friends. Friends because the two of them signed a contract.
Bucky probably didn’t even like Steve.
Fuck.
Steve managed to get out of bed. It took a while because he was crying over not-his-boyfriend. He looked in the mirror. Even though he had been working out a lot, his abs still weren’t defined. Steve was almost incapable of growing a beard, and he probably as funny as the guy in the pictures.
He should start working out more, take those protein pills, be stricter with his diet and don’t shave for a while and he should try to make more jokes and look more manly. Bucky would probably like it better that way. Why was Steve being so insecure over this? The two of them weren’t dating, at least not for real.
Maybe because Steve did want the two of them dating or maybe because he really really liked Bucky.
And for a while, Steve thought Bucky liked him as well but apparently he thought wrong. Although he could swear he felt some sort of a mutual spark between the two of them. They got along very well and Steve considered the other man like a friend now.
Yet, he still wasn’t enough for Bucky.
The man in the picture apparently was. According to the paper, the man was named Thor Odinson. Steve went online and googled the man’s name. Thor was a Scandinavian singer who was breaking through in the US. Thor was also very beautiful.
Very, very , beautiful.
Fuck Thor.
Suddenly, a knock on his front door.
Who could that be? It’s still pretty early in the morning. He put back on his shirt and opened the front door. It was Bucky. Wow, he definitely had some nerve coming back here.
Bucky looked tired, he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, his hair was a mess and his stubble was longer than usual.
“Good morning Stevie.”
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