I’d been traveling in space with the Guardians for a few months now. I opted out of a transfer halfway around the world and instead went for halfway across the Galaxy. It wasn’t even an option that Everett Ross put on the table but I didn’t care. I was tired of it all, the politics, kissing the Government’s ass just to keep existing in a life that was no longer mine wasn’t my thing. I didn’t like getting sent off to places to solve their conflicts just because they said so. A few times I was sent to be nothing more than security detail when there was a real conflict that needed intervention the next country over. Worst of all was being forced to use my ability whenever they said so, the choice when to use what I was born with had been taken away from me.
My life now was jumping from gate to gate, actually saving people in need, capturing bounties, righting wrongs, occasionally breaking the law because of a technical grey area. I had my life back, I had control over what I did and how I did it. It wasn’t a bad way to live, everyone on the ship was impressive in their own right, but at times it was lonely.
Living with a talking raccoon, a walking tree, a bug, a cyborg, a sword-wielding assassin, a giant dufus who couldn’t understand my jokes and a walking billboard for a condom company, I still felt like a lonely freak. Forever alone and craving affection, the downfall of the overthinker. Whenever we’d reached an outpost, we’d hit up the local watering hole and drink the night away, the others occasionally finding someone to spend the night with but never me.
Maybe there was just something wrong with me deep inside that exuded unfuckable to those around me. I had no problems flirting on Earth, but Space was a whole new ballgame. Not even Yondu and his Ravagers looked at me that way and that… that was a blow to the ego considering what someone of them looked like.
************
Another sleepless night spent staring up at the ceiling of my quarters, a thousand thoughts floating around in my head. Sometimes I wished my ability to control technology included my brain so I could just stop thinking if just even for five minutes. I wandered down into the galley of the Milano scrounging for what passed as a poor excuse for coffee. By the sounds of the snoring throughout the ship, everyone else was sleeping while the ship drifted on auto-pilot. I grabbed my cup and headed up to the flight deck, at least I could stare off into space, a view I’d never tire of.
I walked passed all the seats and curled up in front of the windshield, knees tucked up to my chest sipping my coffee. I never noticed his tired figure hunched in the pilot’s seat. I stared off into the endless shine of stars, I twirled my index finger and some of my music started softly playing through the speakers in the cockpit. A soft laugh fled my lips thinking about Peter. I couldn’t really fault Quill for his taste in music, it was what was his mother’s favorite. He’d frown and shake his head in disgust whenever he heard mine, nevermind that it was a smattering of genres spanning from Classical to what was new when I’d left earth.
Sometimes it was his eyes would give him away showing he actually enjoyed it. Sometimes it was his leg as it bounced to the beat of the song playing, but whether he’d admit it out loud or not, he liked it because it made me smile. I was in a strange sort of mood, Elvis Presley’s Can’t Help Falling in Love played in the background. I closed my eyes and sighed, quietly singing the song to myself. That’s that thing about feeling alone and sad, you feel songs a hundred times deeper than you normally would. I was just a simple, plain, blend into the crowd kind of woman, what chance would I ever have with someone like Peter Quill?
********
Quill listened and watched her from the pilot’s seat, he couldn’t sleep himself and he’d been watching the vast expanse of the Galaxy out of the window for over an hour before she curled up in front of the massive windshield. There was something about her that drove him crazy, it wasn’t her abilities or the way she fought. Since the moment she stepped aboard he couldn’t stop thinking of her in soft gentle ways. Even a smidge of some thoughts best left behind closed doors. Whenever they stopped in some bar, he’d leave not wanting to see her going home with anyone. He’d sneak back to the Milano and wallow in bouts of self-pity, mentally kicking himself for not being forward with her. He didn’t understand why it was so complicated with her, he’d been able to talk any woman into his bed, but Y/n, she was something entirely different.
Every time he closed his eyes she was there in his dreams with a smile but it was never the same as the one she’d give while he was awake. He envisioned time and time again how her lips felt against his, the warm scent of her body, the touch of fingers trailing along his chest. Wondering how she’d sound moaning his name as he made love to her slowly all night. ‘That was it’ he thought. He didn’t just want sex from her, he wanted all of her. Her thoughts, her deepest desires. He wanted to hear about her life, her secrets, to see what she looked like as she slept soundly and safely in his arms. He was in love and it scared him, he didn’t think he’d ever been in love and the surge of emotions that ran through him was alarming and new.
He watched her as she softly sang, the words seemed vaguely familiar to him, maybe he heard it when he was a child. She looked unguarded and it made something deep inside him want to protect her. A smile spread across his face watching her like this, her body swayed to the music, the words so full of conviction tumbled out of her mouth song after song. He watched her in silence for a long time before he worked up the nerve to speak. The last song she sang was one he’d never heard before.
He’d heard her music so often over the last year he could almost remember it all word for word, but this, this must have been something she hid. He gazed at the console in front of him, seeing her playlist, the one she embedded into the ship’s system. It was something called I Can’t Make You Love Me by some person named Bonnie Raitt, must have been way after his time on Earth. He sat in the shadows watching the way she moved. The delicate way her head fell back, her hair falling over her shoulders as she sang. Her eyes blinked closed, he frowned seeing the lone tear as it slid down her cheek. Why the tear? What did this enchanting woman have to be sad about? He sat back and listened to the words, laughed to himself as they hit him in the heart. She was singing with a passion he’s never seen before of loving someone who couldn’t or wouldn’t love back in return.
The thought that maybe she fell for someone along their travels, someone that wasn’t him, hit him like a sucker punch to the gut. She was pining over someone else and it felt like his heart stopped. He sat and wallowed in his own misery before finally speaking, hoping to stop her troubled thoughts.
“You look sad tonight sweetheart.” He stated softly in his gruff voice trying not to scare me.
“I’m sad every day Peter,” I sighed unphased by the interruption, turning my head just enough giving him a pitiful excuse for a smile. I should have known he’d be awake. “I guess I just don’t have the energy to hide it today.”
“What’s a pretty Lil’ thing like you got to be sad about all the way out here?” His head tilted to the side as he gave what I guessed he considered a comforting smile. Feelings and emotions weren’t really his strong suit.
“Loneliness Star-Lord, deafening heart-wrenching loneliness,” I let out a little huff, I didn’t have it in me to hide it anymore. I could see him sitting up in the chair leaning towards me looking confused. Why’d I have to fall for that, for him?
“Are you really lonely or just afraid to LET yourself feel something else?” Sometimes and that was on rare occasion, he could be quite smart.
“You know, a lot of time,” I turned my head back to look out the window. It was too hard seeing that face of his, those lips and eyes, that chest of his hidden behind a snug shirt. It was no wonder women all over the Galaxy threw themselves at him, he was beyond attractive, and the voice was an added bonus especially when he sang in his room when he thought no one could hear him. I just couldn’t trust my judgment while looking at him. “I think too much about how other people would feel if I actually said anything. If I actually came out and spoke the truth.”
“Why would you care what other people think?” He smiled confused, I could see his reflection in the window. The way his head was tilted to the side, the ridiculously cute smirk on his lips. He was still leaning forward in his chair only to start nervously fidgeting with his hands.
I was usually the first to say what was on my mind and he knew that but admitting I’d fallen hard, stupidly and ridiculously love at first sight hard for him since the moment I set foot on the ship wasn’t something I could do.
“I don’t, not really.” I rubbed my eyes with my palm and let out a deep sigh. “I can’t decide if I need a hug, an extra-large super strong coffee, six shots of whiskey, two weeks worth of sleep… or a good fuck.”
“You’re in luck,” he laughed. It was deep and husky and velvety smooth. “I can provide you with all of those things, possibly at the same time if you’re interested.” He seemed slightly cocky in confidence but his eyes quickly scrunched in confusion when I laughed.
“Tempting but I’d rather not be a one-night thing, I’m lonely, not stupid.”
“Who said anything about only one night?” He grinning broadly with a boyish charm.
I slowly turned to look at him, he had no idea how much those words tugged in my head. I thought I was holding an expressionless face, but something must have betrayed me. His smile fell and his eyes went wide as if something finally clicked inside his head. There was an awkward silence that hung heavy in the air. His forehead scrunched up while he was deep in thought.
“So all the times we’ve stopped at ports you’ve never…” his eyes were darting back and forth between mine with a strange look on his own.
“Nope, not once. Frankly, no one even gave me a second glance. I’m starting to think I’m ugly or something.” A forced laugh croaked out of my mouth as I turned back towards the window looking out into space. My eyes caught the sight of something far away reminiscent of the Aurora Borealis. The colors of the light changing and waning in a slow dance with no distinct rhythm. I could hear him get up from his chair, his footsteps headed my way. I could feel the warmth of his body as he sat next to me.
“Not that it’ll mean much coming from me, but I think you’re beautiful.” His voice was low as if he was afraid of being overheard. His eyes squinted as he smiled. It was a pure smile, not his usually snarky, cocky grin.
I was overly tired and this little exchange left me feeling a little drained. Nothing like listening to sad sappy music to make you feel a hundred times worse. I set my cup down on the floor and rubbed my eyes. I covered my mouth letting out a jaw cracking wide yawn.
“Being as pretty as you much be tiring,” Peter mumbled quietly, but I heard him. I looked him in the eyes and tilted my head to the side with a small smile.
“Then you must be utterly exhausted,” and with that, I took my leave of the cockpit and meandered back to my room leaving him speechless and grinning.
*******
I awoke to a faceless mass of an alien being chaining me down on my knees on a cold stone floor. How long had I been here and where the hell was here? I struggled and pulled against the chains in a hopeless fight. There wasn’t a lick of tech anywhere to use for help. I yelled and screamed and tugged against the restraints with no luck. My eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness, I could see the rest of the team in a cage across the cavernous room. The eerie laughter of the alien being echoing throughout the room as he watched me panic and fight to free myself like a wounded animal.
“They’ll die unless you do as I say,” he sneered. His spit landed on my face in tiny flecks. “You’ll topple whole planets, bring them to their knees or you’ll watch your loved ones die.”
“NO!” I screamed.
“You’ll turn whole worlds into nothingness that I can rebuild in my own image, as all worlds should be.” The stench of his foul breath hovered over me and he paced around me in circles.
The Being had Peter pulled from the cage, he was fighting back against them, but it was useless. The henchmen chained Peter to a pillar in front of me. They punched and kicked, worked him over like a weight bag. The more he groaned in pain the harder I wrestled to get free of the chains.
“You will obey, or he will die,” the Being cackled, but I wouldn’t, I couldn’t do it. There was no way I’d let someone else control me like that again.
When I refused, he tortured Peter further. He had him whipped and beaten, they sliced into his flesh. Peter’s blood-curdling screams of agony filling my ears as one of them yanked his arm out of the chains so forcefully it shattered the bones in his arm.
“STOP! Just stop! I’ll do it, just leave him alone,” the shrill panic left my throat throbbing, but no matter what I said he kept torturing Peter. I pulled and fought against the chains trying to break free but the Being just laughed at my fruitless attempts. “PETER!” The cry howling, erupting from my mouth in a feverish pitch.
Peter was bruised and battered, his broken arm hung limply to his side. His face was puffy, a black eye was swollen shut, a split lip, a deep gash oozing blood on his cheek. Every time he tried to speak, reassure me that it was okay, a henchman would stab him in the back with a dagger. His body would tense and shake under the strain of anguish. His tortured screams echoing in my ears, and I was powerless to stop it.
“Please STOP! PETER!” I begged. I slumped to the ground sobbing and pleading for Peter to live.
The Being just laughed as he walked towards Peter, he sneered at him and stabbed him in the heart. Blood spit out of Peter’s mouth, the color drained from his face as he faltered and his body dangled in the chains, his legs giving out beneath him. His eyes piercing into mine still trying to convey that everything was alright even as he was dying.
“Love… you,” he coughed, blood was spattered everywhere around him. His eyes fluttered closed, his head dropped and swung to the side, the clanking of his chains suddenly silent. Nothing could be heard but my screams and the laughter of the Being.
“NO! YOU CAN’T DIE!” I cried and thrashed against the chains. “I love you! PETER!”
I thrashed, wailing and crying chained on the floor. No matter how hard I tried, I felt paralyzed. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing Peter’s lifeless body, the sickening sound of the Beings laughter buzzing in my ears, the horrible screams gurgling from Peter’s mouth as he died forever burned in my brain.
“NO!” The gut-wrenching scream erupting from my lips filled every inch of that room.
**********
“Can’t you wake her up?” Peter yelled anxiously at Mantis. She was hovering over Y/n’s bed a hand on her head hopelessly trying to wake her from her nightmare. He was biting his nails and fidgeting seeing Y/n in that much distress, the tears falling from her eyes, the panicked screams of his name clung to her lips. He was losing it himself, his own heart was breaking seeing her like that, he felt helpless.
Her screams had woken the whole ship, they darted ready for a fight into her room to find her thrashing about crazed in her sleep. Nothing that Drax, Gamora, Groot or Mantis did would wake her. She tossed and turned, ripping her sheet to shreds crying, calling out for Peter. Bellowing out his name over and over, pleading for him not to die. It was too much for him to bear, the heartache in her voice, the way it cracked saying his name.
“I cannot,” Mantis spoke sadly glancing over at Peter. “I cannot even push something good in there to replace it.” Mantis was filled with Y/n’s fear, distress, and heartbreak.
“What is she even dreaming about that’s freaking her out like that?” Rocket asked pacing the floor, her screams made him uncomfortable. “And what happens if her abilities freak out and destroy the ship while she’s like this?”
The radio in the tiny room buzzed to life, static-filled the air. Every eye in the room exchanging glances knowing Rocket was right. They had to wake her before something terrible could happen.
“She’s dreaming about him,” Mantis pointed towards Quill. “Her mind is forcing her to see him die over and over.”
“Quill? Why is she dreaming of Quill?” Rocket asked Mantis confused before turning back to see Peter avoiding their stares.
“She loves him,” Mantis simply spoke, a tiny smile on her face.
One of Peter’s favorite songs, Fooled Around and Fell in Love wafted through the speakers in Y/n’s room. Peter’s head shot up hearing the song, his eyes landing on Y/n, a heavy smile attempted to form on his mouth. He often played that song thinking of her, he’d even caught her listening to him singing it in his room a few times. He loved her and he couldn’t lose her, not now.
“QUILL?!” Drax’s voice boomed in the tight quarters of her room as he erupted in laughter. “Oh, that is amusing. That is her nightmare, being in love with Quill? That is a terrifying thought indeed.” Mantis giggled with Drax but shook her head.
“No, her nightmare is losing him before getting to tell him how she feels,” Mantis gave Peter a comforting smile.
“You try and wake her up Peter, you’re the only one that hasn’t tried,” Gamora nudged him in the shoulder towards her bed. She had a hunch stirring in her thoughts hearing the song repeating itself again in the background.
He shuffled worriedly towards her, sitting on the edge of her bed, his hand shaking as it pushed on her shoulder. He called her name, his other hand wiping away the tears.
“Y/n, you gotta wake up.” There was a tremble in his voice as he spoke. His mind racing over the last year, every smile, the smallest of touches, hearing her sing in the cargo bay. “Come on sweetheart, wake up.” He nudged her slightly harder trying not to startle her, but it didn’t matter.
Her eyes whipped open and darted around the room as she sat up with ferocious speed. Her tear-stained face seeing everyone in the room staring at her in worry. Her eyes locked onto Peter’s, a soft sob stuck in her throat as she launched herself at him. Her arms darted under his and wrapped around his torso, her head nestled in his neck as she cried. Peter turned his head enough to look at everyone and motion them out of the room, Gamora smiled and shut the door behind her.
He held her tight and rocked her side to side, stroking her hair whispering that everything was 'alright’ and that he was there, nothing would get her. After some time, the crying slowed but she still held on unwilling to let go.
“You died,” she croaked, choking down one last sob.
“S’ only a nightmare. I’m too stubborn to die,” he let out a faint laugh making her squeeze him tighter.
“It was so real. I felt everything as if I was there… he stabbed you … and I never got to tell you…” the words hiccuped in her throat as she buried her head deeper into his neck.
“Tell me what?” He spoke so softly she barely heard him over the music. He pried her out of his neck gentle forcing her to look at him. Those puffy tear-stained eyes still looked gorgeous to him, all he wanted to do was comfort her. He couldn’t stand to see her in such pain.
She flashed him a weak smile and leaned in kissing him. He tensed shocked over the sudden touch but quickly recovered. A hand caressed her neck, his thumb grazed across her soft cheek. Their lips in a dance, salty from her tears, her fingers dug into his back to keep him from pulling away. She was afraid he wouldn’t feel the same, afraid he’d get up and leave, but she had to say it, she had to tell him.
“I love you,” the words breathlessly falling off her lips. Her eyes widened in hope the longer she looked at him.
He sat there holding her but a stonefaced expression hung on his face. He didn’t speak, didn’t move, just watched her with those big forest green eyes of his. Every time she blinked a small part of his face soften and the grin slowly appeared on his mouth staring back at her.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” she mumbled, almost scared he was going to make fun of her. She tried to look away but he caught her chin in between his thumb and index finger. She saw that slight purse of his lips as he smirked.
“See, the problem we have now is,” he whispered leaning in closer, his lips ghosting over hers making her whole body shiver. “Now that I’ve kissed you, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”
“However will I cope with that,” she quipped back making him laugh.
He peppered her lips and face with untold kisses. Rambling on how he should have done this sooner. They weren’t aware of how much time had passed since that first kiss, but he knew she was tired whether she’d say so or not. He slipped beside her in bed, his arms tugging her down with him until she was nestled in his arms. He was the big spoon to her little spoon as he left sweet kisses on her head, only tearing himself away from her long enough to pull her mangle blanket over them for warmth.
“I never slept with any of them,” his voice muffled in her hair. “Flirted maybe, but I…” Y/n let out a soft laugh he wasn’t expecting.
“I know,” she patted his arm that rested protectively over her chest.
“How?” The curiosity dripping off of that one-worded question.
“Kraglin. He let it slip a few days ago when we bumped into them while getting supplies.”
“That motherfucker!” He exclaimed in embarrassment, but she just laughed harder.
“Did you really try to issue a decree throughout the Galaxy claiming hands off of me or face death?!” The sweet giggle that fled her mouth made him sigh as he attempted to hide the shame of his blush in her hair.
“Maybe.” He was grinning, though he knew she’d probably yell at him for it later. “Shhh,” he whispered softly, “sleep, you can yell at me about it tomorrow.”